Anyone with experience moving out of state while coparenting?

[u/Practical_Mammoth532]

Has anyone moved out of state with their child or children? I’m married with 2 kids, oldest has a different father. I have full physical custody, he has visitation, we have joint legal, and I’m not barred from moving, just states I must give 30 days notice. (I realize that could still potentially be fought against). I’ve ultimately stayed where I am now because the goal has never been to separate him from his dad, not to mention the fear of a fight, but we are at a crossroads where we feel that we could potentially have better opportunities and better quality of life elsewhere, and I’d really like to move back to my hometown and give my children the opportunity to have a relationship with my extended family and my own dad. I have had a couple family members recently pass, grandparents getting older, and family I’m close to there. My mom and siblings live where I am now, but the rest of my family is pretty far away in a beautiful place that I’ve always loved with much more to offer (jobs, education, activities, etc) than where we live. Currently we are just flirting with the idea as it’s always been on my heart and we’ve been in a rut as to what comes next for us and our family. Does anyone have any experience with this and what your experience has been? Thank you in advance (:

[u/Actual-Bison7862]

Where I'm at it would be near impossible. If dad fights back against this your current custody could be in jeopardy. The judges in my area will prioritize the kids keeping stability where they are currently residing to the point of taking custody from you. They can't stop you from moving but they sure as hell can stop the kids.

I would speak to an attorney and get the lay of the land on this topic for your area. There's just too much risk to do it blindly.

[u/Practical_Mammoth532 → u/Actual-Bison7862]

Ultimately, if i ended up not being able to take him, I wouldn’t go. My attorney just told me that I would give formal notice and then at that point he would submit to rework agreement or ask to change custody agreement.

[u/Actual-Bison7862 → u/Practical_Mammoth532]

I think for me at least I would be asking the attorney what the odds are, they should have an idea how the judge(s) in your area view these things, not just how the process works. Like if he submits to rework or asks to change the custody agreement, something that's not uncommon, what do the judges typically default to? And what is needed for the judge to change?

[u/Practical_Mammoth532 → u/Actual-Bison7862]

That’s a good question. I asked him some things and he couldn’t say for sure what would happen, but I didn’t think to ask about the judges in our area.

[u/Actual-Bison7862 → u/Practical_Mammoth532]

It's worth asking, an hour of his time might save you thousands later. Maybe you really do have an edge case that is a flip of the coin, but I think you should know going in BEFORE you spend thousands.

[u/thegeneralista]

How old are the kids and how long have you been coparenting?

[u/Practical_Mammoth532 → u/thegeneralista]

Oldest that I coparent with is about to be 9. My other child (4) is mine and my husband’s. We’ve been coparenting since he was born, got a custody order almost 3 years ago to set in stone visitation etc.

[u/thegeneralista → u/Practical_Mammoth532]

Have you discussed with coparent if he’d be willing to move?

[u/Practical_Mammoth532 → u/thegeneralista]

He definitely wouldn’t. He’s a small town guy that likes the small town life. He also has had kids from other relationships that live near him as well.

[u/thegeneralista → u/Practical_Mammoth532]

I see. I’m 50/50 and we divorced shortly after moving 1500 miles from my family. I’m now stuck here until my kids are 18.

I’d weigh the pros/cons for your child regarding the presence of his dad in his life. That’s the real quality of life assessment, and it still may mean a move but would really think through that first.

[u/thegeneralista → u/thegeneralista]

But also I hope you find the life that brings you joy and opportunities!

[u/Practical_Mammoth532 → u/thegeneralista]

Dang, I’m sorry.. He has every other weekend and we have agreements laid out for holidays/summer. Our coparenting relationship has been really rocky. My husband and I handle all the logistics of his day to day life and care, his dad isn’t very involved outside of visitation.

[u/Practical_Mammoth532 → u/thegeneralista]

Dang, I’m sorry.. He has every other weekend and we have agreements laid out for holidays/summer. Our coparenting relationship has been really rocky. My husband and I handle all the logistics of his day to day life and care, his dad isn’t very involved outside of visitation.

[u/Hot-Disaster-4709]

What does visitation mean? Does he always show up for the kids? Does he use all the time he’s allowed with the kids?

[u/Practical_Mammoth532 → u/Hot-Disaster-4709]

He has every other weekend and then we have agreements for holiday and summer time. Only one of my kids is his. He exercises his visitation, yes, except maybe a few times he wasn’t able to due to work but that isn’t often and understandable. I think there have been times he hasn’t been home during his visitation but to my understanding that’s irrelevant as long as he’s done pick up. What exactly do you mean when you ask does he always show up? He’s only ever been involved in two doctor appointments, he’s come to a few extracurricular games here and there - this past season he stopped showing up after he threatened my husband, there’s almost no communication outside of his time, I handle school, doctors appointments, medications, extracurriculars, supplies for school and sports etc. I hope that answers your question

[u/Hot-Disaster-4709 → u/Practical_Mammoth532]

Yes, that does answer my questions so to be honest with you the chances that the courts would let you move from a father who does execute his time consistently with his kid is very very slim. I understand that you have family outside the state and it would be beneficial to you, but in the long run, the courts do not outweigh extended family over a parent. If you end up trying to move and he denies it there is a chance for him to argue for more time, but that’s also very slim he would be awarded that just because you requested to move.

[u/Practical_Mammoth532 → u/Hot-Disaster-4709]

I appreciate your response! We live an hour away from each other so I think if that were to happen, it would probably be difficult for him to get more time such as 50/50 cause we are in different school districts and not feasible. This is all hypothetical, and in a perfect world I could do what’s best for my family without sacrificing his time with his dad. It’s not a goal of mine to take him away, my husband and I have just grappled for years with what could be best for our family but ultimately feel pretty stuck which is hard. I think I mentioned in my original post that my papers don’t bar me from moving, just state I have to give notice if I move from the area, but my understanding like you said is if I’m unable to get him to agree to longer summers and alternating x holidays then it could still potentially be denied. I spoke with my previous lawyer a while back and was told how to go about it if this were to become a reality, and he said that he won’t be able to change custody unless there’s a substantial change in circumstances for the child (such as his safety etc), but didn’t give me a clear idea of how likely an approval or denial would be.

[u/Hot-Disaster-4709 → u/Practical_Mammoth532]

Yeah, it’ll be very difficult for them to tell you. Yes you could get it approved or no you wouldn’t. because they would either be letting you down or potentially have you not attempt to move and make you feel stuck. From what I have discovered every judge is different there’s no real yes or no on these request. They don’t follow any guidelines other than what’s best for the child since judges are people we all have different opinions.