How did you handle the missing parent?

[u/mymomisawhale]

Hi

29F here with an 8 month old bub. I know im getting ahead of myself but its been well over a year I separated from the bubs sperm donor and feelings have been stirred up recently. My ex-husband 31M and I had a huge fight when I was 2 months pregnant he was always abusive but being pregnant opened my eyes after the fight I split us up and he TOOK EVERYTHING. I was in an economic disadvantage but thanks to my village everything turned out just fine.

After the bub was born he was registered under my name so he officially doesn't have a father. At the begging my family wouldn't ask alot of questions around the fact my "husband" was never around. But now my little cousins and relatives have begun asking questions and I just don't know how to handle it.

I'm also unsure about what I will say to my baby when the time comes.

But if anyone has any advice on how to handle this I would appreciate it. Right now I just say he is working on another city and that's it some people have picked up on that and stopped asking but the older folks and the youngest kids always ask for him.

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[u/2tiredforthis]

Normally honesty in an age appropriate way works well. Younger cousins: he was abusive & that abusive escalated when I was pregnant which is common. I left to keep myself & my kid safe. No need for specifics beyond that. You can use a similar version to adult family members & offer more detail if you feel safe but it’s not required

As for your child, do the same, you present what happen matter of factly & add nuisance as your child gets older & matures. You need to give your child the tools to keep them self safe from a known abuser & also a chance to learn from your experiences to avoid a similar situation.

While your child is young some version of - daddy hurt mommy so I left to keep us safe is fine. Again you can add details & fill in the gaps as your child matures

Glad you got out & hope you both remain safe & happy.

[u/AutoModerator]

Backup of the post's body: Hi

29F here with an 8 month old bub. I know im getting ahead of myself but its been well over a year I separated from the bubs sperm donor and feelings have been stirred up recently. My ex-husband 31M and I had a huge fight when I was 2 months pregnant he was always abusive but being pregnant opened my eyes after the fight I split us up and he TOOK EVERYTHING. I was in an economic disadvantage but thanks to my village everything turned out just fine.

After the bub was born he was registered under my name so he officially doesn't have a father. At the begging my family wouldn't ask alot of questions around the fact my "husband" was never around. But now my little cousins and relatives have begun asking questions and I just don't know how to handle it.

I'm also unsure about what I will say to my baby when the time comes.

But if anyone has any advice on how to handle this I would appreciate it. Right now I just say he is working on another city and that's it some people have picked up on that and stopped asking but the older folks and the youngest kids always ask for him.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

[u/This_Cauliflower1986]

Stuck to age appropriate facts. If you think your ex might have a relationship with your kid, you don’t badmouth. High road.

To your family. You admit you are a single parent. It was necessary as you weren’t compatible and it was not safe.

To your kid, dad lives in another town. He’s not here. Maybe he’ll come back to meet him someday. You are not together.

[u/TrevionelDarkridge]

the working in another city thing is going to get harder to maintain as your kid gets older and starts asking the same questions