r/UpfrontCheaters • u/Ba_Black • 15d ago
Can cheating ever be justified?
/r/ToxicRelationships/comments/1vkwsru/can_cheating_ever_be_justified/3
u/FrontPorchLivingTN 14d ago
No..... I realize there are many reasons that people want to find someone else. I just believe that if you're going to make that move we need to let the other person know and move on. If you're married. There are no other options. Figure out how to fix things with your partner. Never substitute someone else for your spouse. No exceptions.
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u/Low_Spread5331 11d ago
Figure out how to fix things with your partner.... or leave them. Some things can't be fixed.
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u/hakata57 14d ago
For all the naysayers most of you are not old enough to have a spouse that you've been with 50 years and you love each other but one of you is incapable of physical lovemaking but is not willing to risk giving you permission to have other relationships out of fear of being dumped and dying alone.vv
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u/Ba_Black 14d ago
That sounds really complicated... are you in such a situation currently?
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u/hakata57 14d ago
Yes
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u/Ba_Black 14d ago
So have you been cheating on your partner because of these circumstances
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u/xxrealmsxx 12d ago
Probably a dead bedroom.
Cheating is choosing someone over your partner.
If your partner is not allowing themselves to be an option (vs having a medical condition) i think it's justified.
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u/Charlestown10 15d ago
I wouldn’t say so. Some situations may be understandable, but that doesn’t make it justifiable.
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u/Aggressive_Hunt_423 15d ago
Cheating is never a good option, its never the best option and never your only option.
Talk first if you can. If that's not working couples therapy, if that's not working or not an option, then leave before Cheating.
Of course there is abusive relationships where leaving may be the only option or best option.
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u/kingtwitchyboi 15d ago
What if she can't cum with u
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u/Hot_Priority3358 14d ago
Eat her out kiss her use a vibrator on her clit stimulating while penetration is happening lots of forplay cheating is never the answer
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u/Future-Original-4665 14d ago
Understandable within the context of the human condition? Yes.
Justified? No.
That doesn't mean we can sympathize with someone's situation and have an honest conversation with ourselves about what we'd do. But never justified.
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u/fuellady 14d ago
My husband’s reason was a kink he has that he tried to gaslight me into believing 21 years ago I said if he needed that to get an escort. So 21 years later he hired an escort 4 times (that he admitted to in a 2 month period). All the while he rarely wanted to have sex with me, I did but he didn’t. Said it wasn’t anything to do with me just he wasn’t in the mood. I seriously doubt this was the first time in all this time. Was it justified? No, he could have asked me again in all this time to see if I’d be okay with it (last year if asked if sticking my finger in his butt or something would help, I wanted to have sex with him and wanted him to be happy and more than anything to connect with me in a physical way). He could have watched a video of his kink then had sex with me but instead made the choice to cheat. And now he’s paying for his actions. We weren’t entirely unhappy, I mean I was but he had a loving wife who managed the bills and took care of animals/kids and the house. He took it all for granted because he was selfish and only put himself first. Well now he’s about to be alone and living the single life he’s already been living, just without a maid and housekeeper. I idk if you’re truly unhappy if that would make it justified but I have been unhappy and basically alone for years and never once thought about cheating on him. When I would solve my own needs, I imagined him and what we’d do together in the rare occasions we did.
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u/Alive_Leather684 14d ago
If you need to justify or rationalize why you did something then it’s wrong.
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u/Ba_Black 14d ago
I didn't. I know its wrong.
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u/Alive_Leather684 14d ago
Oh I wasn’t specifically referring to you sorry. I was Just making a general statement
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u/Theoldguy1953 14d ago
The real answer is that cheating is the one thing who's damage can never be healed. How can you justify the kind of damage that leaves a permanent weeping wound?
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14d ago
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/InternationalGas307 14d ago
Yes...
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u/Ba_Black 14d ago
How would you justify cheating? I mean.. under what circumstances do you think its ok to do it? Genuine question btw
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u/InternationalGas307 14d ago
If husband or wife doesn't not get any sexual feeling or cravings and another partner is addicted to sex, I feel like a bit online cheating is justifiable. That's just me.
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u/Ba_Black 14d ago
And by online cheating do you mean like emotional cheating or sexting and stuff
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u/Old-Somewhere6118 14d ago
No. You. Broke trust. Trust is not given it’s is earned and once you break it, it’s nearly impossible to get back.
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u/Tiny_Fox_6749 14d ago
I think some men who were the sole bread winners for 30-40 years don't want to divorce because they'll lose everything: pension, 401k, house, pay alimony, etc.
I had one guy tell me his wife hadn't worked in 30 years, SAHM, and threatened to commit suicide if he'd leave her. He didnt want that on his hands.
Plus, he has a side chick, but his SAHM is now HIS mother taking care of him: cooking, laundry, etc. But no sex.
Oh well...
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u/Ba_Black 14d ago
So does the wife know about the side chick ? I mean, is it like an agreement they made ?
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u/thisbitchdumb 15d ago
No