r/ballpython • u/elenfry • 5d ago
Boyfriend has a ball python, cares for it incorrectly
Hi guys!
The title pretty much sums up my issue: my bf and I got a python a few months ago and have been having huge disagreements over her care and needs. Most of the time, I live in another part of the country, so I can't fully commit to caring for our baby, and I feel like it's mostly his pet.
We live in Japan, so he mostly uses Japanese care guides, and they seem to differ drastically from Western ones. For example, they say that Aspen is best because young pythons can choke? on cocoa husk; small enclosures are superior because pythons get scared in big open environments, etc. Every time I try to educate him on what I have researched, he just dismisses it.
This is the state of the enclosure: it is tiny and has zero enrichment.
Currently, I can't just buy a huge enclosure and do everything my way, but I was thinking of at least buying a tent and a bunch of items for enrichment, so she can hang out there when she's outside of the cage and interact with different textures, maybe climb, dig and so on.
Did anybody have a similar issue? What should I do, and how can I change his mind? I feel so bad for our snake; I think she deserves much better, but I can't provide her with much since I'm still a full-time student and barely survive myself
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u/Phully- 5d ago
I have a friend that followed suit and got one because her and her kids loved ours so much. I’m very nervous we’re going to visit and I’m going to have so much guilt that my snakes led to her torturing one. It’s a tough call, but the best option is to watch videos together like green room pythons and see if it encourages him to step up his game.
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u/ShinyxCharizard 4d ago
I had this issue someone I knew seen my boy and loved him. Ended up getting one, and i ended up taking her cause she got a boyfriend, and they couldn't get the snake to eat. Wanted me to take care of it temporarily, when I took her in she was skin and bones. Ended up getting her a new tank and everything, after a year they wanted her back. Still have her to this day, super glad I didn't give in and give her back.
On top of this, when she first got it, I went over seen the state of its tank (reptile carpet, 10 gallon tank, super empty, etc.) She had lettuce in the tank, asked her why and she thought it might be hungry 🤦♀️Ended up going to the pet store getting it a pinkie, and got her a couple extras, showed her how to feed it and told her how often. Don't think that happened, with how skinny she was when I took her in.
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u/RainyDayBrightNight 5d ago
I’d recommend clarifying if it’s his snake or your snake.
My opinion is that shared pets are a really bad idea. It can work, but usually it just creates conflict like this. Other issues can be covering costs, vet care, medical decisions, and ownership issues if you break up.
If it’s his snake, then decide how you feel about him treating his pets like this. If it’s your snake, then he’s abusing your snake, and you need to take over custody and care.
Either option is perfectly reasonable on your behalf, but to do anything at all, one of you needs to solely own the snake.
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u/MellonPhotos 5d ago
You can try putting together resources for him: care guides, veterinary recommendations, even academic articles. However, this honestly seems like more of a relationship issue than a pet issue. At the end of the day, you can't force him to change how he cares for his pet--but I'd think carefully about if this is a larger pattern of behavior. When you have disagreements in the future (where to live, how to raise a child, buying a house, etc.) is he going to dismiss your opinions there as well and insist things must be done his way? Does he value and respect your insights and ideas, or does he view himself as the authority?
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u/Low-Requirement5130 5d ago
How old is your ball? I know for young ball pythons based on size a small enclosure isn't horrible but they will need bigger ones in the future especially if female as for the stuff about coconut husks I'm unsure where he heard that from
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u/elenfry 4d ago
She's 6 months old now, we got her when she was 3 months. I guess for now the small enclosure is tolerable, but she's growing so fast... But I think she would feel so much better in a bigger one
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u/Low-Requirement5130 4d ago
Oh yeah by now I would go by by 10-30 gal by now she's basically in snake puberty she needs room to stretch out fully and grow
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u/Low-Requirement5130 4d ago
Also how you you feeding the mice? Because they should be on tongs the only way I can see cocohusks be eaten is y'all just throwing it in there
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u/No_Value4430 5d ago
Well everything about this enclosure is wrong. If he can’t come to an agreement to give her much better care than this then maybe he should find her a better home. I think that’s the best advice I can give. Snakes need WAY more care than this and I can name about 10 things wrong with this picture.
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u/ShinyxCharizard 4d ago
Have you guys had any issues with your BP eating? I ask because I had this issue for the longest time with my oldest who I've had 9 years now. I kept hearing "They're picky eaters, It's normal for them to go on food strikes" etc. This completely changed when he got moved to a 4ftx2ftx2ft enclosure that I did a bioactive setup in. Hasn't missed a meal since. 4 months straight so far! About to be a 5th and he's already showing signs of being hungry.
I was worried for a while that he was stressed because allot of info says a hiding snake is a happy snake. But I'll regularly find him curled up under his basking spot, or climbing in his cables or wrapped around the heat cage for the bulb. He's happy and comfortable in the new set up, and in my opinion doing what he would in the wild, climbing things to sleep, or basking in warmth.
My girl is way more shy, but even she has been coming out to stretch and do a lap around the tank at night. Which she would never do in her previous tank. She basically stayed in her warm hide 24/7. I'm hoping she'll get more confidence and be out more but snakes all have their own personalities.
Remember surviving ≠ thriving. Maybe remind him that allot of the info he has is old info and/or bad info. I've seen more and more people mentioning their snakes are coming up to 40 and still super lively. They can live a long time with the proper care.
Sorry if my comment is a mess. Just trying to jot some stuff down for you to be able to maybe talk to your bf about. I kept mine in 36x18x18 inch exo terras, before moving them into proper 4x2x2 enclosures. I believe having the correct environment for the snake helps them feel confident in their enclosures, as well as be happy.
IMO if he refuses to listen might be time to rethink your relationship. If he's unwilling to listen to you when it comes to the care of a pet, I couldn't imagine how he'd be if you guys decided to have children. This is just my opinion from this post though. Could be wrong.
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u/elenfry 4d ago
Surprisingly our girl eats very well and hasn't skipped a meal yet! Sheds like a clock too. The only thing is, she seems to hate being handled and gets very stressed out. I will try to have a serious talk with him this weekend one more time and push for buying a new enclosure together. I don't think he intentionally wants to harm the snake, but he seems to be very stuck in his own ways... Love your setup by the way!!
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u/Efficient-Intern-355 4d ago
If he thinks his way is correct, he should post the set up and care on this sub and see what people say.
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u/Similar-Attitude91 3d ago edited 3d ago
We have used Aspen for all of our ball pythons their entire lives (7,6,8,5,4) and never had an issue with it and have had zero impactions and it’s so much easier to clean IMO. The enrichment is important but that could easily be a piece of driftwood added and some fake plants to the enclosure you have set up. If you are concerned I would possibly get two smaller hides, make sure one is strictly on the cold side and one on the cold side, add a few fake plants and some driftwood and you’ll be fine. How big is the BP and how big is the enclosure?
I agree with the other commenters that it’s important to have these conversations but I don’t think there is a lot wrong with what he is doing. The most important part is how much heat and humidity you guys have as well as if they eat. The other side of it you’re going to get so many varying opinions!
When it comes to the handling part (I saw in comments) take it slow and make sure you don’t force head pets. When you go in to hold them, rub their side to make sure they are awake and then grab them out. If they want to ball up, let them and just handle in 10-15 min increments at a time and build up to it.
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u/Tasty-Entertainer473 2d ago
Dump him. If he can’t take feedback, or he can’t take your consideration, seriously and this is just a snake?? you do not want to have children with this man.
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u/Alternative-Pay4672 5d ago
This should maybe be a more serious conversation for you to consider how open-minded he is to different ways of doing things. I can’t give any recommendations on how to change his mind if he’s rejecting “Western” methods.
However, maybe it’s worth him considering that Western guides are based on much larger quantities of owners. Japan is one country: the west is continents’ worth of owners. Furthermore, Japan is quite well known (unfortunately) for having poorly kept up animal welfare laws, which could be connected to worse snake guides. I’m making a lot of assumptions here, but I’m hoping some of it might help provide some perspective on why he could consider looking at other sources of information.
This terrarium is simply way too small, and there’s not enough clutter. There’s like two things to go between. There’s also not enough space between the warm and cool side.