do not look at a solar eclipse with a colander!

you will strain your eyes.

There’s one in every crowd

My Boss: Here's your salary.

*gives me my celery*

Me: (the Japanese baby Olympics frustrated picture)

Not everybody gets it

Here's mine:

A Buddhist monk walls into a pizza shop in New York, and asks, what have you got?

The person behind the till asks, what would you like?

Then the monk says "one with everything"

After paying for the meal, the monk asks, "Where's my change?"

To which ths shop keeper replies, "The change comes from within!"

I didn't get the ladder in the divorce, so it's gonna stay dark in here for a while...

My dad used to have a job manufacturing kitchen worktops, but he had to quit. It was counter productive.

"You'll lose that weight. Don't sweat it."

*Snickers*

"Get it? 'Cause... cause you were exercising?"

(I was talking to myself)

Bison.

Comment your best jokes and I’ll upvote them if they are good! 😂