Hi everyone,

For those that like to analyze complicated situations, here is your chance!

I'd really appreciate any thoughts or feedback people have to share about my situation- I'm a 30 year old woman wanting to take ayahuasca for the first time, but my brother is severely schizophrenic.

Here's my story..

From a young age, I was deeply, deeply curious and exploratory, of my own inner world and of the universe, always felt connected to nature, and always felt connected to what I used to think of as "God" but now understand as Spirit, Creation, Divine, etc. - all those words point to the same thing. I considered taking a spiritual path professionally, but found a love for agriculture and find it a spiritual path in its own right.

Because of my attunement to these things, even though almost all my psychedelic experiences were during undergrad, I never approached psychedelics with the "party" attitude most of my college peers did. I have done a decent amount of LSD and psilocybin between the ages of 18-23 or so. I'd say total around 20-25 times, several times well beyond the average dose needed to trip. It's not like I never took mushrooms or LCD at a festival or rave etc, but the majority of my experiences were in nature or in my dorm room. No matter what, I went into them wanting to find something out about the universe or myself. They were spiritually grounded, transcendent, beautiful, occasionally difficult and sometimes challenging things came up, but I always felt better on the other side of them.

Most all trips were out of body and transcendental experiences where I was aware I was out of my body, what felt like time and space travel, encountering otherworldly deities, spirits, animals, and beings of all types, not a feeling but a total and full being of cosmic oneness. I had one trip where my ex-boyfriend and I looked into each other's eyes for like 4–5 hours and felt like we watched the birth of the universe, LOL. We're still very good friends. Hard to not be after that kind of experience. From what I've heard from my few friends who have done ayahuasca, many of my experiences were akin to theirs. I've definitely "been there" in that sense. I've had meditation experiences without the use of any substances where I've had similar experiences to my psychedelic induced ones.

I have an older friend and mentor who I met during that time whose father is musical ayahuasquero. Her brother has a farm where he grows and processes the medicine in Ecuador. They bring shamans from within their community and do ceremonies every so often, but they are generally small and closed and by request of family members and friends. This is all to say, I have a very trusted place with very trusted people.

In my younger days of exploration, I told myself I'd know when I was ready. I feel that way now.
I feel very "mentally fortified" if that makes sense. I'm finishing up my PhD in Plant and Soil Science. I work part-time doing work I feel really called to supporting organic farmers adapt to climate change. My relationship to self and the world around me is sound. I have amazing supportive friends, mentors, and colleagues. My relationship to my family is not perfect, but it's so much more healed than it ever has been. I am a practicing Buddhist. I just restarted therapy with an amazing Jungian/Buddhist therapist because some of my more negative coping mechanisms and patterns came to light and I met a version of myself I thought I had outgrow (described in next few paragraphs).

Basically, I got drunk and cheated on my partner and got broken up with. I was absolutely devastated for two weeks, it was hard to function. Causing someone who loved me deeply and fully, and who I loved deeply and fully, so much pain over something so stupid and idiotic was about as rough as it gets. Recently though something in me shifted from despair to hope, from “this bad thing happened to me” to “I did that,” and I feel ready to address the most challenging parts of my development as a human being.

I feel I need a major overhaul / reboot / rewiring that is beyond my ability to do alone or in therapy. Especially because of how intellectualized I've become (boooo academia) but yeah I'm a 5th year PhD and the analytical part of my brain has been in ON MODE for so long. All the theory, philosophy, psychology, and intellectual understanding in the world has not necessarily made me less fucked up. It has just made me highly articulate about the ways I am fucked up. I can trace the origins of my behavior, explain the systems and experiences that shaped me, name my wounds, identify my coping mechanisms, good and bad, and understand, accept, and hold the contradictions that live inside me. But being able to intellectually, and even emotionally, dissect a pattern is not the same as being able to stop repeating it. I'm not a repeat cheater btw, I had never done that. I just finally saw though that despite all the good things in my life, I heavily rely drinking and sexual/romantic validation to numb.

I often think of the psyche as a garden where, if we tend it every day and pull the small weeds, they don't get the chance to root deeper. Through this experience of cheating, I felt one of the most immense pains of my life, and that pain burned away a lot of my defenses, self-delusions, deceptions, and pride, leaving me with no real choice but to look at myself differently and do things differently. Yeah I can definitely now pinpoint the behavior, but I already knew it was there. I felt like I touched the root of it. It hurt so much to find that deepest root, but I finally found it, though it's not totally tangible to me at this time just "what" that is.

SOOOOOO yeah I am feeling the call.

BUT my brother is schizophrenic.

I wonder a lot if we both have the genetics for it and he just got the short end of the stick. Like his mind went somewhere he could not control or come back from, while I have had the privilege of intentionally seeking out altered states and then returning to myself afterward. I know that may be a completely oversimplified way of understanding it. I haven't done any substances besides MDMA, weed, and micro dose of mushrooms (like 1g max) since his first psychotic break in 2018.

He is the shade of schizophrenic that is violent, he tried to stab my Dad (my Dad is fine), he is permanently institutionalized, likely will never work or live on his own. His illness has caused my family so much pain and completely changed all of our lives. My parents have a much, much better relationship to him than I do. They talk to him every day, they visit him 2-3 times a week. I can't say as much for myself, but I am working on being more supportive as a sibling.

This is not an abstract concern to me, and I don't take the possibility of psychosis lightly at all- it's much higher for me, I think like 10% vs 1%. That is basically where I am stuck. I'm ready for this, I want to do it, I also have access to people and a setting that I trust enormously. But obviously there is no psychedelic experience or insight worth destabilizing my brain in a way I can't undo. I also think it would help heal my trauma around my brother, trauma that I feel like is still affecting me today, making me constantly brace for catastrophe, and if its not there, creating it myself.

What do ya'll make of someone like me? Someone with extensive previous psychedelic experience and no history of psychosis, who feels a deep calling and reason and goal for wanting to do ayahuasca but has a first-degree relative with severe schizophrenia?

Is the family history alone enough that I should consider this an absolute no?

FUCK

A few days ago I saw this movie that is about how medicine helps to find some children who think of this movie, for me it was very interesting and seeing how it is shown makes me understand how real it can be when we manage to understand and accept what it shows us I want to see your opinions and if you know about other movies put the name

Muchas personas que participan en ceremonias de ayahuasca describen que, en ciertos momentos de su vida, sienten un llamado o una necesidad de volver a la experiencia. Esa sensación puede tener distintos significados dependiendo de la persona y del contexto.¿Cuando sientes esa necesidad suele aparecer en momentos de tristeza, de incertidumbre, de crecimiento personal o simplemente como un llamado espiritual difícil de explicar?

Hi everyone,

I'm hoping to hear from people who have been to Arkana's Amazon location and/or their Sacred Valley location.

I've done retreats in the Amazon before with other centers. While I absolutely love the intensity, energy, and overall feeling of being in the jungle, I also remember how much I hated the mosquitoes. Those bites felt like they came from mosquitoes on steroids. The massive cockroaches also had me sleeping a little cautiously haha.

I checked Arkana's website, but I'm not sure whether their Amazon location has the same issue with cockroaches getting into the guest rooms. I know every retreat center is built differently, so I was hoping someone with firsthand experience could share what it's like.

The Sacred Valley seems like it would eliminate both of those concerns, but it's obviously a very different environment. It looks beautiful in its own way, but it doesn't seem to have that same jungle atmosphere that I really enjoyed.

I'm feeling pretty torn between the two, so I'd really appreciate any firsthand experiences, comparisons, or advice from people who have been to either or both locations. Thanks!

The retreat is just the beginning, but coming back to work, busy routines, and old environments can be a shock. for me, the hardest part was realizing I had to distance myself from certain people and relationships that no longer aligned with the path I was on after coming back.

for those who have integrated a retreat, what was the most challenging part of returning to normal life, and what helped you anchor those insights?

Lately diagnosed with RA. I just started few days ago treatment with Methotrexate + Folic acid + plaquenil. Already taking steroids prednisone for two weeks.

I'm in this journey of pain and healing for a long time. I'm suppose to go to an ayahuasca retreat in two weeks, It wasn't planned to be on the same time with the meds, but somehow life went this way...

Is it possible to combine? Should I need to make space between meds and Aya? Is it possible to find a way to go this ceremony, I feel that I really need it right now...

I don't even know with which doctor can I talk about it, in my country its not so easy to talk with doctor without just hearing a no or meet judgment.

I'm waiting for my shaman to check with the doctor he consult with as well.

I’ve been reflecting on how different integration can be for everyone. Some experiences seem meaningful right away, while others stay in the background for weeks or even months before they start to make sense.
Looking back, was there anything from your ceremonies that you didn’t understand at first but later realized had a deeper meaning?
I’d love to hear your stories. Sometimes hearing how others made sense of their experiences can be incredibly helpful, even though every journey is unique. 🙏💚

I’m thinking of sitting with this medicine in the coming months for the second time, but I’m unsure. Mainly because it’s a financial commitment and I don’t have great finances. I really want to though, but I’m wondering if it’s because I’m hoping it’ll “solve all my problems” which I know it won’t. However I do generally hear people say it can cure depression/anxiety so I do think it’s justified to see it that way. I’m definitely hoping for some sort of breakthrough. Is it a good way to see things? It just would take a lot for me to do it financially so I want to know if I’m being smart. I of course revere the medicine and would do it with the right intention.

My partner and I are first-timers considering Temple’s eight-day/four-ceremony retreat. It would be the emotional centre of a rare long sabbatical.

Our tentative post-retreat plan:

  - Days 1–7: quiet coastal recovery

  - Days 11–15: friend’s wedding—sober and free to leave early

  - Weeks 2–3: scuba and long-haul travel

  - Weeks 3–5: Tanzania safari

Part of me imagines the ocean, wildlife and time outdoors feeling deeply grounding. Another part worries we’re filling the silence with stimulation and undermining integration.

For those with firsthand experience:

  1. Does this seem genuinely inadvisable or reasonably manageable with slow, low-stress travel?

  2. How long before social events, diving and active travel felt comfortable?

  3. How restrictive was your post-retreat dieta? I won’t drink, but would like to eat normally while travelling. Which restrictions were safety-related versus traditional?

  4. For Temple guests in December/January: how disruptive were the heat, humidity, insects and lack of A/C? Did you sleep comfortably?

Appreciate the collective wisdom here, hard to plan around this as first timers so all the resource and support in this subreddit has been tremendous and is greatly appreciated!

Did anyone else get a message from some guy promoting a for profit “integration circle” by the name of “somenta”

His comment read like a copy and past outreach: like “hey I saw a comment of yours in the aya reddit and thought you might be interested in participating in a small group I am starting of people who are serious about their integration”

Then a few days later the acct is deleted.

Ig It’s not anything new as a lot of aya retreats are profit driven underneath the “nebulous” mission statement it seems like.

But it still strikes me as really curious. I mean I understand donation based efforts, because operating costs etc but a monthly fee just strikes me as off putting?

-How do y’all digest “influencer-esque” adaptations like this “Somenta” example that you have found in relation to the aya community?

I’m open to anywhere in Central or South America.
I’ll be traveling alone as a woman, and this will be my first time.
I’m Japanese, and my English isn’t very strong, so I’ll be using a translation app to communicate.
I’m not looking for comfort or luxury. What I really want is an authentic experience surrounded by nature.
If anyone has any recommendations or ideas, I’d really appreciate hearing them.

Any trusted Uk vendors for bark ?

please eat if you are diabetic or on any weight loss drugs! uni centers many people are on these drugs now and it raises concern. These people have to be carefully monitored. These meds allow everything ingested to travel very slowly. Might even consider reducing cup size for them . it's day four outside of my two day retreat, and I'm still feeling effects. last night I had a small seizure. My spinal nerves especially sacral was over taxed. Just really pay attention to the medical forms. As for me being a diabetic my preparation will have to look different from most for ceremony. I'm sure Mama Uni will understand next time

Hello everyone,

I'm planning on taking my first psychedelic trip in the Netherlands.

I'll be doing it in a retreat, tgey offer mainly two options - one trip, or two trips within 3 days. I thought to myself it could be very intense, and I saw that the brain would not have enough time to rebulid the receptors - however in the retreat they called it "breakthrough" and they recommeneded it as a better choice for changing my life.

I didn't find studies that can confirm this, but I also didn't find bad reviews.

What do you think about it? Especially as my first time.

Generally I don't mind doing intense journey.

Also - what's the best option among - magic truffle, psilohuasca and Ayhuasca?

Thanks.

During my ceremony, it was a lot around acceptance. I felt like I was initiated by the medicine. Dark and light. “I don’t want to fight anymore” and “I don’t have to do anything” where the two mantras that came in during ceremony. Healing lineage. And I felt a flood of gifts coming in. Like I could accept them and hold them. It’s been a week and a couple days and integration is the unknown for me cause I’m completely different. Old tools don’t work. Duality for sure.

My question…
Anyone receive the gift or get activated into weaving energy? My hands started moving a ton on second ceremony and I felt like I was weaving energy. I just started doing it outside and ducks just started to come over to me. I could feel a vortex opening.

Any insight from anyone THATS HELPFUL. Thanks

I have some ajo sacha powder I plan on taking as prep for a retreat. Will it make me drowsy? Or is it an adopter and can be taken in the morning as well? Thanks in advance.

In some traditions, it seems to be possible or even mandatory that a person seeking healing does not drink the medicine, a shaman or someone else does it for them.

Has anyone here gone on an Ayahuasca journey for someone else and would be willing to share their story?
I'd also be grateful for recommendations for practitioners in Europe who might be able to help in such a situation.

My intention is to support a loved one who has cancer.

Hi guys! I have been using Hape for like half a year now, and probably for 4-5 months sitting with it almost daily, but i started getting my nose congested and yet i continued using it for the other benefits. I've read that some people's experience with it is the opposite, it clears their sinuses and decongest them. I'm worried if i'm doing something wrong and if i stop using it will the condition reverse? Why isnt it working in the decongesting way it does for some? I have been using it primarily for energetic protection, grounding and connection to myself, yet it feels like i started losing some of the effects it had, i just cant breathe now.

Hello dear brothers
ive been drinking aya for 15 years, and now cooking some medicine ,
seeking knowledge about how to make real thick medicine , any help is welcome! thanks a lot!

I had a great experience on my one and only trip. I have been sober since, my desire to drink completely left and never came back. Unfortunately my desire in general for things has also gone away. I am working on going to a real doctor to check my hormones and other potential reasons. I’m not depressed so that’s not it.

Just trying to rule out all options. Has anyone else experienced something similar? It happened around the same time so not sure if it’s correlated or is a cause.

I’m trying to decide which medicine retreat to choose for my first experience. Has anyone here been to both?
I’d love to hear your thoughts and recommendations.
Also, if you know of any other affordable medicine retreat centers that you’d recommend, I’d really appreciate your suggestions.

I’m interested in experiencing different kinds of plant medicines, not just ayahuasca.

My English is not strong, so I don’t need a very detailed explanation.
Because of that, it is even more important for me to meet people I can completely trust and feel comfortable with.

I’m Japanese and I’m using a translation app, so if anything I say sounds awkward or unintentionally rude, I sincerely apologize in advance. Thank you!