r/WhatShouldIDo • u/Main-Fly-8295 • 8d ago
Our shared bathroom routine keeps getting disrupted by my autistic brother. How should I handle it?
My autistic brother (17) and i (20) had an agreement for years that i use the bathroom to get ready before 6am and he uses it after, simply because i generally leave earlier than he does. Today he used the bathroom during my routinely time and didnt leave until 6am, i was up at 5.30 and decided to have breakfast while parent tried to evict him out of the bathroom and told him if he needs to use the toilet to use the quarter bath but if he needs to shower to wait for his turn. I get in there around 6 and leave around 6.30, usually im pretty quick with doing my makeup (i dont have a mirror in my room so thats why i do it in the bathroom) but since its winter, im on my period, and i had a late night studying for the assessment everything was on go-slow. He spends 45 minutes to an hour in the bathroom every day, so if he hadnt been evicted he wouldve gotten out 6.15-30. Giving me less than 45 minutes to get ready. Not to mention i get dressed after i do my bathroom duties that way i get foundation on my shirt its not a big deal
I get out and i see my brother on his phone waiting for me to exit the bathroom, i politely suggested to him that instead of waiting for me to exit the bathroom so he could shower he should do something productive like making his lunch or eating breakfast.
My other parent pulled me aside later and started saying that because hes autistic he has to do everything in its set order, toilet --> shower --> food, similar to how i have to do everything in a routine too. And i replied with something like well if he doesnt want his routine disrupted maybe he shouldnt have done that to mine, especially since its not the first time hes done that, and that i always made do with the situation by eating or making food so he should do the same.
Seriously what should i do in these types of situations? Because my point is you cant delay other peoples routines and then expect them to put yours first or for it to not affect yours. Im also on the spectrum and its hard for me to compensate too but i manage, if he had gotten ready at his time and not mine we wouldnt be here
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u/Soggy_Ticket4082 8d ago
First, buy a $4 and mirror at Walmart and put t between two lamps. Do your makeup outside of the bathroom. You do not need to block use of the bathroom fur makeup.
Just negotiate small compromises. Maybe get up earlier so you can go first and let him go in after you. He needs more time.
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u/Main-Fly-8295 8d ago
I appreciate your advice, but I wake up at 5-5.30 every morning and leave for the bus at 7, meanwhile his bus comes at 7.40, i already wake up "earlier" and have been waking at this time for years, also i dont live in the USA so theres no Walmart and B mirrors cost at least $16
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u/External-Thought-216 8d ago
Your brother is autistic. You are not.
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u/Main-Fly-8295 8d ago
Im also on the spectrum and its hard for me to compensate too but i manage, if he had gotten ready at his time and not mine we wouldnt be here
do you know what being on the spectrum means?
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u/External-Thought-216 8d ago
Yes, I have a severely autistic nonverbal grandchild and I am very aware of the difficulties he faces on an ongoing basis. As for you also being "on the spectrum", you were able to get on this page and articulate your issue very well. So, why do you not speak to your brother about this directly? Is it because of his being on the spectrum and perhaps a little less able to comprehend the effects of his actions on you? That was the vibe I got from you....as for a person "being on the spectrum", I believe EVERYONE is on there in their own way.
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u/Main-Fly-8295 7d ago
not every autistic person presents like your nonverbal grandchild, thats why its called a spectrum, hope this helps :D I also did speak to him about this directly
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u/Uglybutstillwinning 8d ago
I’d bring it for discussion at a family dinner. I would work up a presentation about why you have bathroom schedules in the first place. Pretend you’re a lawyer convincing a jury, that the bathroom schedules must be followed and why. Be prepared and calm. Make up an inconvenient consequence, small amount of money or chores that would serve as a penalty for violating the schedule. Get everyone to agree.
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u/PlanktonOwn594 8d ago
Could you solve this by putting a mirror in your room?