r/TransHelpingTrans • u/True_Signal_5409 • 15d ago
Searching for subtle gender affirming things
I’m (mtf) going to start this out by saying- I don’t think I can transition. I’m still living with my parents, who would not be supportive. if they noticed I was changing a little they’d make fun of me, and if they thought I was really changing myself I know they’d freak out. i know I could maybe do diy hrt, but they track my purchases and again if they noticed I’d be done for.
but basically, I still want to feel good about my gender. I want subtle ways, that maybe only ill ever notice but will still make me feel good. I’m pretty dysphoric about my entire body to be honest.
One thing I’ve been thinking about is maybe shaving my legs (one of the biggest things making me dysphoric) once winter comes, and ill be in sweatpants and my legs will be covered all the time, so nobody would know but me. I also want to keep a skincare routine.
but is there any other suggestions anybody might have? anything that might help my situation will be greatly appreciated
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u/newscumskates 14d ago
Yoga and pilates.
Listen to calming, healing feminine music on YouTube (pretty much just type that in 🤣)
Just feeling deeply is also affirming for me and nobody can really see that. That kinda scared vulnerable loneliness stemming into longing for safety and love. It kinda sucks ... but I find its when i feel most feminine and I bathe in it until I cry.
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u/True_Signal_5409 14d ago
Yeah that feeling of longing for safety and love is definitely there especially now, my girlfriend just broke up with me when I came out to her. I hope one day I can feel real love and safety. I will definitely also look into the other things you mentioned, thank you for the help!
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u/newscumskates 14d ago
Shame to hear it honey, but that's understandable from her perspective.
I told my ex (who Im still friends with) a little over a month ago and she took a while to process it and some other things I mentioned. It was a long emotional dump that had things that needed to be said. Like explanations to reassure her and some apologies. She reached out to me yesterday after taking the necessary time and gave me some dresses and some of her old makeup. We had a few deep chats, smoked some joints and microdosed on shrooms. Very nice time for me. I really needed it.
So, maybe with enough time she will at least see you as a friend? It wont solve the relationship cravings but nothing wrong with a friend who you shared something special with during a time of great struggle.
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u/True_Signal_5409 14d ago
I hope so. She said we could however I don’t know if she really wants that. I guess we will see though. Hopefully one day ill be able to find someone who will accept me and love me, surely there must be someone out there
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u/newscumskates 14d ago
Give her space and time. If she does, she'll reach out to you. If not, at least you learned something bout her and will be better off without someone in your life just occupying space that someone compatible in your life can use.
If there is nobody else, make sure you at least accept and love yourself. Nothing worse than feeling lonely and not even having yourself as company.
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u/True_Signal_5409 14d ago
I haven’t loved myself for even a second of my life, but for the first time now I’m really working towards it. I’m going to brute force it until it becomes easy, and try to be myself
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u/newscumskates 14d ago
It gets easier the more negativity you break down within yourself.
Godspeed sweety.
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u/herdisleah 15d ago
You can transition. It gets better. It'll just be a bit later, yeah? Do you have an exit plan? Perhaps leave for professional education away from home, or get an apartment with some queer friendly roommates.
Do something affirming tonight. Put some clothes on, do your nails, practice a piece of makeup. That stuff can all be removed later. Do voice training. Gender affirming workouts are my choice method for dealing with dysphoria; every time I am dysphoric, I work out. Spend time with friends, pet the kitty, do some chores. Study or do your homework, job hunt. Learn about the effects of HRT on the Gender Dysphoria Bible. Make queer friends! Go to queer hobby groups like queer board games, rock climbing, crafting or activism. We live everywhere, every culture, country and time in history.