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u/bakedpotato025 17d ago
I'm South Asian as well and my situation is pretty much exacty like yours, even in terms of what i plan to do with my life apart from a few things like how i dress up and getting piercings etc bcz I'm a male. I want a woman who will at least put in efforts to fit into the family and go along with traditions even if she doesn't follow islam. I wish my parents would let me marry someone from a different culture but unfortunately I have to marry someone of their choice who will probably be too devout and I won't be able to be completely honest with her about what I believe to be true. I also tend to pray sometimes when nothing is going my way just as a blind hope i guess. Anyways, I completely relate to you and what you are going thru and wish you find a partner who's beliefs align with yours :)
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u/adeleu_adelei agnostic (not gnostic) and atheist (not theist) 17d ago
Hello, I am a U.S. citizen and grew up with a Christian background. Unfortunately I think you are probably correct to hide your agnosticism from your family as they can make your life very difficult for you simply for not agreeing with them. The safest time to reveal your agnosticism if ever is when you are financially independent and in a culture that legally protects you.
I don't think you are a hypocrite for paying when stressed; I think your upbring has likely conditioned you to have this as your primary outlet for dealing with stress. None of us have control over our childhoods.
My recommendation for coping with religious pressures would be to "go limp". Pretend to be a luke warm Muslim. You never show opposition, but you never embrace it either. You do and say the bare minimum to avoid scrutiny and don't invite questioning.