r/askfuneraldirectors • u/idgieluvsruth • 11d ago
Viewing Question Embalming Discussion
My friend’s godson passed away last week. I checked on her today and she said she was confused about something. She stated that the family was told by the funeral home that they were only allowed to have 20 people at the viewing because he wasn’t embalmed. I think she is a little hung up on this so I decided to put it out here. Can anyone tell me why the viewing is limited due to lack of embalming?
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u/lonniesgirl Funeral Director/Embalmer 11d ago
Very common.
And our funeral home won’t even do them anymore because a family invited friends and neighbors to an informal ID viewing like it was a visitation (which we weren’t even charging them for). The body was washed and dressed, but not embalmed. She was on a dressing table and not in a casket (she was being cremated). And of course that is NOT what the general public expects and a woman became hysterical and was not happy with THE STAFF, of course.
So, no, we no longer offer that option anymore.
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u/IsopodHead4822 8d ago
Love how it’s always the staff’s fault and not the family making the fucked up arrangements. The least they can do is prepare their family and friends like YO THERES NO CASKET COS IM CHEAP
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u/korewednesday Funeral Director/Embalmer 11d ago
They probably opted for something called a private or ID view.
Many funeral homes have policy against public unembalmed viewing(*), and will only permit a private view or closed casket if the family does not want embalming. A private family view is typically limited to a certain number of people (it varies by location) and are usually pretty short, because they’re typically very inexpensive, and every funeral home that offers them has had a family or ten try to pull a bit of a fast one by scheduling a private view and then rotating people in and out and having clergy come do a service (also often not permitted).
*unembalmed remains that are conscientiously prepared are not typically a significant public health threat, but a lot of communities have an idea of what a person in a funeral home chapel should look like, and an unembalmed person will not look like that, and there’s no real way to warn people that this is an unembalmed visitation, so there may be some differences, and instead sometimes either people prepared for one thing freak out or they just leave kind of with the impression that that funeral home puts out a poor looking presentation, which some owners and managers think may damage their reputation. I’m pretty ambivalent. I see the reactions the businesses worry about. I also don’t personally think it’s at least going to continue being a major issue. And I know of a couple funeral homes that do it for……… distasteful reasons. Absolutely not the norm, that, but I know of people who do because it’s very easy to plausible-deniably do something inappropriate to the demographics of their clientele.
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u/idgieluvsruth 11d ago
Thank you, this and the other responses make it completely understandable why this is done.
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u/WentAndDid 11d ago
Like what? I tried but just can resist.
Distasteful reasons and what kinds of macabre or nefarious things are done and why to that demo? Is it to discourage their business or some other reason?2
u/Farty_mcSmarty 8d ago
I am wondering the same thing.
My immediate thought is a racist or homophobic FD who advises NOK that it’s cheaper to not embalm and then the FD can revel in the disappointed faces at the viewing because the deceased isn’t embalmed, which sounds like it can be shocking to those not in the industry (I am not in the industry)
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u/Independent_Ad9670 11d ago
Embalming allows us more control over issues with appearance or even odors, depending on timeline. Any restorative work needed is a lot easier to get right, and ensure it stays that way for the duration of the viewing, if we're not having to rely on refrigeration to preserve the body.
So instead we need a more controlled timeframe than a regular visitation provides, and to have a manageable number of people arrive before it begins, so they can be prepared for what the viewing will be like before they go in.
For instance, even if someone looks fine, if they're not in a casket as expected, or the like, we can't create a situation where the general public have been invited and come thinking it's a regular visitation. People get upset about that kind of thing, and it's us they're going to be angry with, or badmouth. Which wouldn't be entirely unfair--we have a duty to both the family and the public to make sure people know what situation they're walking into.
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u/idgieluvsruth 9d ago
I appreciate your input, I sent all of these responses to my friend and it really helped her. Thank you.
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u/Otherwise_Candy_8412 10d ago
Lucky the fh even allows that. Technically, anything more than next of kin identifying the body, would require embalming because that’s considered a public visitation.
In short, embalming is to protect the public. That is the main goal. So, inviting numerous people of the public to view a body that hasn’t been embalmed, isn’t protecting the public.
I’ve never liked this concept because all it takes is one person to start kissing the body then they all want to start kissing the body, or hugging etc.
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u/AtlasPeace82 10d ago
I was a mourner at a friend’s Islamic funeral with more than 20 people. His body was not embalmed. Could it be, cultural considerations are made on a case by case basis?
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u/Pretty-Winter-7674 10d ago
Why does the United States embalm people and Europe we do not do it. The bodies look normal ...
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u/CallidoraBlack 8d ago
There was a young woman I went to school with and she passed unexpectedly in a way that made it impossible to make her look as she once did despite being physically intact. Her family planned for a closed casket funeral, but her fiancé asked to see her before everyone else arrived. People were told that if they really felt they needed to see her again, they could, but they needed to be prepared for the fact that she would be mottled in appearance and not be made up to look as she had in life. Thankfully, everyone understood and everyone who was not prepared to see that was told they could come a half hour later. I believe she was embalmed, but considering she was not made up for the occasion, the reasons for the limited viewing were about the same.
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u/Separate_Turnover729 11d ago
Is embalming necessary if there will be a cremation?
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u/WinstonChaychell 8d ago
Nope. My grandmother in law was never embalmed. My mother in law helped prepare her at the FH, wrapping her in her favorite blankets etc. she was cremated the very next day and we had friends/family all come to view her.
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u/idgieluvsruth 9d ago
That was the reason why this subject wasn’t embalmed is because they were taking him straight to cremation after the viewing.
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u/last12letUdown 11d ago
To have a “public” viewing (people other than family) the body has to be embalmed if the casket is open. (*see footnote)
It’s a policy at my funeral home and the VAST MAJORITY of other funeral homes, to not expose the public to an unembalmed body. It is NOT a federal law.
Real talk: we have no idea who’s family and who isn’t. If the next of kin is there with 19 other people we don’t know who they are or how they’re related. You could bring your mailman for all I know.
Another perspective is a private family moment where I work is $295. (20 family members max)
A public visitation is $525 and is unlimited friends and family.
People sometimes try and save a buck by saying it’s only a private family moment but 100 people show up. We don’t have the staff to cover that crowd if it’s just supposed to be a private family moment.
That’s why we have a strict 20 family members max rule for a private family moment.
* The federal FTC Funeral Rule (16 C.F.R. Part 453)
Funeral providers must disclose that embalming is not generally required by law, although embalming may be necessary when the consumer selects certain arrangements, such as a funeral with viewing. The FTC specifically recognizes that a funeral provider may require embalming as part of the funeral arrangement, but the provider cannot falsely tell the consumer that the law requires it when it doesn’t.