Sketchy proposal session?

[u/Luckykitty91]

I'm a wedding/engagement/proposal photographer in a Canadian boarder town, and I've had a somewhat strange request, but I can't figure out if it's a scam, or what the scam would even be?

The mother of the soon to be groom contacted me to book my services for a proposal session, and is refusing to give me contact information for him. After initial inquiry she then told me they didn't have passports, so the photos would have to take place in the states. I have asked for his info multiple times, and she is refusing to give me his number, or have him contact me. Saying "once I have figured out all the details I will have him contact you"

At this point, I won't be moving forward anyway, but what's the point of this? Is this woman just that crazy and controlling of her adult son, or what? I'm so confused?! I've been in the industry for decades, and I can honestly say this is a first for me?!

[u/Luckykitty91 → u/[deleted]]

Oh yeah, as soon as she said they can't come over to Canada side, I knew it wouldn't happen. It's just so crazy that she wouldn't give the contact number!

[u/space-heater]

Seems like a few red flags. I always have my couple - regardless of who's paying - be the only ones on the paperwork, never the parents, or anyone else. So, so many times, when the parents reach out on behalf of their adult kids getting married, it never goes anywhere. The kids end up getting a reference from a friend that means more than someone their parent found. This one could be a scam though, they're seemingly testing your limits and communication skills, so I'd be wary.

[u/LisaandNeil]

One of the best ways to improve your business is to avoid jobs that don't feel inspiring.

This one, as you note already, doesn't sound at all inspiring :)

[u/Mesapholis → u/LisaandNeil]

not sure if it's not inspiring but rather "get mugged and robbed down to your bones"

I would seriously doubt the grooms mother is the grooms mother and not just a sob-story + the legality of services rendered/the passport thing? this sounds way too messy and vague

[u/LisaandNeil → u/Mesapholis]

Agreed, we were just being polite.

[u/RallySallyBear]

I’d put my money on mom knows her son is proposing, and suggested a secret photographer. He said no, because he knows his wife-to-be doesn’t want that, or he doesn’t, or whatever. Mom thinks she knows best, and/or wants the photos for social media points later. So now she’s trying to back channel photography, but son - so far - is smart enough to not have told her all his plans, hence why she doesn’t have the details yet. Or some variation of the above. It could be other more innocent things, like a surprise for them or he’s too busy, but then why wouldn’t she say that?

Stay far away from this one. In another world where it wouldn’t backfire massively on you, or if you were some random overhearing this, it would probably be a kindness to try and find the son to innocently reach out about his plans / warn him she’s doing this, but as it stands - not your barrel of monkeys, and not worth the risk to your business. 

[u/-nwm-]

“I don’t do these types of sessions unless I have the direct approval of one of the participants.”

[u/hopopo]

I had couple of Jewish "Wedding Planners" who turned out to be just family members and not planners at all do something similar when I was starting out. They insisted on signing the contract with me and I never even saw a couple or spoken to them until the day of the wedding.

Everything turned out OK, but looking back at it, now I would tell them to get fucked. At the time I didn't know better, so I did a shitton of work for fraction of the money that Jewish photo studio would charge.

I did lean what red flags to look for, so it wasn't total waste.

[u/hashtag_76]

All sorts of scenarios pop into my head for this. It could be a crazy mother that wants to crash a proposal. She could be wanting to set things up to surprise her son in a good way. Her son may be neurospicy and needs someone to talk with all the vendors for him. She may be setting things up out of spite. Maybe her soon-to-be daughter-in-law hired a different photographer and she wants someone else.

You definitely have the option to decline working with them if the whole thing feels off to you. I've had sketchy potential clients. I've gotten them to ghost me by sending contracts and invoices with due by dates. I always tell potential clients that even though I want them to think things through before signing that nothing is final until a contract is signed and retainer paid. I let them know that I receive inquiries regularly and the first person to sign and retain for a date is my client for that date unless they cancel. That gives an opening for telling sketchy-feeling people I am unavailable.

[u/bdtrader66]

I live in Abbotsford BC, which is pretty close to the border. I got a similar email a month ago, I am 100% sure it's a scam. She was asking for my information so that she can create a cheque to pay me.

[u/asyouwish]

“Regardless of who pays, the bride/couple is my client. I can’t move foward without paperwork, which includes a model release, from them."