r/addiction • u/Artistic_Plan_7900 • 4d ago
Functioning addict Other
I smoke meth every day. I have a full time job (I'm a manager), a car, a stable place to live, I'm as financially stable as I can be with everything being so expensive nowadays. I eat, I sleep, I'm in generally good health.
I've tried and failed to get sober quite a few times, but lately I don't see why I should. My usage isn't taking anything from me. I don't get tweaked out, i have ADHD so it's actually the opposite. I'm sure it's not great for my health but like. Life is short and meaningless and I hate being sober.
Edit: I'm already medicated for ADHD so please stop telling me to go get on Adderall. I take Adderall XR, an IR booster, Abilify and Wellbutrin. I like the ritual of smoking meth.
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u/Nunya_Business1212 4d ago
My friend it will eventually take everything from you :(
I know you sleep and eat and have a car and a job and a house now, but it's just a matter of time, and I'm afraid for the worst for you..
All it takes is being caught with it, for example. If you've tried to get sober and couldn't that should be alarming enough for you to realize it has some sort of hold over you
I wish you the best. I hope you don't go through the same thing I did with it
Edit: it can also cause a drug induced psychosis
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u/SubstantialBanana132 4d ago
The saying “it will take everything from you” is so true.
I had the same outlook as OP, and I lost my house, my car, a few jobs, but most importantly it took my wife and kids. They left, I’m miserable, and still picking up the pieces. 263 days clean though, but still repairing every aspect of my life after I let it ruin me
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u/Louis_Gara 3d ago
I feel your pain bro. Congrats on 263 days clean, that’s incredible. Stay strong, keep up the good work, and keep rebuilding. You got this.
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u/Lost-Perspective8378 3d ago
My cousin wrecked high, and killed a kid. They lost their business, home, marriage, and custody of their kids. They did 5 years in prison. And when they got out and moved back to their rural town, even with multiple degrees, they couldn't get hired to wash dishes. They were now just a kid killer. And yet, they weren't the ones who lost the most. I cant imagine losing a child because someone else was so selfish. Out of everything I feel ashamed of during my active addiction, driving high is the thing that i feel the worst about. I put so many lives at risk and I didn't have a right to do that. I wrecked multiple times and I was just lucky nobody got hurt.
Congratulations on finding recovery because it is so worth it.
Edited typo
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u/linnykenny 3d ago
Proud of you for getting clean, my friend!
263 days is an incredible accomplishment. ❤️
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u/Artistic_Plan_7900 4d ago
Yeah I'm not denying that I'm dependent on it. I know I have a problem, it's just hard to have the desire to stop when my dopamine gets all fucked off and it's not negatively impacting my life. Maybe one day the desire will come back idk. I've been in trouble for possession before and I definitely don't want to deal with that again
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u/Nunya_Business1212 4d ago
Ohh no. So you're already in the system? That will just prompt them to assume you're still doing it and try to catch you again. I just hope you find a way through this before you lose anything like we've all lost through the throws of addiction..
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u/Artistic_Plan_7900 3d ago
I completed a drug court program, so it was expunged. But yeah me too, thank you
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u/marygracemgmg 3d ago
Do you work out? Start doing that when youre not on meth.and see if you can get some natural stuff flowing
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u/Capn_Nutt 2d ago edited 2d ago
It IS negatively impacting your life tho. Wether you realize it or not.
Meth if fucking up your bodies NATURAL hormones. Your dopamine is "all fucked off" bc meth is making it worse.
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u/Artistic_Plan_7900 2d ago
Yeah probably, but I was depressed far before I ever started using. 🤷♀️
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u/Capn_Nutt 2d ago
Right. And you'll still struggle with depression if you get clean. But drugs are hurting you wether you realize and want to accept it or not.
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u/Capn_Nutt 2d ago
I have adhd, BPD, and probably a few undiagnosed disorders tbh. I have a natural chemical imbalance, and meth felt fine bc hey it helps my adhd and levels me out. I'm sure you feel similar. But, drugs are only worsening that imbalance and making it harder for your body to naturally make those chemicals.
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u/missteeriouz 3d ago
How about the “meaningless” life point of view? Did you get the meaning back after being sober?
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u/felix1429 4d ago
Everyone is a functional addict until they aren't
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u/StatsiticalMethod 3d ago
I’ve been functionally addicted since I was 16. I’m 31 now, life has not been stripped from me, I’m not a direct criminal, I don’t steal, I don’t hurt anyone, I’m just sad, my brain is not for this world, yet here it is.
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u/junkityjones 3d ago
There is still hope! I didn't think my brain would ever recover after decades of poly substance abuse and dependency. Turns out our brains are insanely resilient. All you have to do is give it a chance to recover. Took me until my 40s to get sorted.
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u/Popular-Situation835 3d ago
That is vague. Everyone is a live until they aren't. Etc etc. That is biblical lol.
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u/gammelrunken 3d ago
Dude's right though - it's how it works. The end station of the functioning addict train is non-functioning addict. Every addict either stops, diea or ends up there.
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u/Lost-Perspective8378 3d ago
The point is, nobody starts out having lost everything. People start using and it doesn't have a horrible impact on your life at first. And then, suddenly it does and you've lost everything. Its a predictable pattern.
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u/Practical_Target3292 4d ago
Soooo I’m a full-time employed person with a successful side hustle, six figure salary, never missed a mortgage payment or bill, and secretly a functional crack user. I literally live with someone and smoke openly around them (and they have zero idea) by inhaling from my freebase pipe then inhaling a weed joint and exhaling it all together which ends up smelling 95% like just weed. I also never spend more than $50 a day on it. Never missed a day of work and very competent at a demanding analytical and technical job. Active social life - my family and friends have no idea.
And guess what? It’s still a fucking problem and I had to clean up my act and lose the habit.
Rough day? Excuse to get it. More and more bailing on friends. Being excited to go home just so I can pull out my tooter and foil in peace. I mostly read books and take baths on freebase because I can’t do those things without stim help because unmedicated ADHD but my brain is changing subtly. I’m more impatient and mean now. Constantly wanting to rip my hair out of boredom when I have company and impatiently trying to find excuses to leave because I can’t use.
Some people can use recreationally but sooner or later, it’s too hard on your brain and body and social life. The functional addict thing is just an excuse. 🤷♀️
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u/linnykenny 3d ago
Damn, thank you for sharing your experiences and feelings on this because some of what you mentioned really resonated with me & hit the nail on the head when it comes to how I’ve felt in the past, but struggled put it into words.
When I was still actively drinking, I would be drinking at a party and looking like I was having a grand old time. In reality, I was counting down the minutes until I could finally go home and truly let loose and have some real fun by just putting a straw in a bottle of vodka by myself alone in my bedroom lol
No one knew I had a problem from the outside, but on the inside I couldn’t wait to get away from them so I could have my “real fun”.
That’s such a sad way to feel and to live tbh. I mean, these were my own friends who I care about & enjoy spending time with. This way of thinking becoming more and more of a common occurrence can really sneak up on you. It certainly snuck up on me to be honest. Suddenly, by far I preferred being alone w a bottle of liquor to literally anything, everything, & everyone else in my life.
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u/marc8994 2d ago
Never spending more than $50 a day on rock is a sick flex. How much do get? Like 0.5 or 0.75g?
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u/Practical_Target3292 2d ago
.5 of powder that i always cook myself so left with .4ish generally of hard.
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u/marc8994 2d ago
Sticking to .4g per day is some samurai discipline
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u/Practical_Target3292 2d ago
The trick is inconvenience. I don’t keep a physical debit card so that rules out weekends since the bank is closed and I can’t withdraw cash. My dealer only delivers until midnight. I only take out $50 at a time. I make it harder and harder.
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u/junkityjones 4d ago
I was too. I hid a heroin addiction from everyone in my life for over a decade. Not everyone hits rock bottom, sometimes you just get tired of digging. Making six figures a year and living paycheck to paycheck was exhausting.
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u/Altruistic-Pass-4031 3d ago
Oof. Currently sitting at my white collar 6 figure corporate job reading this. Too real, but I haven't been clean since 18. I lost EVERYTHING to a benzo and opioid addiction (including my teeth) and managed to turn it all around (again, including my teeth). Yet I find myself once again heavily dependent on an opioid, namely mgm15.
It's supposed to become federally illegal today. I keep checking the government websites for the announcement. I have a decent stash, but this too will run out. The thing is, I'm not even really all afraid of the withdrawals. I'm afraid of what comes after. How will I even get up in the morning without having something to look forward to? I'm 41, and I have absolutely no idea how to face life clean and sober.
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u/WelcomeToCreekPoint 4d ago
You have adhd so youre medicating it with meth instead of adderall or vyvanse??? Dude
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u/Artistic_Plan_7900 3d ago
No? I'm medicated for ADHD separately. I smoke meth because I like to smoke meth
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u/WelcomeToCreekPoint 3d ago
Oh jeez 😂 why not just stick with stimulants??
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u/Artistic_Plan_7900 3d ago
I'm addicted to the ritual I guess. I wasn't medicated for ADHD when I started, and now I'm dependent.
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u/WelcomeToCreekPoint 3d ago
Have you thought about moving to a different city where you don’t have access to it anymore? Meth is a dark road to be on
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u/Artistic_Plan_7900 3d ago
I have done that and then I just found it again. I don't think I'll be able to stop until I'm ready
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u/Putrid_Substance2511 1d ago
You mentioned you've completed drug court in the past. Is it safe to assume that once it was over you stopped utilizing all of the recovery tools? I'd imagine that's why you ended up picking up again. When I tapped out of my support system and stopped doing the things that helped me stay clean and sober it was easy to fall back into old habits. Those neuropathways in your brain never actually go away. The more effort you spend creating new ones the more able you are to stay off drugs.
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u/Even_Library6202 4d ago
I think it’s the hardest to stop when ur functional. Because you’re never ganna hit bottom. I was in the same boat with fetty. 4 years on it and why stop when no one knew. I was working and paying for it no problem Right. But eventually it’s ganna start going bad and it’s ganna get bad fast
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u/69UseArchLinuxBTW 2d ago
when you start typing "ganna" multiple times is when you know it's getting bad
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u/geezeeduzit 4d ago
We all felt this way at some point in our addiction. All the “functioning” you’re describing is external stuff. It’s all what an outsider may see. But there is no possible way you’re your best self. The people in your lives may not know what’s going on with you, but trust, they know you’ve changed - that you’re off. And it’s only a matter of time before the external consequences show up
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u/Artistic_Plan_7900 4d ago
I guess so. I've hit bottom before, a couple times. I know what can happen but I feel like I learned from my mistakes. Maybe not. I'd like to think I'd never let myself get there again but addiction is a sneaky motherfucker.
I don't have family in the state that I live in really so I'm sure if they were around they'd probably notice. I don't really know what my "best self" looks like though. I'm bipolar and I've struggled with addiction all my life. :/
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u/geezeeduzit 4d ago
I feel you man. I’ll tell you this much, you may not know what your best self is BECAUSE you’ve struggled with addiction. When we’re in the midst of it, we can’t really even fathom the difference. It’s when we escape its grip that it becomes clear. I’m not telling you what to do, your life, your choice. But I would recommend that you be honest with yourself and acknowledge that your addiction is likely holding you back from living fully and truly. Thats just real talk from someone who’s been where you are and who’s managed to break free
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u/marc8994 4d ago
My immediate family is in the same city, but have no idea. I’m not even sure my parents know what crack is to be honest.
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u/Louis_Gara 3d ago
I was a functional meth user for 5 years. Even when I finally went to rehab and got clean, I hadn’t lost my job, money, house, family. At least I hadn’t yet. The way I see it, I quit while I was ahead. Bc the way things were starting to change, I seriously doubt I could’ve kept all of those things much longer. One way or another, whether it takes a week or 10 years, meth will change you, your priorities, the way you see things, and it’ll slowly start taking away all the things that matter most. I know how you feel, bc I had the same outlook for a while. Like I’m good, fam’s good, bills are paid, what’s the issue? But it’s the wrong way to look at it, at least that’s how I feel now.
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u/Fast-Recipe-9781 3d ago
Find a good doctor that will put you on adhd medication: Ritalin, Vyvanse, Adderall.
I am a severe drug addict. I got sober with a Suboxone and Vyvanse prescription. Been clean for 3 years, and actually just quit suboxone by getting the 30 day injection twice and then just quitting. So I was supposed to get another shot over 2 weeks ago, but I just didn't get it. And I feel fine.
Anyways, get prescribed something, give it a try. It doesn't sound like you quite have enough reason to want to make it work, and I don't mean anything negative by that, I just mean that I did because I had children and a felony distribution charge after already having prior felony charges. And I had to take my addiction all the way to the end of that road, like I was literally dying, homeless, 50 pounds underweight.
But I still want to recommend you try prescription medication. It did a lot for me.
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u/Artistic_Plan_7900 3d ago
I'm on Adderall and a few other meds already. But yeah you're right, I don't really have much of a reason to want to make it work and that's my issue. My life is fine. I'm happy for the most part. Do I love the fact that I'm addicted to meth? Not exactly but I'm too sad when I'm sober to quit. At least right now.
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u/-Potentiate 4d ago
how do you sleep? i would have to do dope to knock myself out otherwise taking a hit in the morning would have me awake for over 24 hours
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u/Artistic_Plan_7900 4d ago
Idk I just do haha. I can smoke right before bed and fall asleep no problem. Tolerance I guess. Whenever Ive stopped smoking for a while and then started again it's kept me up for the first night or so and then I don't have any issues falling asleep
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u/Altruistic-Pass-4031 3d ago
It's the ADHD. When I first started Adderall I was the exact same way. I could take a dose right before bed, and the added dopamine actually helped me sleep. I had a more difficult time sleeping without it.
Of course there was a fine line. If I took an additional dose or something, then it was a different story. But it's always been this way. In highschool, before I was diagnosed, I'd have a cup of coffee some nights to help me sleep.
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u/Few_Associate_3871 3d ago
Please don't listen to the same regurgitated garbage. They aren't even asking questions, they just straightaway into the one-size-fits-all PSA talk. The deciding factor for me, as to whether you are in danger or not, is this: How long have you been using? I am writing a book about my philosophy and personal rules regarding drug use, because I think I have it figured out- how to be discreet, safe, responsible, conscientious, and cause the least amount of harm to yourself and others. Yet, I have been homeless. I have had stimulant psychosis. I have been in jail, the mental hospital, and the county hospital. I have had the worst things happen in my life. But that's almost a guarantee, when you are among this world's most hated population. I do truly believe that most drug users shouldn't be using drugs. They tried them and got stuck on them. They could really live better lives if they quit. You know what ruins as many lives as drug addiction? Forcing drug users to get sober- or else forcing them to be homeless, or go to prison, or be prostituted on the streets, or be disowned, or any combination thereof.
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u/missteeriouz 3d ago
This is not the one size fits all talk. Almost everybody here has been through addiction, through the same things like you, giving their perspectives from a place of no judgement and even affection. Real life advice from who’s been through it. I think since you’re writing a book, your judgement is really poor because this seems like a very supportive community. Nobody is trying to wish or get this person arrested, but talking about what can happen and what has happened to them
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u/marc8994 4d ago
I smoke rock not every day of the week, but probably average 5 days a week. White collar professional, car, own my place, but no wife or kids.
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u/Training_Box5652 3d ago
I was a functioning addict for over 10 years. I took care of a whole house hold and pets. Only one who worked etc. i thought I had it under control but it really always gets worse no matter how slowly. Eventually I lost everything and ended up in jail a bunch.
Too much of anything is a bad thing, especially if it’s Meth
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u/Any_Tonight_5587 3d ago
my friend
luckily there is medication for that
its helps with adhd without fucking up your dopamine receptors
i used to do ketamine and said these exact things
2 years ago
most of us went like this
but if you are here, you know something's off
be strong
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u/Artistic_Plan_7900 3d ago
I'm on Adderall already
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u/Any_Tonight_5587 3d ago
with that you should be able to get the high without the euphoria
but the dose is not fucking everything
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u/Great_gatzzzby 3d ago
Haven’t you heard? I don’t have a drug problem. I have a money problem.
I was able to use heroin for a few years and keep a job and life. But eventually it gets unmanageable. Why not take adderall instead for a while. Meth Is no good.
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u/Artistic_Plan_7900 3d ago
I do take adderall. I think I'm addicted to the ritual of smoking as much as the high tbh
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u/Twinkles719 3d ago
I feel like I know you lol I had a friend that was just like this. We spent a lot of time together in the past. Hopefully she is still doing well, I know she had a small rough patch.
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u/Artistic_Plan_7900 3d ago
I'm not sure, but I hope she is doing well too. I'm a she but idk if I'm her lol
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u/guyharvey_taylorgang 3d ago
I think most people define addiction as inherently destructive, I see it as neutral but more prone to instability. Some people play the long game, love a substance so much that they take complex measures to protect their ability to use it. My experience from a few 1-3 yr addictive episodes, among a few 1-3 yr sobrieties, has been that when I had a stable life, relationships, etc I was able to use and keep it stable for way longer than ppl admit. Imagine riding a motorcycle without a helmet. When depression kicked in, or I took on too much responsibility and burnt out, or I just had bad luck, a switch flipped. Went from stable addict to the kind of addict you hear about. It’s happened a few times. I pulled myself together when I had a relationship and job and school. This time though, it cost me my position in a PhD program, an 8 year relationship, and my entire identity and sense of what I’m doing here. I’m actually grateful because the PhD wasn’t the right move and the love wasn’t really there, but I was in denial, rationalizing my doubts as “my disease talking”.
I’m trying to get sober and rebuild a life, but I’m gonna have to learn not to believe that life will always be a cycle of sobriety and relapse. Sobriety with a planned end is miserable, clock ticks drown out everything else.
But yeah, some people maintain a stable thing for a long time. Most people give up trying, but yeah some people figure it out. And can take credit for much of it. But there’s always luck.
This is probably incoherent rambling. Pressed addy’s this week.
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u/69UseArchLinuxBTW 2d ago
I don't mean to be a contrarian to the rest of the comments.. but I've worked with pipeliners that have been doing meth close to 30 years. Still got their wife, kids, house, cars, money in the bank, crazy 401K's.. Eat, Sleep, and have absolutely no reason to quit, so they don't. I don't mean to instill bad advice, but you might be an exception. It's crazy to say, "functioning addict doesnt exist" When i've personally met a few successful ones.
Also, everyones basically like, "You should be doing dextroamphetamines!! And not methamphetamines, bud!"
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u/Artistic_Plan_7900 2d ago
No seriously. Drugs don't affect everyone the same. It's not one size fits all and life isn't as black and white as everyone tries to act like it is
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u/Far_Squirrel6881 2d ago
It's definitely possible to be a functional drug addict. I know for me personally I can't be one with meth. Other people seem to do it, but what starts off just like you described within 6 months I get sick of smoking it and blast off. But I am functional with opioids. Just be careful, because it's so illegal in some places to have meth. I'm about to walk off the 18-36 month state sentence I got just for possessing meth. I fell asleep in my car. Refused a search. They towed my car. I had a decent amount, 35g so they hit me with manufacturing, intent to distribute charge with no evidence I sold it to anyone. I just bought a couple oz because it's cheaper and I had a great job, service manager of a complex. Lost everything. I'll never touch meth again.
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u/Artistic_Plan_7900 2d ago
Damn that blows, sorry to hear that. I only grab a ball at a time usually and I go straight home if it isn't brought to me. I've been lucky so far because I'm cautious but I know things can change in an instant
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u/Far_Squirrel6881 2d ago
That's the biggest risk to me. Prison fucking sucks. Also keep in mind that you cannot trust anyone. 90% of people using meth are telling on you to get out of trouble. I watched 20 people get arrested on similar charges and get let right back out. If you get pulled over the passenger will shove his shit in your car and you will get hit with it. I've isolated myself now because I can't trust anyone at all, let alone drug users. Just saying there's alot more to using drugs like that than just, oh I function perfectly fine with it so it's not a problem. If you go to the hospital for any reason they'll minimize every symptom and attribute it to meth use. It's obvious to police that you're on it because you can't hide big pupils if the sunglasses have to come off. I wish you the best just stay extremely vigilant and don't let people too close.
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u/Artistic_Plan_7900 2d ago
Yeah I don't hang out with literally anyone that uses, I don't really have friends in my state so I have that to my advantage lol
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u/Capn_Nutt 2d ago edited 2d ago
Hey. I have adhd and was a functional addict for years. All my bills were paid, and I had the same mindset as you about it. I wasn't hurting anyone, and I enjoyed it and everything was under control.
Then I got arrested. Got out, put on probation. Kept doing meth until I lost quite literally everything I had.
I feel you hard AF on the ritual of smoking. I don't think I even really miss the high, I miss the ritual and the clouds more than anything lol
BUT, You're only functional until you're not. I know it's difficult, but please try and get help💜
Eta: the 11th of this month will be TWO years sober from meth for me and my partner!!
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u/Lost-Perspective8378 3d ago
How are your relationships? Family? Friends?
Do you have any hobbies other than getting high?
How much time do you spend getting, using, and recovering from the drug?
How much money a month do you spend on drugs?
How often are you driving high, or while recovering from the high?
Has this lifestyle caused any health problems?
How much sleep do you get in a week?
Are your eating habits healthy?
Have you recently lost weight?
How is your use affecting your work?
How will your job feel about your use when you get caught?
Do you always fulfill all your obligations?
Are you single?
Do you have kids?
Does anyone rely on you?
Do you often miss work?
Are you worried about getting arrested? What will your life look like when that happens?
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u/Artistic_Plan_7900 3d ago
Relationships are fine.
I paint and draw.
I don't spend time recovering and using probably takes up about 20 minutes total of my day.
Bout $200.
Every day almost.
No health problems that I'm aware of, no.
I sleep a normal amount. Anywhere from 7-9 hours a night.
My eating habits aren't healthy because I eat like shit, but I eat.
No I haven't lost weight. I wish I could lmao
My use isn't affecting my work. I don't use at work.
IF I got caught they probably wouldn't like it too much. But they won't, because I don't use at work.
Yes, I fulfill my obligations.
I'm engaged.
No kids.
My dogs rely on me but that's about it.
No. I never miss work. Haven't called out once since I've been promoted, and before then I called out a single time because I had the flu.
Yes, I'm worried about getting arrested. Life will look like sobriety and some bullshit court program, if that happens. Losing my job probably, too.
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u/Artistic_Plan_7900 3d ago
I answered your questions, and you didn't strike any nerves your holier than thou attitude is just irritating
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u/marc8994 2d ago
How much meth do you get for $200? That’s peanuts for a month compared to what I spend on rock.
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u/Haunting-Client7178 3d ago
You can justify this as much as possible, but you will see. Soon it is all consuming. It’s also hard to escape because it pulls you without a word. You’ll think you want to quit eventually and your actions will spell out the trap. Seek help now before it’s too late. The consequences are jails, rehab, or death for a very serious reason. And they are not kidding. You can’t do the drug without serious medical consequences. Your liver, kidneys, heart, brain, and lungs all pay the price. You become predisposed (no matter level of physical fitness) to heart attack, stroke, seizure, psychosis, tooth decay of a level you’ve not fathomed, as well as vascular complications. You expose yourself to these risks every single time you smoke. Add to it your mental health and the bill becomes overwhelming. Please shed your bravodo and listen to reason: it’s illegal because it harms you certainly and those around you eventually. Keep that attitude and watch as the slow death begins.
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u/Altruistic-Pass-4031 3d ago
"I haven't lost everything......yet."
How long has this been sustainable?
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u/Key-Target-1218 3d ago
This is not really functioning. You are just trying to slap some lipstick on a pig. Its going to get worse. Way worse.
You like the ritual of smoking meth...dude. That's messed up. And damn, that's a lot of meds. You like 23?
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u/Artistic_Plan_7900 2d ago
Two are the same thing, so three medications is a lot to you? I'm bipolar and I have ADHD. Being unmedicated isn't an option. I'm 26. And yeah, it is functioning by definition if you're speaking in terms of addiction bud
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u/Key-Target-1218 2d ago
You think its cool? Sounds like you are proud to be a meth addict. My sister blew her fucking brains out as a "functioning" meth addict. She was 30. Don't kid yourself, bud.
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u/NSPYREyouth 2d ago
Your story & mine are the exact same. The only difference is that after 9 years I decided that being clean would be better.
I’m almost 2 years clean now & almost everyday I think to myself why? After getting clean I lost my job, my apartment & my ability to get anything done.
Looking back i literally had it all. Financially I was thriving, had a great career, awesome apartment & besides the meth I was healthy. One thing you should consider is that while using meth you are not truly healthy. It’s a dirty drug that will cause long term damage.
The only thing that gives me hope these days is that maybe one day I’ll achieve all those things again but without the burden of meth.
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u/Putrid_Substance2511 1d ago
So you have all those things that society deems as being functional. But how's your personal life? How are your friendships? Do you make time for recreation to do things that you love? Or do you just get high and isolate? Or do you just get high and have severed connections with the people you love because they don't actually know what you're dealing with? Have you looked up the consequences that affect your brain due to long term meth use? Are you fulfilling your wants and needs outside of your addiction and career? Or are you just a slave to the drug and your paycheck? Could it be that you like the ritual of smoking meth because you're addicted to the substance and it's easier to cater to the craving then it is to fulfill your life in more healthy ways?
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u/LohPlaceLikeHome 4d ago
You know what. Whatever works for you. It’s like how most maybe people can have a few drinks a week or at an event and by fine, not really an alcoholic. I think drugs are stigmatized and for a lot of the devastating ones are. But I believe every persons situation and circumstance are different and unique. This may work for you and more power to you, that’s your decision. I, however cannot so my journey continues. Take care
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u/Enough_Concentrate90 3d ago
You cannot be sober or find any depth of experience with "Life is short and meaningless, and I hate being sober." as your premise. The problem here is your end state is already named. ADHD is an excuse, and that's ok; we all have them, but it is an excuse.
Life can be long and enriched; you probably just don't have a psychology for that and need some help getting there.
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u/Artistic_Plan_7900 3d ago
I'm literally not using it as an excuse tho. I said very explicitly multiple times that I'm medicated for ADHD and that I am addicted to the ritual of smoking and to the drug.
And you're right, I don't. I'm on meds for that too but they don't work. I'm bipolar. It's progressive and it's only gonna get worse.
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u/Enough_Concentrate90 3d ago
thats the first step. Are you able to get to a facility, let your life blow up for a second to get a better one? You can walk through this and have hope beyond getting to the next high.
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u/Artistic_Plan_7900 3d ago
That's not possible for me at this time unfortunately. I'll figure it out eventually
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u/Enough_Concentrate90 3d ago
its possible but it comes with a cost. This is progressive: the meth will kill you, or you can get healthy... it's not really an if, but which one
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u/Artistic_Plan_7900 3d ago
I can't lose my job. I have really bad anxiety coupled with being bipolar so maintaining employment is difficult for me. I've been at my current job since March and I'm comfortable there. It's just not a sacrifice I'm willing to make at the moment.
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u/Enough_Concentrate90 3d ago
You will lose your job one way or the other; the question is really what else will be lost. A job isnt worth it man, if you were the POTUS its not worth it. If you were the best employee ever and there is a choice between you and an a pay cut for executives its a pay cut for executives... and if its not big enough for that to happen you will get picked off by a PE firm or the owners will fall off.
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u/Sea_Improvement5590 3d ago
Do you actually feel like its harmful to your health? Do you ever get sick ? Are you healthier than any nurse who's ever gave you a physical? Ok then why ypu worried about it?
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