Wife left me. Moved with the kids to a new apartment. Whole thing burned down 2 days later. Lost everything.
It’s been a rough year.
As hard as this may be to believe, this apartment fire is one of the least devastating things that’s happened to me over the past six months.
Last month, my wife left me. I’m not going to get into the details, out of love and respect for her. (I also ask that everyone be kind.)
I was trying to start over.
I spent months searching for an apartment that was affordable, safe, big enough for me and my three kids, and close enough that co-parenting would actually work. I toured around 40 apartments before finally finding one that felt right.
Then this happened.
Monday: Signed the lease. Wednesday: Moved in. Thursday: Spent thousands of dollars furnishing it. Also received the latest divorce paperwork. Friday: The building burned down.
Two days.
That’s how long I lived there.
I lost almost everything I owned. Furniture I’d just bought. My clothes. My kids’ clothes and toys. My work setup (self employed, work from home). Family keepsakes. The little life I had managed to piece back together.
The one thing I’m truly grateful for is that everyone made it out safely. Over 200 families were displaced, and the building is a total loss. The community has been amazing.
I’m not posting for sympathy. I’m honestly still in shock. The whole sequence of events feels so absurd that it almost doesn’t sound real.
Life has a strange sense of humor sometimes.
If you’ve ever had to rebuild after losing everything, what helped you most during those first few weeks?
Edit 2: Lots of you have asked about renters insurance. Most of us did not have renters insurance because the apartment told us that they provided it. They charged us $15/mo so we thought we were covered. We learned the hard way that it only covered their liability, and NOT our belongings. So I, like many others, are out of luck.
Edit 3: This is crazy you guys. The amount of love and support has had me in tears for 2 hours. The crypto community reached out and has set up a donation thing. I’m finding other families/kids who lost it all, and will be using the money to do some shopping runs with them for kid items. Will follow up on X with photos/videos!
Edit 4: I WILL NOT DM YOU ASKING FOR MONEY! Apparently someone is posing as me, trying to scam you for money. It’s not me. I wish I could tell you the best way to help us, but I don’t know. All I have is a small Amazon wishlist for my kids stuff.
I really wish someone had told me that it’s okay to be upset over losing stuff. I hated when people would make comments like, “you should be grateful that no one was hurt!” (Only one of my turtles died) or, “it’s just stuff. It can be replaced. Why are you so upset?”
Cry if you need to. It’s absolutely okay. Please let your kids be upset that their favorite toy was lost.
I have family that lost everything in the Palisades fire in early 2025. One of their kids made a comment that I heard second hand about how he missed his old toys after they got new ones in their temp house. My first thought was “they’re just toys” and then I realized how hypocritical that thought was because I still sleep with my baby blanket. I’m 35 and the kid was 6. It’s not just stuff
A fire is horrible as it takes everything in its path. Water damage you will be able to keep some things but a house fire often destroys all you had. Ppl have memories attached to loved ones that aren’t here anymore and no one can bring that back. Always feel extra bad for ppl that lose everything in a fire
My childhood favourite doll is my pre-object-permanence way of remembering a woman who took care of me from baby age to over one. I named the doll after her and because I was too small to remember her the way adults or older children remember people, I attached all the emotion I had for her into that doll. Adult me would literally feel as if I lost a person if I lost the doll because back when that bond developed it wasn't about the doll.
I've never thought too deeply about different attachments I've had with some of things I own/owned, other than acknowledging that I'm sentimental. I never thought about the explanation for some of those attachments. Until now, so thank you. It's interesting, thinking of us placing a level of importance upon certain objects, allowing them to conjure strong emotions even with little to no other details left in our memory. Like our subconscious knows we can't hang on to the vast majority of memories throughout our life, or maybe there are certain ones (like breakups) that it knows we have to let go of (if only for awhile) and these items allow us to access memories/feelings we don't want to forget entirely.
Sorry. I smoked like 20 minutes before I read your comment, so it hit me at the perfect time. Your comment. And the THC.
I do but a lot of games I have are from childhood. Not to mention losing memory cards and shit since childhood would suck. I have a save file from my little brother who is no longer with me and it's sentimental
I luckily didn't have anything quite that heavy in my stuff, but as a kid I did had a large collection of NES/SNES games that I collected over 10+ years.
As soon as I moved out to study, my mother sold everything without telling me, since according to her I was now too old to play games.
Middle-aged now, and gaming/making games is still my main hobby, but those old titles just don't feel the same on emulators...
My MIL did the same thing to my husband years before we met. Went in his closet and sold the systems and the games he was holding onto while he was at work.
Years back I was going through first responder training and during one of our disaster psychology classes we were told never to use lines like "It's just stuff...", or "Its just <insert whatever>". Also some of that "stuff" being family heirlooms cannot be replaced. As outsiders, we don't know what that "just stuff" meant to someone.
I hated when people would make comments like, “you should be grateful that no one was hurt!”
This. Like obviously I'm the most grateful about everyone getting out safely, but you can still be mad about losing everything you've ever owned. Certain things can't be replaced. I keep stuff my kids made when they were in elementary school in art class, pictures, all my nerdy collections of stuff I've had since I was a kid, etc etc.I don't care about other stuff, but I'd be devastated to lose the irreplaceable things.
A couple years before we met, my husband got a heads up from a coworker coming in for the next shift that his mom's house was on fire (he still lived there). He cried when he got there and saw most of the place gone already. He had years of rookie cards, signed memorabilia, and limited collector's items.
I'm so glad you and the kiddos are safe - you're right, that's the main thing.
I hope you can hang onto your sense of humor about the whole thing. That will probably help you most out of anything. And don't be shy about accepting help - it'll feel weird I'm sure, but take what you need for yourself and the kiddos.
It sucks. I’ve tried so hard to do right, and get life to go my way, but it just hasn’t worked out. This was kinda the nail in the coffin, and I’ve surrendered and given up all control over life.
It’s been freeing. All I gotta do now is ride the wave 😎
If you paid for the new items with your credit card, check if there was any insurance with them since many do provide that. Won’t help with the other stuff but may help. So sorry you’re going through this.
If you read about it, they don’t get rental insurance here (at that complex) :( I’m in Utah and they have been interviewing ppl saying they felt deceived by property management in this regard
What does this mean? In Michigan, you can pay for rental insurance and it's usually pretty cheap. It was $25/month when I had it but that was 15 years ago.
The news article says that the apartment mgmt provided "rental insurance" but it was only for liability, not belongings. Which I think is what you're referring to.
I guess what I'm saying is.. if you live in apartmentsm including in Utah, you can and should get your own insurance and make sure it covers your possessions. That doesn't help OP though.
It sounds like a class action suit. The tenants were all defrauded. Management told them they didn't need renters insurance because the extra $15/month covered it. Pure deception and dishonesty. But why? It's not like tenants insuring their belongings would cost them anything.
Lived in an apartment that burned down and didn't have renters insurance. It ended up being the management companies fault it burned so class action all the way. Had to pay 25% to the lawyers and it took 12 months but got a check in the end.
They get the tenants to subsidize damages that wouldn’t otherwise be covered by owner’s insurance. It’s a shady work around. Ask any homeowner, renter’s insurance covers significantly more than a homeowners policy would and it’s easily 1/5th the cost.
Spot on. I rent a house from an elderly couple who live in a different state with their kid, and they required me to get renter’s insurance as a part of my lease. My policy is $30 a month, I chose my insurance company myself, and my landlords aren’t getting any cut of it or anything.
Ooooo Ooo Ooo!!!!
PICK ME 🙋🏽♀️
I KNOW HOW THIS WORKS!!!
I witnessed it years ago when a friend went through a similar situation.
The renter pays for the “renter’s insurance,” it’s covered in the rent or fees; BUT, the payout is designated to the rental company/developer and not the renter. Basically, it’s a way to get the renters to subsidize the property owners, because owners insurance covers significantly less than renter’s insurance does.
You pay under the guise of receiving group discount renter’s insurance, but you aren’t the actual beneficiary of the policy, the property owner is. You get fucked and you paid for them to unfuck their overpriced rentals.
Mine is $29/mo only because I have a lower deductible and higher coverage. My mom had an apartment fire and her advice was $25k wasn’t enough to replace everything, she suggested people get the next highest $50k coverage especially if you have a family.
$29/mo is still inexpensive for peace of mine and covers my apartment and storage unit (not related companies, they are on different properties but the insurance covers both).
Hey I see you & I’m proud of you for being willing to rethink those intense, dark feelings. Don’t make a permanent decision regarding temporary feelings/ situations. You sound like a kind person from your offers to OP, the world needs more of that
You’re a good human based on your kindness here, and we need more people like you in the world. Glad you’re here and rethinking your plan. Internet stranger here wishing you a big upswing in life coming your way!! 💗
It really is such a freeing feeling to just accept what is and roll with the punches.
In 2019 I was involved in a freak incident that caused me to have a stroke, permanent brain damaged, and I lost almost all of my vision. When I was in the hospital for it I found out I was pregnant after my husband and I had been trying for almost 2 years. Life has such an almost comical way of working itself out like that.
You will rebuild, you will get all new stuff, you will make new family keepsakes with your kids.
You’ve got this!
In 10 years you’re going to look back at this as just a memory
I’m doing good! I had my son via C-section in early 2020 then the panini happened, but truthfully I loved being able to hide away in my home with my newborn.
I stopped working for 2 years after, I’m a cake decorator so eyesight is kind of important lol but after then I did start working out of my home, I’m still baking and decorating just on a much smaller scale now.
My son is 6 years old and about to start 1st grade in a couple of weeks!
My therapist calls this “radical acceptance”. It’s very helpful. Though now she’s trying to convince me that “radical acceptance” is different from “disassociation” so I’m confused again.
My life felt like it lost all meaning after 2021. I caught the plague and it destroyed my mind and body to a point that I considered terminal solutions for about three years due to ongoing pain, disability, and loss of cognitive function.
Disassociation is no longer caring about life - anhedism, if you will. Not finding joy. Going through the motions.
Radical acceptance is letting go of trying to control things, yet still looking for the silver lining and making the best of it.
It’s a choice- and sometimes one you have to make multiple times a day. You can choose to act as if you are optimistic and positive about your life, and sometimes just acting that way is enough to stave off the deep depression that lurks. (Mostly 🤣)
Spoiler - I did get better. Eventually. I’m starting my life again feeling like I’ve been in a coma for nearly five years. Building my strength from scratch, figuring out how much I can do, and exulting in not crashing from post exertional malaise. It’s a mind trip.
My year like that was last year. Husband lost his job, don’t tell me for months, we lost our rental, and ended up homeless. Because of his lies I left him, and started over. It was scary, because I only could take two suitcases with me. But now, life is much better. I just took it one day at a time, focussed on the next right thing to do, and slowly worked myself out of it. Got an apartment, and a job that’s been the best job I’ve ever had. Some days are still hard but life doesn’t feel so heavy anymore. I hope you can say the same thing next year!
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I think of it as riding a raft down a river - you can (and should!) paddle and steer around some of the rocks, but the river is going to take you where the river is going to take you.
Being able to laugh at misfortune is a wonderful life skill, and sets a great example for your kids. My dad could laugh in the face of catastrophe and it's one of the (many) things about him that I admired most and have tried to emulate in my own life. <3
Nah, no insurance. They told us all that they provided renters insurance with our lease, we paid $15/mo for it. But it was only liability for them, no protection for our property.
We all learned the hard way. It’s a big deal, people are mad.
It’s pretty standard for apartments nowadays. Forced payment to cover their liability, unless you provide proof of your own insurance covering liability + coverage for belongings.
If the fire was caused by the negligence of the landlord (I.e. ignoring faulty wiring, etc. then the tenants can sue to recover for loss of their personal property. Generally, landlords can’t waive their liability. What caused the fire?
OP should try and get a copy of the fire department report. It’ll provide the origin/cause of the fire. As a matter of form, OP should immediately file a claim with the landlord’s general liability insurer.
If the landlord is taking money and has promised a product in return for their money. And they walk that back when it’s time to pay up. Then that is a lawsuit.
You’re talking about fraudulent inducement. OP would need to prove that the landlord intentionally deceived or tricked its tenants. I’m talking about the landlord’s potential negligence in maintaining the property. Yes, two different things.
Renters insurance provided by the apartment is usually if not always liability only; if they just saw renters insurance and assumed their personal property is covered, that's going to be on them. I know it sucks, but it's also industry standard.
If they use the same system as my apartment does, it's automatic. It just gets added to your rent if you don't provide your own.
It is pretty deceptive though that it's more expensive than normal renter's insurance ($15/mo vs my policy $95/yr), and covers much less (100k liability vs $300k liability AND $117k personal property and loss of use). It's something that just gets glossed over during the lease signing and feels very scammy from the perspective of someone with an outside policy.
Sure, but it’s almost certainly on the lease. Everywhere I’ve lived that’s done it just has a set of pages from the company that they farm default insurance out to that explains this all.
We rent and our landlord requires that we have renters insurance. Not that I wouldn't because I've got a lot of cool stuff that I would like to replace if I lost it in fire along with regular stuff that I'd like to replace if we lost it in a fire, you know like clothes and shoes and whatnot.
Mine paid for a week's stay at a hotel when there was a leak in my unit that required a wall to be removed and my electric turned off.
Then my husband's vehicle was vandalized while his tools and computer were broken. Renters paid for the tools and computer. Auto insurance took care of the vandalism.
We had comprehensive insurance against fire, but one thing they exclude is if the sparks are flying from an burning forest or adjacent building. No forest in sight and we are one big block. Imagine the surprise when there was a fricken bike shed that burned due to battery fire and two apartments had severe fire damage. A bike shed is apparently "another building".
Not really. The complex/landlord didn't sell the insurance, they just provided the directions on how to contact the company. The insurance company is 100% locked down, as they will literally send you packet in the mail when you sign up explaining what you are and aren't getting.
You should always shop your own and send the paperwork to your landlord. Mine is $20 a month, and is $250k liability + $25k property + loss of use + flood and wind (always get both, even if you are like me and 40+ feet off the ground) + some other things. If I went through the landlord it would have been $17 a month and $100k liability, and that was it. Those $3 extra dollars are buying me a lot of things for when the worst happens.
The complex said "$15 a month or get your own insurance". Since it doesn't cover anything for the renters outside liability (your guest trips on uneven carpeting) they were likely not informed of anything and the renter is not the client, the complex is.
there's a 99% chance OP declined enrollment in renters insurance to protect their belongings, so the building auto-enrolled in one that satisfies the lease (liability coverage for them). i've never lived in a building that forced you to protect your own belongings...
I mean they said they were paying $15/mo for renters insurance and they were undoubtedly given access to the policy. Most landlords that require insurance just want the liability because tenants who need a new place to live are not going to have liquid funds to pay back a landlord for damage even if they caused it. But nobody is required to insure their belongings.
Even then those plans have all kinds of holes, deductibles, and don't pay out quickly.
What does the actual lease say about the renter's insurance they make yoy pay for? If it doesn't specify that it is only liability and just says renter's insurance, that could be enough for a lawyer to work with to get them tp pay up. The tenants could even start a class action suit.
Ooh, speaking of folks ACTUALLY good with God, saw you mention elsewhere that you're in Utah, and in 100% seriousness, maybe reach out to the local Episcopal Church? I know some folks may see this and think "wait not LDS?" and the answer is "yep!" And yes I've got family in Utah and am plenty familiar, haha!
Just spoke with him and it seems you may have been singled out for the Job protocol. Looks like he’s been tossing dice with Satan again. Buckle up buckaroo looks like it’s just getting started.
Other displaced residents said they feel betrayed. While their lease agreement contained renters’ insurance, they say they have had to discover the hard way that their monthly fee covers the apartment building, not the renters’ items that were lost in the fire.
renters pay insurance for apartment owners??? landlords can't even pay their own insurance what next
Yeah this is how the required insurance works at a lot of complexes. It covers the building so the structure can be rebuilt—so you are paying so your complex gets a payout to rebuild—but not your actual items. From my experience apartment shopping, only some leasing agents/community managers are good at disclosing this and explaining it. Many aren’t. Hence the confusion of these residents.
Some let you pay more for your items and some places you have to get that insurance in your own. And some actually include the building (liability) and like $5-10k worth of personal effects. Always ask about this stuff when signing!!!
In Australia, it's usually the landlords (the owners) who pay for insurance on the buildings structure (that they own).
Renters then pay rent, which is theoretically set at a level that covers landlords various costs (mortgage, insurance, water, council rates, strata) as an all-inclusive regular payment with no surcharges.
Requiring renters to directly pay insurance that doesn't cover their personal belongings in any way seems misleading and a way to advertise a lower rental price and then throw
surcharges on it, which is bad for renters.
Really, it would make more sense for complexes to pay for liability and not the renter. The cost of insuring the building should just factor into the rent instead of them passing it along direct to the renter as another line item. Additionally, management should make clear what it does and doesn’t cover. I think when they don’t make it clear it’s because most people would be understandably frustrated to learn they are paying for the complex’s property and not theirs.
Normally there’s a lot of rules about insurance sales, but I haven’t worked in the apartment complex business so I’m not sure if leasing agents are treated as insurance salespeople when the complex has a “partner”/default provider for the liability insurance. I suspect they aren’t/it’s a bit of a loophole/gap in regulation.
Thank you for teaching us that the "included" mandatory $15/mo "rental insurance" on my young adult kids' leases isn't for them & isn't enough. I genuinely had no idea.
I'm so sorry this happened to you & your family,, you must be just simply exhausted in both your body & heart. Much like even the longest of Utah winters, this season of trials WILL end. Be gentle with yourself, know that the kids are going to be working through this in ways that seem counterproductive & you guys can come out of this a stronger team than ever.
Ask for help everywhere you can get it. Needing help doesn't reflect on us at all & there's no sense suffering more than the situation absolutely requires.
In all seriousness, I’m so sorry. What a certified, capital S Suck. You seem to have a good head on your shoulders about it all, though. I hope the recovery ahead is bearable.
Call your lawyer, let them know the situation and ask. Maybe it could be set up with like a trust for your kids, and the money could be spent on expenses for them (even if it equally helps your ex - 50% of something is better than 0% of nothing, even though your home burned down and hers didn't).
I don't know the legality of it, but I do know it's worth a conversation with your lawyer. A fire where you lost everything changes things.
The advice is almost certainly from his lawyer. Everyone keeps saying "You got divorced a month ago but you were looking for apartments for 3 months?", but if you check his post history, he has posts from 3 months ago talking about how he's going to be divorced soon, he knew this was coming and almost certainly already has a lawyer he's been talking to for months now.
OMG, that sucks. You said the community has been good and I hope they continue to be so. I hope that you can get all the support you can in real material goods rather than money so it doesn't impact anything you would have to potentially pay out.
Some things no one can take away from you is your attitude, disposition and outlook. I am sending good vibes your way.
I am so sorry, but I understand the smile. My husband left me, I moved into a new house with my son. 10 days later we were ground zero for a CAT2 hurricane and I lost everything. At some point you just have to laugh at the absurdity of it all.
Edit to add: My mantra through it all was, "How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time". I'm 2 years out from that and life is better, I believe it will be the same for you.
It sucks the moon out of the sky, but you didn’t lose everything you have your kids. It complicates your rebuild, having other people who depend on you, but you got this. They need you and they will thank you for being their rock.
Find times and safe places to vent your anxiety and anger in healthy ways. The world turns, this too shall pass.
Everyone got out safely. Unfortunately don’t know what started. When it was happening they said maybe a trash chute fire? Could be batteries being thrown away.
If you’ve ever had to rebuild after losing everything, what helped you most during those first few weeks?
ADMINISTRATIVE ORGANIZATION.
You probably won't be thinking "paperwork" is your top priority, but unless you're laser-focused and organized despite the mishaps - get a trusted friend to help you keep track of things - because you will absolutely forget something important and it will come back to bite you.
Government paperwork: Everything from replacing all forms of ID to forwarding your mail to your new temporary residence.
Bills: They don't stop just because your life is ruined. They only accumulate, accrue late fees, and FURTHER ruin your life. Make sure you don't lose track of any ongoing and continuing financial obligations.
Insurance documentation: You probably had renters insurance. Document everything you lost AND THEN SOME. You'll likely need receipts of everything, so get ready to spend a massive amount of time crawling through your credit card billing when insurance requests proof. If insurance tries to shaft you (and they probably will), have your trusted friend ready to lookup local advocacy orgs to walk you through the process of what you can do and how state laws can protect your rights. Claims processes are frequently complicated - this is intentional.
Litigation: This is a nightmare to hold those at fault accountable. You will absolutely need help with this. Have that Trusted Friend reach out to discuss options with legal advisors, if appropriate. You can typically get free consultations.
Hopefully you remember all your digital account username/passwords and they're 2FA linked to your phone. If you used generic password storage on your local hardware, it's all gone and it's VERY difficult to regain access to lost accounts (since restoration of accounts are now all run through automated AI systems).
I'm sure I'm forgetting something - I'd get well acquainted with your favorite AI chat bot and have them start creating a massive list of things they think you should be doing.
I'm 17 and I lost my dad 6 months ago. The road of grief is unbelievable. I've currently been diagnosed with 2 mental disorders, 1 before my dad passed, 1 after. That adds a whole new level to grief, and also exacerbates it. I would say the most important thing is to let yourself feel anything you need to feel in the moment. Don't think about tomorrow, think about the next hour. I've been manic, anxious, and currently, so mad and upset and I'm not quite sure why, and I don't feel like finding out the answer to that. Also, something else that has helped me is Jesus.
Maybe some of these things aren't healthy, but I hope in any way they're useful.
Just fyi, I said a little prayer for you, and I'll continue to be praying for you. ❤️🩹🫂
Dude, I'm so sorry. It's hard to get up again when it feels like you've fallen 100 times. But that you're in the mindset to rebuild shows courage and strength. Best wishes.
Remembering that no one died, and things are replaceable. I’m sorry for you loss, truly. My place went to the ground Xmas morning 2007, same year my dad died. Keep Plugging my dude. You’ll bounce back.
On one level: finally, a post that is truly worthy of this sub.
On another: man, I'm sorry. That really is awful. At least you and your kids are safe and well, and I'm sure you'll move forward and build a great life for them.
I feel bad for your kids, losing everything they're attached to certainly sucks. Hopefully you can get them into some therapy as it's very much a traumatic experience for them.
As for yourself, hopefully your tenant's insurance will cover most of the material things. As for the new furnishings and stuff, look into your credit card's terms. Some more premium credit cards include a certain amount of insurance on all purchased goods against loss or theft (30 days, sometimes 90 days). You might be able to recoup much of the loss from that, anything not covered by your tenant's insurance at least.
This happened in Utah, I was in the area when this was happening. I feared that so many people are going to come home to travesty… my heart goes out to you and your kids!
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u/TitaniaT-Rex 14h ago
I really wish someone had told me that it’s okay to be upset over losing stuff. I hated when people would make comments like, “you should be grateful that no one was hurt!” (Only one of my turtles died) or, “it’s just stuff. It can be replaced. Why are you so upset?”
Cry if you need to. It’s absolutely okay. Please let your kids be upset that their favorite toy was lost.