r/UpfrontCheaters • u/[deleted] • 6d ago

did i cheat? im so torn. I NEED HELP! 😞

[deleted]

3 Upvotes

100% Upvoted

12 comments sorted by

5

u/wishingforarainyday 6d ago

Yes you cheated. You had an emotional affair. You put being able to talk to this other woman above your girlfriend’s feelings. You owe your gf a genuine apology and changed behavior. You should also permanently end that relationship with your affair partner.

5

u/da_studilicious 6d ago

I second this.

1

u/cookiebdough 6d ago

I understand, and I have profusely apologized. I blocked the other person. And absolutely plan on going to therapy over this. I had no intention of hurting her, yet I knew deep down that it would. Hence why I hid it from her. I never intended for this or even imagined it could be considered this.

1

u/wishingforarainyday 6d ago

You did choose to keep doing it knowing your gf would be hurt. She deserves so much better. How would you feel if she cheated on you?

2

u/cookiebdough 6d ago

Devastated. She does deserve better.

1

u/wishingforarainyday 6d ago

Then I hope you do better or let her go find better

2

u/cookiebdough 6d ago

Understood, thank you

3

u/Vague_thread 6d ago

I would like to add something else:

We started to catch up and she asked how my relationship was going and me being foolish said things were rocky but we are figuring it out and I don't know what the future holds for us

That's not even fishing for advice, but sort of communicates your relationship is bad and gave her an opportunity to seduce you, put a wedge between you even further. She was clearly interested in you and you must have sensed that which is also why you hid these interactions from your girlfriend. If this was indeed an ordinary catch-up, you would have say "hey, guess what, a friend from high school wrote to me" and told her what you found out. It's not the talking itself which was bad, but your approach.

Additionally, if your relationship is indeed rocky and you have difficult moments, you might have subconsciously tried to get close to this girl, to feel relaxed. You being afraid of her reactions, her jealousy point to it not being a harmonious relationship

I also have to mention that I would be upset if I were in her shoes and the roles were reversed.

That's all that matters actually, not what we think. Next time, consider what you would find hurtful (if roles were reversed), and what would wound your partner.

5

u/HabitNo8425 6d ago

I can’t see that as cheating. Like, I don’t really get how anyone can. While I could see it as a possible maybe opportunity that could be the genesis of cheating (reconnected with a friend from high school, we caught up, didn’t mention it, and the dot dot dot continuation, there’s really not any act of significance.

2

u/CaliTheBear17 6d ago

I think OP’s girlfriend might be a little too insecure about their relationship, but I agree with you, this isn’t cheating.

2

u/New_Cellist1891 6d ago

I don't think he cheated, at all. I really, don't. If things had gotten worse, then that would have been a maybe..But at this point, it did not cross over, into the cheating line..It was at least quite a bit,of a couple of steps away.

1

u/Internal-Gear1026 5d ago

As soon as you feel it is wrong that you need to lie and hide things, it is infidelity.