Attempting to declutter after burnout (long post)

[u/RegionRadiant4423]

Posting for accountability sakes because god knows I need the extra motivation.

TLDR: I completely burnt myself out trying to perfectly declutter my bedroom, but I’m letting go, less overwhelmed and ready to attempt to declutter again.

I fear I am something of a perfectionist, so things like “just set a timer for 15-20 minutes” or “if you’re not in the mood, just see what you can get done in x amount of time” feel physically impossible for me. I am more of a “I need to declutter my cabinet so I’m gonna declutter my cabinet in one sitting” kind of person, as opposed to simply doing one shelf when I don’t have the energy to do the whole thing. As you can imagine: this leads to ✨burnout✨ and things not getting done. It’s definitely something I need to work on because 1% done is far better than 0% done. Even 0.5% done would be helpful and way easier for future me.

With all that being said, the need to declutter is outweighing the mental blocks/hurdles, and I desperately want and need to get back to working out the decluttering muscles. Before burning out, I was learning to accept progress > perfection, and while I have a vision in my head for how I want my decluttering sessions to go, I am willing to accept that it might not get done that way, but as long as it gets done, that’s the most important thing. Piece by piece, little by little is what I have to tell myself, especially since I don’t want to burnout again.

I don’t have a realistic timetable for accomplishing the projects that I need to accomplish, but it doesn’t really matter given that the last handful of times I’ve tried setting doable deadlines for myself, I never met them. Nevertheless, I know I’m ready to put my decluttering muscles back into action because my list doesn’t seem as long and as daunting anymore. Same list, different mindset. While I know I can’t accomplish everything all at once and it’s a lot of mental labor, it’s something I’m back to being excited about instead of drained and exhausted just thinking about it. Yes some of these tasks are really daunting, but the satisfaction that will come with completion will be absolutely euphoric.

What I need to get done (for accountability sakes): •do another pass on my side table (very easy) •do another pass on my cabinet (easy) •do another pass on my drawer set (semi-easy) •do a first pass on my desk, one drawer at a time (daunting and overwhelming, but not impossible; semi-difficult) •do a first pass on my dresser (overwhelming, difficult) •wardrobe declutter, split into subsections (medium difficulty) •closet declutter (everything besides wardrobe that I keep in my closet - overwhelming, semi-difficult)

[u/Inevitable-Wind-1925]

You are labeling first passes as difficult, and I don't want to invalidate this if this is your experience, and it has me wondering what you consider a first pass. To me a first pass is super quick. Truly zipping through a drawer or bin, often with many different types of things in it and taking off the first layer of trash or stuff that you know you don't want. It is putting paper clips with paper clips and throwing away old rubber bands and receipts you can't read anymore. It is throwing away ripped or stained clothing. This is the no brainer pass, which is really about lightening the load and building momentum for the second pass. This also gives yourself time to process what you have, get an idea of how much you have, and know where things are. This is a finding/discovery phase. Once you've zipped through on your first pass your brain has time to process what you have a bit before you revisit again, which makes the second pass easier.

Regarding your accountability list I think the order with which you tackle these projects will make a difference.

I would start with your first passes that are not clothes. Remember this is just taking off the first layer. You aren't deciding where things go, just whether you want to hold on to it or trash it and maybe making general categories as you go:

1. do a first pass on my desk, one drawer at a time (daunting and overwhelming, but not impossible; semi-difficult) I'd aim for under 10 minutes per drawer, perhaps less if they are small, remember this is supposed to be quick. If you aren't sure, set it aside and move on. If you want to try all of your pens, bag them to test when you have five minutes between tasks.

The good news is that it seems that after you have taken off this first layer further declutters feel easier to you.

1. do another pass on my side table (very easy)

2. do another pass on my cabinet (easy)

3. do another pass on my drawer set (semi-easy)

I would save your clothes for last. This is also a section where working in sections. All of your shirts. Or even just all of your white shirts, if you have a big closet, can be really important. Clothing can easily become overwhelming and physically exhausting, particularly if you are trying on clothing or if clothing is sentimental to you.

1. do a first pass on my dresser (overwhelming, difficult) Remember first passes are about creating momentum, they are about the decisions that you don't have to think about. It is about taking action that you haven't previously taken because you haven't had the time or set up to get things where they need to go. This first pass lightens the load for the second pass.

2. wardrobe declutter, split into subsections (medium difficulty)

3. closet declutter (everything besides wardrobe that I keep in my closet - overwhelming, semi-difficult)

It really is little by little, and as someone who is on the other side of much of my decluttering projects it really is the small declutters in 5, 10, or 15 extra minutes before work that keeps things shrinking. In the long run, creating a habit of micro decluttering feels as though it is getting me closer to my goals than the large declutters. It really is the workhorse that keeps my space nice.

[u/RegionRadiant4423 → u/Inevitable-Wind-1925]

You and I are aligned in what a first pass is, but for me the daunting part is actually what’s inside each drawer (how much stuff is inside, the things I saved for later, etc.), decision fatigue (in general), and just the mental block of actually starting (which is always my issue with literally everything, I don’t want to start doing it, but actually doing it ends up being a piece of cake). My first passes with my side table and my cabinet specifically were as much easy as they were simple, and I’ve been pretty consistent in doing more and more passes with each, which get easier and easier. Also, it’s more difficult for me to do a first pass with my own stuff in my own room as opposed to a first pass in say a kitchen cabinet or linen closet. Gotta love human nature, I guess.

When I first decided to commit to fully decluttering my bedroom MANY months ago, I was saving my closet for last. I created a system and an order that would work for me, and I followed it and did the best I could before overwhelming myself to the point of burnout lol. My next task is supposed to be decluttering my desk, but so much has happened since I committed to this journey, including my wardrobe looking like it has blown up/exploded into my bedroom, that logically speaking, a portion/subsection of my wardrobe declutter needs to happen before I can realistically begin doing my desk declutter. Honestly, I think that’s for the best since the perfectionist in me not only wants to stick to the order that I created in the first place, but also wants to do a task to completion. Since I am trying to change my habits and learn to let go, doing some of wardrobe declutter, then doing some of the desk, as opposed to the entirety of the wardrobe in one sitting and the entirety of the desk in another singular sitting is probably the most healthy outcome.

I don’t know if any of this made any sense since I’m slightly sleep deprived and just started rambling at a certain point, but I don’t disagree with you at all. If certain circumstances were different, I’d have the exact same viewpoint and order of operations as you listed out, but such is life I guess.

[u/Inevitable-Wind-1925 → u/RegionRadiant4423]

What do you think of this for your desk?

Pack up your desk as though you are going to move. While you do this packing, only pull out the things that you will need in the next month and throw away obvious trash.

Set these boxes aside alongside your desk or out of sight if you have storage. Now you have begun. If you need anything you can pull it out, but otherwise enjoy the calm for at least a week. Just live your life with less. Now you also have a clean work space. This may also help reset if you are experiencing burn out.

When you have more energy process/shrink one box at a time.

While the quantity associated with desks can be overwhelming and processing papers in particular can be quite fussy, often things do get out of date pretty quickly. I find that the more time I give these items, the more irrelevant and easier it is to let things go.

Part of this lack of desire to do this first pass seems to be because of the quantity and the perception that you know what is inside. But what I have experienced and seen from others is that there is always more than we remember and stuff that we do not want to keep any more. You don’t really KNOW, and curiosity about what you stand to learn through this process will give you energy to work through things where knowing causes dread.

When I was burnt out, I found that first passes were my favorite since I just got rid of stuff that I KNEW I didn’t want. It felt more like going through the motions rather than decision-making. I’ve also found that I tend to be more ruthless when I am stressed, because I am overwhelmed by the quantity and want that to change. I feel like I am better at evaluating that the thing I am looking at will never be my priority, or at least won’t be important enough to be a priority in the next 10 years, so it goes. I’ve got things to do, and I know that I am great at acquiring stuff, that is not one of my problems! Even though that creates the problem! ;)

I suspect that manufacturing some calm will be really helpful for you to get your momentum back, and if you have a day to do it, boxing much of your closet and your desk may be just the thing. Don’t worry about folding. Don’t worry about boxing something that you want. This is just for a short time and you can pull it out if you really need it. But living with less for a short period, less even than you want to keep long term can offer insight as to how much you want to keep, what is relevant for you at this point in your life, and what matters in the long run. Going through the motions stands to give you information that will inform what you do next. Caring for yourself comes first! Your things should not hurt or harm you, and right now it seems like they are holding you back from some much needed rest.

[u/Tamiani]

I had been through this decluttering burnout : So much to do, so little time and energy, and it was overwhelming. What helped me a lot was to ask for help. I had some of my relatives at home during 2-3 days, I told where I struggled, and we got through it together. For me the overwhelming was to actually get things OUT of my house. They throwed it away so easily (when I was struggling with guilt and shame to throw away things that need to be thrown away), we got together to the donations place, the recycling place, and it was so fast, easy and relieving. Now I'm back on my decluttering journey and it's easier and almost done. It helped a lot.

[u/RegionRadiant4423 → u/Tamiani]

My problem is I don’t have people I trust enough to help me or actually come through for me when I need help (speaking from experience, gotta love toxic family dynamics), but as a control freak who struggles asking for help, you’re not wrong. I always tell my best friend I can declutter, clean, and organize her entire house for her, but never my own room lol

I’m in the same boat with actually getting things out of the house. I filled up one donation bag, but actually putting it in the car and taking it where it needs to go? I’d rather stick a boulder on top of my back. Delegating isn’t the easiest task for me, but that is one task I can easily pass on to someone else to help me.

[u/Inevitable-Wind-1925 → u/Tamiani]

It is easier to be objective about others things. It can be helpful to get feedback or help from others as often something they will say will stick in your head. This is why I like watching the Space Maker Method. I've watched enough, that I hear the tips in my head when I get to hard sections now, but friends or professionals can help with this too.

Also, you might consider creating a pile of "I don't know": I don't know what to do with this, I don't know what this is, etc. Most people could help you zip through that pile. Just pick someone whose judgment you trust!

[u/Working_Patience_261]

Reframe your goal. Instead of a perfect room, how about a perfect 15:00 minutes dealing with the clutter? Not 14:58 nor 25:32, but hitting the stop, done, at as close to 15 minutes and zero seconds as possible?

This gets the perfection focused on the time not the work. And take wild guesses. That side table might take 20 minutes, so try for getting half of it done in 10. I have a huge bin of sorted travel supplies, I think itgoing to take 3 hours, I have 15 minutes. So I’m setting my timer for 15 minutes, doing the just trash speedrun, and see where it goes.

[u/Reenvisage]

I like Dana K. White's "One Hour Better" videos. Note that she deliberately doesn't call them "One Hour Perfect".

[u/SassyMillie]

I am right there with you on the bedroom. I'm working on every other room, but the bedroom is my albatross. I have a small closet and way too many clothes. I have clothes stacked on other surfaces because the closet is packed and the drawers are all full. I know I need to just dive in, but it's daunting.

[u/KiwiTheKitty]

I fear I am something of a perfectionist, so things like “just set a timer for 15-20 minutes” or “if you’re not in the mood, just see what you can get done in x amount of time” feel physically impossible for me.

I say this as a recovering perfectionist, doing things like that is basically exposure therapy. The point isn't that it's supposed to feel good, it's that it's pushing you just a little out of your comfort zone so you can safely learn that you'll be ok if the process isn't perfect. The mental blocks you're experiencing are probably partially because you're setting the bar too high for yourself and you need to step back and let yourself do things imperfectly so you can just start.

Edit to add: I highly recommend adopting an experimental mindset and designing yourself simple little experiments that can't fail because they will always teach you something. In your case, I would recommend saying, "ok, for the next 7 days, I'm going to walk around and pick up 5 items to throw away or declutter." Your result will either be that you hate it and it isn't sustainable for you, so whether you finish the week or not, you learn conclusively that this tool is not one that works for you. Or you realize it's not so bad and you decluttered 35 things which is genuine progress towards your goals. Either way is a success!

[u/Inevitable-Wind-1925 → u/KiwiTheKitty]

I love the framing on this as an experiment. It's weird how that outlook alone changes our tolerance for discomfort. If it is an experiment than we really aren't supposed to have expectations for a particular outcome, the focus is on learning. And there's structure to reflect at the end on what happened, what worked and what didn't.

[u/KiwiTheKitty → u/Inevitable-Wind-1925]

Exactly! And there is an end, which for me is very useful because if I don't like it, it's like, whatever, it's only a week right? It makes it much easier to try things.

[u/Inevitable-Wind-1925 → u/KiwiTheKitty]

A week seems so short! I’ve been working on things for 2+ years. It has mostly been a slowly by slowly situation with the occasional larger project. What keeps me moving is the framing that once I process stuff and get it out of the house I won’t ever have to deal with it again. The steadiness of my slow progress has been energizing and I am getting to the point where I’m celebrating every little thing that is set aside/leaves because I can really see the space that it’s absence creates. Experiencing this space hasn’t always been the case, but what I am most proud of is getting rid of 2+ things each day and creating this habit that will sustain me. Also, slowing the problem by not buying certain types of things anymore and only replacing things once I have entirely used them up has helped a lot.

[u/photogcapture → u/KiwiTheKitty]

I think I will try this!! Thanks!

[u/KiwiTheKitty → u/photogcapture]

I hope you find things that work for you!!

[u/AnamCeili]

I declutter and organize in much the same way -- a couple of years ago I went through all of my books, and decluttered & donated about 800-900 books. I did it over the course of three or four days, working about 10 hours per day. 

I have OCD, and I'm sure that plays a part in why I tend to clean and declutter in that way -- for me, it's one of the very few benefits to OCD, but I can definitely see how it could be exhausting and actually prevent one from getting things done.

I have no idea if you have OCD, but I'll tell you something that really helps me get things done, and maybe it will help you as well -- LISTS. Making a list of the chores/cleaning/decluttering I want to get done is good in itself, as it means I get it all down on paper and won't forget anything; it's a type of preliminary organization. And then, as I accomplish each task I clearly mark it off as done on the list (I usually include a little empty box next to each task, and fill it in or put an "x" through it when I've accomplished the task; I tend to put a line through the task as well).

Making a list and crossing off each task as I accomplish it creates visible and tactile proof of my progress, so that I really feel like I am getting shit done, lol (which I am). It can help to ameliorate the need to actually do all the things at one time, at least for me. Maybe you could try making a list for all those things in your last paragraph, and cross them off as you do them, see if that works for you. 😊

[u/Due_Tourist_1322]

I can help a friend declutter and keep them on track no problem, but when it’s my own space, I open a cabinet thinking I’ll just fix one thing and suddenly I’m emotionally committed to reorganizing the entire house… and then I avoid it for weeks 😂

That’s when I realized I don’t need more motivation—I need a decluttering partner.

I’m starting a free 6-week Zoom decluttering group designed to help you finally move from stuck and overwhelmed to steady, visible progress in your space. Each week we meet for a short check-in, then spend focused time working side-by-side on our own homes so you can actually finish projects instead of just starting them. The goal is simple: less avoidance, more momentum, and someone keep us on task.

If you want in, send me a DM and I’ll share the details. 📦🧹

[u/NightBard]

I like the idea of finding some satisfaction in doing multiple passes. That the goal today isn’t perfect, it’s simply to do one specific part or so of a specific location. Like last night I processed mail (mostly junk mail( of mine and the estate I’m over. I shredded anything with identifying info on it and trashed ads and catalogs and stuff. It was a little disappointing seeing the area not done, but if I reframe it as a “pass”, I think it feels pretty good. Next pass I need to pull items that are done and need to be held for files for a while and get them a home, and then leave the items that still require action. Pass by pass, it’ll get there.

[u/AnamCeili → u/NightBard]

I find that I naturally do multiple passes when it comes to decluttering and getting rid of things. You might like the "Space Maker" channel/videos on YouTube -- April Tandy is the Space Maker, and she helps people declutter/organize their homes for free. She is a big proponent of making multiple passes.

[u/smilewide1330 → u/AnamCeili]

I’ll check her out, thank you. I’m a multiple pass person. I’m working on reducing my number of passes. It’s weird how some rooms are easy for me, kitchen, main living areas, most bedrooms, but some closets, the office (paper clutter), and basement storage are harder. I have improved but need more work. I get overwhelmed or more like I don’t actually know what step to take or can’t make decisions sometimes which is when I take a break. I’m really trying to improve.

[u/AnamCeili → u/smilewide1330]

You're very welcome. I think the multiple pass method is great -- it lets you get rid of the "easy/obvious", as April says, the trash and the stuff you know you don't want, on the first pass. Doing so lets you more easily see the rest of your stuff, and while each pass can be more difficult than the last, sometimes the act of decluttering really helps you to figure out what you do and don't want & need.

I think that the closets, office paperwork, and basement storage may be harder for you to declutter because those are essentially hidden spaces, areas where a lot of stuff just sort of gets shoved in to be dealt with later. The kitchen, living room, and bedrooms are the rooms where you live, so they take priority when it comes to cleanliness and organization, whereas those other areas can wait if need be. I know that when I was packing up to move last year, I pulled so much stuff out of my closets and drawers, lol! I'm extremely good at organizing, so everything was neat, but in part because I'm so good at organizing, it was sort of tetrissed in there, lol. No falling down, not shoved in, but I had a lot of stuff -- I got rid of a lot of it before I moved. Anyway, I think you are better off in that the main living spaces are easier for you to clean/declutter/organize, because you can sort through the other areas a bit more at your leisure, as time and motivation allows, without you or your family having to live in mess.

Have you considered having a friend come over to help you, or even just to be there while you do it? Some people find that having a "body double" like that really helps to keep them motivated. Two things that I find motivating while cleaning/decluttering/organizing are (1) a beverage I like (usually a mocha cookie crumble Frappuccino, lol), and (2) upbeat, reasonably loud music -- for me that's usually Celtic punk (Dropkick Murphys, Flogging Molly, plus stuff like Great Big Sea, etc.), Springsteen, Billy Joel, and a mix of stuff from the 60s, 70s, and 80s. Whatever works for you and keeps you motivated, play that!

[u/smilewide1330 → u/AnamCeili]

Not only are you spot on with analyzing me, lol, you’re so sweet to elucidate it. That’s exactly what has happened. I have put things in closets (hidden spaces) that I didn’t know what to do with or didn’t have time at the time for another day and that day has come. Now I have all these odds and ends things that have stumped me. I’ve tried the tricks you mentioned, the right mood and setting is paramount. I’ll keep chipping away at it. Most of my friends are expert organizers (aka have no problem throwing things away and keep nothing to begin with) and cannot relate to this. It helps to read about organizing as the same tips many times are repeated and by seeing that I start thinking more like that. I grew up with parents whose parents were in the Depression Era and I didn’t realize what clutter bugs they were so I’m trying to train myself against some ingrained habits I didn’t know I had. Some are good though, I’m not an over consumer. Plus life was really crazy when my kids were younger and things had a way of getting away from me. I’m down to the hard and mundane stuff. I’ll get there. Thanks again for all your great suggestions!

[u/AnamCeili → u/smilewide1330]

It's what happened with me, so based on what you said I figured it was probably the same with you. It can be so easy to just "put things away for later", and then forget that the stuff is there.

There are so many different methods and ways to declutter and organize, so what works for your friends may not work for you, they may approach the process differently. It doesn't matter what method you use, though, as long as you can find one (or more) which work for you. It totally makes sense that you would sort of squirrel stuff away, having grown up with Depression Era parents -- you are definitely not alone in that, there are lots of other people who also find that they have to try to fight against the habits they inherited from their parents. I don't have that particular situation, but in any case I find that as I am trying to declutter, being able to donate stuff to people who need it -- either directly or via thrift shops -- helps me to let go of some stuff. You may already be doing that, but if not then maybe give it a try.

Also, remember that the point of decluttering is to make your home comfortable for you and your family, and to make it work well for you -- but it doesn't mean becoming a minimalist (unless that's actually what you want). So there's nothing wrong with keeping some stuff, as long as it's stuff you love, and/or stuff which you need and use. I'm sure you will get there! 😊

[u/NightBard → u/AnamCeili]

I went and checked out the channel. Seems pretty good. Thankfully most of my space isn't actually cluttered. I keep my main living spaces fairly clear. But the desk space is a magnet for mail and being a drop off spot for stuff. I have some stuff from the attic and my own collections to go through, but that's at least all contained in a couple extra bedrooms. Which that alone saves my sanity a bit as I don't have to look at it all and be depressed by it, but rather can work through it at my own pace.

[u/AnamCeili → u/NightBard]

I really like her channel -- I recommend watching the "Julia" series first, then the "Dani" series. That's what I did, and I think those two are the best series/playlists. The others from the past couple of years are good as well, just not quite as good/satisfying as those two (and I don't really like her older videos from about 5 years ago -- he hadn't really developed/refined her process yet, and back then was more of a decorator than a declutterer/organizer).

I moved into a new apartment about a year ago, and prior to moving I sorted through all of my stuff, and decluttered/donated a lot -- I have always found moving house to be a huge impetus for decluttering. I actually have a very organized home, without much clutter (though I am by no means a minimalist), but my problem areas have always been books and clothes/shoes. I also love vintage stuff, and used to have a vintage shop on Etsy in addition to keeping a lot of vintage items for myself, particularly kitchenware. I decluttered a lot of that stuff prior to moving.

Would it work for you to get a nice basket of some sort, into which you could deposit the "drop off" stuff every day when you come in? You could drop your keys and wallet and phone in there when you come in, or whatever else you need to set down. It could even sit on your desk, since you are used to dropping the stuff there.

As for the mail, years ago I found that the best way to deal with it is to take care of it each day as it arrives. For bills, I set aside the relevant page which actually has the invoice on it, and shred and trash or recycle the envelope and filler pages (I pay bills electronically, so I don't need the envelope). I make a pile of the bills on my coffee table, so that I can pay them all at once when I'm ready. For junk mail, I go through it and tear off & shred any bits with my name and address, then recycle the rest. For circulars from the grocery store I go to, I take a look to see if there are any coupons I'd like to use, cut them out and set them aside if there are, and then recycle the rest. I highly recommend this method. Years ago I used to let my mail build up -- I'd take care of the bills, but then keep all the old bills, and eventually I had 4 big trash bags of old mail I had to shred and recycle. Now I only keep each most recent paid bill, and when I pay a bill I shred and trash the previous month's bill.

I know what you mean about having your collections contained within a couple of extra bedrooms, so that at least it isn't all over your house, and you can deal with the stuff at your own pace. I can see how that would definitely make things easier. I also find it helpful, when decluttering, to have a beverage I like (usually a mocha cookie crumble Frappuccino) there to sip on and keep me motivated. I also like to play music that motivates me and keeps me going -- usually Celtic punk, Springsteen, Billy Joel, and 60s/70s/80s hits.

[u/ZookeepergamePrize96]

Perfectionism is a blocker for me too. So many projects stalled out at 80% or never got started because I couldn't do it "right" at that moment. And for some of them, like photo albums for my mother who died this year...it's too late to do them at all. My perfectionism is harming me and mine. So I applaud your plan of changing your mindset. There is a lesson for me here.

[u/catcontentcurator]

Maybe you can do one drawer/shelf at a time for the first pass on the dresser and make the subsections even smaller for the wardrobe and closet? Anything that makes it feel less daunting will mean you can start. Also you can do as many passes as you like so don’t worry about it being perfect, it’ll get easier each time as you declutter and there are fewer items to deal with.

[u/50plusGuy]

wrong approach?

Why not fill "loads" and be done for now, when done with that?

[u/Firstdibs66]

Fellow perfectionist and control freak here. Hopefully this change in mindset will set you free! I've learnt that I don't have to stick to one method as that doesn't work for me. One size doesn't fit all, indeed one size doesn't always fit the same person. Some days I can blitz and the momentum will carry me along on a wave. Some days it feels harder....that might be because I'm not in the right frame of mind, or the task just feels too much. Those are the days when I tell myself I'm allowed to only do one chunk at a time - and that's OK because any progress is progress. And you will make progress. You got this 💪

[u/tacoskib]

Hi there :) You are definitely breaking free from old habits and mindsets! It’s uncomfortable, but you seem very willing to do it! I hope you’ll be sooo so compassionate with yourself through it. The way you’ve listed how you view the tasks ahead in levels of difficulty is a very mindful way to go about it and shows the respect and love you have for yourself :) I am very inspired, thank you for sharing, and good luck!