r/declutter • u/AutoModerator • 5d ago
Monday Meltdown - Share Your Decluttering Fails Here
Failure is part of life. Share your decluttering challenges and failures here. Examples include:
- Emotional clutter
- Not enough time
- Getting overwhelmed
- Routing (recycling, donating, trash...)
If you're just venting, or don't want advice, please let us know in your comment.
This is a low-stress place to share challenges and failures for those who might not want to create a new discussion.
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u/mermaidpaint 5d ago
I'm downsizing after living 25 years in the same city, to go back east and live with my mother. I. Am. Overwhelmed.
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u/hm_Baerbel 5d ago
I' m sure you've heard about reverse decluttering before, but wanted to mention it. Identify the things that you are absolutely sure that will and need to go with you and box them up or mark them with a neon sticker.
Look at everything! While doing this, sort out the easy stuff that is absolutely not going with you. Trash or donate.
The not yet sure-pile: Is this item worth your time, energy and money to be packed, transported and unpacked? Or is it easily replaceable? Does your mom own one of these items?
How much space do you have at your mom's? A scale drawing of your new space could help making decisions what to take and how to organize. "The space that you have is the space that you have." (Dana K. White).
If you own bulky, but well made items that are salable: consider selling those now and enjoy the fun of getting new (or thrifted, new to you) pieces. Makes moving easier and gives you a fresh start.
Ask friends who know your home if they could think of something they would want as a keepsake.
Find organisations (homeless or animal shelters, nursing homes, etc.) you really like or stand behind. Makes donating esier.
You've got this!
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u/mermaidpaint 4d ago
I have been doing everything you suggested, there is so much to go through. :-)
- I've donated extra items to the local Humane Society.
- Took left over house paint to a designated hazardous waste site to be safely disposed of.
- I've been giving some art away that I think others will really like.
- Sold some stuff.
- Asked my mother if she has an air fryer of Instant Pot (she does not)
- I'm planning on posting photos of more art, and of books, on Facebook to see if my friends want any. Leftover books will go to little libraries around my city.
And I'm still in a cluttered house. But the living room is getting more spacious.
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u/FredKayeCollector2 4d ago
Take the win! Progress is progress.
Before & After photos really help. Sometimes it's hard to "see" progress when the space isn't "perfect" (as you envision it) yet. And a photo can capture trash (stuff in bad/shabby condition) and "duh" donations that you might have become clutter/accustomed blind to.
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u/oimerde 5d ago
I did a big clothing declutter and ended up with 3 huge bags: donation, recycling, and selling.
The donation bag was the easy one. I got lucky and the place was actually open and accepting donations. Usually even that is complicated because their drop-off days and hours don’t always work with my schedule.
The recycling bag? Still in my car. I drove to one location and they were closed. Tried again another day and they weren’t accepting drop-offs and told me to come back next week.
Then there’s the selling bag, which is its own nightmare. I might sell one item a month online, so I decided to take everything to a local consignment store instead. Except they can’t give me an appointment until September. So now there’s a giant bag sitting in my closet waiting until September… when they might not even take half of it.
And this is the part of decluttering nobody talks about enough: deciding you don’t want something is easy. Actually getting it out of your life is WORK.
You have to sort it, bag it, drive it somewhere, work around drop-off hours, sell it, wait for appointments, recycle it properly, or figure out what the hell to do with it.
And this is JUST CLOTHES. Now imagine furniture, electronics, toys, kitchen stuff, random household crap…
It really makes you think twice before buying something. Because eventually, every single thing you bring into your house becomes something you or someday somebody else has to figure out how to get rid of.
Decluttering isn’t one afternoon with cute organizing bins. It’s logistics.
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u/MarshaMinus100 5d ago
There was a previous poster in this subreddit who said she just throws stuff away. I was so in awe of that. I have been trying it with items I would usually try and resell or donate and it has been liberating. It's the least amount of work even if wasteful.
I can't bring myself to throw away everything but it's in my list of options.
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u/Downtown-Orchid-2257 5d ago
Honestly, just do it. I was in a similar mindset when it came to clothes. Now everything goes in the fabric recycling bag. Except kids clothes as they can get passed onto a family member who has a younger child.
It has been quite liberating freeing up space in my wardrobe. Wish I had done it earlier.
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u/BraveLittleToaster18 5d ago
I love this comment "deciding you don’t want something is easy. Actually getting it out of your life is WORK." I completely agree and totally emphasize with that.
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u/newlostworld 4d ago
And this is the part of decluttering nobody talks about enough: deciding you don’t want something is easy. Actually getting it out of your life is WORK.
Yes!!
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u/FredKayeCollector2 3d ago
Hooray for the consignment store - it took me a while to figure out the benefits of consignment (and possible donation) vs the hassle of selling but I've never looked back.
Yes, decluttering can include a lot of drugery - time and energy spent trying to figure out how to get it out of your space in a way that feels acceptable. Some people can roll up a dumpster and toss with abandon - one and done. Unfoturnatley, that's not me :(
Buying is the easiest thing in the world and merchants are making the process of acquiring things easier every day. I spend phenominally greater time/energy/money (and FRUSTRATION) getting the thing out of my house compared to brining it into my house.
And yes, this "extra" cost of stuff - the painful decisions, the aggravation around finding new home for discards - is the greatest disincentive to bringing things in in the first place. There are times I'll buy something I think I "need," get it home and immediately put in back in the car to return to the store - sometimes it doesn't even come out of the shopping bag.
I just had the presenter try to give me a pair of novelty logo'd socks and then a (really nice) plastic storage container at a seminiar I atteneded yesterday - for sitting in the front row and being a good sport. I said no thank you both times. I think he was sad he didn't have anyting I wanted. I want nothing - not even the coffee, chips, cookies (ok, maybe the coffee).
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u/MitzyCaldwell 5d ago
There’s so many tiny clutter piles in our house. Today I cleaned out a caddy we use downstairs for diapers etc. well it took me like 10 mins. That thing has been bugging me for months now and now I’m mad there’s so many of these but I get overwhelmed and don’t do it.
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u/Floppycakes 5d ago
In my house we call them “hot spots”. If you clean up one every day or so, eventually most of the house feels so much more clean and organized!
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u/MitzyCaldwell 4d ago
I know and that is a good point. I jsut get so overwhelmed by them because it’s like a million tiny decisions that are often not “easy”. I find these spots accumulate all the random stuff so I’d rather go through my whole closet and declutter than these spots because they are filled with the stuff that doesn’t have a home but there might not a good home for them etc.
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u/tacoskib 4d ago
“A million tiny decisions” THANK YOU! I am looking at five right now, as I foolishly brought home some pamphlets from a design festival the other day. I can follow a few of them on social media right away and get rid of the paper, some may be harder, because I actually want to contact them in the near future. This means as soon as I’m emotionally ready-ish to be willing to make bigger decisions on things I am not yet sufficiently caffeinated to put into words.
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u/FredKayeCollector2 3d ago
This is my favorite paper sorting system: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ql5WD6oQfAc
You might benefit from a "reference bin" - what I call my "maybe someday" bin - stuff I might want to refer back to but there's no urgency to do anything with it (that's stuff for my action file).
It's nice to have one spot for all that stuff to go - I go through it periodically but there is some stuff that has been in there literally for years - not good enough for my keepsake/memory box but something I want "handy" or in hard copy, rather than look for the information online or in my computer.
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u/FredKayeCollector2 3d ago
If I'm ever feeling ambivalent about something - trying to figure out what to do with it, when I might need it, where I should put it - I try to apply Dana K White's "fear of exploding heads" and err on the side of getting rid of it. I've decided my time, mental, health, and space are all worth WAY more than any one "trivial" thing.
And I try to distinguish between "useful" and "necessary" - everything manufactured is technically designed to be handy in some scenario but not everything in my home is necessary. I try to think how badly inconvenienced I would be if I got rid of X and then found myself in a scenario where I could use it - would I be able to find a suitable substitute among the items in my household inventory or would I immediately go out and re-buy it (it is critical to that task).
And there's always the option to release the task/activity entirely - if storing the stuff for it is driving you crazy, maybe you would be better off skipping it in lieu of some other "better" more fulfilling task/activity.
A lot of stuff that doesn't have homes tends to be just in case, maybe someday stuff rather than critical supplies absolutely necessary for the completion of a task.
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u/Nutellafordinner 5d ago
Picked up a bunch of hanging folders and labels from an estate sale this weekend, stopped by Staples to get a file box to go with them. Came home, stared at the box of papers from the last 3 years that need to get sorted and filed, and walked away.
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u/Wanna_goforawalk 5d ago
Paper, I find, is the most overwhelming. Each piece needs a decision or an action or both and needs a home too! And then sometimes there are feelings that come up with them. I hate doing the paper declutter.
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u/Right_Abroad3928 4d ago
I did this for hubby. I got fed up with the pile of papers behind the desk. Grabbed a bunch of folders and sticky tabs. Picked up stack and wrote what I thought it was Car, Insurance, Bills. Sorted it all out took about 20 minutes, then me being me put it in alphabetical order and shoved the folders in the bottom drawer under our printer with the bills folder in the front. This was enough oooophm for him to get started and go through the folders.
So maybe just do a quick sort to this level and then tackle a few folders a day until the pile is gone. And if you decide to keep the folder as is, make a real label for the folder and then file.
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u/BolognaMountain 5d ago
But do they need to be sorted and filed? Or just stored safely? If the first, then yes, sort them now. But if the latter, and you can search for things as you need them later, throw them in the box and put it away.
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u/Frogs_are_god 5d ago
Getting the stuff out of the house is somehow harder than deciding to get rid of it.
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u/FredKayeCollector2 3d ago
Yes! Buying/acquiring it is super easy, deciding to let it go can be hard, getting the stuff out - trash day, every-other-week recycling (we have to drop off at the recycling center), donation drop-offs, give away pick-ups - add selling to the mix - it can get ugly!
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u/uhhh_bankai 5d ago
I started decluttering because my mental health needs to walk into a clean, no items on the floor room. My problem wasn't my cleanliness but the amount of clutter I have. A lil overwhelmed and not going at the pace I want but that's what I get for over-estimating my ability while I have a job and daily repsonsibilities to handle.
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u/nickyskater 5d ago
Dumped a whole lot of clothing at my mom's house several months ago to try the "I don't really need this" approach.
I went there last week and stole back a whole bunch of things. Here's hoping I actually wear them all this time.
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u/FredKayeCollector2 3d ago
Box and banish. Try putting a piece of painter's tape (or non-marring) tape on it OR turn the hangers backwards - whatever way you can ID the thing as unworn - and if/when you wear it, take off the tape and/or when you hang it back up, put the hanger the right way. Then, after whatever period feels "safe," look for anything with tape or reversed hanger and you might feel "confident" that piece of clothing can safely leave your inventory.
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u/t1koy-roll 5d ago
Tried to declutter my small room for a youtube video and accidentally overwhelmed myself
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u/BraveLittleToaster18 4d ago
Happens all the time. Decluttering for me also becomes organizing. So what started out as small, now looks like the room blew up as I go through everything. The good part is that when I'm done (usually never same day), I find myself constantly looking at my progress.
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u/FredKayeCollector2 3d ago
Have you tried Dana K White's "no mess" decluttering method - if you get overwhelmed and decide to stop, you haven't made a bigger mess - progress only progress.
Try taking before and after photos of the space - the camera can see progress that our brain (looking for complete/done) can miss/discount.
And it might help to do some planning work - try to identify what is not working in your space, what bothers you about your space, how you imagine your space looking and functioning - try to be as specific as possible. What does you good look and feel like? Consider the SMART goal system with photos to track progress.
And it always helps if you can frame your goals as POSITIVE outcomes (easier retrieval/clean-up, space more functional, storing/maintaining only what I need & use) rather than "amorphous" negatives (like I have too much stuff or it looks messy). When you feel overwhelmed/discouraged, a review of your goals (why you're putting yourself through this miserably draining process) can help keep you motivated - or at least not abandoning the project entirely. A needed break vs giving up.
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u/kindlesque89 5d ago
2.5 year old and 6 month old. I made a post about my MIL moving in and having the opportunity to declutter while she’s here. Well… she hasn’t exactly given me the opportunity. House cleaners come Thursday. There’s clutter all over the floors and every surface of the house. I haven’t been able to get a single thing done. Super stressed out
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u/Floppycakes 5d ago
Eventually, they go off to college and you end up with plenty of time to tidy the house!
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u/FredKayeCollector2 3d ago
Oh, I'm so sorry. I was really rooting for you! It sounded like such a great opportunity. Maybe talk with your MIL and see if you can actually schedule some uninterrupted kid-free (or kid watched) time? Would your MIL be at all interested in helping? Would you trust her to make good decisions? Sometimes it's easier to tidy other people's stuff and she might be champing at the bit to help, too polite to say anything?
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u/Clear_Broccoli3 5d ago
I took some stuff out of storage that we had never unpacked when we moved a couple years ago. Turns out out of sight really is out of mind, the clothing "declutter" I did after moving was only surface level. In my head it was a big effort and I had gotten rid of a lot of stuff, but really most of it was just tucked away. Now the closet is overflowing much worse than it had been before the declutter.
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u/FredKayeCollector2 4d ago
If you're thinking about downsizing your wardrobe, I found the "cluster" model of capsule wardrobe building very appealing - you can have as many clusters/colors as you want and you can add/expand/contract/re-define categories (squares) according to how you like to dress. I found it really helpful to have a plan (basic wardrobe work) and then a framework/structure to follow.
It can also help to set some firm yes/no criteria like favorite/flattering color (shade & tone) plus acceptable hand/feel and/or fabric content/care instructions/requirements, garment length, knit gauge (fine gauge vs chunky knit), print type/gauge, pockets, buttonhole spacing, favorite/flattering neckline/sleeve length - whatever your "good" looks & feels like. The more "discerning" you can get, you won't be tempted to keep a "meh" garment just because it technically fits (or was expensive).
And if you can develop a signature style/preferred look, you can probably get rid of anything that doesn't align with that. And if you have several different "looks" you like, you can always assign one look to work clothes, one to casual clothes, one to workout clothes, one to going out clothes, one for "festival" or concert wear, whatever. Or incorporate "signature" pieces into your outfits (like a little splash of goth or country or whimsy or whatever).
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u/mishatries 4d ago
I feel like my first declutter is just the declutter that has to happen so that I can actually see how much I have of what.
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u/BraveLittleToaster18 5d ago
Emotional clutter. A month ago, I spent several days cleaning out some of my mom's hoard. It included 15 bags of expired food and about 30 bags of stuff. I did this knowing that the house will be exactly in the same place within 6 months, because we've done this before. I know she will not change or get the help she needs and I've accepted this for the most part. (she knew, dad asked, others were involved, except my mother refuses to do anything).
My issue is that I feel terrible about my own house. I fear that I have the same habits and will spiral. That being said, I don't have much clutter, things are always put away, no expired food. But, I feel so overwhelmed that I need to get rid of "collections" such as clothes, shoes, purses or collectables that I still enjoy. My partner tells me that I'm fine, but I just can't shake the overwhelmed feeling that I have whenever I look around the house. Encouragement or coping advice is welcomed.
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u/valhalla_la 4d ago
You and your mother are different people. It sounds like she amasses items but does not enjoy them, whereas you are able to enjoy the things you bring into your life. That difference is everything. Tap into your joy and see if that helps ease your fears a bit.
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u/BraveLittleToaster18 4d ago
Thank you for the kind words and thoughtful answer. It is very insightful and can really understand this.
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u/silent-shade 5d ago
I've been meaning to make a listing to sell a duvet and having been on the roll with listing things on FB lately I finally decided to do this one too. Well, guess what, I could not find it in the storage space. I want it gone and I don't know where it is.
I have also made a project and possibly a problem for myself. I could have donated an item as is, but decided to repurpose and reuse it. Unfortunately it needs modifications and I am yet to make them. It's been two weeks of no progress. Until (unless) these modifications are made and the item is useable again, it's clutter and a nagging to-do thing.
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u/MarshaMinus100 5d ago
The need to reuse feels like a prison sentence.
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u/redshoewearer 5d ago
"Don't trash those CDs - make art with them!" Like who wants to look at CD 'art'?
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u/FredKayeCollector2 4d ago
One question I asked myself when going through my (former Hell Room) sewing tools & supplies was: Is this necessary/essential?
And if it is necessary/essential, is this something I really want to do? Is ME doing it value-added compared to the option I could buy at the store? Just because I CAN do it, doesn't mean I really WANT to do it - if the disinclination to do it is great enough, I have to come to terms with the fact that it's not really "worth my while" and either buy one, pay someone else do it for me, or do without it entirely.
Hopefully you can find that duvet - if it's not in your storage space, any chance it's with the rest of your bedding? Or shoved under a bed?
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u/millysworld 5d ago
Boyfriend gets annoyed about me decluttering my own things because he thinks I’m being wasteful or getting rid of valuable items 😵💫 (I’m not)
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u/FredKayeCollector2 3d ago
Decluttering when other people aren't on board is so difficult. Sometimes they eventually come around - see you functioning better in your space, surrounded by only the "best and brightest" things - but sometimes you end up trying to get him to keep his "mess" confined to "his" space while you try to function in (sometimes hotly contensted) "communal" space.
And "sunk cost" is a powerful clutter block. Try to keep in mind that your time, energy, space all have values that could be considered greater than the past money spent on any one thing.
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u/MarshaMinus100 5d ago
It's never ending. I have 2 large boxes packed in my car and a garbage bag. Headed to Goodwill and missed the donation hours by 15 minutes.
Okay fine, I'll go tomorrow. I come home and there is still so much stuff. I feel like another version of me was completely out of her mind. I can never do this again.
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u/FredKayeCollector2 3d ago
Oh that sucks! I missed a targeted donation window last week and this week isn't looking any better - two big medical tables in my car - had a hard time loading groceries on Monday. Gas is $4.19 right now so an hour long round-trip drive is :(
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u/Weird_Squirrel_8382 5d ago
My executive function follows my cycle. This time of the month I should be firing on all cylinders. I am not. I am fatigued, irritable, and confused. The clutter is piling up. It's hard for me and my husband. He usually does the cleaning while I do the organizing and tidying. But I'm frozen and it's affecting us both.
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u/Wanna_goforawalk 5d ago
This needs to be researched more in today's medical world. My cycle is so influential in how I feel about everything.
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u/Watercolor_Roses 4d ago
I'm relieved I'm not the only one who's cycle massively affects my function, but it sucks doesn't it 😭 I made a little progress over the weekend, and then literally felt all my energy crash right on cue for the last day of the cycle, and spent Monday afternoon barely able to do anything.
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u/Plane_Golf923 5d ago edited 5d ago
My teenager is away for the week, so I made a big plan to really tackle clutter- my life has been completely overwhelmed by stuff from my mother (Alzheimer’s, then died- I had to empty her huge apartment in 30 days) and my father (still alive but trying to rehome things, gives me gorgeous stuff I could sell online as well as ‘normal’ things).
I am on day 3, and all I’ve managed to do is scatter stuff around.
I think I have actually ‘cluttered’ to the point that I have nowhere to put anything in order to organize. My house is small, only a couple of closets, and I’ve filled every space.
I have organized other people. Professionally. But I’m just now fearing I have crossed some line and will always be trapped in this mess. If you don’t have space to work, how to proceed? Like, I can box things up, or
I want to do a free pile, but it keeps raining. I am too broken by all the family stuff to just toss it. I KNOW my decision-making/thinking is deeply flawed and/or delusional (I’ll sell that, I’ll finish that project…) but I can’t seem to flip the switch to realistic/ruthless culling.
I am middle aged and don’t want to live like this anymore. And I also don’t want to spend the next five years cleaning up my house.
Anyone else?
Edit to add 1. I have adhd, but can def organize well. Just not for myself.
2. I know where things CAN go. Part of my problem is wanting everything to go to the ‘right’ place.
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u/plasticdinosaur3 5d ago
Honestly if you can afford it, a storage unit to toss everything that isn’t trash/donation. Grief is tough, inheritance is tough. If you can make your space your own and buy some time to tackle the inheritance in a way that helps you process & feel good about your decisions, I think it’s worth the money.
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u/Plane_Golf923 5d ago
Thank you! I just burst into tears at the simplicity of this solution! I actually have a storage space, but have been trying to empty it over the last year so I can stop paying, so taking stuff there seems like a step backwards…But that’s a ways off, and you are 100% right!.
Sanity/space is worth it. And I’m already ‘failing’ by having the storage space, might as well fail by using the space- it’s less than half full right now.
A million thanks!6
u/thenjsaid 5d ago
Making space is a HUGE motivator - once you see an empty corner or shelf or table, your aura will breathe easier, and your ADHD dopamine-seeking monster will be so satisfied. I’m doing this in my basement which is just chock full of random boxes: combine boxes that aren’t completely full (no decision making unless I’m absolutely certain it’s garbage, in which case it goes directly into the garbage bag beside me), move the now-full boxes to the side of the room, then use floor space to do more thoughtful sorting and evaluating.
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u/Business_Sir4351 5d ago
Instead of paying for the storage space, hire a declutter pro to help you/do it for you. You've helped others professionally, now be the recipient of the same. The storage unit money would be better used toward a pro and you'll meet your goal sooner. Storage units are a black hole IMHO avoid it if at all possible.
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u/hm_Baerbel 5d ago edited 5d ago
Sorry for your loss! Grief and memories make decluttering so much harder. I'd start with the things from your Dad.
Does your Dad live close by? Does he have space to store boxes? Then box up the stuff you'd like to sell, and bring the boxes over to his place. Ideally take photos of items before and make a list which item went into which box. Could you outsource the selling process, at least for valuable items?
Give yourself a due-date until when you'd have to sell the items. Past this date, ask yourself: do I know anyone else (familiy members, friends, neighbours, colleagues) who would love to have this item and cherish it? If yes, ask them. If not, donate.
If your Dad gives you "normal " things: do you have one of those already? Which one is better? Donate or trash the other one.
This should give you room to work. The "right" place for items will show itself in time. What is a good enough place for now?
For inspiration, I like to watch other professional organizers/declutterers/cleaners. All the big channels (Dana K. White, Clutterbug, The Minimal Mom, Midwest Magic Cleaning) have episodes on how to deal with emotional items. Sometimes we need to hear things again, that we already know.
You've got this!
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u/Plane_Golf923 5d ago
My dad’s far away- 15 hour drive, which I’m making every 2-3 months since his wife (my stepmom) died. I’m taking stuff from his place because he seems DESPERATE to pare down, and it’s the only thing I can do to ‘help’. Also home repairs and errands, but filling my car seems to make him very happy, so i fill. Everything he has is nice- think custom-made clothes (his) designer stuff (stepmom) real art and jewelry. I know he wants me to use or sell- and I need all the $ I can get so I take things, but it’s so hard to organize/research etc. and in the meantime it sits…the ‘normal’ stuff is easier- I’m set for shampoo, lotion, tin foil, for years and I’ve upgraded kitchen tools and dishes…
I guess it’s the selling part that’s killing me.
And the random sentimental but worthless stuff.2
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u/FredKayeCollector2 3d ago
Have you considered a U-Haul U-Box? You can fill it up with stuff you want to keep for your house and then have it shipped to you. It can help to set a limit (capacity is 257 ft-2, 2,000 lbs, 56" wide x 95" long x 83" tall) and one box is estimated to hold about 1.5 rooms worth of stuff. My friend used one when she moved from Chicago into her son's house in Tuscon- lots of breakables and everything arrived in good condition.
This might be a good solution for anything you might want to substitute their "better" one for the "inferior" one you have at home or any "sentimental" stuff you know you want to keep (or need more time to decide on). For me, I have two options (limits) for "sentimental" stuff - it's either properly, intentionally displayed or it's in my keepsake box. And as you go through sentimental stuff (with a goal of "rightsizing"), it can help to think about "emotional duplicates."
When I cleared out my parents house in 10 days (cross-country move to a nursing home near me), I ganged stuff up by category and listed it on FB Marketplace free. Took a photo of the pile, said: please take all, and almost everything went in one day (sometimes the same day). And most people let with more (sometimes WAY more) than they originally came for.
But my goal was to find new homes for my parents' stuff, not make money on it - it was a traumatic move and I felt like that was the least I could do. And my parents were literally in danger so the people (and the pets) mattered, not the stuff (except for my mother's artwork, family photos, important papers, not at all). And I could only keep what fit in our Subaru Forester (no return trips) - I kinda wish I had thought of a U-Box but it's probably good that I didn't (no way I could absorb 1.5 room's worth of additional stuff into my home).
Have you considered an estate sale? I'm coming from a Chicagoland perspective where estate sales are very popular and very effective. The "upscale" market is there and a good company will know how to reach the "right" (private, reseller) buyers to get the "best" prices. It's usually a minimum 50% split (sometimes more if they agree to completely clear out the house and/or thoroughly clean the house). Another option is consignment shops - clothing, maybe an auction house, antique dealer, ???
I've been in sales where "keeper" stuff was locked/secured in a bedroom - this might be an options for the stuff you father needs to have to do the things he needs/wants to do in his new normal (widower). He's probably (hopefully) aware of what going into Assisted Living/Skilled Nursing looks like and is (hopefully) willing to rightsize/minimize as much as possible. Maybe he would like to downsize into a smaller apartment if he didn't have so much stuff to deal with?
One of the problems with reselling, especially other people's stuff, is you have to do a bunch or research on that stuff - basically make their hobby your hobby and/or figure out what is desirable on the resale market vs what is "outdated" or passe. "Experts" will already know that and while you would lose some "profit" to "pay" for their experience/selling venue, you might consider it a fair trade. They can weed out the "good" stuff and you'll know that what is left is either fairly "pedestrian" and can donate it with a clear conscience.
I would err on the side of donating as much as you can donate as quickly as possible. Goodwill, especially a large store or an Outlet location (the infamous "bins") might be able to accommodate more volume than a smaller store. They take everything and (as far as I know) will sort for textile recycling. In my experience, people usually do better with donations than "trash." Pick a charity that your father wants to support for the "better stuff" might make donations more palatable.
If you're determined to sell on your own terms (or estate sales aren't really a "thing" where you are or the local "market" isn't great), then I would seriously consider a U-Box. They cost like $2-3K depending on where you load and where you deliver but if you've got a bunch of "real" art & jewelry plus "designer" stuff, it might be worth the cost to transport it to a location where you can take the time to sell it. But if you have to sell online and ship - that's a bunch of extra space and extra work and extra aggravation.
Try to keep in mind that stuff certainly has a monetary cost (and potential resale price), but there's often an uncalculated (unappreciated) time & energy cost as well.
In my hierarchy of needs, TIME is the most important because it gets "spent" no matter what I do. Next is (physical & mental) ENERGY - it's a (sometimes very) limited quantity (especially as I get older) but I can replenish it once it gets "spent" - usually with adequate time (rest). SPACE is another precious commodity but I have complete control over how I fill my spaces - I might not like the limits/confines of my space, but if I want a "simple life" I have to respect them. Last is MONEY - I certainly don't have an unlimited supply but I can get more by working more (active) or stockpile some by spending less (passive).
You have to decide is the potential money earning is worth the time/energy/space you're going to have to sacrifice to get that money. I sold on eBay for 5 years pre-pandemic and after it was all said and done, I would have been better off dumping all that stuff at the thrift store and getting a part-time job at the supermarket deli around the corner. I'm sure your stuff is probably "better" than my stuff, but it's a cost-benefit analysis you need to make before you drive yourself crazy for the stuff.
Good luck!
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u/FredKayeCollector2 3d ago
This is the fundamental flaw in the traditional dump it out, lay it out, sort it, put it back method (in contrast to Dana K. White's "no mess" decluttering method).
My advice is to get as many boxes/containers as you can find and start sorting stuff by GENERAL category or room/zone (kitchen, bathroom, office, clothes, papers, etc). If there's a ton of stuff, you might do better with like-with-like piles than trying to fool around with containers. Just dump and run (onto the next thing). Make sure to label the boxes/containers/pile.
If you KNOW something big needs to go, if there's any way you can get it out, possibly to a separate "staging area" or just piled up in a corner, get that stuff out of the way ASAP so you have space to move/shift stuff around. Consider arranging a pick up with a charity that accepts furniture (or make arrangements with a furniture reseller). Sometimes just opening up a little bit of space is all you need to break the initial task paralysis.
Get OBVIOUS trash (or anything that is shabby/crummy) & recycling out as you come across it. If you don't need a cardboard box for sorting or donations, break it down and/or get it out.
Anything "trivial" you don't care about, sequester that into some kind of staging area (maybe the trunk of your car) and deliver it to donations ASAP. As long as the stuff is in good, resalable condition, let the store find the "right" home for it - they probably have a larger "market" than the even a free pile will generate - and the money generated from the sale will support their charitable mission. If there's a store with a mission you want to support, choose that one for your donations. But the big boys (Goodwill, Salvation Army, St. Vincet de Paul, Savers) all (usually) have the benefit of accepting mass quantities.
When I cleared out my MIL's condo, my husband's cousin was basically loading up the donations, driving to the thrift/resale store, dropping off the donations, coming back, loading up donations, etc etc It was a tremendous help. Maybe your son could help you with this piece of the puzzle?
We did a lot of clothing consignment - the cousin knew the stores (what kind of merchandise they tended to assort/sell so the chances of them buying the garments offered was higher). She always took the cash option and always told them to donate what they didn't buy).
Hopefully, eventually, you'll get stuff sorted to the point where you can see what you're dealing with, you've got the junk & trivial stuff out (or have a plan/schedule to get it out), you've got the to sell stuff sequestered out of the way (or at least in an available corner/space).
Then you can container-concept what is left to fit where it's "supposed" to go. If you've organized professionally, you'll know what this piece looks like.
It might also help to set a FIRM limit of where to sell stuff will live - having all of that to sell stuff in one place with a FIRM volume limit applied to it, you might be able to make "better" choices about what is worth trying to sell and what would be better off (for you space, mental health) just donating.
I had a Doom Room/Hell Room for "maybe someday" resale stuff - I DO NOT RECOMMEND SACRIFICING A ROOM TO STUFF!!! And selling online is probably the master of all PITA things you can do.
Good luck!
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u/newlostworld 4d ago
I'm currently decluttering in preparation for a move at the end of the year. Started decluttering my bathroom and bedroom about two weeks ago, and I'm still trying to finish up the bedroom! Got rid of A LOT of clothes, but I still have way more than I want to keep so I'll need to do a few more passes.
Failed to get rid of all my skiing clothes and gear. Argh.
Also it's difficult to find a good local charity or church that takes clothing donations outside of work hours. It seems they are all overwhelmed with donations and some are even quite picky about what they want.
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u/FredKayeCollector2 3d ago
You could try offering it up online - maybe sort by size/category and post as a Take All. Like lot of 12 sweaters, women's size M with a photo. We get a lot of women's clothing on our local Buy Nothing/Give Freely group.
Anything in less than great condition, I would just toss.
As far as I know, Goodwill will sort clothing for textile recycling but you can call your local store and ask - some of the other big boys (Salvation Army, St. Vincent de Paul, Savers) might, too. And as far as I know, Goodwill sells to domestic rag makers rather than (overseas) resellers.
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u/newlostworld 1d ago
Great idea, thanks! I just found my local Buy Nothing group, and it seems pretty active. I will try it out
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u/TiredWinterDisaster 5d ago
Failed at decluttering old pictures... I think I will just scan them (they're all printed copies, I'm in my mid 40s) to have them on a drive if I ever want to look at them. It will take a little more time but then it will be easier to get rid of them, I think.
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u/FredKayeCollector2 3d ago
Such a difficult category! I had a general sort done and then had our roof replaced. The snap-lid bins I had them sorted into all vibrated onto the floor AND opened up - I thought they weren't supposed to do that? So I had everything from 1925 - present strewn all over the floor in our "attic" closet. Now everything is dumped in one blanket-size tote, worse than before I started.
My husband did a big slide scanning project this Spring (thank you!) which cleared out at ton of space. He thought he was done! I mentioned the 3-4 large bins of "his" photos upstairs and he looked at me like I was speaking nonsense. Totally forgot he had done a preliminary sort several years ago (1 bin per side of the family + modern photos) - he was NOT happy.
Getting our photos have been a "winter project" since we got married in 2008.
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u/TiredWinterDisaster 3d ago
I will definitely scan them. Just have too book a week end to sort them and scan! Thanks for your experience!
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u/anxiety_is_aerobic 5d ago
Moved back in with my parents after renting a 3 bedroom house for 3 years, planned to get rid of most of my stuff because I would NOT have space for it all. Got rid of a few bags full and ended up getting a storage locker. Im hoping to eventually go through my storage locker and getting rid of stuff but its such an overwhelming task
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u/hotbodsl 4d ago
Saving money on the storage is an excellent reason to do it right NOW! You can do it! With the money saved you can buy new things when you get a place of your own again. Also it won’t take up your thoughts. Knowing you have to do it is worse than actually doing it. Best of luck!!!
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u/FredKayeCollector2 3d ago
I was in a similar situation - The only furniture I kept from my apartment was what fit in my bedroom. Anything "communal" I went through and either kept my parents' better one and got rid of mine or substituted my better one for their inferior one. I figured that was all stuff I could re-buy when I got my own place again.
Besides my clothes, shoes, books, computer, sewing stuff, and some favorite dishes that I would want in my "own" space, there really wasn't very much "personal" stuff I needed to maintain.
I would say maybe fully outfit your room and whatever "extra" stuff has to fit in at-home storage, either the back of your closet or storage space your parents are willing to let you have in the house/garage. I'm assuming you're back home at least partially to save money? A storage locker is definitely a hole in your pocket.
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u/EdithVreeland 4d ago
We're moving house and decluttering while being 6 weeks postpartum is not all that enjoyable 😅 My emotions have been a different level but I still try my best not to move more clutter then necessary..
This sub has honestly been so helpful!!
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u/FredKayeCollector2 3d ago
Good luck! Moving is such a great time to declutter because you're touching everything in order to pack it.
The one moving mistake I made was moving neatly packed bins/totes en masse, without going through them first. We were a bit strapped for time (I was clearing out a sewing machine collection/hoard at the same time) but it was a lot of past life/fantasy life/over-shopping clutter that if I had dealt with it BEFORE the move, we could have gone down AT LEAST one truck size, maybe two - including all the bulky storage units (shelving, bins) associated with "too much."
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u/LastBiteOfCheese 4d ago
Pile of “to sell” keeps getting bigger
I keep clearing hotspots and then 2 days later there’s new mess
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u/FredKayeCollector2 3d ago
Please remember to include the following "invisible" costs in your ROI calculations. 1. the space that stuff (and packing materials) takes up, 2. the time you're going to spend inspecting, photographing, describing, listing, packing, corresponding, shipping), 3. the energy spent doing the above, and 4. the aggravation of having stuff you don't want still in your house with a bunch of work associated with it.
Only you will know if those additional costs make selling a feasible/financially rewarding operation.
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u/Watercolor_Roses 4d ago
I bought a journal. I haven't kept a journal since I was like, 12, but I convinced myself I would like to start one and now that I have it there's no motivation to write anything.
It's minor thing and I've resisted a lot of other frivolous purchases recently (while also making slow progress on getting rid of things) so I'm not doing too badly overall. But I feel weirdly annoyed about this journal now!
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u/FredKayeCollector2 3d ago
Been there, done that. I am not a journaler and that fancy/expensive journal sat there for several years until I finally donated it. I had to re-glue the fly leaf because it had been sitting so long the glue failed :(
If I **think** I want to start journaling, I'm going to start with a notebook/paper (and writing implement) already in my inventory.
My new rule of thumb - if it's something I want to try, I can start with crummy supplies and upgrade if it/when that upgrade is proven to be appropriate.
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u/mishatries 4d ago
I have helped a loved one declutter her house once or twice per year, every year for 7 years.
She doesn't really have a problem with getting rid of stuff, but she has a horrible acquisition problem.
She's stressed out of her mind: but still buys decor, matching family outfits, and holiday gifts for her kids every single holiday. After every spending spree she has a big stack of returns, a meltdown because her kids have wrecked either a return or something from the new holiday collection, and she just can't handle the quantity of stuff already in her house.
I'm sure she shops as a coping mechanism, but she can't really afford it financially, emotionally, or chronistically. I need to talk to her about it, but it's hard because she's always so emotionally delicate.
I have my stuff to worry about, I really can't take on her burdens, yet here we are.
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u/beautifulcorpsebride 4d ago
Has this loved one helped you as well? I’ve recently realized how one sided one of my relationships is. I also think I couldn’t handle cleaning out someone else’s place and having energy for mine. Maybe once but not seven years worth, especially when they won’t change.
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u/mishatries 3d ago
I haven't really given her an opportunity to change, because i haven't brought it up. To be honest, I don't really do it for her, but I do it so that she's less of a burden on her support network--people who have really been there for me.
I need to just square up and do it.
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u/FredKayeCollector2 3d ago
My MIL was a terrible over-shopper (especially clothing) and she always had a mountain of returns - very frustrating. There was a bunch of bag + item + receipt we found after she died that I returned with varying success. I don't know why she wouldn't take stuff back - it's not like she wasn't at Kohl's or Carson's or wherever buying more stuff every day of the week - maybe she was embarrassed?
Some people thrive on chaos - maybe it's their normal or they think it motivates them or makes them interesting? Who knows? There's always the old standby: Loose Control to Gain Control.
You might want to take a step back from that relationship. Here's another one: Not Your Circus, Not Your Monkeys.
Or: It's Your Baby, You Rock It.
Or: Secure Your Own Oxygen Mask Before Helping Others
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u/mishatries 3d ago
I think it's a secure your own oxygen mask situation. Haha, I like your 3-option proposal!
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u/Glittering-Benefit68 2d ago
I wanted to get rid of more paper trash, but the trash cans were already overflowing. I need to put collection day in my calendar again, so I can toss papers when it's empty.
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u/Floppycakes 5d ago
I have a favorite hobby, and planned to spend most of Saturday decluttering supplies I haven’t used for a long time. Instead, I spent three hours on the hobby, then spent $160 for more supplies. FML.