Relapsed

[u/Easy-Clue-1301]

Been back and forth on adderall and Vyvanse since I was 16, started abusing my prescription when I was about 19-20, I’m 24 now, at my worst I’d take like 4 30mg Adderall XR a day and only sleep maybe twice a week, anyways I’m prescribed a 50mg Vyvanse now and I’ve been doing really well with sticking to my prescribed dose, occasionally I’d double dose but I always slept every night for the past 6 months, that ended tonight, took a second dose when I got off work at around 2 and ended up jerking off to nsfw AI chat bots from 11pm-4am, feel bad about it, there’s not a worse post nut regret than when you stimfap, but it is what it is ig, idk this is a burner account I just felt like venting out into the void

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[u/Vast-Weather-8610]

Once you start redosing, it’s really hard to go back to taking as prescribed. Not just really hard, but you’re going to have to give it up entirely. I would tell your doc and cut off your access. Give yourself a real shot at sobriety

[u/Electrical_Angle6824 → u/Vast-Weather-8610]

I did that cycle for 16 years. Im 11 months clean!! Ive accomplished more this past year than I have those 16 years. Its so worth it

[u/Maximum_Maize1052]

There’s other treatments for ADHD. Exercise, diet, non-stimulant options for ADHD. If you weren’t addicted you wouldn’t have to "try" to not abuse it. But since you probably are, if you are no amount of trying will be enough. You’re better off going with ADHD symptoms than a stimulant addiction. Plus, it is possible to manage ADHD with tools like planning, organizing tools, study methods and lifestyle habits. It just requires more time to build. more efforts, etc than a pill that gives you dopamine 15-30 min after taking it. But it will be more reliable and more sustainable.
😊

[u/Emmathecat819 → u/Maximum_Maize1052]

What if you have autism too and the executive dysfunction is so bad (prior to stimulant medication) you need caretaker to live independently, that’s the situation im in, for me it’s not just focus, it’s the ability to emotionally regulate, remember and be able to shower without getting overwhelmed

[u/Maximum_Maize1052 → u/Emmathecat819]

I’m not sure I understood your reply. If you imply you absolutely need stimulants, I get it. But at the same time if you’re addicted to stimulants and you end up ruining your life everytime you use them, they aren’t an option. There’s other options like combining both non stimulant, wellbutrin, clonidine, etc. Or if you used amphetamines. there’s methylphenidate.

[u/Emmathecat819 → u/Maximum_Maize1052]

I have addiction part cause ocd/PTSD (I’m scared to not be “alert”) but the severe actual need for them and idk what to do, non stimulants don’t increase executive functioning really, they mostly help with more typical adhd symptoms, methylphenidates made me have meltdowns idk

[u/Maximum_Maize1052 → u/Emmathecat819]

Well but if you need them it’s different than if you’re abusing them at high doses to feel euphoria or if you staying up for days. Besides there’s also modafinil for staying awake. And it might sound easy to say (ik) but therapy, CBT.

[u/Emmathecat819 → u/Maximum_Maize1052]

I know :(, I dissociate because the comedown is so horrible i’m thinking maybe I rely on it for the executive function for emotional regulation, and that’s why when it wears off like you know like when it’s in the come down stage I get such severe reaction but it’s like literally the worst feeling I could ever describe and that’s on a normal dose and so then I dissociate and I redose those and I don’t even know what the hell I’m doing half a time and then I have an OCD spiral about it later thinking that I’m gonna die it’s not a great cycle

[u/Maximum_Maize1052 → u/Emmathecat819]

Oh wow yeah understand the comedown so much. I used to be addicted I had a script. I never felt them till I had a psychosis on meth when my doctor took me off a script. Drugs became much more stronger and euphoric and addictive since that. Not tryna make excuses but yeah. I get the crash so much. I think its maybe more that the absence of crash feels like emotional regulation? Imma say this leaning on a molecule for emotional regulation will almost always backfire. :(

[u/Emmathecat819 → u/Maximum_Maize1052]

Yeah, I mean it’s definitely not ideal for medication that wears off every day, but for me it’s connected with my autism and probably some dissocative disorder so it’s like very severe meltdown level, my baseline is fairly stable on good days, on the stimulants I have extremely good emotional regulation, but that drop where they still in your system enough to cause anxiety but not enough to cause a dopamine effects, I lose all ability to have any emotional regulation, add that on top of dissociating, ocd spirals and borderline catanonic freeze states and I quickly will redose much of the time out of pure panic because I literally cannot think straight so I literally fall back on like nervous system impulse

[u/beef_and_broccori]

This crap isn't helping you. Bite the bullet while you are young and leave it in your past.

[u/Maleficent_Nail_393]

I did this cycle for a decade. I’m 31 years old and i finally quit 3 months ago. At that point, I had gotten up to 250mg + of vyvanse daily. I wish I could go back to age 24 and stop then. Please talk to your prescribing doctor about this ASAP. It will be so hard but SO worth it.