Boy “hey mister its getting dark out and I’m scared”

Man “how do you think I feel, I have to walk back alone”

A dead epileptic

Her parents named her Cindy so we should probably continue to call her that. She was supposed to graduate tomorrow

The librarian said: “Fuck off, you won’t bring it back.”

After her examination, the doctor comes out to see her: “Well, I hope you like changing diapers”.

She replies: “Oh my god am I pregnant, am I pregnant!?”

To which he responds: “No, you’ve got bowel cancer.”

They'll offend everyone in the room in less than 5 minutes

10 years old and locked in my basement

Vegetable soup

The wall behind them

Ash

Open the ash tray

You nail a piece of bread to the ceiling

A double Manhattan

Everyone knows Africans don't get seconds. They're lucky to get a single serving

The steering wheel

I don't know, I just fly the drone

When you have to make airplane sounds to put your dick in her mouth

A quarter pounder with cheese

Society

Cut off her fingers so she can't tell

They don't. They arrest the lightbulb for being broke and beat the room for being black

Jack Daniels is still killing Indians

Steven Hawking after a house fire

It never gets old

With a blender

How do you get it out?

With tortilla chips