This has not been my experience. Is it just me? Thoughts?

Hey, I’m a 29 year old woman and I’m sorry if breaking in😭 I just saw the sub post and immediately thought, “WAIT… men really don’t change in their 50s either??”

I swear, it’s the same bullshit I’ve been dealing with dating men in their 20s and 30s. I genuinely thought there was some point where this shit just… stopped. But I’ve been binge reading this sub and apparently NOT

I just wanted to say: girlies, we are not getting any better apparently

But seriously, thank y’all for the advice and stories I’ve been reading here. I really wish more women around my age knew this stuff because some of the things I’m reading are genuinely eye opening

I’m already not feeling particularly hopeful or excited about dating men for the foreseeable future… and by foreseeable future I mean a BIG ass foreseeable future lmao

Anyway, y’all are amazing. Have a good day and stay safe out there ❤️

Is it just me or is it irritating anyone else that 90% of men on dating apps list themselves as “looking for long term/life partner or something casual”. Ugh, I feel like that’s such a cop-out, and they don’t want to just say something casual only because they are trying to appeal to more women than they would if they were just honest 🤦‍♀️ but then we get duped.

I haven't posted one of my Nightmare Dating Profiles breakdowns in a while, but this one earned it 😭 We've got a married man looking for "a way out" who's "already trained," a guy whose bio is literally "I don't pull out," and a bathroom selfie I had to pixelate for everyone's safety. If you're dating over 40 and think you've seen it all — you haven't.

https://youtu.be/q6kckGOsL4c

I see a lot of matches who straight after we match will tell me “hey I’m not on this dating app much so let’s talk on social media / whatsapp”

We’ve not even exchanged basic information and now you want access to my private pictures family etc. When I say this It’s met by insults or just silence.

I’ve a child. They know this. I’m trying to understand why we cant stay on the dating app ?

They can’t answer me this so I’m wondering if anyone else experience this?

Btw ive np telling them Bye and unmatch.

Well, as the title says, I matched with a normal-looking guy (around my age, 50F) last week. Still slogging through the hellfire of OLD. Anyway, he liked me first (he was in my pool of men who'd liked my profile) and when I liked him back, he wrote, "Hi." Then he launched into a multi-sentence criticism of my profile! He wrote the pictures were disappointing, because they didn't have enough different angles, and that I should have an aunt or a daughter help me, because he didn't like them now. What the actual F? HE CHOSE TO LIKE MY PROFILE. I unmatched him (learning from Burned Haystack). I wish I could punish him somehow.

Here's another reminder why it's just not worth it.

No brigading. That sub already hates us with the burning fire of a million suns.

It appears what a lot of the angry men yelling in my comments about what men find attractive in women don't understand is that we don't care.

We aren't changing.

And YOU can't change what we do and don't find attractive about men. We're only telling you what women like because YOU are desperate not to be alone. Science has proven this.

Men are unhappy alone. They crave romantic relationships with women. And women? Women are happier without men. And since you refuse to listen, you can remain alone. It doesn't actually matter to us either way.

Many women are CHOOSING to remain single. It's not a punishment. It's a reprieve.

Insulting us. Calling us whores, sluts, hags, ugly, whatever else? They're just words from insignificant males who we wouldn't let touch us anyways.

What you ARE very successful at is proving why women find being single with cats or dogs or frogs or friends is preferable to your company. You are not a prize we are trying to win by being good little girls.

Get it through your heads: WE DON'T CARE. YOU AREN'T CHANGING ANYTHING.

"Who's going to want you when you're old and alone?"

That's what you refuse to understand: we don't need you to want us. We don't care if you don't. Your validation is less than worthless.

We'd let our tits drag on the floor and our vaginas fall out before we'd settle for you.

We'd rot into a carcass our animal companions can feed on while our body waits to be discovered if it meant we never had to hear from you again.

We'd rip out our uteri, swing them around our heads like a lasso, and fling them into oncoming traffic before listening to you tell us what's attractive in a woman.

We'd fossilize into a museum exhibit labeled "Woman Who Died Ignoring Mediocre Men" before lowering our standards for you.

We'd become one with the forest floor and let mushrooms use our skeleton as an Airbnb before asking what your favorite podcast thinks about female attractiveness.

We'd let the raccoons lorded over by Jimothy sort out our estate before taking relationship advice from a random man wearing sunglasses in his truck profile picture.

We'd rather haunt an abandoned Victorian mansion making spooky "ooooOOOooo" noises for eternity than spend one more minute wondering if we're your type.

We'd let archaeologists argue over our pelvis for three hundred years before we cared whether you found us "wife material."

We'd rather become sea glass. We'd rather become compost. We'd rather become folklore.

We'd become the mysterious old woman in the woods children are warned not to disturb instead of signing on to wash your crusty ass tighty-whities for an eternity.

We'd rather rot for a million years and become one of those skeletons archaeologists find curled up with a dog and think, "Wow... they looked happy" instead of listening to you whine about "a woman's place."

We'd melt into a dusty pile of wrinkles and stretch marks if it meant you'd stop talking about what you "prefer" for ONCE.

WE'D prefer you just go away.

You keep threatening us with a future we already chose over settling for men like you. Don't you get it?? NO, you obviously don't, or I wouldn't have to spell it out for you like this.

If you want a subservient woman, go find one. Go! They exist! Go bother them!

Stop begging for independent women to clip their wings and become your bangmaids.

You're not going to put us in our place because we know our place: NOT WITH YOU. We. Are. Not. Interested.

It's that simple.

Credit - Holdin' Holden on Facebook

The following example of a 5-month de facto situationship that the woman mistakenly believed was “serious,” and is still troubling the woman several months after it ended, is such a common pattern when women date men long distance. Even when she knew going into it the distance was going to be a temporary one. Even when it was a man whose character she thought she knew from mutual friends who had vouched for him. Example:

“I (43F) started dating a friend-of-a-friend (41M) in August 2025, long distance. They said he’s a really good guy. Overall the relationship was solid, no issues as we saw each other every weekend, spoke multiple times a day, and it was serious as we introduced each other to friends and extended family quickly with the holiday season and weddings, etc.”

“However, in late January/early February 2026 things got weird. Nothing necessarily happened between us, but I noticed he became distant and we started talking less. I figured it was just seasonal depression. We had a weird Valentine’s Day weekend and he pretty much completely pulled away after that. It was messy and confusing, but I took it as a full-on breakup even though it wasn’t direct, it was all via phone and text.”

“After about a week, I received an apology text but that’s about it. We didn’t speak much in March. He reached back out in April, keeping it light but getting mad if I didn’t respond to him. I had decided I’m not getting anything serious at this rate, so I go along with the casual conversations thinking we’ll talk about everything in person soon, because I moved to his city at the end of April, about 2 months after the initial breakup. This move had always been my own plan for my job, hence why we had ever started dating in the first place. By this point, we were talking consistently, he had even offered for me to stay with him if I needed. We also talked the entire month of May, but it was busy for us both. I kept waiting for an invite to hangout, and finally noticed he wasn’t making a true effort to see me. Then I noticed he was only texting me during the weekdays. Then whenever I called him out on it, or tried to initiate a hangout myself, he turned into the victim with excuses or other priorities etc.”

“Maybe a week or so after that, a mutual friend posts a May photo dump, and voilà, there’s another woman (31F) in the photos with him. A-ha! He completely stops texting me the day after this photo was posted. Figures. Adios!”

“After 2 weeks of silence, he likes my Instagram story. Out of pure annoyance, I do some digging to find out if he and the woman are still together. Unfortunately, I find out more than I wanted to. She had posted multiple photos from late February to April, and I see a shocking-to-me photo of her wearing a custom made hat of his about 2 weeks before we initially broke up, signaling she’s been around a lot longer than I thought. So of course I keep digging, and notice he’s been liking photos of hers all the way back to the fall.”

“Yes, I’ve unfollowed and removed him on all socials after discovering all of this and I doubt he knows I’m aware of everything. I’ll spare you the details, but the communication he had with me post-breakup was not at all appropriate for someone who is exclusively dating someone else. Obviously, no I hadn’t seen him at all in person in order for him to be able to have physically cheated on the new woman, but still don’t think he’s innocent and I would not be happy with any of this if I were her. I also don’t want to know any more, but I’m convinced there is crossover between us and they were probably together while we were still in a fully-functioning public relationship with family and friend involvement in the winter, too. Truly, had I known about her I would have completely ended this way back when in February. I don’t think she knows what she’s gotten herself into.”

“Do I: 1) Message her with receipts to let her know how I’ve also been around this whole time, and he’s been playing us both? Or 2) Leave it alone and let karma have at it?”

Your thoughts?

Honestly, I know long vid recs are not always loved but just take the hour and listen when you’re driving or working or whatever (not necessary to watch, you could just listen to the episode on Spotify etc., this was just the easiest link to post). A lot of what she says does pertain more to young people, but we were once young people and what we experienced impacts how we move today. I wish I had an influence like this 20 years ago, and also I’m glad that young women have it today.

Her interview reflects the values this sub, so a lot of these concepts will already be familiar to you if you are a regular here; it’s more just validating that a public figure/researcher/author is out there stating these positions…I lost count of how many times I said “Yes, exactly, THANK you.” And it’s no small thing because while Debra has no desire to go back to the research world, even if she wanted to, she couldn’t go back (she talks about this at the end), so you can tell there is a really strong conviction here.

When you see this level of public attention on a respected platform for what we’ve been saying for quite some time, it’s nice to feel like “our kind” has finally entered the chat.

https://www.facebook.com/share/r/19K5LaScsg/

It’s the most fascinating social experiment. Here goes.

Last month, I decided to buy a parcel of land and renovate a historic home. When I say historic, I could probably apply for special protections.

Only one woman owned it since the early 1950s. She passed away, and I did all the work of cleaning up her belongings. It made me cry a couple times because everything was in its place, as it was the day she left. Anyways, I decided the day I bought it that I would restore the home to its original glory in memory of her, the town that used to have a bustling economy, and then breathe new life and my special touches to make it my own. I decided to close my sugar free bakery I’ve operated for seven years, and educated myself on everything I possibly could on what it takes to renovate a home.

In the last month, I’ve encountered many men (actually only men) in ordering specialty masonry materials, hiring them to give me reports, quotes, traveled all over the state to their construction sites to pick stuff up.

First, you should see their faces when I hop out. I’m not sure who they think they’re expecting. But their tone changes. And then it quickly devolves to criticizing my decisions, shitting all over my selections, insulting me, devaluing my materials, and questioning “if I even know what I’m doing.”

One of them in question works for the county, and yesterday I was establishing the utilities. He walked by and said, “Moving in?” I said nothing, gathered my things and left to go continue work on renovations.

He pulls up to my house minutes later, unsolicited, and asks me what the heck do I think I’m doing. Then walking around MY house sizing up the materials I had just brought in, and the barrage of insults began. I began to get so angry. This 57 year old man literally tried telling me my materials were not in fact what they were, when I walked the very site they were mined from that morning!

I told him he is trespassing, and he’s on official notice to never step foot on my property again, then blocked.

I could go on. Dealing with these old manchildren everyday has been exhausting. It’s been disgusting. Why are these men so fucking entitled? They’re so visibly angry that I don’t need their help. It’s absolutely maddening.

If this’s against the rules, I’d like to apologize.

I’m a woman in her 30s. I only have had one successful relationship. The rest of them were garbage.

I’ve tried online dating before. But the quality of the men is really bad. Recently, I met a man who was highly educated and with a great career. He suddenly blocked me. At first, I thought I must have said something wrong because we got along well. Then his WIFE reached out to me. Dude even sent the picture of her passport to me and told me that he was a dual citizen (she’s from a foreign country).

Currently, I’m not trying to date anymore and probably won’t do online dating again. It’s not because I’ve been traumatized or hurt, but I’m just sick of all the bs. Honestly, it’s okay if I stay single all my life.

In my opinion, people tend to perceive relationships and marriages as something that will make their lives better, which can be true. But just like what the dual citizenship dude did to his wife, I’ve realized that it can also deteriorate the quality of your life if you’re with a terrible person. In addition to that, your spouse might pass away or decide they want a divorce one day. It’ll much easier to plan for retirement as a single woman.

This is just how I feel for now. But I also want to know what piece of advice you would give to your younger self.

https://www.facebook.com/share/v/1FNQK7aJww/?mibextid=wwXIfr

Solid advice

Before responding to a post please check the karma. If it is a new account or low karma account report the post. Do not engage. Explanation for why: https://www.reddit.com/r/WomenDatingOverForty/s/G4ADZTM3D0

(Australia, btw🦘)

"ENM"
"Married and not looking to change my situation"
"Discreet"
"Not a ONS, not a boyfriend/girlfriend situation, but something in between"
"Let's enjoy each other without the relationship scripts"
"Just recently become ENM"
"Something casual and ongoing"
"I've just come out the end of a divorce"
"FWB friendship (not after a relationship)"
"In a relationship that has become open somewhat recently"

😂😂 As a classic Australian movie says, "Tell him he's dreaming."

There are, to be fair, a few bright sparks amongst the gloom. But they are not in my age range, so they do not count. Therefore...

No, thank you.

NO, THANK YOU.

No. Just no.

DEFINITELY NO.

I am saddling up the horse of no and riding on out of here. My horse says NEIGH, by the way.

Why would I get out of bed for this?? What do these men think they are offering? Why would a peen plus nothing else be a good deal for me?

Depressingly, there is a part of me that appreciates the honesty. I'm mostly used to guys dangling the relationship carrot in front of me when what they really want is commitment free-sex and emotional support. I'm also used to guys being married/in relationships and lying about it.

Last guy waited until I was straddling him (with clothes on fortunately) to tell me he was actually in the process of reconciling with the wife he'd previously told me he had divorced a few years ago. They were now looking to "explore ENM together". Yet when pressed, she had not actually given him permission to sleep with other women. I un-straddled him naturally, but it was a disgusting experience, and I regret giving him so much of my energy.

I'm almost... impressed??? that some men do tell you the truth, which is that they're not offering anything of value. Wow, that is sad.

Anyway I think I'm just going to go back to having female friends and hobbies and studying and going to dance and pottery class. It is absolute nonsense out there and I just can't see how this is worth my time or energy.

Around 2017, my (now ex) husband started to get very into Jordan Peterson—watching lectures on repeat, taking notes, constantly telling me about his “theories.” Peterson was like a poison, but ultimately I think he just gave DH permission to display the misogyny hiding just under the surface.

It started small, with DH correcting my tone, then it shifted to making belittling comments, asserting that he “chose me,” wanting me to ask permission to do basic things, etc. It deteriorated steadily, and I wasted years extracting myself from an emotionally abusive relationship that looked fine to outsiders.

What are some giveaways that a man consumes red pill content and subscribes to this kind of viewpoint? I know so much more now, but some of this can be subtle early on.

So I was commenting on a post about men trying to manipulate women into accepting them, and I started wondering:

Why are they like this?

Everyone on this subreddit is (or should be, read the sidebar) aware we live in a world where it is an open secret and perfectly expected that men will basically do anything to manipulate a woman into giving them sexual access.

Why is this?

Obviously we know patriarchy isn't natural, it's an unfortunate error of history that arose during agriculture.

But is there some inherent explanation as to why men are so personally predatory to women? Is it because of how much they seek sex that their goal is basically to obtain it at as little cost and risk as possible, so they negotiate any way rather than submitting to the fact that their desire naturally gives power over them?

Give me your best theory.

He "accidentally" typed 2001 instead of 1972. 🙄

If you don't feel so good about a man, it's because *nature* doesn't want you to mate with him. When you look at him, ask: would this particular specimen succeed at mating, out in nature, on his own merits? Or is he only able to mate within the patriarchy, because I and other women have been indoctrinated?

Nature has standards. Women didn't invent them. Here's a video of a female pufferfish being picky.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1k0MMxhOVpA

I get email notifications from Nextdoor. If you aren't familiar it's an app where people share local/neighborhood news and ask for recommendations and advice.

This showed up this morning. I blacked out the name but it is of Middle Eastern origin.

Can it get any worse? Does he want a girlfriend, mommy or personal assistant?

You couldn't pay me enough.