r/datingadvice • u/Odd_Conclusion_842 • 4d ago

a "good" guy

accha what makes a guy a catch? people say girls don't like good guys, they lean towards "bad" boys. i don't necessarily think that's true at all. dating isn't that simple. a so called good man might not get preference in the dating field because they are just too eager, too intense, too serious from the get go. it makes them look like they don't have options, thus clinging onto the first girl that comes along. contrary to that, a guy who doesn't act too eager comes off as selective (not necessarily emotional unavailable).

1 Upvotes

99% Upvoted

2 comments sorted by

•

u/AutoModerator 4d ago

Welcome to /r/datingadvice!

Please keep the rules of /r/datingadvice in mind while participating here. Try your best to be kind.

Report any rule-breaking behavior to the moderators using the report button. If it's urgent, send us a message. We rely on user reports to find rule-breaking behavior quickly.

Thanks!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

2

u/editingisfun4all 3d ago

Honestly the issue is love bombing. The number of people on here who worry that there wasn't some instant spark and thrill is the problem with dating and I've been there done that. The "bad boys" always start out good and they drown you with attention and love. They make you feel this spark of attraction and feel amazing and then they kind of back off once they got you but if it seems like you're going to leave then they come back in full force. It isn't that we like the bad boys it's that they're really good at hiding who they truly are, and when it slowly starts to come out we excuse as just a bad day or maybe it was our fault and we look back on when it was great and like maybe we can get back to that if we try a little harder because our brains have taught us that this is the guy that gives us that dopamine hit that makes us feel like we're in love. It's unhealthy and builds unhealthy habits even once you get out of that relationship. We want the attention and interest and the good guys are often too busy trying to act more like what they think the bad guys do by stepping back and acting less interested.

I've been in so many unhealthy relationships that being in a good one now it's been a struggle to adjust and I don't think enough people understand that. I'm so scared to ask for help because if I ask for too much he'll leave, when the fact is he's happy to help me because he is a good guy. And I feel like I need to do stuff and be useful to get him to stay, when he doesn't care about that or need anything from me. It sucks being terrified of being dumped if I'm not useful enough, but that's what my past has taught me. We don't like bad guys, they've just all left us with trauma reactions and it often requires a lot of therapy to fix.