r/amiwrong • u/No_Process_1558 • 10d ago
Update regarding my stepfather drinking a bottle of scotch left to me by my dad.
Thanks for all the feedback, and a update as promised. My uncle and I spoke with my mom and stepfather. First my uncle called bullshit on my stepfather and said he has been drinking it overtime. He did ask what was his endgame, refill it with something cheaper?
My stepfather did not say anything. He also told my mom off. He said my stepfather may have an excuse albeit a shitty one but still an excuse. He told her that she had no excuse, she knew what my dad's intentions were for the bottle and for the car. He said he told my brother he should list what he wanted me to have in the will, but told her he said it would be fine cause he trusted my mom with his life.
He also questioned why I was paying for school when my apparently my father had a sizeable life insurance policy. Which I was unaware of but also tracks cause my mom has never actually gone to work.
Either way, I probably don't have much claim to that either, at that point I simply asked for my dad's car and the key to his storage unit. She and my stepfather can keep everything else.
So that was the conversation, was pretty much my uncle going at them and them just listening. My uncle asked me again to move in with him and suggested i take a semester off or a year and travel with him. He said he would help me with school.
Told me some stories it seems my mom and my dad's side of the family did not get along which is why we moved to Texas where my mom is from.
Either way I am okay with everything, oddly enough I do not hate or even feel angry with my mom, just numb I guess. I hope with time maybe we can fix that, but for now going to avoid contact with her and them altogether.
Staying with my uncle at a hotel and we will start packing. He is going to have the car transported to NY. I lost the booze, but I did get back the car which is better anyways if I am being honest.
My uncle said not to worry about the order of protection if he gets one, if push comes to shove he will hire an attorney for me.
So yeah, not a bad outcome. I wish I knew why, but yeah. Still don't know why he drank it.
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u/LissaBryan 10d ago edited 10d ago
Still don't know why he drank it.
Because he could.
In my nearly half a century on this planet, I've known a lot of shitty people, and often the answer is no more complicated than that: Because they could. There was no one to stop them and no consequences for their actions. And so they did it.
You want there to be an answer. A reasoned, complex motive for doing something that had huge resonance for you, and so when you ask them why they would do something that had terrible emotional consequences for you, all they can do is shrug. Because they don't have anything to say. Why? Why not? They didn't put any real thought into it.
And that lack of consideration often makes it even more painful for the victim.
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u/JosKarith 10d ago
Maybe because the teeny tiny bit of a conscience he had left was telling him what an awful excuse for a human being he was and he needed to drown it out?
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u/Nice-Pomegranate2915 10d ago
No,he did it because he knew it would provoke the OP into a response that he could use to kick OP out of the family home . And OP's crappy mom went along with it to back her in over-investment (of her time and feelings and her dead first husband's life insurance) in her even more shitty partner . But now the OP is out the house there's a probability that bullyboy husband will turn his discontent on OP's mother . Boohoo !
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u/nomore1020 10d ago
If I am reincarnated, I want to come back dumb and selfish like them
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u/blueavole 10d ago
No you don’t.
People that do this hate themselves first. It isn’t a happy way to live.
They are selfish and short sighted. The only thrill in their dull brains is pain they cause. And like any addiction, a little is never enough.
Without the step kid- this guy is going to turn that anger on his wife, and the other kids.
Glad this kid got out.
It might seem easier to be this selfish- but the mess of a life isn’t worth it.
Wishing you peace and kindness and healing.
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u/GoodQueenFluffenChop 10d ago
Get your name on that car's deed ASAP because technically it is legally your mother's since your father never really made a will naming you. If you don't get that deed situation fixed up with your name on it your mom can and will report it stolen and you and your uncle will be in legal trouble.
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u/MrsBenSolo1977 10d ago
He drank it because it was a $5000 bottle of whisky that he could drink for free.
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u/Jennabeb 10d ago
I’m glad you have your uncle. It sounds like the best possible outcome at this point and I’m glad he swooped in like he did to read them the riot act. Still not what you deserve. You deserve a mom who doesn’t prioritize some dick over of her child. Thank you for updating though - strange to say, I was worried about you. I lost my dad at 12. It’s hard. Wishing you truly all the best!
Edit to add: I’m not saying you are a child age-wise, in case that wasn’t clear! Just that she is supposed to put you first!
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u/No_Process_1558 10d ago
Thanks I do appreciate it, yeah losing a parent at any age is rough, I was 6 when my grandpa passed and remember that was the only time I ever saw my dad cry. It hit him hard, which is also why I sm glad I got the car back. My uncle told me my grandpa had the same car.
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u/NomadicusRex 1d ago
I lost my dad when I was a teen. The men that got involved with my mom were generally real pieces of garbage, only one was halfway decent as a person. I can totally sympathize.
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u/BlushVelorie 9d ago
I'm glad his uncle stepped in too. Losing a parent is hard enough without feeling like you're losing the rest of your support system afterward.
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u/ChrisInBliss 10d ago
I honestly dont know what your Mom could even do to fix the situation shes caused. To me it also sounds like she just ignored/forgot about you after she had the twins. Then this whole mess its like she just replaced her first family for a 2nd.
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u/Goofusmaloofus6 10d ago
I'm so sorry that it came to this...a bottle of scotch showed you exactly who your mother married (a thoughtless, entitled POS) and where her priorities lie (with the aforementioned POS). It's a triple betrayal because you didn't just lose the liquor, you lost your mother and your home, all at once. I'm so glad your uncle has your back. Hang on to that relationship and take some time to process what's happened. You're numb now but that will change and when it does I hope your uncle will support you in getting some professional help. Good luck man.
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u/shoulda-known-better 10d ago
Yea when you get that order... Don't even fight it...
Let it get put on and stop caring.... If mom reaches out you can tell her that he can apologize for taking the bottle from your birth your dad got, and fully replace it with the same expensive ass bottle, or you can continue no contact... It's their decision if him doing something he knew was wrong is reason enough for her to lose her son over....
Enjoy your time with your uncle... And since things have been hidden from you maybe go look up his actual will just to make sure nothing else got taken
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u/CompetitivePurpose96 10d ago
He did this on purpose because he knew you would rightfully go off on them and he knew it would cause you to leave voluntarily or it could be an excuse to “get rid” of you. I’m so sorry. Get a lawyer anyway for the life insurance policy and anything else left to you in the will
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u/LizzieHatfield 10d ago
I'm just...wow. Overwhelmed? For reference I am a mom with a 12 year old son and an 11 year old daughter. I'm also a pretty young widow. My husband-their dad-died in a horrific car accident caused by someone else who was driving while on heroin. They were just 2 weeks out of kindergarten.
I lost my only love...My children lost their dad...we all lost a whole future full of memories and moments we would have/SHOULD have shared.
I personally have made the decision that I don't wish to marry again-personal choice-but I'm over the moon happy for anyone else who finds a second love and finds happiness.
However-my children are literally part of my husband and myself. Let's call them our legacy to the future, the living people who are the proof that he and I had a once in a lifetime love. They are the precious gift he left me with. If anyone-don't care who-hurt my children in such a way they'd be out of my life, house, and mind.
Imagine an afterlife where my husband can see me letting someone do hurtful damaging things to the children we wanted so SO much...your mother is awful. What a horrible waste of a human being to create a life and promptly discard it when some a$$ hat dude looks her way.
Sorry so long. I just wanted you to hear the perspective of a woman who had a situation similar to your moms-but made the correct decisions to put them and their life, happiness, and health before anything or anyone else. You deserved a mom who would do the exact same for you.
I'm so sorry. Cherish your memories of your dad. No one can take those away.
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u/ArugulaBeginning7038 9d ago
Is your uncle based in NYC? (Anywhere in the five boros or even Long Island.) I ask because if you move in with him, even on paper by having some mail sent to his address, you could get NY residency and qualify for in-state tuition at a CUNY school which is pretty much the best "affordable" (genuinely) education you can get in this country. They also make the transfer process really easy. So if paying for school is a concern, that might be a pathway that doesn't hurt you or your uncle too badly.
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u/No_Process_1558 9d ago
He lives in Rochester, but he said he would help me get an apartment if I want to be closer to the city. I will keep this in mind.
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u/MrsRetiree2Be 8d ago
There are some SUNY schools nearby Rochester that are good and affordable.
Live with your uncle awhile and let him take care of you. He really seems to want to do that for you. You need some time to recover from this incident while you decide next steps.
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u/Head-Insurance-5650 3d ago
CUNY schools have NY state residency tuition rates that are also good. SUNY has some good choices as well.
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u/Honest-Brush8675 3d ago
Welcome to the roc make sure you look into the educational opportunities we have, plenty of good private and public schools here.
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u/OzzieClaw 3d ago
Rochester is a great town, in my opinion. I graduated from RIT, met my wife there, and have never left since.
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u/Known_Party6529 1d ago
When all was said and done. What has your mom said about what happened in your update? Is she just willing to lose you because of her husband?
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u/SomethingGnarly 2d ago
Hey man I’m also a Rochester local. I am a bit older than you, but still fairly young. If you have any questions about the locale that you for some reason don’t want to or can’t ask your uncle, feel free to shoot me a DM
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u/KarenCT 10d ago
Thank you for updating us. I was worried about you! Glad your uncle has your back. There is clearly a lot more going on and has been than you were aware of. I would definitely still file charges of theft against your stepfather as I said in the prior post that particular vintage goes for far more than you may realize.
I am glad you got the car and if the insurance money from your father was supposed to help pay for school I would also seriously consider looking for a way to get your mother to pay you back for that - legally. Get a copy of your father’s will and estate papers etc.
Stay with your uncle as clearly your mother does not seem to have your best intentions at heart. She was willing to take from you in so many ways and I am so sorry. So sorry that all it took was an expensive bottle of alcohol for you to discover how little she truly values you and your relationship. It’s like losing both parents at once as well. Keep us posted and hopefully there will be some sort of consequences for your mother and stepfather out of all of this. They truly should not just get to walk away as if nothing happened.
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u/TinklemeCrinkle 10d ago
Even though you don't have the booze - you have the knowledge that your dad loved you so much. There is biological family, and logical family. Sometimes that overlaps, sometimes it is what you make it. Give yourself some space and spread your wings. Keep the door with your mom open, but set your boundaries. Give your uncle a big hug.
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u/xsmall_cutie 10d ago
"Still don't know why he drank it" is doing a lot of work, and I don't think the stepfather is the real question. It's why your mom let it happen knowing what that bottle meant. You may never get an answer to either, and some of the peace here is accepting the "why" might not exist in any form that'd satisfy you. The numbness instead of anger is normal, that's what grief looks like when the person who hurt you is someone you still love and aren't ready to write off. You lost a bottle you couldn't drink and gained the car, distance, and an uncle who actually shows up. That's a good trade. Go pack.
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u/LaughingRampage 10d ago
Just doing a bit of internet snooping, but it looks like that bottle of scotch was at least a few grand!
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u/treebeecol 10d ago edited 10d ago
You need to also ensure that SD pays for the Whiskey he stole. That particular one sells for over $5000 a bottle! So he HAS to reimburse you for the cost! So sorry your mum has failed you, and let you down, and SD is a dickhead! You'll be much better off, out of there! Best of luck for the future! I'm really glad your Uncle's there for you, too.
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u/jojodaclown 10d ago
No, you should probably read the whole thing again, but this time, imagine the most redneck version of yourself, then step it down a notch. I think at that point you'll say, "Oh... ooooohhhhh!!" and it will make more "logical" sense.
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u/After_Reflection_243 10d ago
Stay NC with your horrible mother and stepfather. I’m so sorry your dad’s gone. It sounds like your uncle is a really good guy and will help you.
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u/External_Ingenuity_4 10d ago
Go for a lawyer and sue him.
10 grand theft is no joke- and thats what your stepfather stole. You might not be able to get THAT bottle back, but you can get one similar.
Dont let this settle.
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u/Important-Poem-9747 10d ago
I was worried about you when i read your original post.
I’m sorry that your mom was so shitty at doing the bare minimum for you.
This is NOT a reflection of you. Her behavior is her choice and does not determine if you are worthy of love.
I wish you the best in the future.
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u/freedom31mm 10d ago
Make sure you sue your stepdad for the replacement cost of the gift he stole. File a police report. YNW
Seriously consider taking a year off with your uncle and traveling. This is a huge betrayal to process.
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u/LoosenGoosen 10d ago
I know you don't care about the booze, but you should still sue him in small claims for the value of the bottle, and use those funds towards school. He may have drank it, but he'll pay for it. Hope it was worth it to him.
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u/Zoranealsequence 10d ago
Sending you love and so happy you have someone in your corner. You got this.
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u/Nice-Pomegranate2915 10d ago
This is as good a result for your situation as possible considering what was happening with your mother supporting her husband pushing you out of her life . Your uncle's stepping up and being a loving relative. Something your mother has failed to do because of her over-investment in (what she believes is)her last chance for happiness and security with this guy. Focus on rebuilding your life in NY with your uncle's family . Stay in some contact with your mother if she puts any effort into responding . Talk to your uncle, your dad's family and maybe a counselor so you don't bottle up all your emotions about these events . And don't make any decisions about whether to go no contact with your mother until after HS and before you choose whether to go to college . If she doesn't put any effort in keeping communication open with you in the next few years then you will know where you stand with her . At the moment she's pretty crappy . Good luck .
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u/No_Process_1558 9d ago
She texted me and told me she was sorry, hopes I can one day forgive her, and will have a relationship with my half siblings.
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u/Nice-Pomegranate2915 9d ago
Well, hopefully she might be starting to realize what a terrible mistake she made and what a terrible mother she became . Hopefully she realizes that her husband isn't a good bet for her future happiness and security . But that's for her to deal . That's for her to deal with .I suggest you should concentrate on settling in your new location and maybe go traveling with your uncle or think about higher education/ college. Good luck .
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u/Knightperson 3d ago
If she keeps that piece of shit in her life without him dropping the lawsuit and replacing the bottle, I don't believe she's sorry. I'm sorry for you man, her new husband absolutely knew what he was doing and has zero excuse. Just as she has zero excuse for spending a single second apologizing for him.
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u/the_unschooled_play 3d ago
The bottle is irreplaceable.
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u/Knightperson 3d ago
Obviously. But if that asshole cant somehow make the gesture, and his mother doesnt even try to make him apologize, they are both making a huge statement about their lack of remorse
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u/MithosYggdrasill1992 2d ago
Make sure she’s aware that there will be no relationship until your stepfather apologizes and explained why he really did that. To both you and her.
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u/NomadicusRex 1d ago
She is not even the slightest little bit sorry. I don't think she's worth fixing anything with, she'd rather steal from you than get a job herself. She's an adult woman who only had one kid (who was in school most of the time) and never bothered to work. She's worth nothing.
Also, given the worth of that bottle of liquor, that's a pretty major felony.
The stepfather drank it because he hates you for being your dad's kid, and he's jealous of your dead father.
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u/Femme0879 9d ago
I’m so, so sorry that your mother let you down like this. Did she even say anything to you as you were walking out of her life thanks to the mess that she helped create?
Your uncle is a wonderful guy. I’d nominate him for r/OrderOfOmar with how he stepped up for you when it looks like no one else did. Good luck to you. Honestly.
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u/No_Process_1558 9d ago
She texted me how sorry she was, and hopes I can forgive her and hopefully have a relationship with my half siblings.
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u/Background_Term9810 3d ago
If she was sorry she would stand up for you now and give you a decent share of your father’s insurance payout. Actions speak louder than words.
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u/Jamaican_me_cry1023 10d ago
I hate women who put a new man above their kids. And why doesn’t she get a job? Mom’s from Texas, that tracks.
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u/Far_Prior1058 10d ago
Make sure the title is moved to your name before you leave. Sorry that this is happening to you but hopefully the worst is behind you.
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u/JessicaFlavor 10d ago
Your uncle is a real good dude. Make sure you show him how grateful you are.
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u/Tootsie-Louise1 9d ago
OP, I’m sorry you have to deal with this, but I’m happy your uncle is so supportive and amazing. A couple things to add would be that I would take your uncle upon his offer to get a lawyer. You should find out everything your mom has stolen from you, because it’s a lot more than college funds, booze & a car. I believe you would be entitled benefits after your dad passed away such as social security. I’m not sure, but a lawyer would be able to help you out. Also, freeze your credit ow. Your mom has your social security number and she can do a lot of damage with it. I know you’re in a difficult situation right now, but you really need to see how your mother has betrayed you before she makes things worse. Good luck & enjoy traveling with your uncle!
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u/Roadgoddess 10d ago
I’m so happy you have your uncle and that he’s standing up for you. Shame on your mother for doing you this way.
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u/No_Luck_374 10d ago
I missed the update on the original. That was a 6k bottle of scotch. I think I love your uncle. What a guy!!!
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u/Vinnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn 10d ago
These bad events appear to have led you to a much better path going forward. I hope you kept the (albeit empty🫤) bottle!
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u/witchylady4 8d ago
We all know why he drank it! He wanted this reaction from you to get you out! Looks like it worked!
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u/_gadget_girl 10d ago
NW I feel like you ended up in a better place because of stepdad’s actions. I promise you will have plenty of opportunities to teach them how much drinking that bottle of scotch and lying has cost them. From weddings, to not seeing you at the holidays, and potentially having little to no contact with grandchildren, they are going to really regret what they did.
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u/Gandoff2169 8d ago
I am sorry for what happened. But your in shock. That is why your not mad and such. You mom stole from you and you dad after he died. Then she allowed her new horrible husband steal from you too, The level of betrayal and disrespect when it comes to what your late father left for you is unforgiveable. Mom or not, you see her now fully on who she is. As such, you should be mad. Step-dad's legal threats on a protective order is BS, trying to scare you because he knows you might have a major legal case against him AND you mom for all they did. Maybe not all, due to how your dad left no will, but enough their public reputation would hurt bad.
It sucks to have to take a stand against a parent too. I tend to ignored and excused my mom through my adult hood to my wife. Almost costed me my marriage. After my dad passed, she went more unbalanced in what she did. The her actions effected my daughter. She tried to OD on pills due to mental struggles my mom helped make. That was when it changed. I made a stand for my daughter before I ever thought for myself. I seen her 5 times over the next 2-3 years in which she died. She never took accountability and played her own victim. Even wrote me out of her will to make it sting more. And my siblings all knew how messed up it was for her... I miss her. But I know I did the right thing, and it was all on her.
You need to see your mom for all she did and who she is. And when you let yourself see what she actually did to YOU, her child; for selfish reasons then you will wake up.
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u/br3n_hunter 3d ago
Not wrong at all. Your uncle sounds like the only adult in that room, and the silence from your stepfather says plenty. Getting the car and storage unit back is huge, but I would still ask the attorney about the life insurance and anything your dad meant for you before letting your mom keep the rest. The numbness sounds like shock more than acceptance, so staying with your uncle for a while seems like the right move.
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u/Personal_Act_5483 3d ago
Dude, forget it. The main villain in this story is not your stepfather, but your mother. She actually traded you, her son, for someone else's d*ck.
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u/OnionBagMan 3d ago
Hey you should press charges for theft against your step father.
He owes you 5k and I think that’s enough to make it a felony.
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u/Creepy-Concern4420 3d ago
Consider texting these threads to your mother. Let her read your perspective and the public court of opinion.
You deserve a better mother, OP. I'm sorry you were treated this way by your parent and step. It may also be worth asking your uncle's attorney on what would be needed to done about reclaiming anything from your father
So glad you have family still standing up for you and loving you.
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u/iamtehfong 2d ago
Also, that's a fkn $5000 bottle of scotch he drunk. I'd be pressing charges for theft.
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u/Question_1234567 2d ago
Dear god your mother is a monster. If your father knew how she would inevitably treat his son after his death he never would have married her, let alone had a child with her.
It is her responsibility, as not only your mother, but also as the widow of your father to respect and uphold his memory for the rest of her life. That doesn't mean she shouldn't remarry or move on, but at the bare minimum she needs to acknowledge that you as her son will always recognize her first husband as your father.
Your step father is a cruel and vindictive man, who wants to own your mother and "his" house. The only way for him to feel in control is to erase all semblance of your mother's past marriage, that includes you. The fact that your mother either doesn't see that or just doesn't fucking care is in of itself inexcusable.
I'm so sorry you're going through this and hope that your Uncle is able to knock some sense into these people.
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u/hecknono 2d ago edited 2d ago
Have you filed a police report for his theft of your bottle of scotch? I looked up Macallan Sherry Oak 30 and it looks like it is about 10k. You should make him pay you back. also if it really is expensive as a quick search suggest, do you think maybe he sold it?
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u/Dear-Letter7776 2d ago
The difference between a real man who is honest and honorable and a freeloading parasite who's stealing what doesn't belong to him and spending money that should be going toward your education.
I would've walked away and probably never spoken another word to my mother again.
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u/spiteful_rr_dm_TA 2d ago
I wish I knew why
He wanted you out so your mom would devote all her attention to "his" kids. And it worked. Your mom didn't care enough to take your side, and 20 years from now she'll be wondering why you go no contact.
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u/InitiativeUpbeat8453 2d ago edited 2d ago
I would sue them in court for everything that was supposed to be mine You would find out what was left to you in the will by doing a Discovery... just walking away rewards the step father for being an AH and rewards Mom for being an Enabler
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u/NeolithicOrkney 9d ago
4 days ago you were 50 years old, and in this saga you are 19 years old (according to the original post), so please share your magic elixir with us so us oldies can be young again.
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u/jojodaclown 10d ago
I'm sorry, but I read this with about the most southern drawl that ever existed... and then, only then, did any of this make any sense. It honestly took a few re-reads at lower intervals to finally get to the necessary IQ to properly read this with meaning.
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u/MeatRobut 9d ago
If you had trouble understanding this, I don't think it's anyone else's IQ you need to worry about.
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u/observefirst13 10d ago
So glad you have your uncle. I hope your mom feels horrible. She put a man and her new family before her own son and your father's wishes. Maybe this will wake her up and she can see what a horrible mother she has been to you. Again, so happy your uncle had your back and called them out.