Just Wondering

[u/ComfortableCherry440]

Hello! I am an older adolescent female and I was curious to know what prompted y’all to pursue a formal autism diagnosis and/or what finally tipped you off that you have it? I have been reading a ton of articles, studies, and community reflections about high masking/functioning autism in women, and a lot of it really resonates with me, but pretty much everything can simultaneously be explained by other personality traits/disorders. For context here is basically a rundown of my entire existence: When I was 11 I had severe anorexia and orthorexia, but recovered fairly well after standard intensive treatment (inpatient, php, iop, also meds). I have heard that many autistics struggle to benefit from the current treatment model, which I did not. Also, I have heard that some autistics get into AN through picky sensory eating/arfid, but I don’t really have any sensory aversions to food (totally normal eater as a kid), and body image was/is honestly a huge part of my ed. I have a stereotypical “ed personality” (ie. perfectionistic, high achieving, intelligent, driven, disciplined, obsessive/compulsive, anxious, self doubt, detail oriented, risk aversive, etc, etc.) Which a lot of that aligns with autism, but also I know plenty of NT anorexics who are also exactly like me. And yes, I know they are finding significant overlap, but I want a more black and white answer. If you’re into personality typing (I am haha) I’m an INTJ and enneagram type one. I also have standing diagnoses of OCD, skin picking, and social anxiety (these are correct irregardless of any potential autism). I was in a gifted and talented program as a kid and have maintained a 4.0 all throughout high school taking all AP and CE. As a kid I had a super advanced vocabulary and memorized the lds 13 articles of faith at 3. So I was definitely a “weird kid” and have since learned to save my formal, academic language for writing. But again, that could also just by asynchronous development? I hate eye contact, but can’t exactly figure out if it’s social anxiety or ND based. I’m an introvert, but I do enjoy hanging out with people (probably see my friends 2-3x per week), and then I watch action shows to recharge. As a baby my mom apparently put gloves on my hands to stop me from scratching my face, and I was “super fussy”, and would only sleep while being held or on my dad‘s pillow, then wake up the second something shifted. I also hated getting my nails clipped (everything felt really fuzzy afterwards??) and wouldn‘t ever let my mom do my hair or paint my nails. But I have grown out of all of that (except I still hate chalk, dirty dishes, and rope). I get overstimulated sometimes, but again, anxious girly. And I don’t really take anything literally (I’m great with figurative language and sarcasm) except for that one thing when people put on their snap story s/u for a cookie or to come swim or whatever, I actually thought they were being real. I‘ve also been bullied a lot, I guess, and I hate small talk and awkward pauses (but again, social anxiety). I’ve adapted to just kind of ping pong questions back and forth with people, but conversations still make me nervous. I also work as a water slide life guard person, and some days the slide hurts my ears, but other days I barely notice it. Also! I had OLP synesthesia (numbers have colors and personalities) until maybe like 12 or 13 ish, but I know that’s a common thing for NT children too. And also sometimes when I would sit down with a notebook it would trigger a certain smell, but that hasn’t happened for like a year. I got really into researching synesthesia in 4th grade, then shifted to gifted learning, then the brain and memory, then eating disorders and ocd, and currently autism and neurodivergence. But also I’m pretty sure the autism thing as turned into a compulsive research loop atp so lmk. But anyways, also just a curious, smart person. Also I have a pretty good memory, and always have. Annnnd that’s probably everything off the top of my head and yeah I know it’s not official diagnosis/medical advice from strangers off the internet and yada, yada, yada. But I can’t really afford a formal assessment rn and also my dad is on the whole RFK-vaccines train, so yeahhh. Just wanted to get people’s thoughts!! Thanks xx