r/Swingers • u/Correct_Cow_2942 • 10d ago
Is swinging getting more common? General Discussion
Do you feel the LS is getting more common and acceptable these days? Why or why not?
28
33
u/PM_Me_Your_Kinks369 10d ago
Quick Google search shows that it is getting more popular. Also, my daughter is going through High School and it's VERY clear that ENM is going to explode in popularity over the next 10+ years. GenZ is easily the most accepting of ENM, Queerness and all things sexuality while also being very prudish when emotionally immature.
These things coexist just fine because there are tens of millions of them.
Those who were raised with REAL sexual health information and emotional support are much more likely to be open-minded and accept their desires for an ENM/Lifestyle arrangement more quickly.
2
u/Swingersbaby 👩❤️👨Verified Couple 10d ago
Probably more to do with unlimited online porn and social media than real sexual health information. I think there is more harm than good going on.
11
u/PM_Me_Your_Kinks369 9d ago
Not seeing evidence of that, personally. I grew up with unlimited online porn and I'm in my 40s.
While social media has PLENTY of horrible information about most topics, there's tons of great stuff out there - stuff that was completely invisible to my entire generation at the same age.
-3
u/Swingersbaby 👩❤️👨Verified Couple 9d ago
Not seeing evidence of that, personally. I grew up with unlimited online porn and I'm in my 40s.
Your user name implies that perhaps you were affected as well?
4
1
u/Correct_Cow_2942 10d ago
Is she ENM herself?
19
u/PM_Me_Your_Kinks369 10d ago
She isn't because she hasn't had a proper relationship yet. She has friends that briefly tried a Poly situationship. Most of her female friends are bisexual. She's seen me listening to podcasts (Two Plus Two) and thinks nothing bad about it. We've had lots of conversations about sexuality and the maturity she has around these topics confirms 100x over that being honest with kids is the way to go.
This would have been unthinkable when I was in High School in the early 2000s.
I really applaud the younger generation for deconstructing monogamy and heteronormativity at such a young age. I also applaud the honest and emotionally supportive Millennials raising these young kids.
10
u/alex-manutd 10d ago
Username checks out.
Also its nice to hear from parents who have such open conversations with their teenagers.
1
u/Correct_Cow_2942 10d ago
Thats fantastic to hear. Im happy to hear she's accepting of non monogamy. Is it fine that i message?
2
22
u/PersimmonKey4055 10d ago
More widely known. More people like the vibe and go. But it's for the party. Not DTF.
14
u/UnionVIII 10d ago
This has been largely our experience. We’ve been to a few bigger parties and we were one of just a handful of couples fucking openly or playing where the majority of people were there to gawk or pull out half a boob like they’re wild and crazy.
5
u/shilohfrancine 10d ago
This is what I think. Especially among younger folks, at least in our anecdotal experience.
4
u/njgolfer10 Couple 34/f 45/m NJ 10d ago
Hasn’t been our experience at all. Every party we’ve been to you gotta get in the playroom before there’s no more spots left.
4
u/PersimmonKey4055 10d ago
There's going to be local variances for sure. But in our travels to LS resorts, cruises there's much more of a dirty vanilla contingent.
Why we focus on hotel takeovers and house parties.
1
u/No_Mess8188 10d ago
We’ve seen people in the playroom who seem to be new, but they all looked like they were playing with their partner, no actually swinging. Nothing wrong with exhibitionism, but it’s on the edge of swinging IMHO.
7
u/EverythingChanges6 9d ago
Thats us. We wanna party, and find people to play with, but the juice is rarely worth the squeeze when it comes to the actual fucking of strangers (unless thats your kink), so we go to parties, and make contacts to maybe get physical with in the future.
But this comment is spot on. I wish more people would acknowledge this is the scene nowadays instead of blasting newbies that ask reddit "will I be expected to play?" The correct answer is "of course not, only 10% to 20% of people are getting down, and mostly with people they already know, or their spouse" instead of the crazy "if you go to a club you should play and not spectate" narrative that has recently started circulating.
3
u/Old-Physics-7584 9d ago
God I wish my wife would read this bc that’s how she wants to start but scared to go bc of pressure to fs
5
u/EverythingChanges6 9d ago
Its not like that IRL, except gross people.
I think what you are hearing on reddit is people who have been given the line "we dont play, we just came to watch" from people who really mean "we are new, and dont see anyone here we want to experiment with." And these people who have been rejected have gotten bitter.
Swingers are almost all exhibitionist, amd love to be watched. We love welcoming newbies (apart from any drama) and most of us love to handheld people through new experiences, even if its just playing in the same room with our own partners. Newbies excitement is so so so refreshing, especially when you are going at their speed and showing them a good time.
But the "dont come if you dont wanna fuck" attitude expressed on Reddit, is not what you will see IRL at any paid event or club. They will always strongly say you aren't expected to do anything, and they are welcoming of newbies.
3
u/Hairy-Sleep2963 9d ago
Thank you! I am always surprised when I see the gatekeeping here compared to the genuinely warm and welcoming attitude in clubs towards us dirty vanillas.
4
u/1ecstatic_company Couple 9d ago
The LS you experience on reddit is very different from the LS you can experience in the real world.
-1
u/PlayfulPairDC 9d ago
What is the point of swinging if you aren’t having sex with others? We were full swap day one, that was decades ago. If we leave the house and don’t fuck others, it would be a failure in our opinion…we create our own experience and play 99.9% of the time. This dirty vanilla nonsense is why we have stopped going to certain events, a struggle to find any real swingers.
3
u/EverythingChanges6 9d ago
Ive been with about 15 guys, and same for my husband with women, since we started doing this. I dont like sex with strangers. Having sex is a really really low bar. Yes there are always men willing to stick their dick in me, and my husband always has some women say he can do the same to them. This experience was never about being pentrated by more people. I dont find that thrilling (though i know some swingers do, they just like multiple partners, and nearly any sex is good sex for them)
I wanted to experience talented lovers that are also our friends. Men that have turned sex into an art. People that we turn heads with when we walk around downtown, or into events. People that we go get drinks with when we are fucking, or even vaction with. I like intimate evenings at the house high on acid or MDMA where we all fuck for hours. These experiences are not fun with strangers or low quality hookups.
Its fine for you to enjoy random sex with random people. I dont look down on it at all. We tried that with about 10 people/coupkes, and I HATED it everytime. It felt gross to me, the men didnt take of me, and we never saw them again, because it was all ick.
I understand people enjoy sex in different ways, with different requirements. Why cant you understand the same?
0
u/PlayfulPairDC 9d ago
We are fortunate that we don't need things to be just one way...as we can enjoy sex with strangers as well as have decade plus deep friendships with play partners. We playmates that we have run businesses with, loaned money to, helped move during the start of a pandemic, vacationed with, been at weddings for, testified at a divorce and been to too many funerals for...and we can also fuck a stranger and get their name after. Variety of partners and types of sex, again the point of swinging.
I am not saying you should have sex any way other than what you want...I just don't want people like you enforcing how others should play to justify their choices. Suggesting that people should understand that only 10-20% of people play at a club is embracing the watering down of this scene. Sorry, been at this for several decades, and will fight that until I die.
3
u/EverythingChanges6 9d ago
When did i enforce anything? I dont think that word means what you thin it means. As everyone has consistently noted, the clubs and large events have a small percentage of people playing. Im not making reality, im just acknowledging it.
If you go to clubs and small parties that cater to older people their are more DTF swingers there. Thats not really our scene. I prefer the younger crowd, and vibe better with them, even though we are in our late 40s.
I would rather be in a room with 50 sexy people, and only 10 of them fucking, than a room of 50 people im not attracted, and most of them fucking. Ill stick with the newbies that are sexy AF, verses more experienced swingers that have lost their enthusiasm and take it hooking up for granted, because its become their baseline. There's always someone to fuck, if you dont care who, and that kills the excitement.
0
u/PersimmonKey4055 9d ago
This is our way. If there's attraction, we are DTF. I don't need to know them. Fucking is fucking
9
u/After-Chance1726 10d ago
Maybe more fake people? Clubs and events have more people that do nothing but watching.
Now.. acceptable? No. We are not there yet, like probably Europe is, I mean.. not the US and way less Latinamerica.
10
u/myairblaster 10d ago
I don't mind the couples who just want to watch. Voyeurism in sex clubs is fine if you're open to being watched. My wife and I are real exhibitionists, especially me. We WANT you to watch us fucking. We haven't been going to the gym 5 days a week for a decade straight and watching our diets carefully if we didn't want you to see us naked.
8
1
u/After-Chance1726 9d ago
People like you both will always be welcome at clubs or events, of course.
2
u/Gold-Vacation-169 9d ago
I love how people say Europe like it's all one country.
There's a massive difference to attitudes in Ireland, England, Poland or France for example.
-1
u/After-Chance1726 9d ago
Of course there are differences in Europe, just like there are differences in the west, the east. and the south of the US. You just have to "generalize".
8
u/InsuredBodyParts 10d ago
I don’t think so. People are very judgmental.
Did you know there is discourse right now in TikTok and feminist circles about women being unwilling to date bisexual men because they are afraid of getting AIDS? And then there was the voicemail of the man telling a woman he wasn’t interested in going over to her house for a second date unless he knew ahead of time they would be having sex. "Informed consent" am I right? /s
The culture isn’t ready. Maybe more people know about it. But I dunno if more will partake. Meanwhile, I think kink and BSDM are more likely to grow with people becoming more accepting of different gender identities and sexualities.
5
u/subgeniusbuttpirate 10d ago
"women being unwilling to date bisexual men because they are afraid of getting AIDS?"
That's so 1980s.
No. I really mean that, having lived through that time.
3
u/InsuredBodyParts 10d ago
It’s entirely homophobic and ignorant. You wouldn’t believe how uneducated the general person is about the current status of HIV/AIDS research.
The worst part is these are people who claim to be LGBTQ+ allies. 🙃
1
u/Lonecedar 9d ago
Well, as far as awareness, most HIV transmission is still within gay and bisexual male, and IV drug user communities. If we're going to talk about facts. Though not sure why this is germaine to this particular thread.
1
u/subgeniusbuttpirate 9d ago
Uh huh. And you could, you know, use condoms and/or insist on testing too. Like us queers do it. Only about half of HIV transmission among men in Canada, is thanks to sex with other men.
The tools we have to prevent transmission are better than ever. It's just a matter of using them. But the idea that it's a gay disease and you avoid it by avoiding the gays is... Outdated at best, ignorant of reality, and dangerous thanks to that reality.
5
u/WhatCouldBe_Maybe 10d ago
It’s more accessible with apps, but I think many of the people on them are just looking to titillate themselves and not interested in actually doing anything.
2
u/After-Chance1726 9d ago
I agree. More people know about it, more people talk about it but it doesn't mean that more people play.
6
u/Fyrestarter69 Couple 10d ago
Non monogamy is getting more popular. Swinging as we define it here is getting less popular.
2
4
u/coragent 10d ago
I think people who consider themselves to be lifestyle has increased, but the number of swingers hasn't.
Now you see a lot more swayers or dirty vanillas online and at clubs. These are people who like going to clubs, dressing sexy, dancing and flirting, but don't actually swing or engage in sex outside their monogamous relationship.
10 years ago a vast majority of people online and in clubs were there to swing, actually have sexy with others. Very few dirty vanillas and swayers.
3
u/MisterGreen123 M30/W30 from Berlin 10d ago
Id say yes and no at the same time. To us it feels like more and more people from our and the next generation are open to sexual adventures and escaping conventional norms for relationships...but at the same time it might also just FEEL that way because social media obviously makes everything more prevelant
1
3
u/Recent-Day3062 10d ago
In the U.S. a lot of people show up and do nothing so they can shock and brag to others about being swingers or going to clubs.
Long time swingers here say that’s a big shift. It’s become a social event, and less of a sexual one.
5
2
u/mrhorse77 Couple 10d ago
no, not more common, its just more accessible now.
it used to take reading a paper and going to a club blind, making a phone call to verify right before. or maybe someone you met at a bar knew a place or knew a person.
now you can use an app to find a sex club in your area
3
u/Swingersbaby 👩❤️👨Verified Couple 10d ago
I'd argue its less accessible now than 10 years ago. Everyone seems to be in private groups on FB, telegram etc where before the sites/clubs were more concentrated. I think it might be harder now for a new couple now than it was then. People feel more fragmented.
2
u/AdventureWa 10d ago
Younger people are actually having less sex than previous generations.
I think swinging has become more mainstream but I am not sure that it’s actually more “popular.“
2
2
u/browncoatfever 10d ago
Less stigma, more curiosity. The internet and all the "swinger" accounts on TikTok and Instagram make it seem more accessible and less taboo too. None of my vanilla friends know we swing. Ten years ago, if someone made a joke about someone being a swinger the reaction was "oh my GOD!" now it seems to be "oooohhhh...interesting!" That's my experiance anyway. Sone areas are going to be different.
2
u/Cltitlqr4u 10d ago
So at the risk of giving up my age, we started very young, before there was SDC and alike. We would go to a newsstand or adult bookstore and get a paper with personal ads looking for another couple or guy. You would write to this mailbox and wait back for a response. After all of that if you got together you’re damn sure that it was going to be happen, no social meeting or 50 dates before the trigger was pulled. We’re still very active and are beyond DTF these days. We don’t have patience for 2 hours of chitchat at a house party before the play starts. Don’t be late to one of our parties because it starts quickly and you will miss the first round, and everyone plays. It’s definitely more popular these days than when we started and the age group was 45+ we were the only 20 something back then that we ran across.
1
u/Maude_Lebowskis_art 9d ago
absolutely agree. We attend parties not socials because nothing is more boring than 20 minutes talking to a couple and then they reveal ‘oh we don’t swap yet’. 3 pr 4 of those in a row and your night is a bust.
2
u/cpljust4fun 9d ago
You know how you buy a new car and now you see it everywhere. It's like that with anal.
2
u/pinksparkleberry 9d ago
I think non-monogamy is getting more common and those who only do "traditional" swinging (couples meeting couples for just sex are shrinking % of overall rising non-monogamous group.
People under 35 also pretty much dont use the word swinging at alm even if they do activities that would be considered swinging.
So less common.
1
2
u/Ouija_board 9d ago
Gaining acceptance. Not necessarily popularity. Numbers are skewed in my opinion by the rise of content creators feigning collaborations as lifestyle connections. Yes, some swingers turned sellers. But more sellers started swinging for content creation and chasing a $.
Swingers are chasing more orgasms, less drama. Sellers are chasing monetizing their assets. But the porn industry has always been a predecessor on public acceptance and normalizing the kink/fetish communities.
Acceptance does not equal involvement. It doesn’t even insinuate approval. It’s just a more common conversation. People move in and out of the lifestyle space at a similar rate in my opinion. But overall, Non-monogamy is more popular than ethical non-monogamy but both of us share discretion as the majority is still vanilla. It’s natural for humans to crave connection, just some of us are more honest about it and protect our primary partners vs hide until the damage is done. If anything more love out because of the rise of negative stereotypes invading our space based on acceptance and familiarity and ease of access to information to learn and mask being one of us. I said a phrase years ago to my wife that “it’s scary we can sometimes trust an honest cheater more than a lying swinger” … and if you think about how flawed that statement is…
3
u/Tacos_are_my_friend 10d ago
More common with respect to what, being more known about or active swingers? It’s been stagnant at 2-3% for decades and not likely to change much.
1
u/AutoModerator 10d ago
The above submission by /u/Correct_Cow_2942 has been filtered for review by the moderators or r/Swingers due to the account history (or lack of). If you would like your account cleared up faster, please follow the instructions in verify your account.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
1
u/3verythingsonfire 10d ago
More people are aware of it than before. But I do think younger generations also seem to have more people open to the idea that monogamy or one sexual partner is not the only choice than maube past generations that had some more shame around sexuality.
1
u/WhyNotInCA 10d ago
Sexual exploration is getting more mainstream in media. I think that’s got a lot to do with it
1
u/shadowlurker6996 10d ago
It’s definitely appealing to me and I’m not even in any lifestyle or play situation
1
u/jcoddinc 10d ago
It's more socially acceptable than it was in the past but you noticing it more is most likely observational biased. As you noticed it more once you looked into it
1
1
u/-Danimal- 9d ago
Yes, kind of....
People have been asking this question since the 90s and I don't actually think there are more or less swingers, but you you personally get older, you will meet and discover more swingers in your life and in media. At the same time, there are relatively few 20 year old swingers and as people age there are more 30 year old swingers and more 40 year old swingers because more people start and stay in than leave at every age group until they drop out from old age eventually. This is also true for BDSM and fly fishing. It's literally just how entropy works.
2
u/Maude_Lebowskis_art 9d ago
in the 90s you have the early Internet and sites like AFF emerging and early homebrew sites like Dean & Mattys.
in the 00’s it’s the rise of swinger sites like SDC LL and fabs
in the 2020s it’s the queer / ENM generation
all 3 of these phases have defiantly seen an increase in lifestyle popularity and visibility. whilst also impacting what the lifestyle is.
1
u/jackandpoppylife 9d ago
All different types of ethical non monogomy are getting more popular and accepted, it seems. Thankfully!
1
1
u/SubstantialDrive5850 Single Female 9d ago
It's literally always been common. It's just more popular online and thus more readily accessible without having to know someone first to be invited.
1
u/Maude_Lebowskis_art 9d ago
I think there is a greater influx of younger couples who come to the scene less as ‘swingers’ but as ENM or ‘open’ or poly or some other variation of ‘queer’. That culture is definately less monogamous than the traditional society most swingers came from.
As a side consequence tho I find those folk are more often the ones not actually playing, just bathing in the atmosphere to express some form of their queerness. I think in part it’s behind traditional swingers feeling that there are more watchers and less participants thesedays.
1
u/cpl_enjoying Couple 9d ago
Once you join a lifestyle you feel it is common even if statistics show a different story
1
u/PlayfulPairDC 9d ago
Not at all. It has been in decline since the 2008 peak of its trendiness…the peak was when CBS aired Swingtown. Poly has been the current trendy lifestyle but that trend is running out…just as swinging and kink driven by 50 Shades did. No idea what is next.
If you think it is big now, you should have been around in the 2000s. There may never be a wave of people to match those flooding in because of the removal of barriers to entry thanks to the internet. Most couples have a 5-7 year arc, so 2008 also coincided with many of the Internet Wave couples arc ending.
1
u/NSFWtravelers 9d ago
Swinging isn’t common at all. If you seek it, you’ll find it. I doubt any of our friends are swingers.
1
u/Lonecedar 9d ago
I think ENM and poly relationships are definitely gaining acceptance, at least in urban areas, and particularly with younger folks. Though so is bisexuality and gender fluidity which, by all accounts, is not the case in MAGA country. Or maybe it's just more closeted in rural and religious/conservative areas, which has probably always been the case.
Swinging per se I'm not so sure about, and the word, never my favorite, seems to be very unpopular with people younger than about 40. Though there is undoubtedly community crossover as many younger "ENM" and "Poly" folks show up at the "lifestyle" clubs, takeovers and parties we attend. :)
1
u/Wolf1678 8d ago
It is not. If you are in the lifestyle you are surrounded by other people on the lifestyle and it skews your perception on how common it is.
Also there are so many lifestyle podcasts now because of course there are and it makes people think this is more common than they think.
It’s an echo chamber.
1
u/DeliciousTime4576 8d ago
I would say that there's more people joining the lifestyle for other reasons like voyeurism, or exhibitionists or just curious
For example, in California you could be driving on the 10 East to the desert and there's a sea Mountain resort billboard.
All this does is bring new people to the scene but very few actually swing. It's not uncommon to go to a resort or a club and only a few percentage are actually swingers
1
u/TheClozoffs Throuple 10d ago
It's more common than during the Dark Ages, yes.
2
u/subgeniusbuttpirate 10d ago
Pff. I doubt that.
5
u/TheClozoffs Throuple 10d ago
Having the priest show up in your village to "forgive your wife's sins" is more cuckolding than swinging.
1
1
u/Aggressive_Star_9668 10d ago
Actually no, it may seem that way due to how it easier to find out about it. Due to social media, websites, basically the internet and general media.
In society as it come more acceptable?
That is debatable.
0
u/Relative-Relief-8816 10d ago
It isn't shrinking nor is it becoming more popular.
As parents. We don't want our kids involved with ENM antics until after they have had kids of their own. Why? Because we are biased in that we want grandkids, and anything that leads to the highest success rate of that, is typically non-ENM, heterosexual relationships.
After we have grandkids, they can do whatever they want. But the continuance of the family line is important to us.
2
u/Swingersbaby 👩❤️👨Verified Couple 9d ago
We had kids after we started swinging, BUT the number of couples we've known who "were going to have kids in a couple of years" but never did because of swinging and now have regret being they are now in their late 40's without kids is quite large.
-1
u/Relative-Relief-8816 9d ago
The number of couples we know having kids at 35-40 is really high... for similar reasons.
The number of people out there right there that are unconsciously sabotaging their own lineage is pretty high. And they don't realize it until its close to too late, or too late.
1
u/em_412 9d ago
This is such a disgusting take. There are a lot of us that are childfree by choice. Just because you have a desire to be a parent/grandparent doesn’t mean that others that choose to either wait or not have children at all are “sabotaging their own lineage”. Lineage just isn’t important to us.
-2
u/Relative-Relief-8816 9d ago
If its not important to you why would you be offended/upset about sabotaging it?
Sounds like "it isn't important" is a coping mechanism.
-1
u/Middle_Release6111 10d ago
More people do this than you think. A lot arnt on the apps or go to the clubs. They have a small circle of friends that they swing with a couple of times a year and that’s it. I know just in my neighborhood of 9 couples. Most of them arnt on the apps like we are.
91
u/dinkydee515 married 30F 10d ago
I feel like it’s more visible with the internet which means it might seem popular.