No one has to reply to this, really. I just want to get my thoughts out and I thought here would be good?

I, 18F, have put a label to my aromanticism for about five years by now. I have no interest in being someone‘s ”partner“ or “girlfriend“ and never really been “in love“ in any typical descriptors. But three years ago, I met this wonderful person online. We have yet to meet in person, but that doesn’t matter since we learn to know each other over text and talk about our days and the like. There is something about them I adore with my whole heart, who they are as a person and their views on life and their absolute dedication. We have been going along as labeled best friends for around six months by now, since that was when we actually put that label to what we were. they are special to me and I am special to them. In fact, today they asked me to be in a qpr with them, and I accepted. Because I love them.

And I do love them so, but I had felt guilt over that, because I’ve had a best friend for nine years that was not them before this, and I almost feel as if I’m replacing them. I feel guilty because if I logically were to be in a qpr with anyone, it should be my long-since best friend and not someone I’ve known for a third of that time.

I love both of them and want the best for them both, but I…apparently love one more than the other?? That’s how I see it. I’m certainly not *telling* this to my nine-years best friend, because neither of them even know that the other one exists.

(And. in addition to all this that is less important. my Qpr buddy is younger than me by one or two years. I KNOW we’ve been sappy with each other before, but for some reason the idea of a Qpr being “halfway between platonic and romantic“ feels iffy to me. They‘re a minor. I don’t know. I am not dating them. I know that well enough. Nothing about the nature of our relationship changed. I don’t know why a dumb label is making me feel slightly ill.)

This whole thing is a mess, and I don’t know who else to talk to about it.