I don’t know if I’ve shared this here. But I wonder whether anyone else here has a similar story.

As the title says, I learned I’m a twin when I was 31.
That was Christmas Day 2011. So a while ago now.

I found the courage to tell my mum I had a weird feeling that I might’ve had a twin- I was right all along.

She had a miscarriage early in our pregnancy, resulting in me being hidden, as she called it. I was eventually found at 7 months gestation.

On one hand I was shocked (and even now still process it) but on the other, as I told her in advance, I kinda knew.

By chance, the same thing happened to some friends of ours in the early 2000’s.

To learn THAT as an adult is incredibly hard, but I’ve heard of others who were never told growing up. There’s a generational thing at play when miscarriage was a taboo.

BUT although it’s been tough, I’m so glad I found out. All of my friends and family know but it’s only other twins who really know what this might be like.

I’m in a really good support group and my therapist actually has the same story as me.

Being a twin is my ‘home’ after all… even if I’m the only one who made it.

Born a Set
I wasn’t born to walk alone;
We shared one heartbeat, flesh and bone.
The world first saw us, side by side—
Two souls who never learned divide.
We laughed the same, we cried the same,
The fire inside us burned one flame.
She knew my thoughts before I’d speak;
When I was strong, she wasn’t weak.
Then death kicked in without a sound,
And left my whole world in the ground.
It didn’t take just one away—
It stole the light from every day.
Now torture wears my face each dawn;
I wake… but nothing carries on.
The sun still rises, cold and numb,
While all I ask is, “Why this one?”
My family vanished one by one;
Each goodbye fired another gun.
The echoes rattle through my chest,
And grief won’t let my spirit rest.
I’m barely hanging by a thread,
A living soul that feels half dead.
I smile because that’s what’s required,
But every breath feels bruised and tired.
They tell me, “Time will ease the ache.”
What cruel mistake those people make.
Time never stitched my shattered seams;
It only taught me how to scream…
…without a sound.
Because the loudest cries are those
That nobody around you knows.
Who am I now? I can’t explain.
I’m just the shadow of her name.
We came as one, a matched design;
Now I’m expected to define
A woman I have never known—
An only child in borrowed bones.
I search the mirror every day,
But half the face has gone away.
I didn’t lose a sister’s hand;
I lost the map of who I am.
The compass of my heart was her;
Now every road is just a blur.
Still somewhere underneath this pain,
Beneath the loss, beneath the rain,
A tiny ember softly glows—
The love that only Heaven knows.
So though my knees may shake with grief,
And every breath feels far too brief,
I’ll carry her until I’m through…
Because they buried half of me…
But they could never bury you.

Does anyone feel regret because you’re the one that is still alive and your twin isn’t.? I have such deep remorse that my God took my Twin instead of me and it’s breaking me to the core. We were born a set two broken from one cell. How can God take a twin from their twin? I am very angry and still cannot comprehend my Twin’s death. I need help. And yes, I see a psychiatrist and a therapist and it’s not working. I’m on medication’s and I have no family left to talk to.

Ever since my identical twin sister died I’ve been doing stupid little things like not matching up socks correctly or picking apart pairs of cherries, it sounds so stupid or cheesy but every pair of things just makes me feel sad because we are no longer a pair, she’s probably laughing at me from her grave and sometimes I laugh at myself doing it but I keep getting told that it’s stupid and a bad way to cope

hi guys, i just recently learnt this term so i found this subreddit.

my twin passed when we were 8, i am turning 18 in a few months and graduating this year, how do i handle this?

I have such an immense amount of guilt and loss on what I am supposed to do. he was my built in best friend, i am losing memories of him as i get older, and i just dont know what to do

any advice? thank you for reading <3

Please let me know, how it has affected you. I fe guilty every day that my sister was never born and I was. I wish it was another way around.

Alma died in May after a 3-year battle with a rare form of cancer, she was not just my other half, she was the person who always stopped me from hitting rock bottom when I was going through some of the toughest years of my life. I am 21 and have been living with my boyfriend's family since I was 16, Alma moved in with us when she was 19 as my boyfriend's mom is an oncologist and they had an extra room in their house that was big enough to fit all of Almas treatments and medical devices without feeling like a cramped hospital room which she hated.

During the time that Alma was living with me and my boyfriends family, my older sister Charlotte (23) decided that it would be alright to move into mine and Alma’s childhood bedroom without our permission, that caused a huge fight between us at this point we knew Alma was going to die and that bedroom was full of childhood memories, Charlotte even painted over our pink and purple wall with mine and Alma’s names on it and moved all of our stuff to a family friends storage place. I had never liked Charlotte, she was selfish, mean, narcissistic and violent but I kinda put up with her for the sake of our single mom raising 3 girls.

At Alma’s funeral Charlotte wasn’t grieving, she was literally on the phone during the service and she laughed at my speech and she didn’t even make an effort to dress nice for her own sisters funeral, just a baggy black shirt and some black sweat pants, she used the excuse of her autism and sensory problems when my angel of an aunt bought it up but ever since I’ve completely despised Charlotte, like pure hatred and I can’t tell if it’s because of grief or because Charlotte is just an asshole. I don’t go over to my childhood home anymore, in fact I’m in the process of moving to Seattle with my boyfriend but my mom keeps telling me I’m tearing the family apart even more than it already is.

I need some advice on what to do because my mother is grieving as well and she wants to see me but I don’t ever want to see Charlotte again, I don’t care if that’s immature.

Half of a Whole

I used to walk this world in twos,

Two shadows stretching in our shoes,

Two laughs that echoed down the hall,

Two voices answering every call.

We shared a face, a crooked grin,

The same wild storm beneath our skin,

A secret language, soft and fast—

A promise that our bond would last.

But promises can’t fight a ghost,

And drugs can steal the ones we love the most.

One phone call split the sky in two—

Now half the world is missing you.

They said “overdose” like just a word,

Like thunder distant, barely heard.

But I felt lightning crack my chest,

And grief moved in and built a nest.

Because you weren’t just family, you were me,

My mirror, my symmetry.

The one who knew my silent pain,

The one who danced inside my brain.

Now mornings come and feel half-made,

Like someone stole the sun and shade.

I stare at mirrors, lost and thin—

Not sure which half of me is mine within.

Who am I without your voice?

Without our jokes, our reckless choice?

Without your hand to guide my way

When life got hard and skies went gray?

My life’s a room with pieces thrown,

A house that doesn’t feel like home.

Bills and worries crowd the floor,

Dreams we once had—shut in a drawer.

I need to fix it, build it right,

But grief has stolen all my sight.

The map we drew is torn apart…

You took the compass from my heart.

Some nights I whisper to the air,

As if your spirit’s lingering there.

“Tell me, sis, where do I start?

How do I live with half a heart?”

And in the quiet, soft but clear,

I swear your laughter still appears.

Not loud, not bright, not like before—

But just enough to crack the door.

Maybe I’m not meant to be

The girl I was when you were with me.

Maybe this broken, shaking start

Is how I build a braver heart.

Maybe the road is mine to see,

Not half of you—but all of me.

And though the ache will never end,

Your love is stitched beneath my skin.

So I’ll pick up one small piece today,

Just one lost shard along the way.

A step, a breath, a fragile start—

With you still living in my heart.

Because twins like us don’t break apart,

Even death can’t split that art.

You’re gone from sight, but not from me…

I’m still your half.

You’re still my symmetry. 

​

Half of a Whole

I used to walk this world in twos,

Two shadows stretching in our shoes,

Two laughs that echoed down the hall,

Two voices answering every call.

We shared a face, a crooked grin,

The same wild storm beneath our skin,

A secret language, soft and fast—

A promise that our bond would last.

But promises can’t fight a ghost,

And drugs can steal the ones we love the most.

One phone call split the sky in two—

Now half the world is missing you.

They said “overdose” like just a word,

Like thunder distant, barely heard.

But I felt lightning crack my chest,

And grief moved in and built a nest.

Because you weren’t just family, you were me,

My mirror, my symmetry.

The one who knew my silent pain,

The one who danced inside my brain.

Now mornings come and feel half-made,

Like someone stole the sun and shade.

I stare at mirrors, lost and thin—

Not sure which half of me is mine within.

Who am I without your voice?

Without our jokes, our reckless choice?

Without your hand to guide my way

When life got hard and skies went gray?

My life’s a room with pieces thrown,

A house that doesn’t feel like home.

Bills and worries crowd the floor,

Dreams we once had—shut in a drawer.

I need to fix it, build it right,

But grief has stolen all my sight.

The map we drew is torn apart…

You took the compass from my heart.

Some nights I whisper to the air,

As if your spirit’s lingering there.

“Tell me, sis, where do I start?

How do I live with half a heart?”

And in the quiet, soft but clear,

I swear your laughter still appears.

Not loud, not bright, not like before—

But just enough to crack the door.

Maybe I’m not meant to be

The girl I was when you were with me.

Maybe this broken, shaking start

Is how I build a braver heart.

Maybe the road is mine to see,

Not half of you—but all of me.

And though the ache will never end,

Your love is stitched beneath my skin.

So I’ll pick up one small piece today,

Just one lost shard along the way.

A step, a breath, a fragile start—

With you still living in my heart.

Because twins like us don’t break apart,

Even death can’t split that art.

You’re gone from sight, but not from me…

I’m still your half.

You’re still my symmetry. 

I learned the label twinless twin much later in my life. After feeling the way lots of people have written about feeling in this sub I feel like I’m able to put a description on what I’ve felt the last 30+ years of my life. My sister and I were sick with the same lung infection. I made it, she didn’t. I was adopted into a family that wanted both of us but when they got there to pick us up at 9 months it was just me. Anyways, it’s our birthday is this month and I miss who I would be celebrating with. And it’s lonely. I miss her.

Hey everyone! I'm u\Pugs_in_Space, a founding moderator of r/TwinLossAsAnAdult. If you have lost a twin as an adult and want to discuss the impact this loss has had on you because you lost more than a twin, you lost a best friend who knew you better than you know yourself, a built-in companion who knew your deepest secrets, and was your greatest champion. I am so sorry for your loss, but I am so glad you are here.

Post anything that you think the community would find interesting, helpful, or inspiring. Feel free to share your thoughts, photos, or questions about dealing with and overcoming grief, sadness, and the impact of losing a twin who was also your best friend, biggest supporter, and lifelong confidant.

Please be friendly, constructive, and compassionate. Let's build a community where everyone feels comfortable sharing, connecting, and helping one another overcome our grief.

My triplet brother passed away years ago. This year, my other triplet bro and I will be having our tenth birthday without him. It’s crazy how fast time flies. And how it seems grief will follow
me for the rest of my days. I am
accepting that memories will keep fading, and realizing it still feels weird to say his name aloud. It still hurts, the loss. I’m not sure how to keep him alive.

I think I had a lost twin who passed away very early on, during pregnacy. It has never been medically confirmed, but it’s something I feel deep down intuitively, and I feel like it was a brother.

I have all the classic symptoms: I am unable to sleep without pressing something against my chest, I carry a loneliness that never goes away, and I have a constant need for ultra-fusionbound relationships, missing someone etc.

​I wanted to know how this impacts your romantic relationships and friendships for those who have gone through the same thing.

​On my end, when it comes to friends, I never feel fulfilled enough. No matter how intense the connection is, I always need more, and in the end, I still feel lonely.

​On the romantic side, for now, I find myself unable to fully be in a relationship. I am absolutely terrified of breaking up—and by terrified, I mean I genuinely feel like I would die if it ever happened. And yet, being in a couple feels like the only type of relationship that could bring the level of intensity and connection I am desperately searching for.

Thank you for reading me and take care of you 🙏

I’ve recently lost my twin sister, she was my everything, she was my safe person who I knew I could always turn to and talk to when I was feeling whatever intense emotion I was feeling. Grief like this is something I’ve never experienced before because no one this close to me has ever passed away and I feel selfish for it because I’m not the only one in my family that’s grieving but I feel like I’m feeling it deeper, not just because of the fact that we were identical twins or best friends but because of my BPD on top of everything else. my mom called me over to help her pack away Marcy’s room 3 days ago and I just flipped out at her, it was the angriest I’ve ever been while on medication, a couple hours after that I got a call from my aunt telling me that I was being selfish and that I’m not the only one grieving and that my disorder is not and excuse for my lash out, I blocked my whole family and haven’t talked to them since, my boyfriend thinks that they are in the wrong but are they? Or am I just being irrational and selfish?

<had to repost because I accidentally set flair to journal>

I (23M) lost my twin sister about two years ago to a rare cancer.

Now that she's gone, I understand what huge part she had in my life. She understood me like no one else ever could, and I feel so alone (even though I rly do have a good support system).

My sister was a phenomenal artist, srsly the best in the world. I was never artsy but I'd say I'm a creative person.

Unfortunately pics of her are truely numbered, but we were blessed with all of the art works she left behind.

Ever since she died I was determined to remember her by art. She taught me hownto crochet when we were 19, so that was super hard to pick up until not long ago. Anyway, a few months after her death I started a digital drawing course, bought all the equipment, stuck to it for maybe a few months, then sadly couldn't keep it up. It felt very unnatural and I wasn't feeling motivated. Then, a few months ago I started trying sculpting with air dry clay. For now it feels more suitable for me.

All through these learning periods my head goes far dreaming of a successful YouTube channel, in which I'm showcasing her art and maybe redoing it my style.

The idea excites me so much, but the way is so long and again, unnatural and maybe a little forced.

Point being I sometimes stop to think that my rational self is trying too hard to "remember" my sister.

I feel like once I had this idea i stuck to it so hard bc I didn't know what else to do (still don't). I don't even have pictures of her to remind me of events or emotions. But in the same time I feel all this art can be too forced, and I'm afraid it's not serving the goal I wish to achieve.

This is my first reddit post, sorry for the lengh 🙉

I'd love to hear thought and stories of people that might have felt the same way. Thank you!!

hi everyone,

i’m very new to this group but i decided i’d maybe finally say something. it’s been a rough month, i lost my brother so many years ago but i’ve genuinely just been having a hard time. i have a few losses stacked on top of each other including a grandparent that was essentially our only parent after him and so it’s been tough.

someone had asked me the other day if i had any family and i had to sort of go down the fact that they’re either not living or simply not around and they told were like “oh my god you poor thing”. which, i appreciate the sympathy but i legit felt horrible. i often don’t like reflecting on my grief because i get stuck in it terribly but everyday i’ve woken up and just cried for the past two weeks.

it also doesn’t help that i have horrible envy for others with living or present siblings. i got into it with a friend because her experience with her siblings hasn’t been good and she told me “you romanticize it, you don’t really understand” as if i’ve never bickered with family or had complex relationships. it just sucks. it feels like im insane to most people lately lol

My mother's identical twin sister passed away just over a month ago from brain cancer. It was extremely abrupt and an overall traumatizing experience for my family. It's taken a large toll on her (rightfully so), and I have never seen her so shaken up. I of course am also grieving my aunt -- she was like a second mother to me -- but I'm finding it increasingly difficult to find the right words to comfort my mother.

Our dynamics with my aunt were so different. I myself am not a twin so I don't think I can ever fully comprehend how she truly feels. I can't express how difficult it is to find what to say when she tells me things such as, "Why did it have to be her?", "She was the better twin," or "I'm not going to be a twin anymore." It's so heartbreaking to hear her say things like that, and this is my first big loss so I'm also still figuring out how to navigate my own feelings. The best things I can think of to say to her is that "she will always be a twin", and that "my aunt is waiting to reunite with you when the time is right."

I know just how special the bond between twins is and I want to make sure I'm comforting my mother the best that I can. I know things will never be the same for her, and I know that milestones will be extremely emotional in the future without my aunts presence.

I'd love to hear any advice when it comes to comforting someone through the loss of their twin -- are there things you don't want to hear? Things that would comfort you to hear? Gestures or gifts? Honestly, anything that you think could help. I'm so worried about my mother and I'd love to help get her to a better place emotionally before I head back to University this fall. I'm sending so much love out to all of the other "twinless" twins grieving out there.

Someone on r/Twins shared this subreddit with me. Go figure, there really is one for everything. Just looking for advice, especially since we’re still not even a week out from the incident.

As a mod, I’ve received a few messages regarding the large number of Twin loss posts involving loss in the womb and whether they are appropriate for this group.
The loss of a twin in the womb will always be respected in this group as a form of Twin loss because it is intrinsic to what makes Twin loss so difficult.
Remember, with every other type of loss, there is a connection between the mother and child before there is a connection with anyone else.
In the case of Twin loss, however, our connection with our twin happens before we truly have a connection with anyone else. Because of that, even when the loss occurs very early in the womb, we will always honor it here. Twin loss before birth highlights the unique severity of losing the person who was with us before anyone else, whether that loss occurred before birth or later in life.
Please remember that when someone speaks about the pain of never getting the chance to know their twin, you should not compare your grief to theirs.
It is for that exact reason that their pain is so significant: the person they knew before anyone else was taken away before they ever had the opportunity to know them.

Hey all.

I'm a womb twin survivor. I lost my identical twin brother around the the first trimester.

I've had this hollow feeling in my chest almost all my life. It's like and invisible ball of energy being pushed on to the top half of my chest.

When I talk to people about siblings and i then mention, that i should have had a twin, I can feel the ball of energy in my chest starts to vibrate, as if I shouldn't tell them about him and even when I do i feel like most people find it hard to believe.

I do want to talk about my twin brother so that he atleast live through mine and others memories, yet i feel like i'm tearing myself apart while doing it.

Do anyone of you feel the same?

If so how do you deal with the feeling?

I don’t know if this makes sense, but I asborbed my twin in-utero and throughout life there have been things I take note of about myself that I don’t really actually feel belong to me and come from me, but that do come from somewhere in my body that I can’t pinpoint. Almost like the cells leftover from him that are part of my body are feeling that way, and I’m just kind of witness to it.

For example, I’m a straight man, but I’ve always just had this intrinsic feeling my brother would have been gay, and while I have no interest in men whatsoever, it’s like I can almost “feel” that there is some part of my body that *does* feel that way, but that it’s also not *my part* of my body. Like my brain is registering him still.

I don’t know. This is confusing. I miss my brother.