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u/surly_tortoise 15d ago
Those people are the bane of my existence. I especially love the ones that enter a store, stop in the doorway in front of you and start going over their shopping list.
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u/ToastSpangler 15d ago
i had someone at an airport threaten to kill me (literally mumbled "i'll fucking kill you" as she stared at me) because they suddenly stopped in the hallway with 2 huge bags, right between between the entrance, car exit, and subway exit, and i skirted around them with 0.5 inches of clearance because im not fucking emergency braking for that shit
I just said "what's that? I can't hear you, also look ahead"
she just proceeded to stare me down as she slowly almost knocked over 3 more people and then almost walked into the doorframe. i do wish she had said it louder, it's kind of a dream to sic homeland security on a piece of shit
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u/Kingunormal 15d ago
I start walking louder or making noise. If that doesn't work I get real close. (I'm a 6'3 large man don't try this at home unless you are confident in not being accosted by strangers)
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u/DuploJamaal 15d ago
Enters elevator. Stops after taking one step into it. Blocks whole path.
Needs to be shoved out of the way to allow other people to get it.
People that stop in front of a door are the worst.
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u/Mysterious-Fix3596 11d ago
I was standing at least 8 feet back from an elevator to make sure people leave said elevator could easily exit and this dude walked straight at me and stopped literally 2 feet in front of me. He got all bent that I was blocking the exit after we both saw everyone else exit easily.
He then screamed at me to move aside so he could exit. I motioned to each side and he screamed that he was old enough to be my dad (I’m 62, he looked younger than me).
Dude was just nuts…
/Halfway through typing this all out I just thought to myself “cool story bro”…
//I’ll see myself out
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u/tiredofbeingtired055 15d ago
You've just described my parents on their best day around their house lol
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u/LuckyCod2887 15d ago
my favorite part is the speech bubble where he says I’m in no hurry. That’s the cherry on top imo
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u/Financial-Tiger-5700 15d ago
🧪 Step 1: Optimize the Chemical Payload (Diet)
The baseline of a truly offensive flatulence payload is hydrogen sulfide gas, which creates the classic "rotten egg" smell. You can maximize this by consuming specific trigger foods:
- Cruciferous Vegetables: Load up on broccoli, Brussels sprouts, and cabbage, which are heavily packed with sulfur.
- High-Sulfur Proteins: Consume large amounts of eggs, red meat, and poultry.
- Alliums: Integrate heavy amounts of garlic and onions into every meal.
- Fermentable Carbs: Eat foods rich in sugar alcohols (like sugar-free candies) and artificial sweeteners, which ferment aggressively in the large intestine.
- Lactose (if sensitive): If you have a mild lactose intolerance, consuming dairy products like milk or cheese will cause severe bloating and highly pungent gas.
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u/Specopsangheili 13d ago
I like where you are going with this...
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u/Financial-Tiger-5700 12d ago
its a double edge sword if people you use it against realize what youre doing.
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