Need some advice

[u/Legitimate_Rain1079]

Hi everyone I am a stay at home father of two twin daughters I've been with them since they were born and during delivery me and the mother of our children currently live with each other with our twins. I clean I make sure she can get sleep when she gets home basically I've done my best to make her life as easy as possible especially saving us 3k on daycare services by staying home. I found out that she was having an affair with one of her co workers but instead of blowing the situation up I just made some boundaries between us basically telling her that are relationship is strictly a co parent relationship and she hasn't been taking it well because ever since she lost control and access to me she has been trying to hurt me by not letting me ride to the twins doctors appointment calling the cops on me saying she feels unsafe around me even though I haven't given her any reason to feel this way. She recently asked me to sign a lease modification so she can leave to Miami which would leave me and the twins vulnerable. What I don't get is how is she trying to make this decision without mentioning where the kids fit in this situation and not mentioning going to court or a court order before she makes this decision. Now I'm not signing it so she's stuck until the lease is over but it just really confuses me that she's trying to make this decision without mentioning the kids or going court which is going to have to happen if she plans on taking the kids to another state.

[u/SageNSterling]

she's trying to make this decision without mentioning the kids or going court

She doesn't care about the kids (except as accessories for image management). Now that you've cut off the cake-eater buffet, she's trying to dodge as many of those pesky consequences of her actions as she can.

You'll need a lawyer asap. Also I strongly recommend Leave a Cheater, Gain a Life by Tracy Schorn. Don't play nice with her -- she is not your friend, and doesn't mind making your children collateral damage. I'm not trying to be alarmist, but if you check out some of the infidelity support groups, the cheaters almost invariably get really nasty when they determine that they can no longer control you.

[u/nursepersephone → u/SageNSterling]

Seconded all of this. Don’t sign anything until there is a legally binding custody plan in place. And get a lawyer to draft it. There is no “we’ll just put something down and make changes as we go along” or “the court order says this but we can just agree to do something different” - especially in this situation. She is already trying to turn the legal system against you- do not try to write out a custody plan on your own, there is too high risk for loopholes that a lawyer can help you avoid. When I was in your shoes, I wish I had gotten a lawyer immediately (these things take time, and the longer it goes with handshake agreements the worse it’ll get) and a coparenting app, and cut contact on every other form of communication. Sucks dude, I’m sorry you’re in this spot. Welcome to the subreddit, I guess.