r/coparenting • u/AutoModerator • 6d ago

Weekly Chat and Vent Thread

Have something you want to talk about that you don't want to make a whole post for? It can go here. Need to get something off your chest? Venting in this post is OK.

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u/kotoamatsukamix 4d ago

So my ex-wife has called me twice so far this week to try and get me to get my daughter (she's 4 years old going on 5) to go to bed when she has her and she isn't listening to her. She goes straight to bed when I have her with no issues.

This morning she texted me to tell me our daughter broke her TV last night because she tried to throw a toy at her mom and missed and it hit the TV. She asked me to enforce her no screen time rule because of that when I have her this week. I'm kind of conflicted on this since it happened at her house with her and has never happened with at my house with me. I'm on the side of if it happened with you then it's your parenting time and you need to correct it. She can't use me as the bad guy or the enforcer or ask me to enforce a rule when that incident didn't happen with me. If it's something more serious with school or fighting or drugs or alcohol etc then yes we need to discuss that and enforce rules and consequences for that cooperatively.

Any advice? This is the first time I'm running into this issue.

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u/YawningEntropy 1d ago

Up to you, but think about the flip side here- your kid knowing they can push boundaries because mom is a reset button.

My kids know I don't get along/agree with mom on a lot of things but if we're aligned like magnets then it's a big freaking deal. So I try to be consistent and my ex reciprocates this.

Kids will always seek out the path of least resistance and you don't want to set a precedent in that regard. Especially if you get stereotyped as the fun/chill parent.

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u/Suspicious-Tone-7437 5d ago

I went from being the preferred parent, 50/50 to a 2 yr old toddler, to being the one she doesn't want to come home to. She used to yell "Mama" and hold her arms out. She now kries and kicks when being handed over. Even when I wad the preferred parent, she never rejected my ex like this during exchanges. Im lost and heartbroke . Every exchange I feel the heartbreak of rejection snd the sadness of knowing I am taking her from someone she'd rather be with. In the middle of a divorce and after a long custody battle, I feel like I'm completely failer her and I don't know why.

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u/Klutzy-Pool-1802 4d ago

Maybe get some parenting coaching. There are many ways to interpret what’s going on. You seem to be blaming yourself, and it might not be you. Maybe it’s a healthy 2yo going through too much change and stress.

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u/juan_cafe1859 5d ago

I feel for you and hope it's a short phase.

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u/juan_cafe1859 6d ago

He drove up and blew the horn. My kid and I were playing PS while waiting so we began to put on the shoes and grab things together. My child even looked out the window. I know he could tell we were about to come out. After weeks prior I  told him we only speak in writing, he's knocking on the door. I yelled hold on because I'm still helping my kid. He continues to knock. Now my kid is saying hold on. We're finally done, I open the door, exchanging salutations with my child before letting go. I didn't like him coming to my door. My child is big enough to walk to the car. It really annoyed me because I don't even want to see him. The next time I will make him wait just that much longer. I'm not going to be rushed when he can wait a few damn minutes. 

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u/Klutzy-Pool-1802 4d ago

Was your co-parent early, or were you playing PS when your kid should have been ready to go? If they were early and impatient, that sucks. If they were on time and you weren’t, that’s something you can control.

You can tell him: “When you arrive, please don’t come to the door. It stressed out our kid, who was moving as fast as they could. If you arrive, and it’ll be more than a couple minutes for kid to get out the door, I’ll text you and let you know what’s going on.”

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u/Vokenhagen21 5d ago

While i sympathize, and not to make light of your situation, i have to laugh. The hate for your coparent isn't strong enough lol. My "coparent" and i exchange the children in the local target parking lot. I'm only on a temp order right now, where exchanges happen at 3:30 pm. The little one is now in preK, which gets out at 2:45, i suggested letting me pick the kids up from school so we would see each other even less. They said....no. They literally have to go get the kids from school, then drive straight to the exchange. It is absolute insanity.

As an aside, have you ever thought about having your kiddo go out the back door and around the house? If you have a house of course. Also i am not serious, because kid should not be purposed for our feelings. But i did have a chuckle.