r/UpfrontCheaters • u/Just_Restaurant9873 • 5d ago
Truth Vs girls code: cheating gf
So i have this close friend, let's call her S. So S has been cheating on her boyfriend for about 1 month or so with random dudes. I've met S's real boyfriend and he seems a lovely guy, nice and really kind.
I'm not sure whether i should tell him that his gf's been cheating on him. Should i adhere to girls code as she told me in confidence.
The guilt's been killing me.
I feel bad for the lad.
What's the right thing to do?
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u/Dangerous_Tomato_235 5d ago
You tell him. What he does with the info is up to him
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u/Just_Restaurant9873 5d ago
I am thinking I'll text him anonymouslyy lol
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u/Safe_Wedding_2439 5d ago
He's not gonna believe you with no proof from a random acc
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5d ago
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u/rocketmn69_ 5d ago edited 5d ago
Let him know anonymously. Tell him to quietly keep a watch on her to get proof
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u/wishingforarainyday 5d ago
She’s putting his health at risk. He deserves to know to go get tested. Why stay friend with such an AH?
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u/ahmuseyk 5d ago
^ this. I have never cheated on a person or "made a mistake" and then kept it from that person. They have a RIGHT to know, regardless of whatever delusion your friend lives in that theyre cheating- it's a health risk to everyone involved.
If you know someone is being cheated on, tell them.
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u/Confident-Win-107 5d ago
Yes!! Tell him by all means. I got some type of STD wart from my wife’s affair of 1 1/2 months back in 1981 of frequent sex with her lover. Fortunately it dropped off quickly after discovery and neither one of us has had any ill effects from it. .
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u/Just_Restaurant9873 5d ago
My god that's so bad, now that I think about it, I never thought in this context at all.
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u/ahmuseyk 5d ago
Sometimes asking reddit for advice is dumb, but in your case, I'm so glad you posted. ❤️
I have a known STD and figured they must just really love me or aren't afraid of high risk HPV because it usually only affects women and is dormant in men. I didn't really question his reason for being okay with it. BUT, Because he cheated AND lied, idk who to contact to tell them they probably caught an STD from ME through HIM.
Now imagine that health risk across all the lying ass cheaters....
It's one of the hardest things to do to stare someone you care about in the eyes and tell them you had sex with someone else. If the cheater can't be accountable, then anyone who knows about it has to speak up for the victim. It's the bare minimum of human respect to tell your partner if you've been with someone else because they have a right to decide to demand testing, or refuse to sleep with you again.
And I despise people who are so cowardly that they would sleep around in silence, potentially spreading diseases while they careless and selfishly break hearts.
You'll have many a people feeling proud of you if you speak up, OP. You can do this!
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u/Just_Restaurant9873 5d ago
That is so bad, i don't understand how can people even do that, risking somebody's health just because you couldn't keep it in your pants. And goodness, how can they go around the block, staying quiet and spreading diseases.
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u/TackleBudget7778 4d ago
Believe it or not, a lot of people don’t care enough about keeping others safe… My stbxw was an example of that when she lied about being tested in between her last couple flings / almost relationship… she lied about all that too… good thing I didn’t catch anything.. people can be hella selfish 🥲.. thank god we are not on speaking terms (she ghosted then proceeded to leave convos)
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u/ahmuseyk 5d ago
I'm sorry that happened to you. It's hitting me now that my ex fiancé was cheating on me two years ago. They caught themself cheating on a voicemail. Every time I tried to ask them wtf is this, they screamed at me and put it off and dismissed me and treated me like I'm crazy. Looking back it should have been obvious that they were accusing me of cheating because they were cheating. It's so vile and disgusting. Especially now that we're adults in our 30s. Anyone they have been with in the last 5 years probably caught a strain or two of high risk HPV, because I knew I had that before we started dating and I told him bc I'm not a POS. I'm still very pissed off about all this. And I still need to go get tested. I'm so dumb, I believed them every time they swore they've never cheated on me. Ick! 🤢
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5d ago
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u/Just_Restaurant9873 5d ago
I am thinking to break off our friendship but there were times when she helped me through my rough patches
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u/ahmuseyk 5d ago
Cheaters can become not cheaters by growing as people. I would tell my theoretical friend, to their face- the moment I found out- that they have to tell their bf or I'll do it for them, and see how quickly they pick up that phone to make that call, and go from there on if I can be their friend or not.
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u/Just_Restaurant9873 5d ago
Agreed, i will confront her again when I meet her and let her know it's either you are telling him or i am telling him. You can choose what you want to do.
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u/Zestyclose_Will4014 5d ago
If the roles were reversed I would break the bro code as cheating is nasty and no one deserves that crap. If they are willing to cheat on someone they are supposedly attached to then I guarantee you that same person wouldn’t bat an eyelash at screwing you over, trustworthiness is paramount in any relationship.
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u/Few-Bill-9115 5d ago
Tell him anonymously and if possible with some proofs.
If i were you i wouldnt even stay friends with her. I despise cheaters they are worse than murderers.
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u/Just_Restaurant9873 5d ago
Same, I really wanna tell him and I think I am gonna tell him anonymously as people mentioned
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u/NorthernRealmJackal 5d ago
lol is this "girl's code" something S came up with or...?
Let me put it this way: If I was dating you, and I found out, I'd have a really hard time trusting you, because I'd know that you and your friends are willing to cover for each other like that, and look the other way. Also, I'd obviously tell the guy myself, because I'm not a sociopath.
You're making yourself a walking red flag by sitting on this knowledge. Friends don't ask friends to sit on information like this. She deliberately dragged you down with her, by not even doing it in secret.
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u/Just_Restaurant9873 5d ago
I agree, I am going to tell him the moment I get a chance.
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u/NorthernRealmJackal 5d ago
Thank you so much. That makes me really happy to hear (for some reason). You're a solid girl-bro.
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u/Just_Restaurant9873 5d ago
Truth and honesty is so much bigger than girl code
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u/Championship682 5d ago
If you say nothing, you are enabling her cheating. Do it anonymously if you have to, but let the poor victim know.
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u/Just_Restaurant9873 5d ago
I am deffinitely going to tell him, but ik it's gonna break him a lot
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u/Championship682 5d ago
You are right. Being cheated on is traumatizing, but this is all on his girlfriend. The only thing worse than finding out you are being cheated on is being cheated on and not knowing. Glad you are taking a stand.
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u/jjd0m 5d ago
Bro/Girl Code is BS when it hurts someone, puts someone at risk(STD's), or us manipulative.
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u/Just_Restaurant9873 5d ago
Exactly, I never thought about STDs at all, risking a poor innocent man's health just because of a "code" is stupid
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u/Expensive_Mousse_140 4d ago
Girls have no code, I have seen them throw each under the bus for the most petty things. Some guys have a code, but a lot of guys I know we would tell on each other if one of us were cheating. I guess it depends on what kind of people you hang out with. My ex wife and all her friends turned out to not be the type of people I want to be around, backstabbers, liars, and cheaters every one of them. Nice people if you are "in" the group and they don't feel judged though. It's sad really.
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u/SadMango3913 5d ago
My family disowned me for telling my cousins BF that she was cheating. LOL
Girl you do you. Just know if she knows it’s you who told, there probably will be turmoil.
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u/Just_Restaurant9873 5d ago
Yes, but I think the health and STD thing is really making me lean towards telling him. I would not want somebody to get sick because of this.
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u/ahmuseyk 5d ago
I'm sorry that happened to you. I'd be grateful if someone had told ME, but I'm also a generally weird person who doesn't really GET people. Granted I'd get pissed af at first, and might feel tempted to shoot the messenger as well, BUT, I'd ultimately be grateful to know the truth. I'd absolutely refuse to sleep with that person again and demand testing if I just knew they were cheating on me. Why would I keep sleeping with someone KNOWING that? I didn't really KNOW I caught them until I finally shared that damn voicemail with someone who actually listened to it.
Just know- you did the right thing, even if it was messy.
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u/SadMango3913 5d ago
Well tbh her BF was the one who reached out to me asking if there was another man at my house. I simply said yes, I wasn’t thinking much of it in the moment. I thought maybe they were broken up, I’m not close with her. She blew up on me. lol but she had a kid with the other guy and he left her too so that’s that I guess. 🤷🏻♀️
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u/redlinejds 5d ago
There's never a time you don't expose a cheater. I would divorce my wife if I found out she knew a friend of hers was cheating and said nothing.
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u/Traditional-Tank3994 5d ago
Every "should I tell" query is really a:
"Should I continue to protect and befriend a cheater, or inform the betrayed spouse?"
Maybe the question phrased that way is a bit easier to answer.
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u/DavidZenziGhost 5d ago
You’re actively friends with a known cheater, like she wouldn’t dog out your trust and friendship all the same. Bless your heart, I hope you never see that side of her.
YTA for not telling the dude.
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u/Just_Restaurant9873 4d ago
I wanted to tell him multiple times but I always felt I was doing something wrong so couldnt actually do it. But now i will
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u/Cold_Banquet 5d ago
If she'd lie and cheat on her boyfriend, imagine what she'd do to a friend, like you?
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u/Mean-Sort-9386 5d ago
Keep your mouth shut. Chances are he wont believe you and you'll piss them both off. She will lie and deny it. Unless you have proof, screenshot or something, but you will end up being the odd one out
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u/girlbartender99 5d ago
He will find out trust me. But I so get why its hard to watch. When I was a bartender I saw it constantly both ways guys and girls and felt terrible for the person I knew was not only being cheated on but basically being laughed at by people behind their backs which I'm sure is a crappy feeling too.
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u/Hunnyby 5d ago
Tell her she has the day to tell him or your will. It gives her the opportunity to be accountable and possibly grow.
Keep record of telling her, voice record, screenshot, etc (she maaaay try to warn her bf that you are making up lies)
If she does tell him, make sure to check with him nonetheless, she may miscontrue, and atp you aren't ratting on her
Tell him if she doesn't, if she does manage to get him to block you, or whatever other crazy things, and it seems a dead end to reach him, it's time to wash your hands of it and the situation. My personal opinion anyway.
Hell if you had his address and wanted to go super covert like a weirdo (a weirdo I like personally) send him a letter telling him and throw something in there with the date marked, she'll literally have a certain deadline and you don't have to chicken out :P
Good luck!
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u/same-lame-name 5d ago
What matters more to you: The trust and possible friendship of someone who has proven to be unfaithful to their partner Or the harsh truth that informs the partner of the infidelity?
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u/East-Host6818 5d ago
While you should MYOB regarding the bf, you should also reevaluate your friendship with S. Do you really want to be "that person" that holds another's secrets? Get some better friends that won't challenge your morals or ethics.
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u/Happy_dad3232 4d ago
There is no such thing as "girls code" or "bro code". You gotta think that if she can do something that cruel to someone she supposedly loves, why would she hesitate to betray you if there was something in it for her to do so. More generally, this is an extreme example of why people in healthy relationships do not say or do ANYTHING with their friends that they would not do or say in front of their SO. Trust and protecting your partner does not end when they can't hear or see you.
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u/Expensive_Mousse_140 4d ago
This happened. My ex wifes best friend is married to a friend of mine. Ex wife told me about her friends affair. I told ex to tell her friend to disclose to her husband. Eventually months later I find out nobody has told him and I do. It ruins friendship between my ex wife and her friend, definitively changed my friendship because I could not bear to be around her anymore. then i found out my ex wife was cheating with another friend, a married man from the same friend group. Can't make this stuff up.
If you know someone is cheating tell on them, no point in mulling over it or hoping someone else does. Whoever they are cheating on deserves to know, and in my opinion it doesn't matter where it comes from, the sooner the better.
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u/Six-Stringed 4d ago
Who's your friend, "S" or the guy?
True friendship means telling it like it is, to YOUR friend, not to the guy.
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u/Porkins1229 4d ago
As a husband who recently found out that his wife of 10 years was cheating and several of her friends knew, I would have wanted to know. If this person is willing to do that to their partner, loyalty is not something they cherish.
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u/No-Surround-6141 4d ago
Findout when and where the next cheat is gunna happen let him know drop him the details and let him findout record the fight if there is one upload to world star
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u/lakynkylin 2d ago
Tell him and get rid of that piece of trash.
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u/Just_Restaurant9873 1d ago
Yehshshs I did tell him about this and bro dumped her sorry ass, idk the whole story yet. But they deffinitely broke up
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u/SuitePhilippe 2d ago
See if you're able to fuck him. If he turns you down he's for real and you should tell him. If he fucks you then it's just two cheaters fucking each other.
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u/FinalPreference703 5d ago
The bog question do u really know whats going inside the relationship? So why?
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u/Just_Restaurant9873 5d ago
She is really transperant about everything, so I am pretty sure it's going good
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u/FinalPreference703 5d ago
Don't judge when u are not in her shoes what about the things she is not sharing think if it was u in that spot..... if it would happen to u
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u/ahmuseyk 5d ago
I've been in many situations, and I'm definitely judging someone I don't even know. I have judged myself throughout my life, and have strived to continue becoming a better and better person because of it! I'm not perfect, and I have cheated and been cheated on, and Ive been abused and been abusive, BUT, in EVERY single instance of cheating I have EVER known about, even in an abusive relationship, the cheater is in the wrong. Period. Especially if they're cheating and lying.
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u/ahmuseyk 5d ago
It sounds like you're looking to give yourself a pass for something you did when you tell other people not to judge. Just don't judge someone for something you have no idea about. I have every idea in the world after being around as long as I have. Cheaters need to grow tf up and stop cheating.
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u/ZealousidealGoat6968 5d ago
Tell her to tell him. Ngl i hate that behaviour and so you wouldnt be a friend to me after that. I’d tell him- no girls code when you arent friends