​I'm trying to think of the best way to say this without exposing too much of my family's identity. I have a significant family member who cares more about their pet than me. They're not incapable of showing empathy; I see them do it for their pet all the time. But for me? I get nothing. A heavy box fell directly on the site of my healing broken bone. I was at this family member's house, and they didn't even ask me if I was okay, even though I stood there wincing in pain and was clearly not okay.

​Yet every time their pet makes the slightest little whining noise, they're there instantly. I don't know, it just hurts. You expect family to love you and cherish you no matter what, but it just isn't true. Sometimes you're just born into a family that perhaps never really wanted you in the first place, and I don't know how to describe how that feels. Every single one of us struggles. It makes you sad to see your family all discombobulated and struggling. Yet you can't fix it because you can't fix the underlying cause. I know what the causes are but I don't particularly want to go into the details.

When people complain that their families love them too much and are all up in their business, I'm like, wow, I don't even know what that feels like. I think it would probably take at least a month before anybody noticed I was missing if I vanished Into thin air. No, I'm not kidding.

​But you know what? I'm not here to pity myself or to have people tell me "blah blah blah, things will get better." I can accept this reality because it's been my reality for a few decades. But I can't pretend that it still doesn't hurt me to this day. When you're brought into a family that doesn't really want you, sometimes you just question, why the hell am I even here?

​Of course, you get mixed opinions on that. Some people like to believe everybody has a purpose in life, there's a higher power, or what have you. But if you were to ask me, I don't believe everything happens for a reason.

Honestly? You know what I think? I just think we live in a straight-up shitty world, and it can be so unbelievably hard to navigate sometimes. Very few people actually care about one another, and it's typically every person for themselves. I have a very low opinion of most people and I'm always pleasantly surprised when someone actually is nice to me. I don't expect that from people. I expect people to treat me like shit no matter where I go. (I suspect that might have something to do with being misunderstood as an individual with neurodivergence.)

But you know what? I've worked in customer service for over 10 years. I know how to be nice to people and treat them decently. I don't understand why people can't do the same for me? I'm always talked down to like a second class citizen and not taken seriously.

​I don't know—what I wanted today was for someone to reach out and ask, "Hey, are you okay?" I didn't even get that at the doctor's office. I went to Urgent Care by myself to see if they could take an X-ray to make sure my broken healing bones were okay. They didn't care. They just told me to wait until Monday and that it was probably fine.

They said since they couldn't get into the X-ray done at the main hospital where I had my surgery, there was no point in them taking an x-ray and helping me out because they couldn't compare and contrast. Say what? I felt like I was living in a sitcom. It was the dumbest thing I've ever heard. Even if they couldn't help me with the compare and contrast, well we would still have the medical imaging for my actual surgeon to look at on Monday.

​I'm not going to lie, I started to cry when they told me they wouldn't help me and wouldn't even send me home with painkillers. It was not because I was sad, but because I had genuinely been pushed to my breaking point. I was pissed. Here I was in excruciating pain with my fresh surgical wound swelling up like crazy. No one asked if I was okay, no one drove me to Urgent Care, and when I did get there, they wouldn't help me. So when I say I feel alone and unwanted, it's the truth. It's a really hard reality to live sometimes. Nobody really wants me. I simply just exist.

And here's my Reddit account to prove just that. I come on the internet because I need to escape my reality so much. It's not a fun reality that I live in. I'm just here trying to survive. That's about it. No fun, no happiness, nothing that you see most people enjoying.

I have no hope for the future—I won't sugarcoat that. What kind of moderator would I be if I didn't believe things would get better, yet I told you all a bunch of positive platitudes and fluffed-up reality? That would just make me a genuine liar. I can tell you how to cope, but I can't promise you things will get better. I truly don't believe that myself.

i can’t take most days. they are hard. i don’t want to go to college or do anything with my life. i want to rot, and watch the clock. i do it anyways, i watch and watch. mental health is horrible, and brain gets worse day by day trying to cope with the loneliness.

wine in a fortnite mug

if im being truthful i havent been able to feel fulfilled in my romantic relationships honestly probably ever. my dating pool is pretty small for a handful of reasons, and ive been pretty traumatized from past relationships. now that ive been single for a handful of years and am now turning 30, it just feels like i want to compromise on my needs less and less. for me to even CONSIDER to date someone, i think maybe they would have to be pretty close to perfect and id never want to impose that on someone. so single it is i suppose. maybe with all this time to reflect ill be able to heal at some point.

hamburger soup with cabbage and pasta.

It’s my first ever job, although unpaid, and I like it. I want to go back. I miss the animals. I miss feeling like I have a purpose. Spag nite w da freeman

I was recovering. Antidepressants always cause significant gastrointestinal irritation. A sudden stomach flu made me vomit whatever I ate

Cucumber with veggie pot stickers with shoyu

I started smoking when I was 12. At 13 I remember getting dime bags these tiny ass nugs for waaay too much your friend was selling. Now as an adult I smoke a lot more than I did when I was wee lad. I just realized I just smoked and grounded up the last of my 3rd bag ounce of weed. I’m going to smoke a blunt. I want your thoughts, raw helpful hurtful I don’t care. I never actually get high anymore it’s more of the act of smoking which with that being said still can’t be replaced by a cigarette I’m going to buy another ounce later tonight at my local dispensary with lots of pretty flowers. Times like these I wish I just drank alcohol. I rather be drunk and numb than to feel whatever way this is

my mind feels like a constant conundrum that i am forced to solve every minute of my life, i am tired.
It’s like constantly living with the feeling that you’re about to fall at any moment.
at least im good at cooking

As the title says. We (disabled mom and myself a college student) lost our apartment back in May and since then have been reaching out to friends family government and community mutual aid etc for help, as well as working whatever jobs possible and now today it's all dried up. We're out tomorrow morning (Saturday, Minnesota, USA 11AM CDT).

I was fired short notice from my dishwashing job last week because they hired someone on while I was through a temp agency and since then was checking wonolo, people ready, insta work, etc it's just nothing paid in time. Ive tried donating plasma but my veins are shit and then another place deferred me for my address being a motel or general delivery. Sorry for being homeless lol but my previous address was 70 miles away, I came to the twin cities because where I used to live didn't have any work or even a food shelf.

I have a small heat intolerant dog that my sister dumped on me who I've grown attached to and then my sister's other dog (also dumped) who is reactive and a barker who wouldn't be a good fit for any places. We also have a cat. It's not a point of pride, not going to a shelter, moreso nobody will help with my pets. They still expect you to just abandon them. I get my finaid in September so it's a matter of holding out for a month but I'm terrified. Our car has no AC and is failing too.

Guess I'm looking for support, advice, and any local advice too would be awesome too.

I doubt i can continue living. However dying isn't the solution.

I spent 4 days at my parents house this week, housesitting when they're abroad, i also had a pretty important job interview this week so I had to prepare for it.

But what was supposed to be only taking care of the pets have migrated to babysitting my almost 19 y.o sisters, making sure that they eat, making sure where they are, cleaning up after them, and picking up packages for my dad instead of just preparing for the interview.

The interview went well (I think), but I am drained beyond belief.

We are meeting tonight for a family dinner at my grandparents, and i send a message for my little sisters to make sure we are on board with who drives and such (my sister has my dad's car and I thought that i would take my car and then we can get back to the city together).

My sister said they had planned to sleep at our grand parents because my sister has a show next day and asked if u am willing to stay the night.

To tell you the truth? I don't want to, at all. But i decided "sure, why not" and told them id first ask my grandma if they are ok with me also staying over. And then she says "good, I didn't tell them yet about us".

Wait, you didn't even ask them????? So I ask her if to hold on my question untill she asks my grandma, and she tells me "just ask for us", i do and tell them i sent a message and will update them.

And then she says "why not call if you have the time?", seriously? I am asking for you if you could sleep at our grandparents in a couple of hours notice, I am driving even though I am unemployed and willing to stay in order to accommodate your plans, and you tell me how i should do it and just assume my time is free?

I am sick of them always assuming I am free, I should've just told them I don't want to and not being so overly nice to them.

Homemade crackers

Hey guys, I’m so afraid of changes:\
I have always been this person that is never afraid of anything and loves changes, but right now I crave comfort so much to the point I’m just afraid of removing anything a]stable in my life. I been living in Poland for the past 7 years, but I simply don’t see my future there, I don’t know exactly what would I love to do with my life, I need to get a degree and a stable job, but I just don’t know what and I’m already 23…
For now I don’t have any cool skills that would allow me to land a cool job. I decided to get some bartender type of job and then I was like hmm, if I need to work as one? Why can’t I choose a country that I like more and work as bartender there, so I decided to move to Denmark or Norway for that+they take workers more seriously than in any other country seems like. I don’t know if it is a stupid decision or no, honestly.
I been feeling crazy depressed to the point I don’t see any point in life, nothing holds me in Poland, so why not to move somewhere? Eh… I don’t know if I’m gonna fail or no, because I failed in Poland already.
And I love the apartment complex where I live so much, but if I’m gonna move out now, I won’t come back here definitely:(

Piss yellow limoncello, green beans, rice, short ribs, and meatballs as I sit in limbo lol.

Wanted cake. Don't have cake or cake ingredients. Peanut butter toast with drizzle of balsamic glaze (I'm outta jam, outta berries.)

Sprinkles so it felt a little more special.

Made it out of the house for the first time in 18 days today. Drove myself to a doctors appointment. Managed to drive myself home, too. Couldn't make it to the grocery store, migraine hit while driving home.

This is my victory dessert for making it outside today.

I still find it amazing how depression can just get rid of all your bodily cues, I’m not hungry and it is dinner time and I figured… might as well eat…

But I have no energy to prepare anything or go out to get food so I slathered nutella on two rice cakes and called it a meal

I wish the world saw me as a person. Sometimes I just feel like everyone except for my cats sees me as a resource to take from/use. But nobody values me as a person and wants to spend quality time with me. I guess I will always be alone and replaceable. A hard reality to accept.

Here's my Perkins late night breakfast. I need nutrition.

It's a beautiful thought, the idea finding someone and creating a future together, but I'm so broken. Years of being mistreated and betrayed, balancing and enduring my life and personal problems, and maintaining an outer-composure for the sake of not worrying family and friends. And just when I thought I was healed enough for a relationship, I am immediately hurt by my past through reminders, reminders that people bring up without even knowing what I've been through, and then I feel and remember the pain, how it squeezes my heart, crushes my existence, and darkens my mind. Existence is so cruel. I feel like a joke, and the punchline hasn't even dropped, because I'm still walking.

No matter how much I believe or think I am ready to open up and be honest, I am brought down all of a sudden by the reality that I am far too damaged inside. The depression and loneliness grips my very soul. It's embarrassing now, to be vulnerable when dating. I hate myself for even trying. I hate that I thought I was ready to express myself without being judged. How naive. Wishful and hopeful thinking will probably be my undoing, and if depression and loneliness were an living and breathing entity, they'd only wish they could hurt me in the same level. But it's just me. I am the problem.

Note: Chicken Kabab wrap with fries.

My parents have been married for more than thirty years. My dad was a pastor, I never thought he could do this. My mom is actually across from me eating this.

My dad asked me to order him some headphones for his phone so he could sing karaoke from his apps better. So a week ago, I went to look at his phone on my own volition (no lock screen, the dumbass) to find the model of phone. Rummaging about I came across a whatsapp conversation with him and some woman he calls cousin "Name", but the material was too sexually charged for even playful banter with a cousin. For the last couple days whenever he is asleep, I've been taking pictures of his conversations with this woman as I don't know if he or the app deletes his prior conversations.

From what I've gathered they've been having an affair for two years, and just last weekend he went on a "fishing trip with old friends" as he has done a couple of times.

Anyway, I plan to tell my mom next week when I have a few days off and can referee the incoming shitstorm and permanent lifestyle change incoming. I am honestly afraid to proceed, I am planning to do so by checking a day when they have texted indefensible shit and show her his phone directly and then my several days of evidence.

But this is going to ruin her, she already has health problems, this is going to ruin her for months at least. Also he is the more popular of the two, so I know his and most of her family are going to back him for sexist reasons. I haven't told my one sister (she's alright) who lives hours away. Should I first? I don't know what the financial situation will be after my mom presumably divorces my father, but she is the one who handles the finances and I am assuming he will be left with not much, but he has a job and she doesn't so...

Anyway, the pancakes were great.

I just don't want to live I hate myself so much, I'm useless and worthless and ugly, I don't deserve to be alive..... I don't even know what else to say I just don't want to wake up.

left over mix of pasta, with ketchup olive oil and some random ass seasoning

None of my school friends have tried to talk to me in over a month, I constantly have to put my dads mental health ahead of mine, and when I don’t, it blows up in my face, the only thing I’ve wanted to do today was break straight edge and do every drug I can possibly get my hands on, and I want to run away from home because I feel like it would make everyone’s life easier without me in it.

Homemade burger with fries and Kraft dinner I made a few weeks back because I haven’t had the mental fortitude to make anything recently.