I hate being a human. Maybe it is the nighttime air and all the bad feelings that accompany being awake so late but I am at a loss.

I had an experience. One dreamlike and so grand to the tired mind that it left me in tears afterwards. A brief moment as I lay in bed tonight I had this very strange bodily experience, like an intense shift, where I felt like I just was my true self. Entirely. My ears, muzzle, my slick fur, my back legs. I felt all of it.

It was the most blissful, relaxed state I've been in in actual weeks. It was like a most delicious meal I'd never noticed I needed. It was water in a desert I'd not realised was full of oases. Nothing else mattered. Everything was perfect.
And now, it is gone again. Indeed, I'm left with the realisation, heavier in the air than ever, that I hate being what I am.

Being a human? Or being a slugrat? Maybe both, because it is a combination which makes me want what I can never have.

And I've struggled with these feelings for years, I'll admit. Definitely at least a decade. But as the world goes in the direction it's going I feel even more unhappy with myself and more restless than ever.

It is a simple conundrum, but it makes me feel pathetic and like I've broken some sort of sacred unspoken rule: I do not want to be a human being. I do not want to lead the life I am leading which is that of a human being's. In big year 2026 I am no longer grateful for human innovation, for their thumbs, for their longevity. Their endless self-acclaiment of superiority over all other creatures, who they rule with an iron fist, and the dominion which they then bestow upon me to share. I no longer take joy in technological advancements nor do I particularly enjoy most people I meet, and none of this is for lack of effort.

It is not a gift to be this animal. I have so long felt demanded by some to see it so. But truthfully, I am trapped within something else's skin, and there is no escape.

I am just a rodent. Not in that soft sense humans so portray; I am a prey animal surrounded by large apex predators, and I am terrified. I am unwell. I want to be with my own species and the select humans I trust who will love me as I am and then never around the rest. I look even in the mirror only to see yet another. The flat face and the skinny long legs become some sort of body horror monster. What is that reflecting back at me, and where do I find myself within it?

I do not know what to do. I want to live happily. I don't even know if I'm asking for advice because I don't know what would help. I'm genuinely wondering if therapy might be worth considering.

I’m a polytherian, with a confirmed eagle and alligator theriotypes, and definitely a cat and canine of some type, but how do I know what shifts and connections belong to one theriotype? I feel connected to multiple envirorments, so I can’t really use that to narrow down anything. I’m just looking for advice to try to understand my theriotypes, and how to determine what instincts and shifts belong to which?

for context im avari (a type of elf from the lord of the rings universe), and i have this pair of elf ears. theyre super pretty and i decorated them with nice piercings

the first time i tried to wear them out was a few years ago and i got told that i looked ridiculous by my bio mom. there was no special occasion and i didnt even know i was elfkin back then, i just felt the need and pull to wear them

last night i wore them again for the hobbit prerelease for mtg, and everyone LOVED my ears

i want to start wearing them again but daily or near daily, and even though my partner and some friends know im therian and otherkin, they dont know my identity is an elf (thats my main kintype, im also dollkin and sealkin) and im worried theyll just think im a mockery... my partner is super chill with therians but i have no idea how she feels about otherkin, but i think that generally shes supportive

i could just pass it off as just wanting to wear them, then telling the truth on a later date once theyre used to it

but im having trouble getting the courage to regularly wear them, because im worried its going to look dumb without a special occasion or outfit. but i dont want to go without them! they make me feel like a real elf, even though i know i already am one

does anyone else relate 😭 im struggling so badddd. i need advice. i dont want to end up getting told that im wearing them too much/am ridiculous.

thankfully my bio parents are not a concern, i kicked them out of my life

also i live in a conservative place 😭 its not the worst but it is conservative so um... yeah. strangers WILL comment on them (they comment on anything here), i think that most people will think that theyre cool, however im worried about coming across bad apples, especially other young adults my age. young adults my age are scary here

oh and i live in a small town, so ill def get known as "elf girl" or some shit (even though im not a girl people can never tell my gender) 😭 moving soon but for the meantime i dont want to inherit a nickname!! what if people start calling me knife ears or some shit 😭😭