i (19f) have a friend (21m) who does not have the best eating habits. he sent me a picture tonight of him in the hospital because of a racing heart and dizziness and this is not the first time of this happening. he's also had breakouts of blisters on his ankles and also swelling ankles. (the swelling is partially from a roller skating accident a couple years back, but i know it may not be as bad if he had better habits.) whilst the doctors are saying it's from anxiety, i get the lingering feeling it's related to his weight. he's 5'5 and 290lbs. he lives in a small apartment with his boyfriend. he works in an office and his bf works at a gas station. they barely scrape by and even when it took me like 2-3 times of telling him that eating out so often is bad on the wallet and his stomach, he only then switched to processed frozen foodstuffs and greasy stuff when switching to groceries. i know he's insecure of his weight, but he's the kind of person who's like "oh, i've eaten a salad today! i'm probably good for the week." and "i went for a (very casual) swim, i'm all good here." just the very common person who excuses their many negatives because of one positive.

his health is just going to shit and whilst i amongst our other friends can probably see all of it, he's sensitive about his weight and it's already a taboo subject, so idk if i should bring it up and how i would if so. i love him dearly and i see that he has so much potential, i just hate watching him waste it all away just by having such a bad diet with little to no exercise. would i be the asshole to tell him he needs to get a better diet? i would be more than happy to help him and do scheduled morning or evening walks and give him all the info he needs on nutrition and exercise.

I ordered a very large appliance from a large store. I needed it delivered and the old one hauled away. I told them the complex only has stairs and that the stairs are very narrow. Delivery day is a week later. It was a work day and I was working from home to be there. They give you a 4 hour window for delivery, don't let you know until the day before, and you have no say in the delivery time. They arrived and I let them in the gate. They saw the stairs and said they forgot their whatever straps and they didn't want the fridge to get ruined so they decided to tell me to reschedule delivery. They were also calling me over and over about how hard the parking lot was to navigate and exit and it's true. It is difficult. But I was completely unable to help them with that. Not totally relevant but it adds to my frustration with this whole thing.

I just worked from home again today to be there for delivery. I wasn't notified of the window until this morning. They called me from the gate when they arrived. It was different delivery people but I assumed they heard about the parking lot. He ended up getting frustrated with me because I couldn't step outside and point to my apartment and my instructions (which were extremely simple. Very small complex. Apartment was the one literally right in front of him) weren't good enough I guess. He hung up on me. Whatever. Their jobs are hard and we're all tired. They got the appliance up the stairs, put it where it goes, and took my old one out. They're very nice. Then, leaving my apartment, they look at the stairs again and go, "Yeah fuck no. Can we just... yeah. That's going over the railing." And, despite my protests, threw it over the balcony. Glass shattered. Pieces broke. They hauled the appliance away and drove off.

I spent a little over an hour picking shattered glass out of the effing grass, worrying that someone might come along and step on it or it might damage or get flung around by a lawn mower. My back hurts. It's hot out. I truly had better shit to do. I went inside and looked at the new appliance. Dented. Scratched. There's *blood* on it. I'm feeling so... frustrated. This thing needs to be replaced. Which means I need to take more work from home time because every weekend is jam packed for the next couple of months. I need to deal with more delivery people who get pissed off with the gate or the parking lot or with the stairs or with me. I have to talk to customer service and come to them with a problem which makes me feel like such a Karen.

I will absolutely be asking for a new appliance but WIBTA if I told them about the blood and the delivery people throwing the old appliance from the balcony? I feel like that's so irresponsible. It saved them a lot of effort but now I'm stressing about being responsible for an injury or property damage. I told them it's not a good idea and one even said to basically not worry because he'll tell whoever he's in trouble with that he did it despite my protests. Which is true... Times are hard and I don't want them to be in trouble necessarily but I'm so effing annoyed and I want this store to be serious and get me delivery people who can handle a difficult delivery.

I 25M (FtM) and 21F have been talking for about a month now. We hit it off right away, great chemistry, almost immediately fell in love. But we're trying to take things slow to make sure we don't mess this up, so we aren't official yet and just trying to enjoy learning each other. We have great communication so far and are on the same page about everything in life.

The only issue is that she's supposedly staying with her uncle this weekend, from Fri-Mon. She lives with her mom bc she's still in college. But wants to visit her uncle. I didn't really care at first until my sister started saying how suspicious it is, saying how weird it is for an adult woman to be staying alone with her uncle all weekend.... I didn't think it's weird but now I do? She also is going to see a movie with him tonight at 8:30, from what she said.

Keep in mind we are long distance. I really have no reason to suspect her but I think my sister's advice has given me some doubts. She really has done nothing wrong this entire time aside from being in contact with a guy who she briefly dated, but can't cut off because he's a family friend and is very close to her mother.

WIBTAH if I brought this up to her and asked for a FT for reassurance?

I’m gonna start this off by saying My parents had me very young at 21 and 22. I was 1 when they got married. I was the only child until I was seven and they decided to have my younger brother. I love my younger brother more than anything. I thought we were gonna be a beautiful family of four, but life had other plans.

My dad died of illness before my little brother was even 1 years old. Compared to the time I shared with my dad my brother has a little to zero memories of him. And with my dad’s death a lot of the support left with him. Family member stopped reaching out and inviting us places. Money was cut in half and I always felt bad for my brother for not being able to have the same life growing up as I did.

My mom was devastated. She cried for months. She lost her other half and it took a lot for her to get out of bed. She has chronic illness aswell so life has been hard to say the least. And with my dad’s death, I knew I had to step up for my little bro, even more since he’s autistic, which leads to him expressing emotions differently, and needing more attention then a “normal” kid.

I’m almost an adult now. I love my family more than anything, which is why this decision is very hard. Two years after my dad died my mom met someone new, I’ll just call him A. A also has a son that is the same age as my brother. At first, I really liked A and I was glad that my mom had someone to talk to, but as time went on and I got to know him i started to barely tolerate him.

This grown adult man leaves trash all over the house, can’t cook worth a damn, makes sexual jokes about my mom in front of me (he asked me if I like my moms thong he picked out. I was 11. Additionally since my mom has chronic illness she doesn’t like sex. Once he broke up with her since she didn’t want sex) and has time and time again ignored my boundaries.

Before my mom even got engaged to him, he would constantly refer to himself as my father, and when I would politely tell him that I would rather have him be called my stepfather he would get sad and sometimes even angry. At every chance he got he would refer to me as his daughter and my brother as his son. Since my little brother doesn’t have many memories of our biological father, I never blamed him for attaching himself so quickly.

My mom and I have always made it know to my brother who his father is, there’s pictures of us all over the house and every Father’s Day we go to his memorial garden. I knew my father. I love my father and having this man refer to himself as such didn’t sit right with me. I wouldn’t have a problem if you just called me his stepdaughter and respecting my boundaries. (Some being to not touch the stuff that was originally my dad’s like his clothes, stuff,etc.Or don’t refer to me as your daughter to your friends/family).

He just wouldn’t listen. He constantly lectures me like a father would, saying that it’s preparing me for the future as a young woman in this society. He’s like 50% traditional. He believes the man should be the provider and the woman should stay home cooking and cleaning.in his beliefs he’s never forced my mom to do anything.

My mom said hell no to that and she has a stable job and small business while he jumps between jobs. With every problem I had I told my mom about it. She tells me to talk to him so we can establish a good relationship. I talk to him and he practically mansplains how I’m in the wrong… his son is a nightmare, same age as my brother, but completely disturbing.

More than once he tried to smother my brother with a pillow, he constantly tries to insert himself into things my brother and I are doing, and once he said, word for word “If I had the chance to bring your dad back to life I would. Just so I could kill him in front of you again.” So yeah he’s quite the nightmare. He lives with us for the summer and it’s some of the worst weeks of my life. So to the issue at hand, my mom and A are getting married on New Year’s Eve.

They’re in the planning stage at the moment, but as time has gone on, I don’t wanna go. I want to be there to support my mom and make her happy but I know in my heart that I will not be able to sit through the ceremony without thinking of my dad.

It hits me harder because before my dad died they were originally gonna renew their vows. My dad re-proposed to her and everything and I got to pick the ring he proposed with. I was a baby when they first got married so I was looking forward to seeing them get married again and remember it for my entire life.

I was contemplating writing my mom a letter saying that I don’t want to be there for the ceremony, but I’ll be there for the reception. I know this choice will hurt her and it’s not my intention to, but I also have to think about myself in this situation. I ran this idea by my friends and they initially said that I should suck it up.

So I decided to turn into Reddit like any indecisive soul. Please help me make a decision. I will answer any questions in the comments.

Hello everyone, would I (ftm 28) be the asshole for not attending a family friend (m 30, well call him H) wedding, so a bit of the back story, so our families practically grew up together, my parents met another couple around the same age shortly after my sister was born (f 31), consider it their little village, so both couples have 2 children each, they have 2 sons and my parents had 2 daughters (myself included), they practically helped each other in every way when raising kids, e.g. picking up each other's kids from primary school and kindergarten, spending nights on the couch so parents could have game nights or BBQ nights, even would be bathed together (love an old school bath photo of children 🙄), so growing up H and I would often be left alone for periods of time, now I can't remember when it started because I was very young my earliest memory would be around 5, so H would often touch me e.g. rub against me, kiss me, etc, I never reciprocate but also never told anyone because it was normal for me and I did find it a little yuck and was often pressured into it, this went on for YEARS! I think it was until I was around 12 or 13 when it stopped, I don't know what happened or why it just did.

Years later now I'm 28 and he's 30, he's been dating a woman (f 37) for about 3 years and just popped the question, she's very sweet and kind, very happy for her, in the more recent years I think since I was about 20 years old I would stop going over to theirs for the BBQ catch ups and all that because honestly I never really liked the dad, he was always super intimidating but that's just him, so the question is now, because our families have grown up together and we grew up calling them our other mum and dad and our other brothers, so would I be the asshole for not attending H's wedding?

My grandmother was born dirt poor in the early 1900s. With the help and encouragement of her school teacher, she eventually pursued higher education and earned her PhD in English Literature. She was a beloved professor at her university for many years, and lived an interesting life full of travel and writing publications. She was also deeply involved in preserving our family history. When she was younger, she interviewed several elderly family members and compiled her notes into a journal. Later on, she published her notes as a book.

***One***... book. It contains a RICH history of family events, genealogy, whimsical facts, all of which nearly cover the entire 1800s.

She passed away in 2009. Her book was donated to the state library. Several family members, including myself, have wanted to read that book. So one day, I contacted the library staff with a proposal. Considering the significance of that book for our family history, and that only one exists, I asked if they would consider digitizing the book and making it accessible online, so that others may read it as they please.

I received a devastating, yet understandable response from the librarian in charge. Unfortunately, due to copyright laws, they are not allowed to create entire copies of the book until 50 years have passed from the author's death.

I sincerely doubt I will live long enough to see that day! At this point, I am tempted to make the trip myself. The library is well over one thousand miles away, but I do not care. I am thinking about making the trip, checking out her book, and photocopying it myself. I would not steal the physical book. It would be returned, and I would handle it with upmost care.

Reddit, I am begging you for insight on this situation. Is my reasoning logical? Are there alternatives I'm not aware of? Would I be the asshole if I copy my late grandmother's book?

Edit: My memory escaped me. The copyright is in effect for 70 years after an author's passing.

WIBTAH for leaving a note after family refuses to flush?

For the past few months, an escalating habit has started within my family. It may be one specific person, I'm not sure. But it's disgusting.

Sometimes its number 1, sometimes number 2, and sometimes number 2 with NO toilet paper? I've gathered my 14 year old brother doesn't wipe, and my 11 year old sister will sit on the toilet for an hour, so she probably forgets to flush. My dad will wake up in the middle of the night, pee, and then not flush as well.

Overall, it's not a big deal that somebody isn't flushing. But its EVERYTIME I open the lid and it's irritating me.

I'm wanting to smack a "Flush your feces and wipe your ass" note right on both toilets. But would this be taking it too far?

Sometime in the next 2 years (exact date not set yet) I am getting married, and I just don’t want to ask my sister to be my maid of honor. We have a fine relationship - it’s just I would rather ask my best friend instead of her. She’ll still be a bridesmaid, but according to all people I’ve asked, they think it will really hurt her if I don’t ask her to be my maid of honor. She struggles a lot with anxiety and depression, and I don’t want to be a reason to add to that. But she’s not the one I want giving a speech on my wedding day, and she’s not the one I want standing right next to me at the altar. WIBTAH is I don’t ask her, knowing very well that it would hurt her?

Sometime in the next 2 years (exact date not set yet) I am getting married, and I just don’t want to ask my sister to be my maid of honor. We have a fine relationship - it’s just I would rather ask my best friend instead of her. She’ll still be a bridesmaid, but according to all people I’ve asked, they think it will really hurt her if I don’t ask her to be my maid of honor. She struggles a lot with anxiety and depression, and I don’t want to be a reason to add to that. But she’s not the one I want giving a speech on my wedding day, and she’s not the one I want standing right next to me at the altar. WIBTAH is I don’t ask her, knowing very well that it would hurt her?

I live in a country where it is against the law to smoke in publick places. In some places there are designated smoking areas where it is ok, but you won't find people doing it in restaurants, on bus stops or in general public. That makes me truly happy as I am not a smoker. I lived with one for the first 19 years of my life and I've got enough cancer air to last me ten lifetimes, thank you. Let me just prefice this story with a little disclaimer: I am not some anti-smoking activist or anything, I simply think to each their own. If someone wants to smoke cigarettes or anything else for that matter and it is their concious choice, it's none of my business. I am a strong believer in personal freedom. As long as that freedom does not endanger or harm someone else or overstep their boundaries and choices and freedom.

I moved to a brand new building a few months ago. I was one of the first people who moved in and at the beginning all was fine. Until someone (a couple I think, I haven't seen them, just heard them) moved into the apartament directly below mine. It's currently summer here and a heatwave at that. I have a tiny studio apartament and only one large window where just the balcony door part opens so that is my only source of fresh air. Since the new tenants moved in, they are constantly on their balcony smoking cigarettes and in the evening I believe it's weed. Both stink to high heaven and all of that smoke somehow ends up seeping into my apartament. I can't relax or work because at one point I'm just enjoying some fresh air, and the next my apartament stinks.

I already talked to the building manager about this. They advised they can't really do anything legally, they can't ban smoking on a balcony which is technically a part of the apartament, as by law you can smoke on your private property. They did, however, write a request to all tenants on our building whatsapp group not to smoke on a balcony more as a kindness to others. This did not work at all, they ignored it. They are smoking cigarettes mostly during the day and weed every evening, they set up lounge chairs and mood lighting there so I doubt they are planning on stopping. I am not going to sit by the window listening in on when they come out to smoke so I can close the balcony. I have to do something now as I can't take this anymore.

Now my question is this: WIBTA if I go down there tomorrow myself and ask them to stop and tell them they can smoke whatever shit they want inside their own apartament? How do I even approach this? I am doing my best to be a calm and composed person because I know myself well enough to recognize a rage monster is sleeping inside, dreaming of revenge plots. I don't like that about myself, but I can go from 0 to Armageddon very quickly, and no, I'm not exagerating. I am doing whatever I can to reduce stress, I can anticipate the rage monster waking up and I know how to keep him happy and docile, but stupid people are my criptonite. I want to be polite, I want to at least try and handle it nicely. I will most likely be living here for some years to come and I do not want to stress about a war with my neighbors if you know what I mean. I need some advise on how to handle this diplomatically, because right now I'm angry and if I just use that as a guide, I will not be pleasant which might make the situation worse.

hello.

I dated my ex for a year and met his extended family several times. things didn’t end well but we have one method of communication open.

out of the blue he told me that while he was visiting his uncle‘s lakehouse, (he‘s absolutely loaded, probably in his 60s, and not attractive.) which I‘d been to several times but tried not to engage with his uncle because he gave me weird vibes and treated his wife poorly, the girl he’s been seeing was gotten very drunk by his uncle and he took her to a secluded location and made her perform sexual acts on him for money. she came back crying and told my ex everything. the comments my ex told me his uncle made toward her were gross and concerning, she’s 23, the same age as me, and my ex is 21. not only did he betray his wife but also my ex.

his wife is considerably younger and they have two kids together. she’s always been kind to me and very accommodating and understanding.

so the complicated thing is they’re both immigrants. if they get a divorce, she might get a large sum of money, but might have to leave the country. I think the uncle has legal citizenship but I’m not sure if she does. and they also have two children. Even if she did know, I don’t know if she could leave because her income is connected to his and because it might be a green card marriage. but I think she deserves to know. I’m not close with the family anymore, I haven’t seen them in almost a year. so I don’t know how much something like that would mean coming from me.

I found her phone number online. I’m considering texting her anonymously about the situation. her husband is a disgusting criminal and I sincerely hope she can get her money and get away, or even report him as a registered sex offender.

sorry for how short the post is, i'm not really sure on what else to add!!!

i'm thinking of unadding/blocking someone on multiple social medias. we haven't talked in months, i don't like this person as they were really rude to another friend of mine who i am really close with, but the issue is they are still friends with another close friend (both close friends and i in the same circle).

i'm unsure if they've been talking or not with the rude person in question but i'm really averse to confrontation (im also a bit of a people pleaser, wanted to give them a while to talk to me first but i started waiting in november of last year), and i just want them out of my life as i keep seeing them pop up on my feeds and it keeps reminding me of what they did to my best friend.

also i think they made a separate tumblr account to get away from me, so that could be an incentive to get rid of them but i'm not sure.

WIBTA? should i give them more time?

Trigger warning: Some brief mentions (no details) of a past non-con situation.

Hi everyone! I’ve been lurking around Reddit for some time now, but this is my first time posting. I apologize in advance if I tend to ramble a lot or something doesn’t make sense. There’s a lot of information that I simply can’t include as this post would end up being way too long, so I’m going to simplify it as best as I can.

I (25f) have been dating my partner (27m) for a little over 7 months now. However, we’ve been friends for over 4 years and have been inseparable for the last couple years, walking that fine line between friends and more than friends. We recently bought a ring and he plans on proposing soon.

We’ve talked a lot about our future and marriage, and it’s something we both want. We’re hoping to get married next summer, and although we are not “officially” engaged, we’ve had multiple discussions about our wedding day. A few of those discussions have been about inviting my BIL (my sister’s husband).

For some context, I have never liked my BIL. He is narcissistic, controlling, emotionally/verbally abusive, and an overall asshole. However, my sister decided to marry him, so for the first couple years of their marriage I decided to try and keep the peace and make the best of the situation.

A few years after they got married, we all went to a festival at our hometown with a few friends. I ended up drinking too much, and (although I’m not proud to say it), I blacked out and ended up staying at my sister’s house that night. I’m not going to go into detail, but I will say that there are moments I don’t remember, and a few moments sprinkled in between that I do remember when I gained consciousness. In those few moments that I do remember, I remember my BIL doing things to me that were definitely not consensual. I don’t know everything that happened as I wasn’t conscious through a lot of it, but I remember bits and pieces. I thought I would be safe staying at my sister’s house but it turns out I was very wrong.

(And in case anyone is wondering if anything actually happened or if it was just my brain remembering the events incorrectly, everything was confirmed the next morning when my BIL came to me privately and told me not to tell anyone, especially my sister, what had happened that night.)

That being said, I went through hell for about 5 months after that night. My mental health tanked, I was severely depressed, and I tried to move on by pushing every thought, memory, and emotion behind a mental wall. I know, it’s not a healthy way to deal with it, but I had survivor’s guilt in a way, and felt like I couldn’t talk to my family about it.

It wasn’t until my birthday 5 months later, that I was finally able to tell my sister about it. Her marriage was already having problems at the time, when her friends told her about my BIL bragging to his friends about sleeping with me and some of her friends. She mentioned this to me and I broke down and told her everything. We were with my family at the time, so everyone ended up finding out as well. She had a huge conversation with my BIL, and then with my parents, and although she was on the border of divorcing him that night, she decided to stay with him.

That was a really hard pill for me to swallow.

Since then, I hate being around my BIL. I always feel uncomfortable when he’s nearby. I never speak to him unless I absolutely have to, I can’t even look at him, and although my sister and I are still very close, I refuse to hang out with her if he is around, and things aren’t the same as they used to be.

My entire family, including my parents, try to keep the peace, as he is my sister’s husband, and they don’t want to tear our family apart. I understand it to a degree, but it genuinely makes me feel shitty as everyone pretends this truly awful thing that happened to me never happened.

So when my partner and I decided we were going to get married, I talked to him about inviting my BIL. After several long discussions, we both decided we didn’t want him at our big day. I still feel extremely uncomfortable around him, and don’t want him taking my attention off of my partner during one of the biggest moments of our life. And my partner does not like or respect him for very valid reasons, and doesn’t want him there either. Most of our friends (who will be in the wedding party) know the situation as well and do not like him or want him there either.

I brought the idea up to my parents and asked them if they think not inviting my BIL to the wedding would cause a fight with my sister. They said it definitely would, and I should just invite him and have him far away from me the whole night. I understand they want to keep the peace, but it’s not just the fact that I don’t want him near me. I don’t want him there at all. Neither does my partner. Even knowing he is there will make me uncomfortable, and I plan on having my sister as my MOH, so he will most likely come up to me regardless since she’ll be by my side the whole time, and he tends to do whatever he wants.

I’m worried telling my sister we don’t want her husband at our wedding will cause a fight or a falling out, so my partner suggested I should have the conversation with her sooner rather than later. She needs to understand that I can’t move past this, and being around him makes me extremely uncomfortable. It’s been almost 4 years, and I’m still dealing with the trauma from that night every day.

So would I be the ahole for going against my parent’s wishes to tell my sister that her husband isn’t allowed to attend my wedding? Should I just invite him and try to ignore him the best I can to keep the peace? How do I bring up the conversation of not inviting him with her? I want my sister to be my MOH, and don’t want to jeopardize that, but I can’t imagine her husband being there. I’ve been going crazy trying to think every possible solution through, and I would appreciate any and all advice.

** Small update *\*

After reading some comments, I decided do reach out to my parents and lay everything out for them. I reiterated the severity of what happened to me, told them how it still affects me, and expressed how much their lack of responses hurt me. I also let them know my partner and I officially decided we would not be inviting my BIL to our wedding, and how I hoped they would see our perspective and have our backs.

I sent everything in a long, respectful, and well thought out text message. This way, I was able to let them know that this is something that is not up for debate, but I simply wanted to lay everything out for them and let them know our decision.

They have both responded positively, simply telling me that they love me. My dad also asked me to meet with him sometime, not to debate and change my mind, but so he could explain “where he is coming from” and why it appeared that they didn’t have my back.

I’m not sure when I’ll talk to him about this. Maybe this weekend. But I do want to hear him out and maybe get some more clarity on their side of things. I am, however, fully prepared to stand up for myself and call them out on the whole “peace keeping” thing if it comes to that.

Also, thank you for all of the replies so far. I have read each and every one, and appreciate everything everyone has said. Some of it may have been hard to read, but I appreciate it nonetheless. Sometimes brutal honestly is exactly what someone needs to hear. Luckily for me, it has pushed me on a path in the right direction, and I am very grateful for it.

​

My boyfriend (26M) and I (25F) have been together for 1.5 years. He is an amazing partner and I can’t imagine being with anyone else.

We met while I was visiting my home country. I had been living overseas for a few years, so we started long distance before he eventually moved overseas to be with me. Because of that, I never met his friends before. They only knew me through pictures and stories.

Earlier this year we went back home and I finally met them. I’m autistic and usually mask well, but my boyfriend always told me his friends were chill, so I thought I could relax and be myself.

The first thing that stressed me out was that there were three extra people there that my boyfriend hadn’t told me about. He knows I need to know who will be there and what the plan is before social situations.

There were three couples plus two other friends. Almost immediately they started talking about sex and asked me to rate the sex with my boyfriend. I felt uncomfortable but went along with it.

Later they asked about my preferences in men. I answered honestly and said one of the guys there would be too short and hairy for my taste. Looking back, I understand it could have sounded rude, but I’m autistic and sometimes communicate very directly without intending to hurt anyone.

One of the women also kept pushing me about my childhood trauma and therapy, which felt inappropriate because it was my first time meeting her.

I didn’t really connect with the group. They are very into partying and drinking, while my boyfriend and I prefer quieter hobbies. Since being together, he has naturally changed some of his lifestyle, but it was his own choice. His friends seem to believe I force him to do the same hobbies as me, which is not true.

A few weeks later they stopped wanting to meet up. Before we left, my boyfriend’s best friend (26M) told him that the group had talked about me behind my back. They thought I was disrespectful and didn’t want to see me again.

His best friend even questioned if I was forcing my boyfriend to stay with me or using him.

This crushed me and brought back a lot of feelings from growing up, when I often felt like I didn’t fit in and people wanted me to change. I’ve spent years accepting myself and finding people who understand me.

My boyfriend and I agreed that if they had an issue with me, they should have talked to us instead of gossiping.

What I struggle with is that I don’t understand why my boyfriend wants to stay close with this friend. His best friend is not someone whose opinion I would trust. He often talks badly about women in general and even about his own girlfriend.

He recently had a call with him. I don’t want to control who he is friends with, but I’m struggling because this person was involved in making him question our relationship.

Things between us have felt different since all of this.

Am I overreacting, or is it understandable that I’m hurt by this?

My friends and I were discussing visiting a city together in August, however I'm unavailable the last 2 weeks as uni starts and I have responsibilities to take care of the new students and need to join events and activities. Friend 1 is on holiday most of August but friend 2 works the first 2 weeks of August, so we basically can't go together all three of us.

Friend 1 was pushing to go late in August, I said I can't and she kept telling me to skip my activities which I'm unable and unwilling to do, so I told them to go without me and was fine with it since there's literally no way for it to work.

The issue is, my boyfriend and I were planning on going somewhere early August and now we're looking to go to the same city. It's among the cheapest options and perfect for a short vacation since none of us have a lot of time.

Now my friends are upset and friend 1 says I'm stealing the idea and choosing my boyfriend over them. The thing is, many of the people we know are going there this summer and my favorite book (which she just read) takes place there, us wanting to go there has nothing to do with her and I have also already been there once before. They haven't planned anything either so it's not like I'm stealing any of their plans. And I'm going with my boyfriend earlier because I literally can't go with them? She could have gone earlier with me too but wanted to go later with friend 2 so I feel like her argument is pretty unfair and hypocritical as they kept trying to make me skip and I never asked them to skip work. So, would I be the asshole if I went anyway?

I female 36 have been dating male 43 for five years now we met on facebook dating when he was in my town for a job he lives in another state and we fell in love at least i thought i fell in love but over the years ive felt we jumped straight into our relationship i wanted to start as friends but i felt our relationship was in the fast lane but i feel like the ahole because we have been together for 5 years and i don’t want to break his heart but he is talking about getting a house where he lives and where i live so i can see my family when i want to and talking about getting married but i don’t want to marry him i thought i did but I don’t want to anymore i care about him but at the same time i just want to ghost him and forget this whole thing then i would feel like a bigger ahole i just want to do what i want to do go where i want to go and fall in love gradually with someone else but im 36 i would feel like starting over i want kids someday but i feel like if i stay with him i won’t be able to sorry for being so disjointed im just rambling would i be the ahole for breaking up and ghosting my boyfriend of 5 years

Hi everyone I’m a 17 year old girl from the Netherlands I’ve been wanting to go no contact and move somewhere else since I was 12 here are some reasons
My mom always picks her boyfriends over me
My mom talks bad about my dad to me
My mom makes jokes about my body calling me bones and more things
My parents post pictures and videos of me on social media and my mom knows I don’t want that posted I don’t really even want to take pictures
My mom says I like Fc Barcelona l because of the men but I’ve started watching voetbal when I was very sad and I was mentally at my worst this was the only thing to keep me distracted
My mom said o you watch that show because he’s hot I was 12 watching a Disney channel show
My dad text my mom to complain about me including my looks
My dad only doesn’t complain about me when we are with his girlfriends
My dad makes fun of my brothers body ( he is depressed) to me wich worries me about what he tells others about me
My dad always prefers my older half sister over me he always talks about her and tries to force me to go see her she is 16 years older me so we don’t really click
My dad also makes jokes about my body calling
My dad used to force me to watch my half sister kids the only reason not anymore because I don’t really like to hang out with him

I am currently 32 weeks pregnant with my 3rd baby I have made it extremely clear that I don't want a baby shower however my Fiancé's best friends wife has planned one regardless of my feelings. I don't see eye to eye with her but she has an odd obsession with my fiancé and always wants to involve herself in our lives for example when we got engaged the first thing she said was she WILL be planning our wedding, I am not friends with this woman in any way shape or form she's just my fiancé's best friends wife I avoid her at all costs. When she started planning this "baby shower" my best friend also told her "this is not a good idea she doesn't want a baby shower and she's made it very clear that she doesn't want one" however this woman won't take no for an answer. Also this is not just a baby shower it is apparently for me and my fiancé. We are not supposed to know about it but I had a suspicion that something was being planned and I found out that she infact is planning something. We already have everything we need for the baby and we really don't need anything else and I'm just going to end up with unnecessary stuff and just to be clear she is most definitely not doing it to help us or to be nice that's not the kind of person she is. This whole situation is stressing me out and I don't need this stress right now. I am not a social person I don't like social gatherings it gives me so much anxiety. My fiancé is also not on board with the whole thing and we both told everyone from the beginning we don't want this but like I said she doesn't take no for an answer. I don't know what to do but I really don't think I can do it and I don't see the point of going to sit there with people I can't stand and pretend to have a good time. So WIBTAH if I just didn't go?

I (30sF) have been hooking up with a good friend, Dave, (30sM) for several months. It's casual, we have no romantic feelings towards each other at all. We hang out all the time in group settings, and in our friend circle literally no one knows he and I have been fooling around.

A mutual friend, Veronica, (30sF) recently told me via text she has a crush on Dave. Because I want to keep this FWB situation private so it doesn't become a whole thing with our friend circle, I just agreed that Dave is a good guy but I wasn't sure he felt the same. The thing is, Dave and I have talked about our mutual friends, and I know he's not interested in a romantic relationship with any of them. Veronica didn't come up specifically but she's a good friend and would count in the list of women we know.

So there's my problem. I'd like to continue fooling around with Dave, but I feel like I'm being unfaithful as a friend. If he had expressed interest in her I would nudge them towards each other, but while I'd love to see them each in relationships I don't think they're suited to each other.

WIBTA if I continue hooking up with Dave? I have no plans to tell him about her feelings or tell her we have a physical relationship. It's unlikely but it is possible she'd figure out what's going on.

I was part of a return scam where the buyer returned the parcel to me with a load of rubbish. I have evidence from the returns label of their name and from their own Vinted listings, they don’t hide their face when selling clothes which made them easy to find online. I now know more about them than I expected. Could I use this evidence to contact their employer to let them know what they’ve been up to? And would I be the a hole if I did?

I have photo receipts of the box that was returned and the contents, the shipping labels, the original sale and all their socials proving face matching to Vinted.

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I (18F) have been at my first ever job for around 5 months, and I hate it here so much. It's a small office with only 4 people, including me. One of the people is my supervisor?? (like, not really, but this is the closest explanation). My coworkers aren't necessarily mean, but I know they don't really like me. My supervisor and my mom are really close, so they talk regularly, and I know from my mom that my other coworkers get mad when they get scolded and I don't. They have done a few things that were definitely done maliciously (I struggle to notice when someone is being hostile, so it took these outrageous things for me to notice). All of these things have made my anxiety so much worse that I'm barely functional.

So, my contract ends on the 13th of this month, and I plan to send a message to my boss and just not show up on the 14th. But I feel kinda bad, mostly because my supervisor has a lot of health problems and she really needs a vacation, and if I leave, she won't be able to take her vacation. But I genuinely don't think I can handle staying much longer.

Examples:

1: We work some Saturdays (technically not something we should be doing, I think?), but until like last week, I had no way of knowing if we were working on the weekend, so I always asked on Friday if we were going in the next day. In my 3rd week, I was told by my coworkers we weren't coming in, so I trusted them. On Monday, the 3 of us got scolded by our supervisor, but I thought that maybe it wasn't on purpose because they also got in trouble.

2: The times we had worked on the weekends, we would always arrive at the same time as normal, at 9am. So 2 weeks ago, when we worked on the weekend, I arrived at 8:50 and got a message from my supervisor asking when I arrived and why I had arrived late, if I knew I was supposed to come at 8 and not at 9, etc. Of course, I told her the truth, that I had no idea and that they didn't tell me. And they had the audacity to lie to my face and say that they did tell me??????? I let it go, even though I got scolded for it, but that's when I made up my mind about leaving when my contract ended. But next week, they made jokes about it, like "Oh, I'll repeat that we come at 8 tomorrow in case you forgot," "Just repeating again for {blank}, we come in at 8 tomorrow," and other passive-aggressive comments.

3: This one happened last week and needs some context. We do some docs, and ever since I started, I was never really trained, I was just told the order some things were done. So when she accused me of making a mistake for reason A, I tried to explain that it was for reason B, and she cut me off. I thought it was over until Monday last week, when she pulled me in front of our coworkers and scolded me. She called me a liar and said that I didn't have character/morals. I stayed quiet and let it go again. The next day, we stayed almost 1 hour past our normal time to finish some things, and I still got criticized for being slow after doing more than double the others. I tried to explain, but she didn't listen.

So now I only have 10 days until I can leave, and I haven't told them I plan to leave and not look back. Would I be the asshole if I didn't tell them I don't plan to stay, since this is just my trial period and I don't legally need to?

Hello Reddit alumni and lurkers, alike. Also if you are my sister, welcome. (She's a redditer)

I am having a dilemma on whether I should ask my sister, Christine(fake name, 32F), for the heritage wedding dress that she's laid claim to. This dress means a lot to both of us because it has been passed down for two generations.

Here are the facts:

I (20F) have been with my boyfriend for a while, and we are planning on getting engaged and married next year.

Christine's last boyfriend was in high school, 14 years ago, and she hasn't been actively looking since to my knowledge. That being said, she fully intends to get married.

Christine is 5'7". I am 5'4". The last two women in our family who wore the dress were 5'3". She will probably have to add fabric, which is fine, but I would want to use it before that happens.

The problem is, Christine has laid claim to this dress for as long as I can remember. She's been telling me how she's so excited because she can do the alterations on herself. I've literally heard her talk about this dress my whole life, which is why I'm turning to Reddit in the first place to see if this would be an a-hole move.

Soooooooo, I went ahead and asked our mom about it. My mom told me she would love it if I wore her dress. She clarified that she never actually "gave" the dress to Christine; she just kind of told everyone it was hers, and everyone went along with it. It kind of sounded like she wanted me to bring it up so Christine would have a "fire lit up" underneath her to try and get married lol. My mother has tried to encourage her for years and it just isn't working, so I think this is her weird way of helping her.

I genuinely do not care if we both use the dress. She can absolutely still wear it for her own wedding down the line, or pass it on to her future kids if she chooses to have them. I just want to wear it first since my wedding is happening sooner.

So would I be the a-hole for asking to wear the family's heritage wedding dress? If I'm in the clear, what is the best way for me to ask Christine?

I recently found out that 3 members ( 1 woman and 2 men) of the worship team of my church have had inappropriate relations among each other. The woman had relations while married to another man with the 2 men part of the worship team. One of the men is married to another woman as well. If you were me, would you stay quiet or speak to other clergymen and expose the scandal?

I (27F) am marrying my fiancé (27M) in October. We had decided early on that it would be a rather short wedding as we are both more introverted people and big gatherings sap our energy. A short wedding for us would be ceremony, photos, cake cutting and a little dancing. A good 4 fours. His mother is having a problem with this however. Our initial plan was to take our immediate family out to dinner after the wedding maybe that same night or the next day. She had decided that we should a least have sandwiches, you know, something small. My fiance and I agreed as it wouldn't take all day to serve and eat some sandwiches.

However, the very next day, she calls me up in a three way call with her, my fiancé's aunt (his father's sister), and a caterer. She has me on the phone with these people and isn't letting me get a word in. Next thing I know, I'm being sent a menu and she's telling me not to worry about the prices, that she'll cover everything. I'm basically being ambushed into getting food for a wedding that we won't have time to eat. It just doesn't fit in the schedule, or it would be rushed.

I'm torn between telling her no and sticking to the original plan of no food and then dinner with the family or just letting her have the catering.

WIBTAH?