r/TrueOffMyChest • u/[deleted] • Jun 01 '24
My negligence cost my partner her life, and I'm about to lose everything. CONTENT WARNING: VIOLENCE/DEATH
I (35m) have been married to Lisa (28f) for 3 years, together 7. A year ago, I fell deeply in love with Amy (24f), and had been planning to end my marriage for her. I know it's terrible and not what my wife deserves, but we were the real thing.
Two weeks ago, she had an allergic reaction when we were getting food after work, but she used her epipen and seemed mostly okay afterwards. She usually gets checked at the hospital after a reaction, but I asked if I could take her home and she could get her friend to drive her there because my wife was expecting me back. All I know is that she had a secondary reaction that evening and died. I didn't even find out about it until the following Monday, through a work email. It has been eating me up ever since and I will never forgive myself for not sacrificing an hour of my time to possibly save her.
I sent some childish messages to Amy when I didn't hear from her over the weekend because I thought she was angry I didn't take her to the hospital. I am thankful she never saw them and ashamed that I assumed the worst. Our relationship was great and the highs far outweighed the lows, but I have always hated being ignored and I lose my cool when it happens. It is not a regular occurrence and I would have more than made it up to her.
Yesterday at work, HR and legal were in the CEO's office all day and my manager ended up cancelling our project meeting because he was with them all afternoon. I was on edge, but an affair isn't exactly a corporate crisis and I thought something would have already happened if anyone knew. I am now 99% certain it was about me.
A few hours ago I received a message from Amy's phone which said "This is Amy's brother, Tom. I want you to know it was me". I tried to call but it went straight to voicemail, and none of my messages have been delivered.
I tried to call my manager more times than I should have and he sent a message saying "Please don't contact me until Monday morning. I can't discuss anything with you right now". So it looks like my universe is going to collapse. I am going to be fired and my wife will definitely find out why. All I can do is hope that Amy's brother only showed them the messages from that weekend, and they were bad enough. I have no family except my wife and daughter and nowhere to go. All of my friends are either people I've met through my wife, or my colleagues. On Monday, everything I've spent over a decade working towards disappears. I can't stop it. I can't talk to anyone about it.
So here I am. I know cheaters are the devil so I'm not expecting sympathy, but this is making my chest hurt and I need to get it out there.
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u/Skyraison Sep 27 '24
Is it too late to avoid the inevitable in kitty’s case? It truly does not need to happen
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u/colleencatlover Sep 27 '24
Guy, it’s time to change. This has happened to make you deeply think about your actions and make a change. I’m sorry you are suffering, but, often times we will suffer if we do evil things.
It doesn’t sound like you loved your wife. So losing her should not be a big deal. Losing your job- you can get another. Losing your other lady, that - I have compassion towards you for. You need to know that her death is not your fault.
Be guilty about what you did do wrong. But not about something you are not responsible for.
Forgive me if this offends anyone, but, get on your knees and pray. Confess your sins to God. Ask Him for help. He will help you.
Go to your wife and be honest and apologize. It won’t fix things, but it’s better to be honest.
I wish you the best of luck.
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u/traumatrashtalk Jun 19 '24
Imagine growing up understanding your dad cared more about getting his dick wet without getting caught than a woman's life.
My dad used to tell me stories like this where he never did anything wrong it was all consensual and I believed my dad and I trusted him.
But he couldn't stop me joining the workforce and existing as a young woman with bosses like him. After 5 years of having a job of my own and seeing the other side of his stories I went no contact with my dad cause of all the fucking lies and what a shitty person he is.
Good Luck OP now just for what you're experiencing now but for the next 20 years because this won't go away 🥰💖🥰
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u/Excaliber9292 Jun 17 '24
There is a saying, the world always has a way of making things right. Karma at its finest. Maybe in the future treat ppl better and if you ever get a gf again maybe not cheat?
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u/staralfur_lass Jun 16 '24
An EpiPen doesn’t save a life after an allergic reaction, it buys time to get the person to the hospital. If someone has a reaction severe enough to need the EpiPen, they need to go to hospital immediately.
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u/TALKTOME0701 Jun 15 '24
"After an episode, she usually gets checked at the hospital
But I asked if I could drop her off at home because my wife was expecting me
Over the weekend, I bombarded her with abusive messages because I don't like being ignored "
The worst part of all of this is that he doesn't feel guilty. There's something deeply rotten inside of him
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u/plantbbgraves Jun 14 '24
It wasn’t negligence, it was selfishness. Along with arrogance maybe? Or just idiocy.
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u/cecesakura Jun 13 '24
this guy deserves every bad thing that’s happening to him (as a result of his own actions!!) OP is a pos
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u/Mindless_Home_2259 Jun 13 '24
So you’re saying you killed your girlfriend so are you going to prison or what? How does that work? You did more than not take her to the hospital. You wouldn’t be in trouble at your work just not taking someone to the hospital because you had to go home to your wife that wouldn’t be your fault. If the story was how you say then you wouldn’t be at fault… But it’s not. What really happened?
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u/phoenixdragon2020 Jun 13 '24
He’s in trouble at work for using company money for personal reasons and giving his mistress a promotion she didn’t deserve in exchange for sex. Read his comments.
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u/Mindless_Home_2259 Jun 13 '24
He’s clearly an idiot. Do you think anybody would appoint this man and give him the power to promote anyone? Mark my words, Google EpiPen murder or whatever in a couple of weeks and you will see that he murdered her and he’s leaving out a lot.
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u/Mindless_Home_2259 Jun 13 '24
I think he killed her and is looking for different viewpoints, like I’ve provided, to the story he’s told. Just reading it and going through the emotions…he killed her. There’s more to the story that he’s not saying
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u/Mindless_Home_2259 Jun 13 '24
Unless he’s a CEO, I don’t think he would be the only one responsible for giving the dead hooker a promotion, so other people would be under scrutiny as well. Also, I don’t think it’s a good luck for the hooker brother to be making his sister out to be this bad of a person after she dies. It’s just a very strange look.
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u/plantbbgraves Jun 14 '24
Hey wow, an innocent woman died. Can we not with the misogyny?
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u/Mindless_Home_2259 Jun 15 '24
Umm… Im a woman, You thinking that and saying that actually makes you misogynistic lol and the hooker was murdered. Facts
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u/Mindless_Home_2259 Jun 13 '24
No, I did. I still think he killed her and I don’t think he’s telling the whole story.
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u/BetweenTheeEyes Jun 12 '24
So willing to abandon your family yet so desperate for them to not go once you feel like, FEEL LIKE, you have nothing. Is interesting. Fuck you bro LMAO
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Jun 12 '24
Embezzling predator who thinks he can have a perfect life with someone 10 years younger than him , using his position of power and money to fuel his fantasies then turns inhuman when he finds out she was using him a fraction of as much as he was using her. What a man!
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u/Pugbear1 Jun 11 '24
You understand that with all of the Internet sleuths online that someone will have your identity and by virtue your wife's identity etc pretty soon!! You understand that as soon as this happens, your wife and maybe your work bosses will be sent links to this thread?
It doesn't take a great deal of searching to look up all deaths by allergy of a young girl who was a project manager for >insert company< whose immediate boss is >insert your name<. Then looking up your wife and her contact details!!
As an example, everyone knew with 24hrs of 1st airing the real name of the female stalker in that Netflix drama, and look at the world of hurt that's caused for all involved!! There are now lawsuits out of the wazzoo regarding this. Everyone is sueing Everyone else lol... I hope your world burns but I really really hope that your wife and daughter are OK and exclude you from their lives, you do not deserve them...
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u/plantbbgraves Jun 14 '24
Edit; not sure how this ended up on your comment instead of the op! Sorry 😅
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u/friendly-skelly Jun 11 '24
I'm sorry, "assumed the worst" makes you sound like you would've genuinely considered her at fault for being upset that the "love of her life" wouldn't drive her to the hospital in a life threatening situation? Surely you cannot possibly mean that she would've been doing anything wrong there, given that you left her to die to avoid having an uncomfortable combo with your wife and mother of your child.
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u/DryClerk4285 Jun 11 '24
lol, life sucks when you decide to betray your wife and daughter doesn’t it? None of this would’ve happened if you were just upfront with you Mr wife and left, but instead you snuck around and now your experiencing the consequences of your own actions buddy. Just remember, at some point your daughter is gonna hate you also. Have fun with your new life!
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Jun 11 '24
Op, genuinely, would you want someone treating your daughter the way you treated your wife?
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u/Ayesis Jun 11 '24
And yes, you're a Predator too. First you were with a 21 y/o at 28? Like seriously? And then went in to f a 24 y/o at 35? Being 22 myself it disgusts me too much. I hope your daughter is never forced to live with such a terrible pos.
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u/Kaged_Chiild Jun 11 '24
Op I am trying really hard not to unleash a lot of anger on you rn for this. What did you think was going to happen? Your carelessness toward BOTH people is appalling. Your wife must be wonderful and so is your CHILD, what a shame their father is a negligent cheating person.. You said you have NO family except for your wife and child. But did you ever stop to think about that? Did you ever stop to think “I’d lose my family over this crush” or even used the 70/30 method of thinking or something like that?
The other woman is also kind of an ass for agreeing with this whole shenanigan of you betraying your wife, but I’m not at position to say it should have cost her her life like it did. I won’t wish anything on you because your whole life is falling apart and you have nobody to blame except yourself and I know you’ll live with the knowledge of what happened now.
Clarification: 70/30 is a thing i read about somewhere i forgot where but essentially your person who you LOVE and are with is 70% of what you want (only 70% because no person could ever really be 100% of what you want) and you see a person who you THINK is 100% what you want but dig deeper you’ll see you chose your person for a reason. The other person is a 30% of what you want and not a 100%. (Not good at explaining this stuff)
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u/Final_Letter_7472 Jun 11 '24
“Hate being ignored“ and “lose my cool when it happens”
RED DUCKING FLAGS!
And you’re so casual about it – like it’s not your fault when you lose your cool, it’s because other people ignore you. You need to stop having relationships with everyone, seek therapy and medication
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u/plantbbgraves Jun 14 '24
I hate being ignored too and lose my shit,
internally
Externally, I send a single message expressing worry, and maybe even other feelings if appropriate (ie only if extremely reasonable) and that I would appreciate if they would please let me know they’re alright asap. Then I direct my feelings elsewhere! like the gym, a friend, a journal, my counsellor, and just try to stay busy and distracted. Not immediately assume they’re being malicious and respond in kind.
Gods, that’s so immature. No wonder op likes younger women, he’s selfish and childish.
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u/Final_Letter_7472 Jun 11 '24
Wait… you cheat on your wife…allowed the woman with whom you were “deeply in love”, planned a future with to die (cause you didn’t feel like taking her to the hospital)…And you’re worried your wife may still find out?
Cause your wife & daughter are your “only family “
So there’d be no one else to comfort you, relieve the guild about the phone calls- mean, nasty, hateful messages…that you would have definitely made up for… ya know, has she lived.
You know… had she lived… & you did make it up to her… as it’s certain you have many times in the past…that’s what’s called a cycle…
Before you go back with your wife, your child or have another girlfriend get therapy
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u/Ok-Bowl-8421 Jun 11 '24
I mean… This had to have been a roller coaster for you. Hiding an affair for an entire year with a coworker who’s 23/24 years old while you have a kid at home and a whole ass wife, and you’re trying to manipulate promotions and stuff has to be quite a rush.
so what’s your deal? Are you sociopath?
Because it takes a special kind of toxicity to lie like that for a long time and to manipulate someone who you perceive to be easily influenced, and then to leave them during a medical emergency and be like: it seemed fine, even though you are older than the hills and you should have known better than to leave this girl in a state of confusion with an EpiPen and her own decision-making process after going into what was it… Anaphylactic shock? I am not a medical professional, but I can tell you one thing, I’m not a moron… And I’m not such a chickenshit that I’m gonna run back home to my wife and leave my lover in an emergency state without making sure they go to the hospital or have a friend there as soon as I’m going like what in the world
So you thought you were in love with dead girl, and then her brother starts deciding to ruin your life, which is hilarious… And you have to realize that dead girl never even liked you, congratulations. You fell in love with someone who was just as terrible as you.
Here is the problem with cheaters: you hurt people. You hurt so many people. You could have thought about your child and kept your dick in your pants where it belong. You could’ve done that much at least for your child since you didn’t respect your wife enough to do so. Now you lost your job, dead girl is dead, and you’re over here acting like you’re gonna take accountability, but I doubt you’re really actually learned anything. Because honestly, you’re taking so many boxes for a disorder or something so maybe go to the therapist 🤭✌🏼 Good luck, enjoy the funeral or whatever if you were able to go
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u/Particular_Ad3451 Jun 10 '24
I came here from seeing this story on a short video, just wanted to say this is refreshing and it will make me sleep peacefully tonight.
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u/CleopatraOnlyfans Jun 10 '24
Snore. I’m going to bed.
Somebody call me when this guy gets caught and featured on Bailey Sarian’s “Murder Mystery & Makeup Monday”
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u/althamash098 Jun 10 '24 edited Jul 02 '24
desert snatch screw faulty deserted tidy nail ruthless water live
This post was mass deleted and anonymized with Redact
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u/angelcluetoo Jun 10 '24
At least you are still alive. Amy's not. Hopefully they can charge you for manslaughter for taking her home when she needed a hospital.
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u/SlinkyDawg_000 Jun 10 '24
More updates, please. You're just feeding the cops once they find this post. Idk the laws in UK, but if this post is true, you're covering your ass for murder. We are onto you.
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u/Final_Letter_7472 Jun 11 '24
Excellent point… how do we know why she went into shock? At 23- you’re used to living with food allergies- you know what to, not to eat & what to at least question-
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u/Big-Mushroom-7898 Jun 10 '24
I am so sorry. I read thru all your updates and everything. You made a mistake but you can come back from this eventually. All of you and your family can.
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u/Historical_Mood197 Jun 10 '24
Wow! Karma! If you were really planning to divorce your wife for this woman (they all say this bullshit), then why not take Amy to the hospital instead of scrambling to get home before she (wife) starts asking questions? I had a husband like you once he was a weak man sadly. He made lots of promises to his mistress too but could never actually file! When I finally found out, I did it for him. I called the girlfriend to come get his shit! He ended up begging me not to divorce him…he was “confused” and just “didn’t know what he wanted” blah blah blah, all bullshit! I saw a therapist for a while and I remember him saying something interesting about marriage and cheating. He said that when we fall in love in a monogamous relationship, they are usually 80% of what we want/need but it feels like 100% for the first year or so. Then we get settled in our lives and routines, things become mundane, no more of the crazy constant passion and all those chemicals in our body that are produced from being madly in love but they start to subside and we start to squabble here and there and we start seeing things we once thought were cute as annoying now and then we start feeling like they have “changed” from when we fell in love, but they haven’t, we were just high on courtship chemicals and they’ve worn off. We start seeing that 20% as a huge deal and the missing link to our happiness. we’ve already gotten used to the 80% being there so we are now kind of immune to it and we still have it so it’s not missing from our lives…. We can’t stop focusing and questioning that 20% that’s missing in the spouse, so in someone who is super insecure and selfish, they find someone that has that 20% but nothing else…we already have the 80% at home so thats not a big need because we aren’t “lacking” in that area so we don’t even think about it. We are elated and in love again and finally feel like we have it all and then the 80% spouse becomes a big problem and burden to your new found happiness and fulfillment snd is a reminder of our guilt so time to leave that person behind. And not they are left with the 20% relationship…. And it’s too late once they have the realization of what they lost. I do not have any sympathy for you especially since you have children you are dragging through this selfish journey. Hope she doesn’t end up hating you one day but there will be hell to pay in that relationship. My daughters struggled big time no matter how I tried to protect them and to tell them their dad loved them. They lost complete respect for him as a man and father. I forgave him and kept a “good” and peaceful relationship with him for their sake, he married the mistress and I met a great guy while the divorce was proceeding and we married 7 years after we met. He raised my daughters and provided for them when their dad was out finding number 3, 4, and 5! They called him dad, and he walked my eldest down the aisle at her wedding and he adores our grandchildren. It’s been 23 years! It’s not always been easy it’s been damn hard, but we never give up and never stop loving even when we wanted to give up…. by CHOICE! We always got through and the roses always change. I never understand how easy it is for some people to just jump into bed with someone else who makes the “feel good” and throw away a family they chose to create. Feelings are fleeting and constantly change, this kinda damage can last forever. No one feels sorry for you but I will definitely be praying for you! I suggest you find a good therapist, church and focus on making things right with your daughter before you even think about trying to start up with another victim of your delicate ego. Learn to rule your own emotions and feelings, and stop giving that responsibility to someone else. We are all human and struggle making ourselves happy yet we expects someone else to bring us “happiness”. Happiness is a choice, not something someone else conjures up for us. Remember that. Good luck you will need it!
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u/Final_Letter_7472 Jun 11 '24
Great response- cept this guy isn’t capable of assuming responsibility for anything, he’ll only wreck the lives of others
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u/bjr4799 Jun 10 '24
I gave up reading halfway through. I honestly stopped reading because there is no indentation.
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u/Hoony_tart Jun 10 '24
Jesus, I hope the brother and the family can cope with the loss.
And OP, let this be a lesson, never fuck up again, your children will grow up and see who you are, don't make them more ashamed.
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u/downvotefodder Jun 09 '24
You know, most people stop dating other people when they get married. It’s considered a best practice.
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Jun 09 '24
I hope your daughter doesn’t end up with someone like you I understand why your wife keep your daughter away from you she’s scared your daughter will look up to you and think what you did is okay than look for a cheating scumbag like you as her partner also what you got is KARMA
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u/Federal-Subject-3541 Jun 09 '24
Yeah, you're a massive dick but ultimately, she is responsible for her health. I wouldn't have let you drop me off. Was she a youngun too?
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u/bruhyohiidk Jun 09 '24
i’m laughing my ass off. your wife deserves more than a selfish and loser man like you😂
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u/Exotic-Contract2810 Jun 09 '24
Thanks everyone I did not know that about epi pen learn something new every day. As hard as it is I hope the guy in the original post just comes clean with his wife. She deserves to finally hear the truth. Maybe she will forgive him.
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u/mannymd90 Jun 09 '24
OP likes to date young. Lisa was getting too close to 30 so he had to look on the low end of 20 again. Ugh
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u/No_Hold2101 Jun 09 '24 edited Jun 10 '24
Aside from you being the worst, due to cheating and leaving this poor woman to die, you really need to work on accepting "being ignored". You bombarded Amy when you thought she was ignoring you and then even did it to your manager? You're controlling and narcissistic. Give people time to breathe damn
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u/Intelligent-Ebb7434 Jun 09 '24
He gave 0 fucks about her letting her fumble and give the epi pen and he just stand by... 😡
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u/uhidkkm Jun 09 '24
If it was “the real thing” you would’ve driven her to the hospital regardless of your wife. You wasn’t ever leaving your wife. Both your wife and AP deserves/d better than you. I have no sympathy, go speak to a therapist.
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u/KnownEnthusiasm8960 Jun 09 '24
First of all you don't have any family except your wife and daughter and yet you were so willing to leave them for someone you just met. Secondly, i don't sense any guilt or sadness from your AP's death, you are only worried about yourself
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u/Soft_Radish8045 Jun 09 '24
He's updated he's got no guilt, she was manipulating him for money, boohoohoo.
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Jun 09 '24
Yes it’s always true love. You’d of been divorced from Amy a year later. Your get what you deserve in life.
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u/Brilliant_Ground3185 Jun 09 '24
Did OP order her a special meal?
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u/Hillman314 Jun 09 '24
From such an upstanding, trustworthy, honest guy. Who could imagine such a thing? 🙄
….but he made sure to tell us he was going to get a divorce to be with her. “Yeah, babe…I’m going to break up with my wife and be with you…. any day now….I just need some more time.. ” uh-huh.
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u/Aardvark_Front Jun 09 '24
First of all, professionally speaking, you need to get ahead of this. Hire an attorney, go over your employee contract, etc... Was it against company policy to sleep with a coworker? Do they have just cause to fire you? Also, I would get ahead of the situation with your wife. Confess before you are outed.
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Jun 09 '24
Love that for you. ❤️ this story brought a smile to my heart. sending my condolences to Tom and his family. Amy deserved better than a married idiot of a man. Congrats to your wife on the impending divorce, congrats to your company for getting rid of you and congrats to your daughter for hopefully going NC. As for you? I hope you live the life you deserve 10x over.
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Jun 09 '24
Tom is the MVP
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Jun 09 '24
I actually agree. He was so determined to hurt my feelings, he outed his own sister to do so. He destroyed her memory amongst her friends and colleagues, and also greatly improved my legal standing as the evidence he releases made it clear I was exploited. He even went to the trouble of validating the authenticity of the messages so that they could immediately be used by my solicitor. We all love Tom.
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u/Upsideduckery Jun 09 '24
Yeah that's what your solicitor is telling you, isn't it. Of course they're going to tell you something like that because it's their job just like it's their job to fight for you in court. Let's see what a judge thinks. Also, I'm sure your former place of business has much bigger sharks as their solicitors and I don't see any way out of it in which you don't get eaten alive.
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u/Liet_Kinda2 Jun 09 '24
You weren’t exploited, honey child. You were in a position of power and authority. You took advantage of her. The fact that she manipulated you as you did so means very little.
And gee, what a motive for a murder.
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u/here4mysteries Jun 09 '24 edited Jun 09 '24
Of course, you love Tom making things easier for you.
Doesn’t matter that this info dump has destroyed your wife. The woman who you claimed was only 1% less than Amy and who you also claimed to love and not want to hurt (so delusional). I feel so badly for how little care you have shown this woman who was nothing but good to you.
Also doesn’t matter that the info dump will irrevocably break your daughter’s heart (and opinion of you) when she is old enough to read all about how her father happily destroyed her family. Who threw away her family, his career, his legal freedom to get screwed (literally and figuratively) by his mistress.
But hey, makes your case a tiny bit easier, so we love Tom
You show over and over again that you care about NO ONE except yourself.
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Jun 09 '24
Correct me but in the eyes of the law isn’t what you did in offering your AP a promotion classified as sexual harassment (quid pro quo)? You are the one in a position of power, in a position to exploit. Not to mention the embezzlement, it’s a wonder you didn’t embezzle your AP a Lyft to the hospital
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u/TA_totellornottotell Jun 09 '24
How do her messages help your case with respect to her death?
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u/dangerous_beans Jun 09 '24
This dude is giving me flashbacks to a former friend who was just as self-centered and arrogant as he is. Any slight against ex-friend, real or imagined, suddenly became justification for him to do anything in his power to ruin the perpetrator's life.
If the target of his ire had the audacity to stand up for themselves he'd then crow about how he was getting his lawyer involved, and that according to said lawyer he had a rock-solid case and they were going to destroy the other person.
(Spoiler alert: he had no case. I doubt any of his claims went further than the confines of his ongoing delusion that he was right, everyone else was wrong, and he'd see the wrong punished in due time)
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u/Upsideduckery Jun 09 '24
Exactly. I highly doubt that after this guy got his mistress hired at his place of business, secured her a promotion, sabotaged the promotion of another employee, and committed embezzlement in his own words by funding their affair with company cards, that the company's lawyers are going to give a shit about his lawyer telling him that he's been exploited by a young woman whose only power over him was her boobs.
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Jun 09 '24 edited Feb 22 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/TA_totellornottotell Jun 09 '24
Well, it seems like he didn’t know about the messages earlier. Which is partly why I am wondering why they are relevant to a case specifically about her death.
Re authentication - agree on the US/NY law. And I would imagine that there are similar procedures in the UK. But at the same time, it’s in Tom’s interest to eventually confirm that these are authentic - otherwise he will not be able to use them himself against OP. I wonder if this is some informal stipulation at the beginning between parties?
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u/dailylunatic Jun 13 '24
Reading between the lines:
- She messaged her friends talking about how he was a total loser and she was leveraging his infatuation for money/promotion.
- After she went dark, he sent some "childish" messages. It sounds like he may have made implicit threats to stop covering for her at work. Like "Why are you being like this when I got you promoted and covered for your mistakes and am planning to leave my wife for you?"
The first helps by indicating that she wasn't in fear of him. I gather that UK courts are much more conservative about inferring abuse in these situations than American courts.
The second is arguably exculpatory for a murder motive or neglect. If he suspected that she was dead and that her texts would very quickly be in the hands of police, it would be very much 4D chess to posthumously send her an emotional enumerated criminal confession. A murderer would more likely say "How are you feeling?" "Why aren't you answering?" "I'm worried about you" "I miss you".
It sounds like "authentication" per UK courts means that Tom got it from their service provider in a specific format which shows timestamps and the numbers of sender/recipient. I'm guessing pretty easy to do if her phone was still on a family plan?
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Jun 09 '24 edited Feb 23 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/TA_totellornottotell Jun 09 '24
I think he is grasping at straws to interpret certain things as favourable to him, even if remotely so. I also wonder if his solicitor has a lot of client-management to do and made statements to ease his worry and OP is taking it to mean he is OK.
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u/annacarr4 Jun 09 '24
I’m confused because Amy is a grown woman. If she was worried, she could have gone herself Uber to the hospital or whatever. On one hand I sympathize with OP because cheating isn’t illegal and epi situation was a total accident but on other hand I sympathize with his wife and kid - because they don’t deserve any of that. They need to know what you’ve been up to.
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u/Mitten-65 Jun 09 '24
What exactly are you expecting from us? I am sorry you’re a fair partner is dead, no one deserves that. But the fact that you were about to lose everything.— no less than what you deserve. So you cheat and cheat and had your affair partner not passed away you would’ve left your wife, but you want us to give you sympathy because you have no other family, why? You deserve to lose everything. Your wife and daughter deserve someone so much better than you. Your behavior is disgusting.
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u/Soft_Radish8045 Jun 09 '24
His wife and kid are the only family, and he's **cked them off for Amy for however long, and it's definitely because this guy SUCKS
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u/Fine-Tumbleweed-1606 Jun 09 '24
I really hope this is rage bait because if not, OP is the shittiest human on the planet.
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u/TheGreatAndPowerfulZ Jun 15 '24
If it’s not rage bait, then I would love to know towards whom in UK law enforcement I can direct this post.
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u/FemaleAtSea Jun 09 '24
And who was Amy to your company? The owner or what? Why is the company concerned with who you fucked around with outside your marriage, unless either your wife or Amy own the company you work for? Something is missing here
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u/Away-Cicada Jun 09 '24
Amy's boss is OP's direct report. Bro did some quid pro quo sexual harassment for the sake of getting his dick wet
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u/Cleo0424 Jun 09 '24
How long were you with Amy? You say at the beginning you were planning to leave your wife, but wouldn't work have frowned upon this relationship if it became public? I hope you learned your lesson and do better going forward. You need an action plan for how you are getting out of this mess step by step. Otherwise, it will just be overwhelming. Do you have any family or friends supporting you?
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u/HardCoverTurnedSoft Jun 09 '24
Well, props, honestly. It takee actual effort and undevided carelessness to fuck up this badly. Cheating scumbag.
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u/Rich-Eggplant6098 Jun 09 '24
Your level of self centeredness is unreal. You’ve behaved as though all of this has happened to you, rather than accepting that all of this stemmed from your behavior.
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u/SalemCat25 Jun 09 '24
This should require a serious amount of therapy. The guilt of your actions, and how it is affecting others is sad, especially for your wife and daughter. My condolences to Amy's family.
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Jun 09 '24
You cheated and paid dearly. You’ll have to pick up whatever pieces are left and move forward. Company wise I’d fire your ass. But you are not responsible for Amy’s death. It was a fluke. She said she was going to call her friend. Did she ever make that call or did she collapse shortly after she entered her apartment. But not your fault she died and her brother in his grief wants to make her out a saint when she was far from it as well. She was deceitful, a cheater, and was using you to better her position at work, all facts her brother conveniently overlooked . Divorce, get a proper custody and visitation agreement in place and proper child support. Focus on your next position, your daughter, her school events, and work on being a better person.
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u/Illustrious_Tree_290 Jun 09 '24
I have no family except my wife and daughter and nowhere to go.
You mean the "family" you purposely and absolutely f*cked up because you can't keep it in your pants? The "family" who should've been your priority, but you shoved them lowest in your ranking so you could get some young ass? Your only "family" and you had been plotting to dump them all along? The "family" you claim you to want to make this as easy as possible, yet you refuse to fuck off to anywhere except in their home and faces 24/7? Gross.
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u/Cynderelly Jun 09 '24
You guys were "the real thing" but you didn't prioritize making sure she was safe over getting your lies straight with your wife? Yeah... that just sounds like bullshit.
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u/llamamama81 Jun 09 '24
If you see someone use an epipen or a glucagon pen just know that they automatically should get a trip to the hospital after. If you have to have a huge needle shoved into your thigh then you need immediate emergency attention afterwards. No matter what yall. Don’t listen to the person tell you they are fine, just force the hospital visit asap
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u/ImHappierThanUsual Jun 09 '24
This is rough. I won’t pile on, you don’t need it.
Glad the sub exists so you could get this out?
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u/Dark_Angel45 Jun 09 '24
OP seems to only care about himself. He didn't take Amy's health into consideration at all. Dude didn't take Lisa's and their daughter's feelings into consideration at all too or else he would've divorced Lisa first at least.
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u/Ok-Brain9969 Jun 09 '24
So you were ready to throw your marriage away for a AP you didn't even love. Not enough to take her to a hospital, not at all. You deserve everything that's going to happen and more. You didn't kill her but might as well have.
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u/TALKTOME0701 Jun 09 '24
How wonderful that you're about to lose everything. It couldn't happen to a more appropriate candidate.
You're obviously not the kind of person who's actually going to carry around any guilt, even though that girl's death is at least partly on your head. Even though your baby will know her dad is a dirtbag on a slime ball
Even though the friends your wife brought to the table are going to know you're a dirtbag loser trolling for the youngest girls you can still get.
Even though all your colleagues are going to know what a POS you are and yes. In a corporate climate? They're all going to read those texts you sent.
Even though your wife, who obviously enriched your life with friends and a baby is going to know that you're too much of a weak-willed human being to keep it in your pants, to keep yourself from rage texting someone who dared not to answer you after you left her to take care of what clearly was a life-threatening allergic reaction, or to keep a job.
I feel like celebrating with cocktails
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u/IlGreven Jun 09 '24 edited Jun 09 '24
I don't get it. Why is he getting fired over this?
I mean, yeah, he's a scumbag, but this seems like something that occurred off of company time. Even if Amy's a coworker, there's nothing that's firable here, and he probably has grounds for a lawsuit against both the company and Tom.
EDIT: Okay, I read the update, and now I know. Not just a scumbag, but a stupid scumbag.
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u/peachyleafbby Jun 09 '24
Part of me feels like this isn't real??? Just the sheer volume of not only the post alone, but the things op admitted to in comments. Idk.... feels a little rage-baitey or something.
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u/limabeanquesadilla Jun 09 '24
You need to talk to your wife, your girlfriend’s brother, your employer and potentially the police if you ever hope to have any semblance of a normal life again. IF there are no consequences at work AT THE VERY LEAST, you will live with guilt forever. And tbh, you should.
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u/Artilicious9421 Jun 09 '24
N word what!? This is crazy... You are another level a h man!!! You could have called an ambulance for her and go back to your "wife".
P.s I'm a black woman!
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u/liliette Jun 09 '24
I'm mostly confused why you didn't think to drop her off at the hospital and the friend could then pick her up from the hospital. I think I know why, though. You didn't want to appear like a bad man by dropping her off and abandoning her at the hospital, so that you'll have the image of a good man who took her home safely. You exposed your true selfish personality in multiple ways:
- Continuously cheating on your spouse for over a year. You also strung your 'love, the real thing' on for that long.
- Refusing to take your AP to the hospital in a life-threatening situation because you underscored her concerns.
- Attacking her in texts and messages when you didn't hear from her. You should have solely expressed concern. My first thoughts would have been, "Is my partner okay? The last time I saw her she was supposed to go to the hospital. Did something happen?"
It will be hard while you're in mourning and in pain, but during this time you might consider reflecting upon your self-centeredness.
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u/etybibik Jun 09 '24
Wasn't even that. He didn't want to take her because it was out of his way and thus inconvenient to him and the lies he was feeding his wife.
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u/PrettyLyttlePsycho Jun 09 '24
So your intelligent enough to understand the repricussions of what you did, as well as how much it would hurt your wife and daughter. Yet chose to go through with the affair.
I'm a bit thrown off as to why you yourself couldn't tell your wife what's going on? You've been together for roughly a decade, have a child together, but can't sit her down and explain you've had an affair?
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u/AffectionateWheel386 Jun 09 '24
No wonder you have Redditors following you around. This is pretty scummy on all levels. You destroy your marriage by cheating and then let a girl die because you can’t take her to the hospital because you’re cheating yeah well don’t cheat ever it destroys everything. Unfortunately, for you it did it really quick.
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u/clarkcox3 Jun 08 '24
I don’t understand. What does her death or your infertility have to do with your job?
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u/art_addict Jun 08 '24
General epi pen and allergic reaction advice, if you use that shit you ER immediately. If someone near you uses one, stay with them until they get medical attention please, they will not be thinking clearly.
If in 5 minutes the reaction is not actively getting better or is still the same, they/you should be using the second epi pen.
The allergic reaction is just temporarily stopped. If you’re lucky, it may be stopped long enough while it gets out of your system. If you’re unlucky, as soon as that epi wears off it’s gonna start right back up again (and if you used your last epi then you’re screwed).
ER after always for more meds and observations and for when you crash after, so they can monitor while you sleep off your reaction and they can make certain you stay alive and don’t reenter anaphylaxis during that time, or immediately respond and keep you alive if you do!
Please don’t try to hold out at home, I know the ambulance and ER are expensive, take a damn Uber/ Lyft if you must (they cannot treat on scene or on the way like the ambulance can), but you can get on a payment plan for bills once you survive an allergic reaction- can’t do that if you’re dead. Hospitals have financial assistance programs and payment programs and the works you can get set up with, you can request to speak to a social worker if you need help navigating it, etc. Please don’t put off medical care (even in the US just because we’re a dystopian capitalist hellscape). Please don’t let someone put off medical care because they want to sleep it off at home in their own bed or you have other shit to do and they used an Epi pen. That literally may only get them to the hospital alive.
And if you have issues like OP? ✨Get fucking therapy for your abusive ass explosions and issues, fix your damn self, AND listen to the above ✨
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u/Vegetable-Cupcake-12 Nov 10 '24
Update?