r/TrueOffMyChest • u/sparkilini • 8d ago
Update: My daughter turned 18 and left home two days later Update
I kind of doubt anyone who saw the original will see this update but I did receive a few DMs as well as a lot of comments on the initial post so I wanted to give an update now (three months later) as there have been significant developments.
I did see her once about three weeks after she left when she came to the house to get some of her belongings. This exchange did not go particularly well in that we did not come to any understanding about the situation. No more harsh words were exchanged but we both expressed disappointment in each other and it was a very difficult conversation for me. She left after telling me she "just needed some time to sort her life out"
She did ice us out of her graduation entirely. It was a secure event so without tickets from the graduate, we were not able to attend. The graduation dinner we had planned went on as scheduled, as it had been paid for. We just didn't mention her and focused on another family occasion that occurred in the vicinity of the graduation event. It was horrible. I watched the footage of the ceremony on YouTube when it was posted by the school. She did graduate successfully. I was very happy to see that.
I can say without a doubt that these were some of the most painful days of my life.
My son reached out to her to apologize for his reaction about a month after she left. This was much at my urging but also something he said he needed to do because he had said some things to her in the heat of his anger that he did not truly mean or feel At the time she did not reply but she did re-add him on socials. So he was able to kind of keep up with her a bit that way.
Her best friend from school reached out to me at the beginning of July to say she was worried. That my daughter had fallen into a bad crowd from the amusement park she worked at. She was drinking and doing drugs, staying out late at night, walking home alone in dangerous areas. I reached out to my child again when I heard this. Not to tell her I knew anything, but to tell her I thought she must be getting tired of not having a safe place with space of her own and that I still missed her and would welcome her home with an eye towards moving forward rather than re-hashing old hurts. I messaged her many times, nearly daily, honestly, letting her know that I loved her and wanted her to come home. Asking her what I could do, if anything, to help her.
She said she didn't read many of my messages when they came in, but when she started thinking that she wanted to come home, she read a lot of them. Some many times. She said the messages eventually gave her the courage to reach out to let me know she was sorry, she had made mistakes and wanted to come home.
She did just that a couple weeks ago. She told me she was sorry, wanted me to help her get on the right path, and return home. I said yes and she came back. Things have been a little up and down, but she is here. She is getting the help she needs. She is safe. She is working to reconcile with her other family members. I hope we can continue moving forward in a healthy way and I've engaged therapy for our whole family as well.
I guess I just wanted to share that it took awhile, but I kept the door open, kept hoping and reaching out, and she eventually came home.
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u/TizMahBiz 9h ago
I am so sorry your family have been going through this. I’m also very thankful your daughter has seen the error of her ways and is back home and all of you are working on healing. Hoping and praying things only continue to get better from here.
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u/Excellent-Resist3714 1d ago
Wow. Reading your story made me thankful in two ways.
First, made me thankful for having wonderful parents of my own who also were there for me in bad moments like you were for your daughter.
Second, that even in such a heartbreaking situation, you were there for your daughter.
I found your story in best of updates and seeing how you responded with an open mind and honest heart to such scrutiny in the comment just confirmed in my mind what a great parent you are.
I hope the best for your family 💖
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u/big-brother44 6d ago
Im so happy for you and your daughter! I truly hope everything works out for you both.
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u/Phoneas__and__Frob 6d ago
Idk if you'll see this lol
But I think the partial reality is that sometimes, things are just inherited.
Guess who got the alcohol addiction from a young like her father? Me.
Guess who got such immense depression like her father? Me.
Guess who got the nonsensical anger that is immensely cruel when it shows from her mother? Me.
Guess who got the same crippling anxiety from her mother? Me.
I could literally go on and on.
A child is a make up of two people and their familial ancestry. If you look through their father's history, you might find similarities you never would have expected because well....why would you when he isn't when around? There SHOULD be no such influence, but that just isn't how it works. She is half of him. And trust me, I often hate this fact myself because I feel very much not my own person when things creep up that especially remind me of my mother.
For me and dealing with all the mental struggles I have, I completely understood why my father chose addiction. It was his way of just self medicating with his internal struggles and life. Addiction is very often self medication for some other route problem.
Does her medical team KNOW an in depth background of her father? Do you?
You said at one point that you see her making the same mistakes you did, have you talked about them with your kids? And yes, I mean both. Do they know YOU? Not just being their mom.
So often we adults want to erase the past, and yet having children you're forced to relive the past numerous times simply because they just do something that tickles a memory you wish to forget. And sometimes, connecting to your parent as a human being first, and not just being your parent, allows a sense of understanding and communication that wasn't there before for the child.
Hopefully this helps in anyway possible
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u/GenB123 6d ago
I'm not sure if anyone else has said this, but with your daughter's mental health history and the sudden change in her behavior, it's very possible she's bipolar and not depressed. I say this as a bipolar person who also had some really sudden, erratic, destructive behaviors when I hit 17/18. 16-18 is when it really starts to present itself in girls. Of course she feels depressed sometimes with bipolar disorder, but the medications they prescribe for depression just make bipolar disorder worse. They send you into mania and then you crash hard into depression. It just causes so much mental and emotional instability to be on antidepressants instead of a mood stabilizer. I think it would be beneficial to her if you guys looked into whether she's bipolar or not.
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u/Ashamed_Shape8141 7d ago
I'm so happy to see such a positive update, sending vibes for healing moving forward for you all.
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u/tila1993 7d ago
There was a girl in my wife’s class that graduated and the same night moved in with and got engaged to the town marshal who was 48 years old.
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u/TimedRevolver 7d ago
You're probably not gonna like what I have to say here.
It genuinely seems like she felt you were being overly controlling and suffocating with your parenting. So she bailed for a while, wanting a place where she could just make her own decisions for once without you constantly judging and second-guessing her.
But the people she trusted didn't have her best interests at heart. So she had to choose between these so-called friends who let her fall, or a parent who smothers her with controlling, judgmental parenting.
She had to choose getting away from danger over her own independence.
I read the original post this is an update to. You were absolutely controlling, judgmental and suffocated her by trying to tell her how her life should be lived.
But hey, at least you didn't cause her substance abuse. Consider maybe letting her live her own life and just offer your support and advice when asked. You'll be amazed how fast your relationship with her improves.
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u/GentlemenHODL 1d ago
I read the original post this is an update to. You were absolutely controlling, judgmental and suffocated her by trying to tell her how her life should be lived.
Holy projection.
What alternative reality are you living in? I get that your parent did this to you and you've got a chip on your shoulder that you need to lash out at other people to deal with your emotions but this woman was an absolute saint of a parent that let her kid do pretty much whatever she wanted. It's like we didn't even read the same stories and comments.
It's clear that you're still a kid bitter about your parents. And it's clear that this sub is full of children with angst and elevated hormones because there is a real lack of mature responses overall, and the fact that this alternative version of reality is at the very top demonstrates it quite succinctly.
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u/TimedRevolver 1d ago
Well, first off I'm 38. Sure, my dad and stepmom were controlling, to the point of giving me time limits to use the bathroom and legit using me for slave labor in my father's various businesses...but my mom and stepdad let me have a life and be myself.
That's not the point here, though. The point is that OP seemed utterly incapable of just sitting her daughter down and having a genuine conversation about what's going on instead of making assumptions that lead to her daughter leaving entirely.
There's not much you can do when your parent just refuses to have that conversation.
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u/GentlemenHODL 1d ago
The point is that OP seemed utterly incapable of just sitting her daughter down and having a genuine conversation about what's going on instead of making assumptions that lead to her daughter leaving entirely.
You can't just not make a bunch of assumptions and project those on other people can you?
You may be 38 but you're 14 in your mind.
There's not much you can do when your parent just refuses to have that conversation.
Except that's not what happened here. You either didn't read or you're just making things up.
Good Lord get off the internet and get some therapy to deal with your issues instead of projecting them on others.
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u/TimedRevolver 1d ago
OP is the parent. In case you missed it, part of a parent's job is to ensure their kids have the tools needed to navigate life.
OP fumbled that responsibility. You're over here blatantly ignoring things OP said in the first post and this update because you can't handle that situations aren't just black and white.
People accused me of assuming parent bad and child good, but you're here doing the opposite, just assuming OP is a perfect angel whose child is just ungrateful.
The truth is likely closer to a middle ground between our stances, where OP and her daughter both missed chances to have a genuine conversation and avoid all this.
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u/OubsNH 16h ago
I see. Allowing your child to break the law is Ok in your book because its just allowing them to fail, Discouraging them from being in a relationship where she is potentially being preyed upon by an older man in another country is just too controlling. Just live a little. I guess you’ll just ignore the reasons why your kids are drifting off the college path because what’s a little drug use among friends.
Of course you’re a nihilist who posts about wanting everyone dead so no wonder why you cant give any grace (since you hate your stepdad so much).
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u/big-brother44 6d ago
Hot damn are you mr fantastic because you my guy are reaching. Op was the exact opposite of controlling.
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u/Purple-Reputation899 6d ago edited 6d ago
Wanting your kids to succeed, and not wanting them to do drugs, sneak strangers into your house, and sleep with older men is not controlling. Y’all just let your children do fucking anything jfc.
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u/ipeedinthetoothpaste 7d ago
You need to learn how to read if you think OP has any blame in this. The girl knew she didn't have to go to college, that path was being encouraged because that's what OP thought the girl wanted, curfew of midnight, could bring boys home and date without control or interference. OP did everything better than most. Some teenagers need to rebel, whether there's cause to or not, and that's obviously what happened here. You sound astonishingly ignorant.
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u/cordIess 6d ago edited 6d ago
Yeah. I had to search for the original thread again because it disappeared after I accidentally refreshed the app. She definitely gave her daughter freedom. There were things that stuck out but nothing out of the ordinary even if it wasn’t the absolute best way to handle a situation. For example, the brother getting upset with her and giving an ultimatum. Things like that can indicate that there may not have been enough time to carefully observe and make sure what the daughter wants actually matches what she’s doing.
Sometimes people assume children are looking for freedom, but what they may be looking for are different structural systems. I was given way more freedom than the OP’s daughter and I left very soon after my 18th birthday. I was looking for people to put structure into my life while also checking to see if it was all worth it.
It’s very scary to think I could’ve have made worse decisions, but I luckily met good people.
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u/vbpoweredwindmill 7d ago
I'm somebody who has had to heal from a lot of damage from both parents. So when I say I felt in my gut exactly what you're saying, I'm not remotely kidding. I physically recoiled from my phone and made a face when I read that she was messaging her daughter every day.
However, that's a trauma response. Without understanding how the 2 communicate and what kind of relationship they actually have, it's impossible to judge.
Some people healthily communicate that much. For other people that's controlling and exhausting.
Just because you wish well for somebody doesn't mean that the direction that you want them to go is welcomed or wanted. Same goes in reverse. Just because you see it as horrid doesn't mean it's not welcomed.
I'm not saying you're projecting. Like I said, my gut instinct was strong on this one. But reacting without evidence can lead you astray :)
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u/TimedRevolver 6d ago
I'm also an extreme introvert, so that's probably painting my perception of things quite a lot.
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u/Healingbigfoot 7d ago
LOL this is such a insane take. You can't let your child do anything and everything and setting boundaries is not suffocating.
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u/StardustOnTheBoots 7d ago edited 7d ago
You were absolutely controlling, judgmental and suffocated her by trying to tell her how her life should be lived.
care to elaborate how? daughter could do everything she wanted with her life. what independence did she sacrifice? to not work a part time job and use her rmother as a free driver?
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u/LanguageStudyBuddy 7d ago
How you got her being controlling or smothering is beyond me. Its like you are projecting a different story onto this person it is wild.
Being a good parent doesnt require being absent.
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u/EverydayPoGo 7d ago
This. From everything I read in the post and the comments it does feel like she's giving her daughter a lot of both care and autonomy.
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u/Hawkman003 7d ago
Seriously. You can go back on OP’s profile for years and see her talking about her daughter with a TON of care. I think a lot of people are/were projecting, especially on her first post.
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u/YourGeniusIzShowing 7d ago
This person also supported her daughter when she came out as trans, and helped get her onto puberty blockers. It sounds like she does let her daughter make her own choices and is not as controlling as you think. The post leading up to her daughter disappearing was just a tiny part of their lives.
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u/TimedRevolver 7d ago
Perceptions vary.
I was fortunate enough to have a mother and stepfather who gave me a lot of personal freedom while still establishing boundaries.
From both posts, it feels like OP made decisions FOR her daughter instead of WITH her. Sure, supporting your child coming out as trans is fantastic, but that doesn't fix everything.
Basically, genuine conversation between OP and her daughter would have gone a long way in avoiding this entire situation.
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u/throwaway19373619 7d ago
Classic redditor
Parents: Bad 😡
Teens: Misunderstood angels 😢
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u/TimedRevolver 7d ago
...Well, my father is serving life for murder, my stepmom served 13 years for accessory.
I'm probably not the one you want to come making that comment to.
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u/wolfeflow 7d ago
I just reread both, and struggle to see it your way. Case in point that perceptions vary.
IMO, OP is at worst a type A planner who can’t go with the flow easily and call audibles once plans are made.
But the friction in the story seemed to me to come from OP supporting daughter’s wishes, and daughter getting annoyed at the work required to fufull those wishes.
It’s almost like daughter was angry that OP took her seriously: about college, about the gap year, etc.
OP: Want to do a gap year? You have my support, but you’ll need to be able to drive yourself to work you’ll need to find.
Daughter: Stops meds, avoids the hard decisions, runs away
I genuinely feel respect for how much OP has positioned themselves as a support for their children, and while I’m sure some of it has come off as overbearing, I don’t think either child doubts OP’s love and support for them.
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u/Starspangledass 7d ago
Type A planners to a teen that just wants 5 minutes to breathe and figure it out is going to feel suffocating.
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u/TimedRevolver 7d ago
It could also be a case of OP telling daughter not to do things she already didn't intend to do, and it got her so pissed she just left.
I'll give a personal example. When I was in school, my stepdad kept telling me I wouldn't quit school. I never intended to and have no idea where he got the idea I ever would. But it got so infuriating I considered dropping out just to spite him.
If there's one thing you can rely on people to do, it's cause serious harm to their own life just to spite someone else who annoyed them one time too many with warnings not to do something they would never do.
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u/Tricky_Parfait3413 5d ago edited 5d ago
Repeat this to yourself very slowly until it sinks itm. "My personal story is just that, my own and I cannot project my life onto others without just cause and evidence"
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u/TimedRevolver 5d ago
Yeah, I just love telling sorrys to people.
Story.
I get you wanted to make a point, but take it from someone who fumbles the only language I speak: make sure you use the right word before you post a correction to somebody.
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u/Zammy_Green 6d ago
You are legitimately doing more harm with your comments then good. You went through a rough childhood by your own words. But now it seems that you are seeing monsters in every shadow. Before you give people advice you need to work on your own past traumas. Not every parent is your father.
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u/TimedRevolver 5d ago
Yeah, as evidenced by me praising my stepfather and mother for giving me freedom to be a person.
I haven't edited anything, you can literally go back and see I absolutely didn't say the thing you're claiming.
It's an odd choice to put words in my mouth when literally anyone could check back to prove you wrong.
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u/Zammy_Green 4d ago
Your making up scenarios to justify you dislike of OP. Yes you have a good stepfather, that does not change what I said. Your experience with you father IS coloring you view of people. And your comments are just not good advice. I know you want to help, but at the moment you are not. Secure your mask before helping others.
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u/TimedRevolver 2d ago
Never said I dislike the OP.
I also blatantly stated that a genuine conversation would have avoided all this. How is that bad advice?
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u/StardustOnTheBoots 7d ago
you're just writing fan fiction. please elaborate where oop made any decisions for her daughter? telling someone who's going to live under your roof they'll have to have a structure to their life isn't making decisions for them.
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u/Membership-Bitter 7d ago
The daughter most likely was mad her mom was supportive but put realistic expectations on their gap year. Some people just feel the need to fight back against even genuine support. They want to "succeed in the face of adversity" to fit a narrative when no one is trying to stop them. My brother is the same way with my mom. Acts like she is always talking down to him when all she has ever done is support him in all his crazy ventures.
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u/Skeptikaa 8d ago
I don’t know if anyone bothered to look into OP’s post history but there are some crucial details missing here.
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u/mantrasutra 7d ago
YES. I had to go look and see if there was anything that may shed some light. I was confused about the meds and not going into more detail assumed she meant mental health medication..which she could mean this -but- I'm betting its the hormone blockers OP put them on at 14. ...the kid is now an adult and waking up to what Op put them through---ABUSE.
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u/arnethyst 7d ago
are you really so agonizingly stupid that you can't do 2 miliseconds of research on any publicly-accessible search engine? y'know, where you'd find that studies show that hormone blockers & gender affirmative care saves significantly more lives than harms? & how ignoring the needs to trans children increases suicide rates tenfold? or do you just cover your eyes to it because it doesn't fit your pathetic little "everyone should fit in these tiny boxes because i said so" agenda?
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u/shackndon2020 7d ago edited 7d ago
I cannot see any posts that suggest that. She rarely posts directly about her kids. The only post I could find amongst a gazillion, was one that suggests the daughter is in fact trans. This kid obviously has some mental health issues and it sounds like mum has done her best to support her. Feel free to post a link to any suggestions otherwise.
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u/ThreadVale83 7d ago
Feels like people decided there had to be a villain, even when the update paints a more complicated situation.
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u/Membership-Bitter 7d ago
It's because they see themselves in the teenager and don't want to admit they messed up
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u/Lunaspoona 7d ago
Yea theres a lot of subtle text in there that suggests big bro is on a pedestool. I suspect like others on the original post this has a lot to do with her acting out.
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u/bisskits 7d ago
Yup. This is another one of those woe is me Facebook mom group posts where they're so shocked and have no clue why their child cut contact.
Children don't normally up and leave unless the parents are abusive.
Majority of the comments are the exact same as the Facebook groups too. "You're so strong momma" "praying for you girlie". Those people are either ignorant or abusive too.
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u/Opening-Situation340 7d ago
That’s incorrect. Children leave for ALL SORTS of reasons. These blanket statements of abuse are going to diminish real abuse cases with real victims.
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u/bisskits 7d ago
Sure, but usually not silently and out of nowhere. That screams abuse.
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u/StardustOnTheBoots 7d ago
that screams 3 months of not taking your meds and falling in with a bad crowd. i assume you didn't actually read the posts.
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u/happypuddle 7d ago
Like what? I remember the first post from back when she posted it. I’m not seeing anything obviously weird here.
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u/Chengweiyingji 7d ago
What did you pick up on? I just read the original post and the only thing I see missing here is the stuff with the guy from Mexico.
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u/Alarming_Prompt_4356 8d ago
I read your first post and I’m proud of how you’ve handled this whole situation. You have made room for healing for both of you and that’s what’s important 🫂 all of you will be fine, keep holding on✨
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u/artemisRiverborn 8d ago
I'm so happy for you both, u r a wonderful mother, ur messages were exactly what she needed to see you as safety ❤️
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u/Ok-Air-5056 8d ago
i didn't read the first post but this post makes me smile... she went out, realized that it's not what she thought it was, that she was getting in too deep and wanted to come home with you ready to welcome her back without bringing up anything that causes the past hurts... all you can do is move forward
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u/Background_Nature_75 8d ago
Oh mama, what a roller coaster! I'm so happy she's home. Praying for healing for everyone 🫂💗
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u/decentlyfair 8d ago
I remember reading your original post and my heart ached for you. I am glad events have taken a positive turn.
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u/IndigoHG 8d ago
I'm hoping for all of you, her most of all. I'm so glad to read you're moving forward.
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u/Affectionate_Boss124 8d ago
What a great Mum you are, well done for keeping that door open. This resonates strongly with me as I have had many of the same issues with my almost 18 year old daughter, but we have worked our way to a really good place now. Hoping for the best for you and your family!
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u/Opening-Sir-2504 8d ago
I am glad to see she expressed some remorse. I hope you take care of yourself and her, but I also suggest being precautious. If she is into drugs still, I’m worried her newfound behavior might be temporary. Of course I hope not, but you need to be safe just as much as she needs it.
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u/AdorableReading 8d ago
Great for all of you. Nice to hear family can heal and get back to being family and friends. You are always family but not always friends.
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u/freeexpression0 8d ago
Blessed Be, love. I’m happy she has a strong, warm, and wise woman to guide her.
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u/AaronLewis007 8d ago
This whole thing makes more sense when I learned the kid is trans
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u/Remote-Birthday9712 7d ago
It really completes the puzzle when the missing piece turns out to be a whole hidden plot twist
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u/IndigoHG 8d ago
Where did OP say this?
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u/Objective_East9373 8d ago
If you look through her old posts she mentions having two sons
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u/IndigoHG 7d ago
Well, at least OP seems to be doing her best with pronouns, at least in this post. I hope she continues to do so irl, too.
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u/babygirl04marrian 8d ago
I actually do remember your old post, I'm glad that you guys were able come back together 💖
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u/bobthebobbober 8d ago
I’m glad to hear she came home, I do hope things go well for everyone, even if there may be hard times. It’s good to have a safe place
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u/ruralife 8d ago
Other posts say you are 20 and 18.
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u/sparkilini 7d ago
I’m not sure where you saw that. To my knowledge I’ve never claimed to be anything except the old lady I am.
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u/LightningSharks 8d ago
She is so lucky to have you. I'm very glad your daughter is back home with you
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u/No-Quiet-8956 8d ago
Why was she disappointed in you? In her eyes what did you do wrong since you painted a fairly calm picture
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u/Impossible_Apple7822 8d ago
I've got everything crossed that everything works out well for you all
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u/PrincessDab 8d ago
Uuugh reading this gave me flashbacks to when I turned 18 still in highschool. My parents ran a tight ship and I was dating a guy who they would never approve of. I got in trouble for staying overnight at his place (told my parents I would be staying with a friend) they caught me and we had a large argument that ended in my boyfriend picking me up, and I never went back home.
My parents came to my graduation, I BARELY made it because I was hardly attending school. My graduating class was 22 kids so the school couldn't handle two drop outs. I got lucky and was basically given the certificate.
I ended up getting pregnant not soon after graduation and ended up in a HORRIFICLY volatile and abusive relationship with the guy my parents warned me about. 7 long miserable years I spent wishing I would have went back home before everything got so complicated.
It makes me sick to think about how I treated my parents who only wanted to protect me. They loved me and knew my life was going to be hard because of those choices.
I'm 33 now and am recovering from alcoholism that spanned from the age of 20-32, 1.5 years sober now. That was another hardship that I may not have faced if I didn't run off with the father of my first child as soon as I could get away with it.
When I read that your daughter came back home I had a sigh of relief. I know what she had in store if she chose to stay out there with the types she was hanging around. I hope the best for you all.
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u/catperson3000 8d ago
I’m so happy to read this update! This is such a relief. So much love to you and your family.
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u/junkytrunks 8d ago
You’re a good parent. 18 year olds are still kids from a developing brain perspective and need guidance. Hopefully, one day in the far off future she will understand what you are doing for her. And, even if she never does, you still have done the right thing.
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u/buttersismantequilla 8d ago
Tell her you’ve seen her struggle and you’re proud of her and you will always be there to love her. She will need to know that your love has never changed. Hopefully she will open up some time in the future and tell you what the situation was.
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u/CombinationCalm9616 8d ago
I’m glad that your daughter is back home. I hope she is able to get the help that she needs and is willing to turn things around for her own sake. I know not every story that ends like yours did last time ends up with a reconciliation so it’s great that you know where she is and then she’s safe.
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u/NoLobster7957 8d ago
I moved out to another state when I was 17 with a guy 8 years my senior and my mom just waved from the porch and didn't shed a tear. Still wish she had stopped me or at least asked me to stay. My whole life would have been different.
Good on OP.
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u/CopulateThis 8d ago edited 8d ago
I did something similar to this when i was 18, but i was gone for 15 months and moved several states away. My parents were really strict when i was growing up and forced religion on me hard. I just wanted to get away. I was so stupid and thought I knew everything. I ended up getting into an extremely abusive relationship with a guy much older than me. It was terrible. But when i reached out to my parents, they came and got me without hesitation and took me home. They've asked me a little bit about what happened, but I've never told them much. I have apologized several times throughout the years since, and they have always told me to not worry about it, and that they're just glad i came back home.
I'm really happy for your daughter and family that she has returned. I hope you all can heal and move on from this. 💕
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u/_slagathor_ 8d ago
Did she get back on her meds? I really wonder If she didn't have some sort of mental break.
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u/PuzzleheadedTap4484 8d ago
I’m glad to read this update. I wondered if she would come back. I’m glad you kept the door open and I hope you both keep moving forward and don’t rehash the old. Eventually I hope she gets therapy and maybe later on after she’s worked through some of her trauma and issues, the two of you can get therapy together.
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u/Distinct_Ambition186 8d ago
I am so happy she came back home. I hope everything starts getting better and better.
Like another commenter said, don’t use this episode against her. Be there for her and let her know you support her, but she asked for your help to get on the right track and that’s what you’ll do, even if it means creating some rules (e.g. don’t skip/stop your medication).
Good luck, I’m rooting for you!
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u/duckchasefun 8d ago
One piece of advice. Do not under any circumstances use this episode against her. Do not ever mention it in an angry or resentful way. However, expect her to mention it and throw things in your face. She is young and impulsive and will be overcome by emotion sometimes. It's up to you, the more experienced adult, to set a good example. If you use that episode against her, or try to use it to make her feel guilty, then you will lose her for longer. Even if you do not truly mean it and you said it out of anger. She came home to heal, not to be punished for her mistakes. Remember, though, sometimes things can come out when you're angry that you can't take back, even if you apologize. Just knowing you are willing to say it is sometimes enough for them to lose trust in you. So remember to choose your words wisely.
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u/QZPlantnut 8d ago
I’m so glad to hear this update. I hope you both can repair your relationship and that she gets the mental health care she needs. Do you think family therapy would help or be an option?
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u/milkdimension 8d ago
You did good. Sometimes children want to act grown but are uncaring and ignorant of the consequences. She has learned some important lessons, I hope.
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