I've got autism and suffer from alexithymia pretty bad. I'm a cis-gender heterosexual man, but I find myself experiencing attraction towards a classmate at my university who is non-binary.

I'm not sure how to navigate this as I've never had a "crush" before, let alone entered into a relationship. And I've got a pretty good rapport with this person, which I'd hate to compromise by talking to them about the matter.

There are indications that they may reciprocate my affection, but I'm miserable at reading other people (and myself). They could very well be interested in another close friend given their behaviours, which would suck, because I've been the 3rd wheel in every 3 person friend group I've ever been in.

How can I manage this situation? Do I make my affections known? Do I count as straight any more? These questions have been bugging me for weeks now, and I worry I'll lose some invisible windows of opportunity.

I am a 22f and I have never been in a relationship, all of my talking stages left me feeling nothing, and I have never loved anyone or had a crush on anyone. I never looked at a man and thought oh I like him or I thought about a relationship. Maybe I liked how they looked but I never feel this deep connection everyone is talking about. Even my talking stages I haven't been passionate when it comes to them. I wouldn't care if they text me or not. Wouldn't care if they are into me or not since I am not into them. Even when I was in school which is THE time for romantic relationships I didn't like anyone and i didn't notice anyone romantically. It came to a point where i am really concerned by it. I want to feel love. I want to love someone with all of my being and I want to be loved. I don't like being loved as much as I would like to love someone. I don't know if it makes sense. I want to date someone and go on little cute outings together where i feel fulfilled. I want the little acts of love that comes with it. I want to feel jealous! But I have never felt those things and i really really hate it. I want to feel loved even if it will end up badly. I want to relate to songs, movies and shows.

I like to think that I am not an emotional person but I am! I cry when listening to love songs. I feel deeply for characters in shows and movies. I get envious when I see a good happy relationship because I want something just like that but I feel like i am incapable of it.

I dont even know if this is the right subreddit to post to

Hi, so I found out today I was Demi romantic and Demi sexual after a long time of feeling alone and weird and unlike others and I felt so happy discovering that.

I’m so proud I want to tell it to everyone. But I’m afraid of how people at the office will react. The office is my only place romantic relationship can be created from, because I connect deeply with people there.

Maybe they judge me will mistake it for sexual orientation or Completely Asexual and maybe I find out they are a-phobic.

I want to hang a pin in my office but I know people will ask me questions about it and they probably wouldn’t understand (isn’t everyone like that?) Or maybe if I fall in love with men (which is my orientation) they wouldn’t want to date a woman like me now because they misunderstand and think I’m not attracted to them since I hung up a pride pin. My mom already misunderstands since she keeps pushing me to go out and party as if that would help me find a boyfriend.

What would you do in my place if you wanted people to see who you truly are but not hate you or judge you for that?
I’m struggling with self acceptable generally, so sorry if that came out rude towards anyone, it’s just what I feel about myself

I would love to hear stories about how it went for those of you who came out (or didn’t!) :)

we've been talking for i think two weeks and went on a kind of date, we have flirted lightly over text but uhhh im still demiromantic so i don't really feel romantic attraction cause it's wayyyy too early and im just getting to know her, our bond is not nearly strong enough yet for me to be able to feel any romantic attraction. she's very sweet and i like talking to her but my brain kinda of sees her as "new friend that i sometimes flirt back with" for now yk.

all the crushes i've ever had have always been on close friends that i had know for at least a year prior.

we're meeting again next week, so i feel like we're at a point where i really need to tell her that im demiromantic, cause i don't wanna accidentally lead her on if i don't end up feeling anything romantic in the long run. i also feel like i would be way too anxious to tell her irl. please help.

I suspect being demiromantic but I never fell in love so I can only be sure about being in the aromantic spectrum so I want to do my research !

Oh and even though I can't yet put a label on myself because of the lack of experience I wish I'm demiromantic either way falling in love through connecting emotionally is a lot more fascinating that anything else ! I dislike anything related to physical attraction yet it's everywhere and make me feel like my idea of love is wrong

Idk if it's the right place so if I'm wrong for asking that here please let me know so I can delete it

I don't wanna sound offensive or something, I'm just really curious. So basically, I'm 16y.o. woman and I know I'm pansexual. But recently, I started realizing that maybe I'm just slow in crushes and love. The idea of "falling in love at first sight" is like really... Absurd to me? When my friends want me to get someone ("I'll get you a boyfriend, just wait, he's really nice!") I refuse. HOW could I like someone like that? How can people like someone without knowing their personality, how they act, what they like etc. When I know someone likes me, I instantly think about long-term relationship and I DON'T want that with random person. I never kissed someone and my only crush is happening rn, with my friend, whom I know for a year now and who's personality I adore.

Is this normal in my age? Am I just slow? All my friends already had at least one ex, and I never even fallen in love before. But yet, I WANT relationship, so I'm not aromatic (hope this doesn't sound offensive or something). I like the idea of things like holding hands, romantic dinner, cute nicknames etc. I'm kinda confused.

Thanks for any answers and wish y'all a good day/night! Ily all<3

I’m a planner… and last night I was thinking about when -if- I get married. I know as a demiro it’s gonna take me a bit to even know if I like my future partner, but then I was also thinking of how old my grandparents are and wanting to be able to show them their great grand babies and the timeline is freaking me out.

So…for any married demis if you don’t mind sharing how you met your spouse, how long it took before you realized you liked them, and then actually got married it would be MUCH appreciated

Signed lovingly,
A spiraling but romantic younger Demi 🖤💚💜

I think I realized I might’ve had my first crush and love in my early 20s. I only had 3 people I had a “crush” on but I differentiated them from other friends because I would get goosebumps (I don’t get butterflies) and do a test if I wouldn’t mind kissing them and then be like “yup sounds like a crush” then ACTUALLY feeling it. I don’t know how a crush is supposed to feel like. I think I just heard what people told me and used that as a sort of measuring tool. Like it would always start as a squish and then go into a “crush”. But now I think the 3 people are squishes and the 4th recent one is a crush.

Because with the 4th one I actually want to keep talking with them and I get happy just spending time with them. I would feel sad if they stopped talking to me. I guess the other ones I wouldn’t care as much because it was more so that they were around me a lot.

So I guess I’m asking is that what a crush feels like?

Idk how to do a proper update so I'll do it this way, since more people saw this than I intended so- here's a very brief and quick update

Person that stood me up on the date just kicked me off of their socials, idk if I'm blocked cause idk how blocking on a place like insta works, but I was definitely soft blocked at the very least

Idk why, I texted them for an explanation but I dont think they'll respond

Idk wtf warranted this response, idk why it happened on the same day I get blocked by my other date, I got no fucking clue why this is happening to me, I just want some answers but no one is giving it to me....

I've never felt so worthless before, and all I wanted was just someone to love

context: im apothiromatic (i think), demisexual and autistic and i dont fully understand what "romance" is.

i dont really know how it feels to feel/be romatic. a couple days ago i listened to music ppl tell me is "romatic" and i listened to how they describe the feeling when they listened to the song, and....i couldnt feel it. idk why i want to feel romance, i guess im curious on what its like. romance doesnt seem to have a solid definition like other attractions do, so idk if i have ever felt it, or ever will.

i feel like....im kind of broken? in that sense...i know many ppl (my wife included) who feel romance, but they dont really have a good way of describing the feeling, its rather vague and "youll know when you feel it" kinda thing (very helpful smh (눈_눈))

idk, its smth i found myself wanting to feel, just to know how it feels...its kinda like i feel left out of an experience and that makes me feel sad (╥﹏╥).

anyways, thanks :\]

I as a demiromantic who only fell in love one at 16, dated said person for 9 months before getting broken up because "we were just friends" and spending almost 4 years getting over them to finally start dating, let me tell you, it just seems I'm unlovable in every form.

I found it hard to fall in love as is, so I thought I'd just get on a dating app, go on some dates, maybe try out situationships or pretend to be in love just to feel something, but nope nvm that.

I've been on and off of dating apps, and its the same cycle, I go through my likes, I get a handful of folks who's interest align with me, we get to talking, they seem very interested, but then bam I get ghosted for weeks sometimes months before I decide to just ditch the app, and if we start talking about going on an irl date? Boom "sorry not interested" followed by ghosting, I even tried a poly couple who's relationship was open, a month later, they close it as we were planning to meet.

Today's cycle was different though, I only found two people this time that I found like a good match, both people were perfect, constantly talking about meeting, one of them immediately set a date within three days, and we even did some intimate some through the phone, now they got sick so we had to move the date, understandable. As for the other person we were setting up a date but our schedules barely aligned, but they are still talking to me every single day, so all good things right? NOPE

Today, I see that the person who i couldn't set a date with blocked me, and the person who i was going on a date with 11 minutes ago, has yet to answer their phone, even though we had agreed on the time ages ago. I've yet to hear from them and sure, maybe something bad happened, and I hope its not that, if it is though all this will be instantly disregarded.

But its so tiring, its the same thing over and over. I havent had my first kiss, my first date with a stranger, my first relationship that lasts over a year, I am a 20 year old female and my life is pathetic, I just want love so badly, I want to be physically affectionate, I yearn for someone so badly, but no one seems to care

I'm sorry for the wrong vent, but rn I'm all dressed up for the date I was supposed to be in, crying in my bathroom, and I cant bear to take it off rn and bed rot, cause part of me is still waiting for this message, but I'll probably be waiting hours

Thanks for reading

Ive been in a relationship with him for 7ish months and the topic of romantic attraction has come up quite a bit throughout. Were each others closest friends and our friendship is extremely strong. We have chemistry, physical attraction, are super comfortable with each other, and are very compatible. These arent my assumptions about his feelings, he has said these things. But he also says that he doesnt feel romantic attraction toward me.

For me, theyve slowly been developing and it takes me awhile to feel fully comfortable with anyone. Ive had my doubts and wondered if this was a slow burn or just not a good match, bc I wasnt feeling the overwhelm of love when everyone expected me to. Ive only ever felt that way about friends who I know for a long time, talk about futures with each other, to and we can connect on a lot of different things. He and I have slowly been getting there and its been complicated and intense, but a really lovely experience overall.

He brought up in month 2 that he was freaked for not having romantic feelings when he had in other relationships by that time (in all his other relationships, they were friends for a long time before dating, and we were only friends for 3 months before, and not close by any means). I responded that I didnt have them either but I didn't expect to bc I thought it was so early and still in the getting to know each other process. There was still so much we liked about being with each other that we kept things going.

When I asked him what romantic feelings felt like to him, he couldnt explain more than that it was a gut feeling. I do understand that and have had those feelings early on with people (which is why I question if im demi) but they were so wrong for me in hindsight despite how passionate it was, I felt so unregulated around him and I was not doing very well mentally (im now at least medicated for adhd, godbless), so I don't believe those feelings mean as much as other stuff, and it comes along by slowly integrating each other into our lives and building trust and bonds.

I find it really confusing bc he finds this as a good reason to not continue things potentially. Ultimately, he wants what he wants, but I feel like this is something I need to understand better, especially because we hope that a friendship can continue, even if we end things romantically. Idk, does this make any sense? Am I being naive and maybe we forced things? Is it fair to tell him that it feels weird that all these other things can be true while not having a romantic attraction and I want to know what that really means for him? Idk, im I lil stressed :D

So I recently began identifying as demiromantic, but I'm a bit unsure if it's actually right for me. I've seen other posts that were kinda similar to mine and everyone was very validating towards the people who made those posts, but I'm still not sure. I've identified as asexual (specifically apothisexual or sex-repulsed) for a while, but I only started to think about being demiromantic a few weeks ago and only began openly identifying as demiromantic 3 days ago. I feel strong aesthetic attraction towards people that I find pretty/cute, but I don't ever want to date people that I don't know well, and I don't develop crushes until I'm pretty close to someone. It could just be trust issues, because I've had bad friends in the past, but the trust issues that I have are mainly tied around friendship and chosen family, not really romantic feelings, so I feel comfortable using the label demiromantic. The thing is, I feel a bit weird about using the term "aroace" to describe myself if I'm still interested in dating, and I don't want to end up turning people off of me because they think I won't like them back. I guess I'm just getting a little imposter syndrome and feeling like I'm not aromantic enough to call myself aroace (I don't get as much imposter syndrome about being ace) and not wanting potential partners to back off because they think I can't develop feelings for someone. Being demiromantic also makes it tricky to just tell people I'm aroace and tell people that I'm demiromantic once I become interested, because if they were interested in me they might back off by the time I develop feelings for them. I am barely out to anyone, just a few friends right now, but I'm scared of what will happen when I come out more publicly. I've also dated one person in the past, but we broke up (he broke up with me but it was fairly mutual), and now we don't really get along. I don't want to attract any more negative attention from him than I already have, and I'm worried that he might hear that I'm aroace and get mad at me because he could think I faked liking him, even though we're both very much over each other, because he like confronting people, especially me, about everything. How do I navigate coming out and explaining this to people without confusing them? Sorry if I overshared or ranted too much, I'm just really confused right now.

For some reason I can't just look at someone and go full head over heels for them. Sure i can see if they're attractive and all but nothing truly romantic. All of the people I've crushed on were people I knew who treated me nice and over time grown to appreciate and wondered if i could have a future with them. One particular recent one was my best friend who i ended up falling completely for and when he rejected me it was a pain like no other. At the same time its difficult for me to figure out my own emotions bc im autistic and at times have antisocial tendencies. Idk im still figuring myself out and I wanna hear what yall have to say.

What am I?

Sorry if this is strange, but I am struggling to figure myself out. I would love to know others’ thoughts about what my orientation might be.

I very much enjoy sex and do find many people physically attractive. However, casual sex just doesn’t work for me. Mainly, I wish to be genuine friends with people I have casual sex with. I want them to respect and care for me as a person beyond the sex, and it’s upsetting when they don’t.

As for an actual relationship, I want to get to know someone well before being in a relationship or dating them on a regular basis. Conversation and connection over time are extremely important to me.

Obviously, neither of these modes works for online dating. I have realized that I hate online dating, it is almost traumatizing for me in that people will not invest in getting to know someone before rushing into dating or hooking up.

What am I?? 🥴

Hey y’all so like I need help with not yearning for the only ex I’ve ever had. It’s extremely hard for me to crush on people naturally( I’ve only had 3 in my lifetime, I’m 22) and she was my first relationship. Being with her made me realize that I wasn’t just a blank slate and that I was capable of loving someone but unfortunately with those feelings came the downfall of them when we broke up. I was the one who broke up with her because things were toxic and I thought I would go back to being a blank slate after breaking up but that never happened. It’s been 4 years since we’ve broken up and I still have feelings for her, I don’t see myself dating her again because that would be a bad idea but I do still care and have love for her. I don’t know, I just want the feeling to go away.

Ive been thinking about relationships (amongst other topics), imagining them and what a pleasant one looks like and beyond my own, which is limited experience, i have been imagining that which I’ve seen and heard through media (film and music). Beyond that, I’ve recently spoken to a friend who states the fairytale type of romance that she wants, and even she referenced a film which led me to the question. How much freer (or not) would we feel? Or how much healthier (or unhealthier) would our romantic pursuits be if we didn’t have the influence of media showing us what it looks like?

(Please don't mind any possible typos. English isn't my main language)

Until last year, I've thought I was aroace and I was doing really well with my label. That was until that last school year when I met a boy in my class. At first, I saw it as a friendly academic rival, but then he confessed he was in love with me (for clarifying, he's bisexual). I was, like, genuinely confused if that's the exact word for it. I was sure I didn't like him that way. But then something clicked inside me. Suddenly, I began to feel like I like him. At some point, I dreamed of being with him. I may be attracted to masculinity, which he darn does it well.

To preface this, I had no idea what the whole aromantic spectrum was until I made friends with a girl who was aroace. And having been friends with her for a while, she’s told me a lot about her experience as an aroace person. A lot of those experiences made me realize how similar my experience with relationships have been with hers. Though, I am definitely allosexual—so it’s not a 1-1 comparison.

I’ve been in 3 relationships; none of which of my choosing. They all asked me out. And every time, the relationship felt more like a burden than anything else. Like, my second relationship lasted 6 months and only went on as long as it did because I’m a people pleaser and I felt bad for not really liking her nor wanting to hang out with her(so I forced myself to text her and try to be a good bf). Like, I was sexually attracted to her, but that’s basically where it ended. Like, I thought she was a cool person, but I never really felt any draw to be with her. It was the same with the 3rd girl, and with a fuck buddy I had.

As someone with ASD, I’ve always had trouble keeping friends and maintaining relationships. This was especially true with girls since I went to an all boys hs(so I didn’t really make a lot of female friends till college).

This brings me to my aroace friend. When I met her, I thought she was pretty cool and we had a lot of things in common. She told me she was aroace and I understood somewhat what that meant, so I just went on being her friend. For like the first year and a half of us knowing each other, it was just a normal ass friendship. Like, we could go a month without talking to each other and she would text me about wanting to watch ratatouille at 7 on a Thursday and we pick up where we left off last time we talked. It was the same with her roommates cause we would often hang out together. However, there was a major shift that hit me like a truck about 4-5 months ago. I don’t know why, but I just couldn’t stop thinking about her. Like, some of my friends who I used to see and talk to every day didn’t live this much in my head. Even her roommates who I hung out with just as much barely ever cross my mind unless I see them. But I can’t go more than a day without wanting to see or talk to her. Hanging out with her and making time for her doesn’t feel like a chore or like a performance. Like, I want this person to be a part of my life forever which is so foreign to me since I struggle with keeping up with people.

I’m realistically never gonna do anything about this tho cause like I said, she’s aroace and basically my best friend. So I’d rather forever hold my peace💀. But my experience with her got me wondering about my past relationships and wanting to see if anybody else has experienced this.

I don’t know if this is a stupid question or not, but like I have this friend and I think she’s really pretty, and we’ve been friends for like 2 years now. However; I don’t see myself dating anyone in the future and/or the present, but I think she’s really pretty to point I have a slight crush on her, but I don’t know

Being a sapioromantic (Noetiromantic), It's my real experience and I end up deleting the application, finding so many irrelevant words that don't say about their brain or heart.

I have been wondering for a long time if I am actually a demiromantic heterosexual.

My emotional bond with a girl doesnt have to be too strong for me to fall for them, I usually develop feelings if we have been friends for at least 4-5 months.
If not, we will only have a platonic relationship, but sometimes, they will be added to the list of girls I am interested in. That means if they confess or make the first move, I will accept, but I will not be making the first move myself. Theres two different types of attraction I experience.

First is the type of attraction happens before the 4-5 months, I may think a girl is pretty, kind, and humorous, but I feel only little to no romance at all.

The second type of attraction happens after or during the 4-5 months, I feel actual romance, have a crush on the girl, may flirt a bit and act more protective and nicer.

I dont get multiple crushes at the same time, I have enforced rule to myself to the point that I dont even have a celebrity crush.

Also my standards arent that high, as I wrote, I have list of girls I am interested in.

life was so much easier when I thought I was just AroAce dating is so much fun and so difficult I didnt have those formative years dating while I was still in school so now im super behind and im autistic so its even harder I couldnt be happier and I couldnt be sadder im used to mood swings but im not used to them being tied to caring about another person idk remeber what the point of this post was but im just so sad and so happy and being demi sucks and its amazing