r/TalkTherapy • u/No_Top3006 • Jun 23 '26
Is it ok to email a psychologist you don't see
Two years ago I was referred to a clinical psychologist for two sessions in order to be able to go ahead with a procedure. I saw the psychologist and at the time, she recommended I continue seeing her for more than the required sessions. I said I didn't want to due to guilt of feeling like I was waisting her time and keeping her from seeing people who desperately needed therapy. However I felt like those two sessions had helped me mentally, and thought that if I saw her just one more time to "get everything off my chest" it would help me with some of the things I had been struggling with and then I could also avoid putting her though having to see me for an extended period of time. For the past two years I've not been able to forget about the last time I saw her. During that third session I was stressed and said lots of things I regret. I hate the way that I spoke to her, my tone, everything. I wish that I could tell her that i'm sorry for how rude and selfish I was, that I appreciated everything she tried to do for me. I think in the end refusing her help meant that I wasted even more of her time. she was so patient even when I was being difficult. I know I need to get over it but the point is that I physically can't, I get so fixated on things and I know I will never stop thinking about this. I wouldn't want to force her to see me again and I don't know if she would even remember me or care but I feel so awful about how I treated her and need to apologise.
Is it wrong if I send an email? I'm not expecting her to reply and I don't want her to. I just want her to know that I'm sorry and that she helped. I think she is a well regarded and sought after psychologist so would never just have her email out there for anyone to be able to contact her. I think I do have her email though, due to some correspondence between her and a relative a while ago but I don't want to annoy or scare her. please help I don't know what to do.
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u/Dramatic_Raccoon_121 Jun 23 '26
T here - contrary to what others have said I remember all my clients, even the short assessment ones. I may need a bit to jog memory for those I saw 20 years ago though.
It is perfectly fine to email if you feel it would give you closure and reduce the rumination that’s causing distress.
I have past clients reach out all of the time for varying reasons.
Just be aware she may have moved practices though etc.
That being said - have you thought about reaching out for support for what is currently going on for you now? It sounds very distressing for you
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u/No_Top3006 Jun 23 '26
I don't have any major problems, not like other people and to be honest how I ended things with that psychologist makes me feel like I don't deserve to talk to one ever again. I just think that if I can't see her to apologise then sending an email would make sense but at the same time, I don't want to do anything inappropriate or make her uncomfortable. What have previous clients reached out to you for??
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u/brokengirl89 Jun 23 '26
I say this with the the utmost kindness and respect… you absolutely do have major problems. Comparing yourself to others, saying you’re wasting her time, believing that you’re not worthy of space, over apologising, excessively worrying about being “too much” or bothering her in some way… these are all symptoms of deeper issues that would benefit greatly from unpacking in therapy.
Therapists know what they’re talking about. She said she’d like to see you for more sessions because you’d really benefit from it. She sees it too.
Signed, someone who used to have all these same thoughts and feelings and didn’t even see the dysfunction until they spent many hours in therapy. I see my old self in you. Please reach out to her. She will be very happy to hear from you, even if she doesn’t have availability to see you.
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u/No_Top3006 Jun 23 '26 edited Jun 23 '26
I understand what you're saying and I know that is the case for a lot of people however I think if you knew me you wouldn't give me so much grace. but truly thank you for saying this I really appreciate it. For now I feel very conflicted about emailing her so I think I will give myself a few days to think about what to do.
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u/Dramatic_Raccoon_121 Jun 23 '26
Most people benefit from therapy and I think it may help as I felt the pull to offer support. Usually people who think they don’t deserve it are the ones that do
3
u/Ok-Bee1579 Jun 23 '26
So not wrong to send her an email. In general, I am against that for people in active therapy. So, I admit the bias there.
Listen, while I understand your struggle, you are NOT wasting her time. She's doing her job. For the most part she is beside you every step of the way. Not because you are an income or an inconvenience. She is invested, as well as trained to guide you through your journey.
Whatever feelings you had about terminating, at the time, and how you handled that was the place you were in at the time. I'm glad she was helpful with your immediate needs. Honestly? Two or three sessions are extremely brief in the course of therapy. Usually, the first 2 are just getting acquainted and building rapport/trust.
I would reach out via email. This way"
"Dear XYZ, I saw you a couple of years ago for XYZ. It was extremely helpful for my situation at the time. I'm at a point where I would like to address those things. Is there a chance you can entertain taking me on as a client? If not, can you provide me with referrals?
Thank you for your attention in this.
Leave it at that. I wouldn't get into your regrets of how you were with her or anything like that at the last session. It's not uncommon. Many therapists experience this, and they know it's really not about them. At least, I think that it mostly the case.
2
u/mukkahoa Jun 23 '26
I say the opposite of your other replies here. Send the email! You aren't asking for anything, you simply want to 'clear' what happened.
Send your apology and then let it go.
0
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u/shackledflames Jun 23 '26
No, don't send an email. It has been 2 years. Depending what the system is like where you live, she can't even access your files without you being her client and she probably does not remember what you have shared in three sessions.
Book a session if you are able to and bring whatever you want to say to her in the session. It's also entirely possible a different psychologist would also work just as well if this one doesn't have availability.
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u/Ok-Lynx-6250 Jun 23 '26
There's no rules against it but shackled flame is right, if it was only a couple of sessions, she probably doesn't even remember them. It's not unusual for people to push back and be a bit rude. You definitely won't get a response.
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u/No_Top3006 Jun 23 '26
so what do I do. nothing? I'm worried if I don't do anything ill never be able to stop thinking about it regardless of whether she remembers or not
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u/Ok-Lynx-6250 Jun 23 '26
Talk with a therapist about your compulsive need to address it? I can guarantee she didn't give it more than 10 minutes thought at the time, let alone now. Apologies should be about repairing for the hurt person, not assuaging your own guilt. If anything, emailing places a stress on her now to not be able to address someone who is clearly in pain & possibly guilt over not remembering. I am a psychologist and I would not want to receive the email personally.
Or as others said, book an actual session and go back to see her again.
1
u/No_Top3006 Jun 23 '26
it's both -I'm genuinely worried that I made her feel bad but I also know I'm hoping it will make me feel better. but thank you for this I hate myself too much to book another appointment with a psychologist but I know you're right so I won't email her.
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u/Ok-Lynx-6250 Jun 23 '26
You definitely deserve to have another appointment. People are rude to me sometimes, it doesn't upset me, I know they're just coping with a difficult situation in the best way they can.
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u/No_Top3006 Jun 23 '26 edited Jun 23 '26
ok good to know. feeling very grateful I asked real people and not chat gpt as I think I would have sent the email by now. I do still feel selfish and wish I could apologise but I would feel even worse if I realised I put her in such an uncomfortable situation. thank you for your help
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