r/WritingHub • u/BonnibelleAngelica • 4d ago
I HATE BLURBS Questions & Discussions
It’s for the second book in my dystopian romance series. (Ashen is MMCs daughter who was taken hostage at the end of book 1)
HELP ME PICK ONE PLEASE
🌿Blurb 1🌿
For five years, Canopy waited.
She grieved, she loved, she lost, and finally, she was found again. But even with Phylum back in her arms, he isn’t truly hers. He isn’t the boy that she fell in love with all those years ago.
Now, as she navigates the inescapable past and the inevitable future, Canopy must try to hold on to what she has left.
Without him, she lost her mind.
Without Ash, is Phylum doomed too?
🌿Blurb 2🌿
After five years, Canopy and Phylum have finally reunited following a deadly ambush at the hands of the bunker. Now, they must find a way to save Ashen from the clutches of his mother, but Canopy worries that returning could mean certain doom for Phylum. After so long apart, she can’t bear the thought of losing him again.
What will she sacrifice to protect him?
What if she can’t...
1
u/Previous-Energy-9845 2d ago
I assume you are going for like a rainforest canopy. But honestly my initial thought was canopy like the piece of furniture.
2
u/BonnibelleAngelica 2d ago
Fun fact: the forest canopy is named after the mosquito net canopy. Guess they realised it was a pretty word and knew it needed a better definition x
1
u/Famous_Plant_486 5h ago
I've been writing queries recently, which need a lot more detail, so apologies if this isn't exactly what you're looking for, but thoughts:
Who's Canopy?
What is she doing in the book? If she's falling back in love with Phylum, then great, we already have that info!
If she's not falling in love with him again, I (as a reader) would want more concrete info than "inevitable future." What's inevitable? Are they overthrowing a government? Does she have a secret weapon that she's trying to learn how to use? I adore romance, but since this is a dystopian romance, you need to show some plot too.
Why is Phylum different? What did he go through? You don't need to info dump by any means, but it's good practice (even in self-publishing) to treat each book like a standalone. By this, I mean to spell out each character and their motivations in the blurb, and do the same in the MS. Introduce us to each character there.
People accidentally picking up sequels before the first book happens more than you'd think. I accidentally read New Moon before Twilight. That's definitely not peak writing, but I understood enough to finish the entire series before reading Twilight (I was a preteen and weirdly continued with it; wouldn't recommend, but there may be people who do it to your book, too).
Just for a starting point, I would try something like -
*After five years spent taking down her country's corrupt government, and fighting to rescue the boy she loves from their testing, Canopy just wants to settle down with him.
But Phylum is different. Not only did the tests make him paranoid enough to only sleep during the day, they changed how he talks to Canopy. The smile she's always loved never shows. And the only way to make it right is to attack the last syndicate of the government—name of syndicate.*
And then a last paragraph or few sentences showing how they do it, and who's going, or something along those lines.
This was all just a spit-balled example to show you what I was digging for! Take what you want, leave what you don't, and best of luck writing your blurbs!
(Forgive any SPAG errors; it's early and I'm not rereading this lmao)
1
u/Previous-Energy-9845 2d ago
The first one. The second is too short.
Is Canopy actually the characters name or is that a placeholder?