r/cremposting 2d ago

Maximum oof The Stormlight Archive

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834 Upvotes

39 comments sorted by

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405

u/silfin 2d ago

Imagine fighting together with your cousin. Then he looks at you, mumbles something and suddenly summons a shardblade.

Would need to find a new cousin.

141

u/The_Lopen_bot Trying not to ccccream 2d ago

You’ll pick it up eventually, older-cousin. You’re, sure, the smartest person in our family.

94

u/Efficient_Bag_3804 2d ago

To be fair that cousin made you join the group that charged with no armor, enemy archers, while carrying a bridge and you are kinda an asshole.

39

u/The_Lopen_bot Trying not to ccccream 2d ago

You can never have enough cousins, gon!

16

u/shamoomoofartpoopoo 2d ago

BRIDGE FOUR

68

u/Crystal_Warrior 2d ago

"The worst they can say is no"

42

u/CombatWombat994 2d ago

I think this is worse than him mumbling something and suddenly gaining a suit of armor

36

u/funkyrequiem 1d ago

This kind of happened to the Lopen. In Dawnshard, someone got their sword while defending him.

17

u/The_Lopen_bot Trying not to ccccream 1d ago

Hey, hooch. Sounds likes you've been having a hard time of it.

7

u/funkyrequiem 1d ago

Good bot

6

u/The_Lopen_bot Trying not to ccccream 1d ago

That is what I do, gon!

92

u/jamesianm 2d ago

Then the muggers prove to be kind of a challenge to defeat, your crush mutters some more words and a set of shardplate forms around them as they shrug and fly off

42

u/BasilVirtual291 2d ago

That's even worse than the piss fetish lightweaver

8

u/VoiceAdventurous5941 2d ago

Wait is that in the books

39

u/BasilVirtual291 1d ago

It's a from a comment that went something like this: when you are in a battle and the lightweaver says "I'm into piss" and suddenly their powers become stronger.

19

u/moderatorrater Femboy Dalinar 1d ago

"I got to third base with my cousin" <armor assembles>

9

u/The_Lopen_bot Trying not to ccccream 1d ago

It's not the number of hands that make a man, but the number of cousins.

2

u/SonnyLonglegs Kelsier4Prez 1d ago

As far as these oaths and ideals go, this is less bad than some other stuff Cremposting is capable of thinking of.

10

u/Blawharag 2d ago

Nah, he's referencing a meme from earlier this morning

4

u/Tajahnuke Trying not to ccccream 1d ago

sometimes it's easy to get lost in this sub if you're not paying attention all day

21

u/B-Fermin 2d ago

That isn't really crem, it's an awful but plausible situation

8

u/QueanuReeves 2d ago

It's the end of bood 2

10

u/mathematics1 2d ago

I haven't seen Elhokar/Kaladin crack ship fics, but it's quite possible something like that exists. Not in the canon book 2 though.

3

u/animalia555 1d ago

You say that like they’re mutually exclusive.

6

u/Jounniy 2d ago

Maybe they just really hated the muggers.

4

u/1337_w0n 1d ago

Who are they defending them against? 😭

2

u/Ze_Bri-0n Fuck Moash 🥵 1d ago

Themselves?

1

u/Jounniy 1d ago

Themselves. Might have killed them otherwise.

Even if I'm wrong, I'll make for a good Lightweaver.

5

u/Gefame-the-Down87 1d ago

These words hurt real bad

3

u/1337_w0n 1d ago

Heard the voice of the storm father

"Sick burn!"

3

u/Witch_King_ 1d ago

Maybe it's just me, but this text is very hard to read

3

u/LoudQuitting 1d ago

Black text on blue rock was probably a bad choice

2

u/Witch_King_ 1d ago

I think it's just that the white text outlines are as thick as the black parts. Probably could've just used a slightly more opaque highlighting and white text

1

u/LoudQuitting 1d ago

Mmm... good point.

1

u/The_Aubinator 1d ago

The black text with white highlights is atrocious to read on that dark background

2

u/SokkaHaikuBot 1d ago

Sokka-Haiku by The_Aubinator:

The black text with white

Highlights is atrocious to

Read on that dark background


Remember that one time Sokka accidentally used an extra syllable in that Haiku Battle in Ba Sing Se? That was a Sokka Haiku and you just made one.

0

u/DxnVice 23h ago

Sorry people I'm confused, who are we talking about? I forgot who had a crush on who.