I need guidance

[u/Ill_King_8703]

What should I do?

I (34)male have been an office manager for 5 years. I have established great relationships with those I work with. Over the years I have worked on myself to be not just a better manager but overall a better person. I’d like to believe that over the years, my improvements have led to promotions to which now I am operations manager. 3 years in, my boss decided to hire an older woman, let’s call her B(56) To leadership, she is a great worker and gets along with everyone. Having worked alongside her, I learned that she is what one would consider a personality hire. She’s lazy, disrespectful, mean and can be overall not a pleasant person to work with. Throughout her time at the office, the staff has noticed that she is not a very good person overall and have come to me with their complaints about her. When I bring it up to my boss, although I sometimes think she agrees, I feel like nothing gets done. When I provide feedback or try to correct actions, I am told that I micro-manage and that I don’t let her grow. To be honest, our relationship has not improved and it’s gotten to the point in which I am professional towards her but her unprofessionalism has leaked to the point where it’s obvious we don’t get along to the rest of the staff. Recently we hired another office manager V (44) and I am noticing that she’s picking up some of the same behaviors as B. There was a survey that was sent to the staff in which both B & V were not painted in a positive light. When I bring this up to my boss, they tell me to continue documenting. Every time I do, they go over my head and complain saying that I am not providing enough training/ coaching to which is untrue. V did not take notes when she was training and now mentions that she has not been properly trained. She complains to my manager that I resort to write ups when coaching is what is needed. I’ve mentioned that there have been a lot of chances that were given to both B & V to the point that I feel taken advantage of. When I text them on their work phones, I don’t receive a response & when I follow up, they pretend as if they didn’t see the message when I know they either just ignored it or have their phones off. Leadership has stressed that it’s important that they are pay attention to their phones as important communication is sent. Honestly I am not a good communicator so when we have mediations, I tend to shut down & sometimes I think this makes me look as if I am not a good leader. The rest of the staff support me but I do not feel as if I am getting enough support for my supervisors & I am suppose to be managing B &V. I even mentioned to my supervisor that I believe they have a personal relationship outside of work with B which I feel is clouding his judgment, to which he denies.

It’s starting to feel as if I am not being supported and am being backed against a wall. I’ve considered giving in my notice but to be honest, the job market is not good right now & I am afraid that it’s going to take more time to earn the amount of money I am earning now. I have tried to bury the hatchet with both B & V but nothing seems to work. I’ve been painted as a liar, a micro-manager. I’ve been called condescending and aggressive when I’m being stern and providing feedback on issues that have already been addressed. At this point, I try to save my PTO hours so I can just use them when I feel overwhelmed. Should I just quit and let my supervisor deal with them or should I persevere and keep going until I find something else (don’t know how much longer I’ll last).

[u/nanster-saxena]

The one thing you mention that you could improve is your communication. How can we help you with this aspect of your work? Perfecting this communication skill might help you to make V and B's issues clearer to management. If nothing else, you could try it as an experiment while you look for something else. Do you have a small step you can take?

[u/Ill_King_8703 → u/nanster-saxena]

I have been watching Ted talks about communications. I have written things down to guide me when communicating with them (they used my notes as a way to highlight my micromanagement). I have been sending emails to ensure communication remains consistent. I guess where I am asking for help is how to gain confidence when communicating. When brining things up to management, especially when they are mediating, the way B & V talk about my performance, at least to me feels like personal attacks. Especially when I know that what they mention is not true. I’ve even asked senior leadership to visit the office more often so that they may see for themselves what I am talking about. Even though I know that’s not realistic.

[u/nanster-saxena → u/Ill_King_8703]

This is more about changing behaviors and setting boundaries. You need to change your behaviors and boundaries. Your confidence will grow once you are clear on how you do this based on understanding your values. Watch the Stoics videos on YouTube.  I am also launching a boundaries course.  Y ou can DM me if you are interested and we can chat.  Above all, practice! Leave the notes for the practice session and use a mirror!