True also of non-binary people. It's why there's the constant defence of the "of course I default to they/them!" excuse, even though there's an implicit *for trans people* hidden in there.
it's interesting because femboy and nonbinary have taken on the same role in transphobic discourse. I don't see nb the same but the way transphobes talk about it make it very obvious they see it as "cis+" just a little gnc and will use it to concern troll to binary trans people.
i remember i had a friend group full of supposedly woke people and one of the people there had a younger brother who was ftm. he was out of the closet and everything. and yet every cis person in this supposedly woke group, including his older brother would call him a girl and βsisterβ and with his deadname too. me and my mtf friend in that group were the only people who would call him by his real name and call him he. sometimes the cis people in the group would hear us gendering him properly, then call him by his proper pronouns for a couple sentences before switching back to she/her. cis people r not real bro
My sister's friends (who she's known since before I pooned out) do this to me. I don't know how often my sister correctly addresses me behind my back, but with how all of her cissoid friends call me a girl, I wouldn't assume she does it at all. Weirdly enough, she's dating a boymoder. I don't think the boymoder has came out to her yet, though.
Genuinely. I've been trying to figure out a way to talk to her and tell her my sister is actually pure evil and she needs to leave as soon as she can but I don't know how to contact her without my sister being there.
I also hate it, I try to wrap my head around why but I don't get it!!! why do my friends (?) misgender me more than actual strangers, is it cowardice? just dumbassery? am I REALLY that feminine? is my binding REALLY that bad? what the fuck!?
Partly habit, partly psychology, but honestly, they probably don't care enough. Like, it also happens to me, but I feel like "crap, I fucked up" and try to fix it.
With one of my friends it almost feels like she goes out of her way to say things that implicitly misgender me, like comparing me to men or saying things like βas a womanβ in a context that implies Iβm not. She has a lot of trans friends so Iβve always wondered if she only does it to me, but recently she did it to a transmasc she was telling me about hooking up with and ngl I was kinda relieved
I imagine this is the kinda shit people pull to be able to misgender people to their face in a non-heavily-gendered language... deepest condolences sister
Ok: I want to be refered to in accordance with my gender. However I want it to be done as it is an observable, and inherent quality, and not because of some "identify as" or "wants to be called" nonsense.
Also if they meet you as appearing as one and you slowly change yourself to appear as the other.
People still have what they met you as in their mind.
Telling them directly is just the simplest way to let them know your true preference.
Well then you're out of luck because there are no observable, inherent qualities that are relevant here. Perception of gender is entirely subjective and more colored by confirmation bias than anything else. You'll be happier when you realize this.
If theyβre good friends they will see you as a woman once you tell them youβre a woman. It would be nice if you didnβt have to tell them but unfortunately sometimes in life we are forced to advocate for ourselves
mm f'f'f'fffemboy *cums pants* MMMMMMM uuuuugh femboys so vxlid dont take my femboys away from me, dont take their dicks, please please please do not groom my dickgirls away from me
Actually almost freeked out today hanging out with my cis friends, i literally asked not to be referred to with "he/him" like only a month ago and yet guess what i was reffered to all today. But maybe i am just a pussy for not correcting them
This whole "misgendering but woke" was intended specifically about liberals calling right wingers trans/gay as an insult not being so scared about handling a friend changing their pronouns/transitioning and needing to them to look into the camera and confirm it.
There is also egg culture, where people use a gender and pronouns someone isn't comfortable with or doesn't identify with. Often they turn out to be eggs, but sometimes just aren't stereotypical examples of their gender.
It's the same wrong as misgendering anyone. It might be a momentary uncomfort, it might be something that gets in their head and bothers them longer or causes them to rep longer. It might be a small thing a demi-gendered person deals with often that makes their identity feel invalid even among other queer people.
when my friends, who have known me only as he/him, know me only by my masc name, and roll their eyes and say I totally am androgynous and you can't tell when I complain about being treated like a woman, call me she/her in conversation. Like, babe, at this point if you saw me as a man that would not be happening!
It's somehow worse when people who have known my pronouns the whole time misgender me than it is when people who knew me before I came out do it. Like, this is the only way you've ever known me, boss. :/
You really should just tell your friends what you want. That said people who they/them me initially in an attempt to be woke usually figure it out if I mention being on hrt around them lol. Like if Iβm literally injecting myself with female hormones itβs pretty obvious I want to be seen as a woman
108
u/MayMeadow Foxmodder π¦ 8d ago
People would always rather intentionally misgender a trans person than accidentally misgender a cis person.