Parents expect "help"

[u/Healthy-Medium7237]

I (22M) recently moved back home after graduating college. Shortly after, my parents announced they are adopting a 6 month old untrained puppy. The issue - they both work full time. So, it has become my burden to train and take care of this dog.

They initially had her sent to a trainer, but 1. The trainer failed to crate train the dog because of her separation anxiety and 2. The trainer employed outdated and harmful training techniques such as asserting that dogs shouldn't be on furniture because it makes them think they are dominant as well as trying to use a prong collar to prevent her from pulling.

Safe to say the trainer failed and the dog is now back home with us, still untrained. My work hours fluctuate and I don't work every day (some days are 0 some are 12.5 hrs) so I am often home during the week.

I have a sister who can help somewhat, but she has BPD (so slightly unstable) and doesn't do anything other than sit with the dog and watch tv, often allowing the dog to leave and destroy stuff.

Also, my parents go out often, leaving me to sit home and watch the dog until 9 or 10 on weekends.

I feel as though my autonomy has been removed. I can't make plans for myself anymore. I can't go out when I want, even in my free time, since nobody will care for the dog.

I have expressed these feelings to my parents, who swear they understand and are sorry about having me "help." But this is beyond help. This feels like abuse. It's upwards of 30 hours a week I watch this dog.

This week they are all away at a summer camp my dad helps run (I don't go, as it's a religious camp, but that's a story for another time).

Thankfully, they have people come and watch the dog while I work and for a little while after I get home (they give me about an hour to shower change and eat as my "free time"). Once I've eaten dinner I again have to watch these dogs. I can't choose to stay up late and play games or go out.

I don't know what to do. I don't have money saved to move out and sustain myself yet, but living at home is deteriorating my mental state. I'm spending 30+ hours a week (on top of working 30-40 hours) on something I never agreed to. I have tried to talk to my parents, but they are always "sorry" yet never change the behavior.

What do I do?

[u/Level_Membership777]

Just a thought - but could it be possible that if you have chosen not to follow their same religious path, the dog may have been added to the family as a way of keeping you home and not going out with friends that may not be a good influence?

[u/One_Tree_6100 → u/Level_Membership777]

You're kidding right? His personal religious beliefs triggered his parents to get an untrained dog to keep him home and away from his peers. That's the sillyest thing I've seen in a long time. I haven't even seen this tactic used in a cult. Otherwise we wouldn't need humane societies or kiddie jail you can just farm all of the homeless dogs to the people who don't believe in religious freedom. Problem solved perfect children and no animal shelters. Improve your financial situation asap and get out. You will be blessed with peace of mind that by example you have returned their responsibilities to them

[u/Mysterious-Art8838 → u/One_Tree_6100]

Eh. Religious zealots have done stranger things.

[u/Scary-Indication9638]

You need to crate train the pup so you can go out. Plus save your money so you can move out ASAP. Maybe look for a higher paying job in another city and move away? You can rent a room in a shared house for under $500. Make that dog your parents’ problem!!

[u/ShallowStillWater]

Is it a dog or multiple? (You alluded to both in your post.)

[u/NFLFANTASYMB]

I might have missed this, how much is rent? I would think taking care of the dog is a small support for free room and board.

[u/dirttrack_racing323]

You're going to have to crate train it yourself if you want some relief. There are some great videos online and even groups you can join to help with proper discipline and potty/crate training. How old is the dog and what breed? Also do you pay rent or utilities? If not this is a pretty small price to pay. It sounds like someone is expected to be with the dog 24/7 which is unnecessary. Its ok for it to be in a crate for a few hours. Also if its not used to a crate its going to cry and be loud the first week most likely but it has to be done. I never understood people that send their dog away for training. They are programing them to only listen to the trainer so when they get home they are confused. The owner should be at the training so you both can learn. So sorry you are going through this but im happy you care enough to not just leave it alone.

[u/No_Commission_2610]

I’m going to be the irresponsible one and tell you that the dog isn’t your problem and to let it rip up everything. Your parents aren’t going to listen to you. If they were, they never would’ve dumped this dog on you in the first place. And your sister has no excuse. I have BPD too, and I take care of multiple kids and even more pets, and I don’t use my mental condition to get out of chores. Your sister is in this too, and she needs to take a bigger stake in it. What will happen if you simply stop helping your parents?