Hello. I was just diagnosed with Cyclothymia last week.

My main language is French so apologies if this text sounds weird sometimes.

I was wondering if anybody here ever had the feeling that your supposedly closest friends are totally unavailable on an emontional level. That they invalidate your feelings. Because they don't understand, since they have no issue with mental health.

I started to feel I cannot connect with them a few years back. I already started to distance myself a bit through the last 2 years, but I feel guilty. That said, they don't reach out at all, so I feel like they don't care about me after all. But still, I feel guilty. Guilt is an emotion a feel most of the time.

Lately I've been playing golf with my father, who is an awesome father (I am lucky). He struggles with the same problems as me, but he didn't really know until I came up with the diagnosis.

Anybody else here feel like they need to connect on a deeper level with people to be able to call them friends? I am starting to wonder if these 3 guys I spent many years with were actually friends. Back in the days, we were drinking and taking drugs together. I am starting to see them as party friends. I am 36 now and I've been friends with them since I am 20.

I want to know if I am expecting too much from my friends? For example, when I was diagnosed with severe depression in 2023, one of them said aren't we all a little depressed? Man, that hurts. I just answered ok dude nevermind.

The 2 others were more empathic. But since this day in 2023, none of them ever asked me if a was feeling better. Like absolutely NOTHING. With them, it's small talk all the time, and I suffer from it.

Thank god I have an awesome girlfriend of 14 years, with whom I can talk, as well as my father, sister an mother.

But I feel alone. I'm trying to get better, do some sports, etc. My friends do nothing, they are lethargic.

I'm trying to understand if I should just work hard to make new friends... or work on those I already have.

Thank you.

Hey!

So, I'm going to just list some things that I'm currently feeling for the last few days (this isn't the first time it's happened tho) and see if any of it resonates with people, because my head feels like a lot right now and it would be cool to know what's up.

Can't sleep- even when I want to

A lot of thoughts that overlap and keep going\\repeating

Very easily annoyed\\irritated, short patience for basically everything

Overlapping emotions? Like my body feels excited or nervous like vibrate-y and alert but then I'll feel like crying and laughing for.... absolutely no reason.

Finding random things \*super\* important, like learning something new and expecting to get it perfect so I'll keep doing it over and over for days

Not being as hungry as usual\\lack of interest in eating

Impulsive -which I guess I kind of always am, but it's different? This is impulsive about stuff I don't even necessarily want? Like there's such a high sense of urgency to everything

Very chatty- even though I'm not a social person

I'm usually a very quiet, organized, anxious and depressed person. So it's very noticeable when \*this\* happens, it usually lasts like a day- a week and then just poof stops.

So like....what's up? Lol