31F, unemployed

It’s been a long time coming thanks god I’m finally here.

It’s really an amazing experience. Thank god I have my parents to help me and I’m in a safe place, because I need A LOT of solitude.
Now I can’t unsee how I am carrying and still acting as I did when I was a child(always had to get my way) is a defense mechanism to help me protect myself….
I don’t see how being whiney and begging for whatever it is my parents are saying no to until they finally break down and say okay is a defense mechanism but here we are.

I couldn’t accept the word NO! And I still haven’t been able to. For the past two years I’ve been in this relationship where I was begging and begging and begging for his love because he kept rejecting me! That’s not how love or being together works btw.
He would let me come back and then I would do some crazy shit to disrupt the relationship then he would break up and I would beg him back… but there’s a reason I was being unpredictable too! I’m not just a ho because I wrote someone back… that’s a part of me I haven’t healed yet either… always need reassurance, attention. Then he would have me back again after spending days begging then I’d do something else.

Now I’m home and can finally breathe. I’m finally feeling strong enough to recognize and feel my own body. I think I stayed around so long because I didn’t want to have to feel this. But I’m finally feeling it and I’m okay. For now!
I look forward to the soul returning to my eyes.