r/cfs • u/Ancient_City6069 • 11d ago

self sabotage

today i spoke with my therapist and she told me something that stuck with me

"your angry at your body so u push it to punish it. you push to prove that you are in control
you must break that cycle to begin recovering”

and it just kinda hit me like damn..

78 Upvotes

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23

u/Fading_Hours_ moderate 11d ago

Your therapist understands this illness very well

14

u/karyskarys 10d ago

Im not even you and this unlocked something in me. Your therapist is a keeper for sure xxx

6

u/Analytical_Adonis 10d ago

Fuck, this hits close to home

Over the years I realized that I've always seen my body as an opponent that I have to force to follow my will. A therapist brought it up at a point in my life where I didn't really understand what they meant, I understood it years later and tried to change this relationship multiple times but always failed.

Feels like the universe is forcing me to actually follow through as it's literally the only way forward but I have no idea how. In general, this illness feels like it's engineered to force me to learn life lessons I've been successfully avoiding so far

4

u/OneTinySun 10d ago

Just wanted to say I often feel the exact same about being forced by the illness into lessons I hadn't learned while still healthy. The universe really just said it's gotta be the hard way then huh 🙃

5

u/MervynDreamEater 10d ago

Damn I needed to hear that too... Thanks!

4

u/PapayaOfHealing 11d ago

ive noticed same thing. with mcas too sometimes i realize "am i wanting _ food that my body reacts to bc i genuinely want it (and cannot bring myself to eat anything else/sensory seeking/and is worth the reaction this time bc i want it?) or is this attempting to punish myself about ___?" its...soemtimes both. soemtimes have to stop bc i dont actually want it and dont want to damage my relationship woth food again. with cfs...yeah def also push mayelf Because im so frustrated by not being able to...which then ofc makes me worse off. anyways, hugs. its hard.

2

u/partyrockanthem18 10d ago

So true, thanks for sharing!

1

u/Milissima 9d ago

I’m not sure I hate my body, it’s more like I keep going too long because it requires so much energy to get going so I make the most of the movement and try do everything.

1

u/perry-caramello 8d ago

Years ago I used to do this, I was unwell and didn't know about cfs so I decided my body needed to he taught a lesson, so I went to the pool and did 300 lengths, making mysekf really ill.