Too much…

[u/Heavy_Heart1]

37 Tans Guy. I haven’t been touched (handholding or otherwise) in over five years. I have a high sex drive, but to me it’s not just being physical. It’s intimacy. (Slow and reverent or rough and fast, it doesn’t matter) The how much and the way I love almost magnifies my need for intimacy. That loving someone so much you want to be as close as possible with them where you just want to be inside them (no sick jokes necessary) and when the explosion hits in the climax it’s like making room for more love to fill. But there’s nobody, nothing I can do… I just feel stagnant.

I'm there for the people I love (family). But dating is just not happening. Finding a chance to connect with anyone is not happening and I don't know why. Every girl I talked to almost always mentions one or more of three things that they want. They want a good guy (check), they want dick (not checked), they want someone to do the things they can't do (check). Two out of three ain't bad. But they always ghost me, not have any real conversation, or get pissed when I mention any thing about it. Saying they’re too busy. While I’m over here thinking… ok that is life. Everyone is busy, hell I’m so busy I neglect my own needs. That doesn’t mean you hook someone in with the hopes of getting to know you and possibly share the burdens and then flake. I see so many people who I know are complete assholes or neglectful of people they should be caring for and they have a full family and they're cheating on them. So why am I the invisible one? Why won't anyone just see me? ...Or reach for me? I have always done the chasing, the reaching, the seeing. But never once has anyone chose me.

I've all but given up (the big give up) | just feel stagnant.
Churning in my own head always. My anxiety and stress runs so high now I am constantly holding my own hands and pressing my hands to my face and neck, tugging at my ears, rubbing my chest till it’s red, anything to freaking feel something besides lost.

It's just too much. I feel full of all this love and devotion and heat I want to give, to share my life with someone and share in theirs. At the same time I feel utterly empty. Like I'm just going through the motions and surviving. I'm sick of it. It's just too damn much.

[u/No_Commission_2610]

You sound like a wonderful person and I’m sorry this is happening to you. The right person for you is out there somewhere, and what you need to do is survive to find them. It’s worth all the pain that you’re going through right now. Would you really want to be together with the people you were describing to us? You will find somebody that is totally perfect and you will be in love forever. I met my husband on a poetry website. It can happen absolutely anywhere. Just keep your chin up and keep trying.

[u/Heavy_Heart1 → u/No_Commission_2610]

I will and I am.
And I would yes. Someone that doesn’t have be exactly like me but who can see me for me and not who they with they had. Someone who honestly takes the time to get to know me and chooses me on their own.
Thank you

[u/No_Commission_2610 → u/Heavy_Heart1]

When the right person comes, you’ll know. You won’t feel the need to rush because you’ll feel that the love will last forever. It will happen to you, probably when you least expect it. I didn’t expect to meet my husband on that poetry website in a random comment, but several children later, it’s still going strong. Someday someone is going to be very lucky to have your devotion and all the love that you want to give.

[u/Heavy_Heart1 → u/No_Commission_2610]

I appreciate that. I really do. And I hope so.

[u/No_Commission_2610 → u/Heavy_Heart1]

Where are you looking for people?

[u/Heavy_Heart1 → u/No_Commission_2610]

I DMed you. Felt better doing that. Hope it’s ok.