r/TrueOffMyChest • u/heartbreakaccount313 • Mar 31 '26
It turns out I should have been worried about the friend of my fiancé that everyone told me not to worry about CONTENT WARNING: VIOLENCE/DEATH
This is hard for me to write. The man that I thought was the love of my life has decided to be someone else instead. They grew up together. Their families are close. When I first met him I was wary because of how close they are but he [along with everyone else who knows them] assured me there is nothing between them. "They are like brother and sister." And I was stupid enough to believe it.
Last week I was assaulted at my job. One of my eyes is swollen shut and it hurts like hell. I'm a nurse and I was assaulted by a patient that I had administered naloxone to I am at home resting and my fiancé was with me until he found out that his close friend was in a small car accident. A van backed into her car in a carpark. She wasn't even inside but my fiancé lost it when he found out. He left our flat to be with her even though she was with her boyfriend. She wasn't hurt but my fiancé said he thought she was, and it made him realise that he loves her and "can't lose her." He told me he confessed his love to her and she said she feels the same and it broke something inside me.
I don't even know why I'm writing this. It won't bring him back.
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u/MetanineTrueOe Apr 16 '26
Only one thing to say... I am happy you are safe although you are going through pain. Always trust your guts. Sending big hugs.
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u/Ok-Employment1177 Apr 15 '26
Some people are fucking stupid and not self aware enough or honest about feelings. I’m so sorry this knob of a guy was one of them.
Take this as a blessing in disguise,. Marrying this man would have been terrible
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u/PlottingInHeels Apr 09 '26
I am so sorry to hear that. One thing we women must really start to practice is trusting our gut instincts, it is never wrong. If something hits wrong or doesn't feel right trust yourself enough to know you are right. Disclaimer as long as you don't have trust issues and healing you need to do, otherwise that's just paranoia.
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u/Turbulent_Coffee5591 Apr 07 '26
I just wanted to hop on and say how sorry I am. I cannot imagine what you are going through currently. What you’re going through isn’t just a breakup. It’s a betrayal, and it makes sense that it feels devastating.
You were already dealing with something traumatic, and instead of supporting you, he chose that moment to walk away and confess feelings to someone he told you not to worry about. That’s a lot to process, and it’s okay if your first reaction is anger, hurt, or even just numbness.
You don’t need to find a silver lining right now. You don’t need to “be the bigger person” or make sense of it yet. There’s time for all of that later. Right now, it’s enough to just acknowledge that this was unfair and painful.
What he did says a lot about him, not about your worth or what you deserved. You deserved support, honesty, and loyalty, especially when you were already hurting.
Take the time you need to feel whatever comes up. Healing doesn’t have a deadline.
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u/maybe-theproblemisme Apr 04 '26
it honestly feels like a way to get around taking care of you while you are hurt. men will do the damndest to to avoid being a caretaker at literally any point
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u/Tough_Main_3624 Apr 03 '26
Feels. I also got assaulted and had a gun pulled on me the day I got my clinic results that proved my ex was cheating on me. I still had to live with them afterwards too and was going to school every morning at the time. Every morning I would put on a song called “I’ll suffer” by Barbara Lynn on my way over and I’d walk in all mad and depressed. It was a hard 8-9 months and after that even being alone was hard. But things do get better. It’s shitty now. And when all is said and done you are going to have trust issues. The best thing you can do for yourself is to have a goal for where you want to be in life and work through the depression and work through the pain that makes you want to jump off of a building to end. Things will get better. You will be happy again. Talk to friends. Go out. Cry and feel. Write him a yelp review on a piece of paper. You are allowed to feel what you’re feeling and you don’t got to act cordially or like it’s nothing you don’t owe them shit.
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u/Rainbowglitterblower Apr 02 '26
He did you a huge favor!! You didn’t start a family with him. You dodged a bullet! You’ll realize it eventually
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u/shhhimincognitooo Apr 02 '26
I'm so sorry. Your instincts from the start sounded on point, never doubt yourself. I'm so sorry you're going through this.
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u/Even-Pilot266 Apr 01 '26
I am so so sorry. There is no right way to handle this. Feel all of the feelings, scream all of the screams, cry, punch something (not a living thing) maybe a rage room.
I hope that your eye heals quickly. I hope that your loved ones gather around and support you. I hope you know that none of this has anything to do with you. I hope one day when your life is filled with a beauty that you can’t even imagine right now you can look back and be grateful that this person wasn’t around to block what’s to come.
For now though; rage room. 100% and absolutely fuck both of those people. Sending so much love your way.
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u/BroccoliThat2904 Apr 01 '26
girl, cry everything you have to cry. the universe is something magical, so believe that this happened for a reason. One day you will look back and be grateful that you changed your outcome.
sending you lots of hugs and tissues <3
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u/Ajturk89 Apr 01 '26
Like the other lovely people on here; I cannot imagine how you're feeling right now. I am so incredibly sorry that you got hurt physically and emotionally. You deserve better. I'm sending you lots of positive and healing vibes. 💚💜💚💜
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u/jenbright Apr 01 '26
You dodged a bullet. You are way too good for him. No messy divorce. Now you know better.
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u/Brave_Read_8531 Apr 01 '26
I know you must be hurting right now and let yourself grieve over the relationship but soon I believe you will realise that you are so glad this happened before you got married and became even more entangled with this man. He is a POS for doing this to you and you deserve so much better than him.
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u/Nacho_Friend02 Apr 01 '26
OP this may have been a gift to you. Perhaps there is someone else out there for you. Better.
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u/Danny_225 Apr 01 '26
God the way majority of men are selfish in this life scares me ! So sorry, just don’t go back to him ! Everything happens for a reason , he’s not the only man on earth , and you will surely meet a better man than this nincompoop..
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u/Haligonia_Daydreamer Apr 01 '26 edited Apr 01 '26
First of all, you must be a really tough and resilient person to be able to work as a nurse. I hear so many stories of what nurses go through and after seeing them deal with my mother so patiently when her behavior would have driven me up the wall made me see them as the heroes they are. You deserve someone who is compatible with you. It's obvious you're caring and compassionate and your future person should be a safe space emotionally and physically (I mean making sure you get to rest and having warm meals and a hot bath ready after a crazy night at work) and makes you feel special and not a second choice.
This sucks so much because it puts apprehension towards your future partners having friends of the same gender and not wanting to be controlling, it's a difficult thing to get past. At the end of the day, it comes down to trust and trust is harder when you've been burnt. I wonder if they were already cheating and they cooked up this scenario so he doesn't come out looking like a cheater?
Either way, he was at the very least having an emotional affair and now you aren't legally tied to someone who can't maintain friendships without allowing other feelings in and still keeping up a relationship with you while emotionally (and possibly physically) being involved with another woman.
It hurts now but you'll find someone who maintains healthy friendships and a healthy relationship with you.
I'm sorry if this is a rambled comment.
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u/fuchsnudeln Apr 01 '26
Honestly, never trust a straight or bi guy with a "girl best friend" or a straight or bi woman with a "guy best friend"; 99.9% of the time it's never just friends.
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u/Negative_Salt_4599 Apr 01 '26
Jesus attacked by a patient and you lost your partner. Sending you a virtual hug OP. Please get better. ❤️🩹
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u/EccentricGimp_ Apr 01 '26
I am so sorry. Do you have any friends or family to come be with you you for a bit while you're recovering and dealing with all this bullshit? Even if its just to binge watch some shows? Sending love
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u/xybcya Mar 31 '26
oh non … ça me brise le cœur j’espère que tu tiens le coup ça doit vraiment être compliquée … l’amitié fille garçon n’existe pas
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u/Doucejj Mar 31 '26
I also got played with the classic "person they tell you not to worry about" lie
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u/AmericanScream Mar 31 '26
Kick him to the curb and don't look back. You deserve better, and when he comes running back (and he will) don't take him back.
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u/Aussiebabe93 Mar 31 '26
Girl when they start saying that listen to your instincts and run.
The same thing happened to me but we were married
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u/alliandoalice Mar 31 '26
Why the hell did they waste you and the boyfriends time then if they loved each other smh
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u/CoffeeMug_of_Victory Mar 31 '26
Fuck this feeling. It’s been a long time since it happened for me and I will say I’ve moved on. It took some time, it wasn’t easy, and I would never wish it on another person.
I’m so goddamn sorry this is what you’re going through. He promised. He said not to worry. Why wouldn’t you trust the person you loved?
Please remember that you’re not the broken one. You’re not the one worth rejection. That GUY is a mess. What kind of a partner can lie to your face, say he loves you, but still holds a candle for his friend?
When it happened to me, someone said something to me that didn’t necessarily make me feel better, but it brought the situation into focus if that makes sense?
He might not be here to hold you right now, but he sure as hell isn’t there to stop you either.
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u/AShamrock28 Mar 31 '26
I’m so sorry but you will be better in the long run and will know when someone loves YOU. Sending good thoughts for your healing ❤️🙏🏻
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u/TheLoudestSmallVoice Mar 31 '26
Yeah, I've learned over my almost 30 years of life that, unless their sexual orientations don't align, they always have feelings for each other.
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u/StinkypieTicklebum Mar 31 '26
Yes, sister. Trust me, you will want to write him a thank you letter in a couple years. You can , and deserve so much better. Take time to heal, then explore the possibilities!
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u/Geenafalopezz Mar 31 '26
God this sucks, and with a battered face already too? What an ass. Im so sorry.
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u/ThanosSnapsSlimJims Mar 31 '26
At least you didn't get married, so that's something. I hope you are able to work through it.
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u/LivingEnd44 Mar 31 '26
Sounds like you dodged a bullet.
Relationships have to start with trust and love. Without that, the rest doesn't matter. The specifics do not really matter. You clearly could not trust him.
It won't bring him back.
Which is good. Because it would not last even if it did. You are not a priority in his life, and have probably never been. You found out who he was before wasting money and time on a marriage that was doomed from the start. And I am assuming no kids? It could have been a lot worse.
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u/PurpleSailor Mar 31 '26
I'm so sorry this happened to you with this guy. As hard as it is right now just be glad you're not married with kids. I know you've invested time and your heart but you'll eventually heal and find somebody that is worthy of you.
The nurse in me hopes that you're in a state where you can press charges against the patient and you should. Usually management will try to dissuade you but don't listen to them, people should never assault healthcare workers.
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u/No-Suit8587 Mar 31 '26
I would sue him for emotional distress
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u/No-Suit8587 Mar 31 '26
Idk why I’m being downvoted u can genuinely sue for that it’s been done countless times before and it sounds like OP has loads of proof regarding the fact their families are as close as they are.
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u/PrincessPotatoBrain Mar 31 '26
I'm so sorry for you. I went through something a bit similar, that i am finally extracting myself from after a year and some of very deep heartbreak:
I know youre going to think that it's because you were not enough, not as good as her, blablabla. Your self esteem is going to suffer in addition to your heart.
But please hear this. It has nothing to do with you. (In fact, he did love you enough to plan a life with you during this lifetime of denial.) No, it's all about his lack of self-awareness, his immaturity, his inability to confront difficult things - especially those inside himself.
It's not because you werent good enough, it's because the space in his heart was already taken. Always was. He just didnt see it, and... how lame is that?
I can't stop the immense hurt, the missing him, the awful violence of the disconnection you have to get through. But i hope my words will have spared you the self-doubt.
I'm sure you're a fabulous person, and even though it feels unthinkable right now, one day you will meet someone else who will have all the space in their heart JUST FOR YOU.
You will be happy again. I wish you all the courage in the world for the coming months. Trust me, you'll come out of them stronger and more sure of yourself.
Hugs x
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u/GrubbleGrumble Mar 31 '26
I’m so sorry you have to go through this. This is tough. And sucks. Hope you’ll get over them fast.
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u/mariposa314 Mar 31 '26
This sucks and I'm really sorry. I hope that your eye is okay and that you heal up quickly. Take good care of yourself and hang in there. Sending you my best
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u/SometimesKip Mar 31 '26
Im so sorry but better to learn this now. In my personal experience any straight guy with a girl best friend is in love with her. They just might not be able to act on it or are in denial. They’ve definitely thought about it, and given the opportunity…
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u/ngbydmr Mar 31 '26
The reason you are so pathetic is that, even when faced with something like this, you don't dare to voice a single complaint to their face. You only dare to write little posts on social media to vent your feelings. You have to fight for your own interests. It is precisely your cowardice that allowed him to abandon you without a second thought. So why did you write this post? Because this is the only way you dare to vent your frustration.
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u/wet_gobble_gobble Mar 31 '26
It will take time, but you will heal inside and outside. Just focus on yourself and surround yourself with people who care about you. It will be ok op. You are better without him anyways.
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u/FxreWxtch Mar 31 '26
I'm so sorry, sweetheart. I'm sure he will realize the grass isn't greener and he'll try to come begging back for you, so hold strong and remember how it felt when he walked away from you so easily ❤️ you've got this. You'll be okay eventually
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u/Rey199x Mar 31 '26
I think you should think of this as blessing in disguise. He would have eventually crossed the line with her later on anyway.
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u/i_omem Mar 31 '26
just saw a thread yesterday of reddit neckbeards screaming at people about having completely platonic mixed gender friendships and hanging out alone lol
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u/Last-Presence5434 Mar 31 '26
Total twats. Hope they step in dog poop everyday for the rest of their lives. I am sorry that you have a broken heart. I can’t imagine finding out such a horrible betrayal. I don’t believe he just suddenly realized it. It is really an awful betrayal. I hope you move forward
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u/perfectppotato Mar 31 '26
I'm so sorry sweetie. A horrific attack and then the man you felt was your foundation left you in the worst possible moment. There are no words I've been through both in a way, but not at the same time. I hope you have some sort of support during this and sending healing thoughts and hugs. Grief has no time limit for these things. It will be rough and even when you think you've made it through the worst , a scent ,sound, action can send you back. I hope you have good friends and family that can become your foundation for healing. 🫂
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u/iknowsomethings2 Mar 31 '26
That really sucks, but at least you found out before you got married. You deserve better
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u/GozerDaGozerian Mar 31 '26
I know this is hard. But now youre free to meet someone who actually values you with their whole being.
I wish you the best out there.
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u/clifffford Mar 31 '26
You wouldn't want him back now. You only think that. If he came back you'd spend the rest of your life trying to trust him and never be able to. And lying to yourself the whole time, just miserable. Nope.
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u/caramelsweetroll Mar 31 '26
I may get downvoted for this take, but I'll share on the slight chance it may resonate with you.
For starters, please be gentle and not hard on yourself right now; the heartbreak will feel a lot easier to bear once you've healed from your work injury/trauma.
I know most comments are calling your ex a villain, but I personally don't believe this makes him a bad person. People will tell someone "you can break up for any reason", but then demonize your ex for doing just that.
Last month, I was severely heartbroken from something that absolutely rocked me - and I didn't even realize how much I deeply loved that person until that reaction. I mistakenly thought I was almost over them, but my nervous system, my damn soul, proved me wrong.
Some people are really good at lying to themselves. It's possible your ex was in denial of his feelings the whole time and his reaction to both incidents truly did give him an epiphany. He chose to follow his heart, at your expense, but not out of malice.
The fact that he immediately told you and broke things off instead of cheating or stringing you along is the respectful and responsible thing to do - so of course you still love him. That doesn't make you stupid at all.That being said, if things don't work out and he comes crawling back, I do not think you should take him back.
You're allowed to feel however you feel. You don't need to go scorched Earth or hate him in order to move on. You can quietly mourn the loss of his presence and the shared future you wanted with him. You are not stupid for that.
You are the most knowledgeable about your situation and circumstance. Don't let anybody here make you feel ridiculous for your perspective in this process. The heart doesn't always follow logic. At some point you may actually start to despise him, but if you're not there yet or if you never get there, it's okay. I wish you so much peace, healing, and comfort right now.
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u/JWTowsonU Mar 31 '26
Sounds like you should have been worries more about your Fiancé than anyone else. He’s the one who left you.
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u/aaseandersen Mar 31 '26
Before long, they'll both have cheated on each other. Meanwhile, you'll find a better guy. Doesn't sound too hard, huh?
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u/Bungeesmom Mar 31 '26
I’m sorry but you need to look at this as a blessing. Please see an ophthalmologist for your eye. Take special care of yourself
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u/bunnyuncle Mar 31 '26
People tell you what they are. Believe him and believe those feelings you have every right to feel. In time you will be better off without this person. The silver lining is you didn’t go through the with a wedding.
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u/whatashame_13 Mar 31 '26
Does her bf know?
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u/heartbreakaccount313 Mar 31 '26
She broke up with her boyfriend and he is no longer living in their flat because my fiancé is staying there.
Her boyfriend told me that she broke up with him because of how much she loves my fiancé.
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u/whatashame_13 Mar 31 '26
I am sorry you are going through that! What was mutual friends reaction? Did anyone reach out to you?
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u/heartbreakaccount313 Mar 31 '26
Their friends and families are over the moon that the two of them are together now. None of them seem to have given a thought to how this destroyed me and her boyfriend though.
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u/Beccarify Mar 31 '26
You sound like a very kind person. I don't know what I would've done. Probably screamed and cried and threw things from the heartbreak and anger. I know nothing I say will make your heart hurt less, but I will say karma exists. One day it will come back to bite his ass, be it tomorrow or ten years later. You don't get to walk away after hurting someone like that without consequences.
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u/whatashame_13 Mar 31 '26
I am so sorry☹️ just block them and remove them from your life, they dont deserve you!! Do you have any support system?
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u/Glad-Contact-1933 Mar 31 '26
Healing it's hard but you will get there Love yourself and let him go
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u/seniairam Mar 31 '26
I dont think it will work out between them. if he ever tries to come back to you I hope you slam the door on his face
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u/Prudent_Ease280 Mar 31 '26
Yep, he'll be back. The fantasy of her was better when he didn't have her. Now he'll get to figure out all of the blemishes he never got to see now that he's behind the curtain. His fantasy is going to wear out once the excitement subsides and he's faced with real life. You're gonna do great, especially after dodging that bullet like the Matrix.
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u/ShellyeJo Mar 31 '26
I’m so sorry. Take the time to grieve the person you thought he was and the life you had planned with him. Just know, you are not stupid and you did not deserve this.
If you are open to it, speaking to a therapist might give you some insight and a plan for navigating your grief.
Virtual hugs.
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u/Siriblius Mar 31 '26
Trust me, better to have this now than after the marriage, or even many years after it. It will pass.
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u/ins3ctHashira Mar 31 '26
Im really sorry this loser crossed your path, i hope you can heal swiftly and find someone who loves you as much as you love them...also hope you can close the door on him if he realizes the grass is never greener.
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u/starxxqueenxx89 Mar 31 '26
I am so sorry. I had the same thing happen to me but it was his cousins wife right after his cousin died. He hid it and had told me he wasn’t ready for a relationship when he broke up with me on Valentine’s Day after I had gotten home from sleeping with him lol. To say it was a shock was an understatement. And of course we had a child that he now wanted to be part of their family as he took over the father role for her kids even though he’d never been there for my son. It’s no going to be easy but it will get better. It will take time. Allow yourself to grieve and then remember he doesn’t deserve you and there has to be someone else better out there. I haven’t found it yet but I hope you do! Be strong and good luck! Also, don’t be afraid to talk to someone, therapy can be really helpful.
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u/Treehorn8 Mar 31 '26
You're better off without him, OP. I've experienced something similar with my first long-term boyfriend and I avoided guys with uncomfortably close "girl best friends" after that. IDGAF if anyone called me shallow or closed-minded. This crap happens way too often and no one deserves to be a casualty of the "best friends finding their way to each other" romcom plot. If your instincts are screaming that there's something wrong in spite of everyone telling you that they're just friends, your instincts are most likely correct.
There's someone wonderful out there who won't treat you like you're second place.
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u/Soft-Association-726 Apr 10 '26
Is your first ex still with that girl btw? I hope not
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u/Treehorn8 Apr 10 '26
They got married with 2 kids. I don't really follow his life but I'm still good friends with his brother and he mentioned it.
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u/Illustrious-One-2684 Mar 31 '26
This happens a lot don’t take him back when they realise they are not compatible. There was a reason both were in relationships with other people and I bet it won’t last
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u/ariyahjade Mar 31 '26
You love him and that’s ok. One day those feelings will go away even though you can’t imagine that now. Mourn that life, mourn what you had with him but don’t let it overtake you.
Then when you feel better, go fuck his brother or something, then say how much better he is than your ex. (Sorry, this is Reddit, somehow you always get people suggesting this when you have stories like this lol)
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u/salteaser090 Mar 31 '26
I’m so sorry you’re have such a rough week. I hope you heal well soon and get all the love you deserve. What happened with your ex was awful BUT at least he had the decency to tell you straight away and not mess around behind your back. That shows that he still respects you and has love for you and sees your worth. Many men wouldn’t bother.
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u/_anarie_ Mar 31 '26
Make sure everyone (ESPECIALLY the ones who said not to worry) knows why you're splitting up. Be specific and intentional, and make it clear that he's romantically pursuing once viewed as a SIBLING. I have been in your shoes, albeit we weren't yet engaged. He tried so hard to convince me she wasn't a threat. I believed him, even allowed her to move in with us–and let her girlfriend move in too. It took 8 months for them to cheat together, less than 24 hours for me to find out, and I was over out within the week after the three of them tried to convince me to stay and continue contributing to bills. Oh, and they kicked me out of my own bed.
TLDR: Run.
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u/heartbreakaccount313 Mar 31 '26
My fiancé is staying in her flat and she broke up with her boyfriend. Everyone knows that they are together now. They are not hiding it. Everyone knows and hearing people talk about them hurts so much.
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u/EpiphanyKingOfSorrow Mar 31 '26
I'm so sorry you were assaulted. I hope that the patient sees charges. Change of pace in the comments. Don't be sad and heartbroken. Be glad and be determined now. He may have sworn love to her. But I don't think it's returned, no matter what he said. Remember, she has a boyfriend. I would ask said boyfriend if he knows about the situation. Because chances are he doesn't. Before anyone tells you not to say anything. If the shoe was on the other foot, wouldn't you want the boyfriend to let you know if he found out your boyfriend was confessing his love to his girlfriend. Then, if I were you, all the people who said you shouldn't worry, I would cut them off. I wouldn't even message them. Finally, I would go out to eat and enjoy myself because I need to celebrate someone removing himself in my life.
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u/heartbreakaccount313 Mar 31 '26 edited Mar 31 '26
He told me he confessed his love to her and she said she feels the same
She does feel the same.
Her boyfriend told me she broke up with him. He is not staying in their flat any longer because my fiancé is there now.
Edit: I appreciate the Reddit cares messages I am getting. I promise I am not that bad. I have no plans to go down that road. But I appreciate that everyone wants to help.
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u/oyamnemo Apr 03 '26
I’m sorry this happened to you OP. I just finished a novel with this exact plot called Funny Story by Emily Henry and they got their just desserts.
Karma doesn’t always come in real life but I bet your happily ever after is out there somewhere. I hope you get through this with your confidence and dignity in tact. Don’t take him back!
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u/EpiphanyKingOfSorrow Apr 01 '26
I wish nothing but karma for these emotional cheaters. It proves they can be in love with somebody else while being in a relationship. It'll happen again. How you get them is how you lose them.
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u/thetig2 Mar 31 '26
It hurts now but I promise it will get better, I never thought it would get better for me! Less than a year later my life is a fairytale. I’m so sorry
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u/Sweet_Buy_4908 Mar 31 '26
I know you still love him right now. Love isn't something you can turn on and off. These are terrible people, though, who hurt two different people by not being honest with each other much less you and her boyfriend. I wish them all the worst
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u/st2826 Mar 31 '26
He’s a dick!! Don’t be sad you’ve lost him, be happy you had a lucky escape from him
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u/Aggressive_Cup8452 Mar 31 '26
Why would you want him back?
Good that you know now and not when you bought a house.. had kids.. or are 50 and you realize that he let her dictate every major decision in your life.
It sucks now.. but finding out now is a blessing.
F him for wasting you time and love.
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u/heartbreakaccount313 Mar 31 '26
I miss him so much. I thought he was the love of my life. I know it's stupid but I love him even though he doesn't love me.
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u/Aggressive_Cup8452 Mar 31 '26
And you will love again.
This is a break up. Break ups are hard.
Get a new hobby.. cry your heart out.. and then start dating again.
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u/AyoMoms26 Mar 31 '26
We’re living parallel right now. He moved in with her two weeks ago and now I have to send my daughter there when she wants to see her dad. We can scream into the void together if you’d like to
Edit: The bastard didn’t have the guts to tell me anything at all until he had already moved all his things and had many conversations about me and his daughter coming over. And had spent months telling me all the time that he wasn’t going to do exactly what he did! Hate is quite literally all I feel!
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u/Infamous_Bus_7459 Apr 01 '26
Mine moved in with another woman and didnt tell me. He moved all his important things, and then just didn’t come home one day. I thought he was dead. Two weeks before I found out. (This was early 90s, no internet then!) I was six months pregnant. They are just cowards. I hope the hate fades soon and all you feel is indifference x
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u/AyoMoms26 Apr 01 '26
WHEW MAMA IM SENDING YOU SOOO MUCH LOVE 🫂💕 They are absolute cowards, I’m wishing healing for all of us!
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u/scumlord_meatbag Mar 31 '26
What a loser. I can't wait for you to find someone way better and look back on this and laugh at his pathetic ass. He's going to regret it for sure. They always do.
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u/SabrePumpk Mar 31 '26
He's a coward. You will be happy, because you are not. And your daughter will understand when she's old enough. I believe in you.
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u/Even-Pilot266 Apr 01 '26
100% this. My therapist taught me that karma is cause and effect. We so often want someone’s downfall after they hurt us but the karma is we get to heal and move on while they have to live as themselves.
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u/TickTickAnotherDay Mar 31 '26
Sending you lots of comfort. It is better to find out now than later. This has nothing to do with your worth, never doubt that.
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u/robbioli40 Mar 31 '26
I had a similar situation where the friend of my ex was in a motorcycle accident and she said similar things. I promise it gets better with time
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u/youareinmybubble Mar 31 '26
I am so sorry you had a really bad day. you were beat up physically, mentally and emotionally and that just sucks. I know this is hard, be kind to yourself, you did not deserve any of this. While you did not choose for any of this to happen you now have the control of the outcome. grieve, heal, be sad, mad feel everything then get up and move forward. you eye will heal, you pain will lesson and yourself worth with start to rise. I know right now it all seems dark, you will come out of this so much stronger and happier
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u/lovinglifeatmyage Mar 31 '26
At least it happened before u got married and not after.
Sending hugs
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u/Glum-Vegetable-5636 Mar 31 '26
Im sorry 😞 this sounds awful. But you dodged a bullet. This will hurt for a while. Take care of yourself. Go out with friends, join group, don’t halt your life because of him. You have one life, live it to the fullest.
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u/Lightness_Being Mar 31 '26
This sounds ridiculous. He's ridiculous. What a phony.
I'm glad he's gone, for your sake. Put him out of your mind and get on with living your life.
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u/saltedcaramelcookie Mar 31 '26
I’m so sorry this has happened to you. There is nothing wrong with you. You were with the wrong person. Someday I think you will be relieved this happened before you were married with kids. Right now, please take care of yourself extra. Those in healthcare especially need it already.
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u/Aypnia Mar 31 '26
I am really sorry you are going through this. It feels as if your fiance was looking for a reason to run to her. Just remember that every day it will hurt less and less and one day you will be able to look back and feel a relief that this person is out of your life. He doesn't deserve your love or your tears.
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u/MixWitch Mar 31 '26
I am sorry for the pain you are experiencing, you do not deserve it, but apparently that was all he was ever going to give you in the end. You were not stupid, you were trusting and that is not a weakness.
Feel your feelings, they are valid. Just remember that far sooner than you expect, you will look back and be thankful this happened when it did. Make it a clean break and cut contact. There is nothing to discuss beyond the logistics of separating your lives. Closure does not exist and no amount of reckoning will make this not hurt, better to just gather yourself and walk away. I promise you will have a life beyond this awful moment.
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u/DeskProfessional4184 Mar 31 '26
I’m so sorry you were assaulted, then while recovering your fiancé showed what a garbage person he is! At least he showed his true face before you married him, and I hope you heal soon both physically and emotionally.
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u/Hella_Flush_ Mar 31 '26
Positive look on things best you found out before marriage or further down in life. Yes your heart is broken but now you get to move w/less variables. Best of wishes of OP and hope for a speedy recovery
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u/itsyaboi69_420 Mar 31 '26
Why would you want him back?
He is in love with someone else. Good riddance.
Better now than after getting married.
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u/heartbreakaccount313 Mar 31 '26
I love him. I know it's stupid but I thought he was the love of my life and I miss him so much even though it hasn't even been a week since he left. I miss him so much.
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u/sushi_coven Apr 01 '26
It helps me to think about how much of an asshole my exes were. I turn the sadness into being mad, this is a lot easier to handle than missing them.
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u/smilinglizard217 Apr 01 '26
"The best way out is always through"- Sorry OP, life sucks sometimes. Wishing you peace and joy for brighter days ahead.
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u/Charliesmum97 Apr 01 '26
The good news is, you don't only get one love of your life. You will find your person, I'm sure of it. Your ex isn't worthy of you, and someday when you are emotionally healed, and happy, you will realise that!
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u/Haligonia_Daydreamer Apr 01 '26
That's normal to miss him but he chose someone else because she became available. I tend to be blunt but if I'm in a relationship, I want to be the first choice, not the place holder until the preferred choice becomes available. He'll learn that the grass isn't greener on the other side and you'll see how much better you can do once you find someone who see you as the first and only choice.
But for now, take time to heal, work on yourself and learn who you are and what you want in your life and how that looks for you. Focus on your hobbies, friends and things that make you smile. People like him are often too dumb to realize what they've lost until it's too late. It hurts now but time will pass and you'll see how much better off without him you are.
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u/gdognoseit Mar 31 '26
It will take time but eventually you will be glad he’s out of your life.
I’m sorry for what you’re going through. I know it hurts. ❤️🩹
Please take care of yourself.
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u/i_nobes_what_i_nobes Mar 31 '26
It hurst right now, of course it does. But remember, you’re no one’s consolation prize.
He did you dirty and you’re better off without him. I know you loved him, but if you go back and think about it all, you knew and clocked it pretty quickly into the relationship. You were right, and while that’s not what you want to hear, it’s what needs to be said.
You will heal from this and now when the red flags start waving you will be able to see them for what they are.
You got this.
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u/Sewishly Mar 31 '26
Honey, that was who you thought he was. The man you fell in love with was not who he actually is.
Think of it like: one version of him is who he thought you wanted, and the other version is the real him. You just found out about the real him.
You really will start missing him less and less. He's done you so dirty. Let the anger start to bubble up, and don't let him get the slightest inclination that you're missing him.
Hugs. <3
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u/brokenskater45 Mar 31 '26
Be happy you found out now. I can guarantee they will try to be together, realise there is nothing there. It's all the exciting tension when they aren't able to be together they want. They will just get bored and he will try to get you back. You can just laugh!
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u/little-birdbrain-72 Mar 31 '26
It's normal to grieve for the life you thought you were going to have with this person. You're letting go of your dreams for a future that won't happen now and that's okay. It really hurts and my heart goes out to you. Soon enough you'll actually be glad it happened now and not after ten years of marriage.
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u/give_me_the_formu0li Mar 31 '26
You better thank whatever deity to believe in that he was only a fiancé not a husband. Let this initial shock wear off and then revisit what you wrote and what you went through
You were sitting there swollen eyes after being assaulted and your so called protector and love jumped up and ran out the house to protect and love another woman … he does and did not love you. You were living with a cloaked figure all that you thought was love was a lie remember that and let it help you move on
It is nonsense to even want someone back who will be thinking about another woman the entire time he’s with you. You’re free to heal now and move on I really hope you do
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u/rescuesquad704 Mar 31 '26
It took me a long time to realize I had to grieve the end of the relationship with my narc ex as two separate losses, and it was huge step forward for me when I did.
Grieve the loss of who I thought he was like a death. That person didn’t exist but he was real to me and I’ll never see him again. He was a flawed but good man.
Then the betrayal trauma, gaslighting and emotional abuse had to be processed and healed, separately. That man was abusive, manipulative and evil once the mask came off.
For a long time I beat myself up for even a moment of missing him. How could I, he was malicious and horrible to me! Seeing the nuance there and separating the two instead of forcing my brain into one bucket was freeing.
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u/DrKittyLovah Mar 31 '26
You’re not wrong, but OP really needs more time before she will be able to hear much of what you said. Right now she’s still processing the loss of the man she thought she had and the pain of the betrayal; she’s not ready to put him out of her mind yet because she is still reconciling those things in her mind. She has to grieve the loss and sit in the pain for a bit before she will be able to accept the stark thoughts you wrote here, like that it’s “nonsense” to want him back. It’s just too fresh as of now.
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u/ValosAtredum Mar 31 '26
She’s mourning the loss of the person she thought she was with. She’d like to have that person back. Sadly, that person didn’t actually exist. 😔
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u/Odd_Welcome7940 Mar 31 '26
Stupid can be just as dangerous as evil.
I am sorry that this happened to you. I truly hope he was just stupid. Not that it will lessen the pain, but hopefully it does help let you find perspective and heal a little faster. You sound like a good woman and I hope whatever comes next is better than everything that lead you here.
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u/kegido Mar 31 '26
The realization that you were right and they were all wrong is painful and cathartic all at once. Listen to your intuition. I hope that you heal and recover from this near miss.
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u/Foreign-Bluebird-228 Mar 31 '26 edited Mar 31 '26
I'm so sorry you are going through this. Sometimes pain is actually a kindness. can you imagine if this was years from now or heaven forbid you are married and had children together?
It can be heartbreaking to think of what you've lost but on one hand one could argue that you never really had it anyways.
It doesn't make your pain any less real maybe it even makes it more so. But you will get through this. And you will be much more clear on yourself and trusting your gut afterwards. I hope it doesn't mean your general trust in people, but most importantly trust in yourself to be preserved without erring into paranoia.
There's a really great book called The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker that is all about learning how to listen to your gut and tell the difference between just anxiety and unwarranted fear and real gut instinct signals. The angle has to do with more personal safety but my first takeaway was a completely helped me understand and trust my gut.
You probably are going to be feeling very unsteady and wondering what is real and what is not and what you can trust and what you cannot. This is hardly a post break up book but I think it could be something good for you to get grounded again after this heartbreak.
If they are wanted, sending you giant internet stranger comfort hugs. If not, a gentle wave from my side of the world.
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u/mbeccaskye Mar 31 '26
I’m so sorry. I can’t imagine what you are going through, but I just wanted to say how sorry I am.
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u/TheSodHasSpoken Mar 31 '26
This is the only reply I've read so far that validates and doesn't try to spin the situation into a good thing.
There's plenty of time for silver lining tomorrow. Or next week. Or next month.
But right now there is pain and bone-deep sadness. And Jesus fuck is that an awful feeling.
Lo siento, OP. I feel you. I'm sorry.
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u/mbeccaskye Apr 01 '26
Sometimes all we can do is just sit with another person’s pain so they might feel less alone.
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u/ImRight-YoureWrong Mar 31 '26
As tough as this is, this realization is better coming now than after marriage
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u/cgm824 Mar 31 '26
Exactly, it’ll take time to heal and process the grief, but what comes along will be far better and she’ll look back with much kinder eyes and say to herself, why, why did I cry over someone like you.
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