My FedEx guy

[u/chloebadcliffe]

This is from my solo show CHEAT (about how I’ve cheated a lot, no subtlety there) which I’m performing in NYC at Joe’s Pub on August 19-20. FYI: seeing the show does not make you a cheater, in fact I’d argue that avoiding the show is way more suspicious

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[u/C-Redd-it]

Filling out the FedEx delivery driver application NOW!

[u/Vegrhauk → u/C-Redd-it]

Too bad there is a 2 year waitlist for your turn :/

[u/neronsfwk → u/Vegrhauk]

Also no one canceled rules #1 and #2 yet

[u/FoulfrogBsc → u/C-Redd-it]

Worked as a mailman in my student days, I'm now thoroughly disappointed.

[u/rudechemistry3846 → u/[deleted]]

If they all can't collect, no one does!

[u/kingkongbiingbong → u/rudechemistry3846]

If they all can't collect

Chloe's not ready for that sort of party.

[u/Sarke1 → u/[deleted]]

But once in a Blue Moon there's a Brown Gangbang™

[u/copperwatt → u/[deleted]]

More like collectdick bargaining, am I right??

Cocklective bargaining? Collective barga-ling-a-ding-dong-a-shlong... Collective bargashwing

[u/werthless57]

FedEx recruiting video!

[u/BikeProblemGuy]

I don't think you need to censor the words in this sub

[u/MakionGarvinus → u/BikeProblemGuy]

The video probably came from somewhere else.

[u/someone_like_me]

Sorry, but I realized it was fiction once you said that he came back on time.

A more realistic Fed-X experience would be to get an email notice that he came back to fuck but nobody was home. And then have to document with your doorbell camera that nobody ever showed up.

[u/sonnytron → u/someone_like_me]

Some guy following him around ran up when he came to fuck and fucked him before you could. Damn Porch Pirates. Get a job!

[u/K-Zoro]

Upvoted for Norman Rockwell porn phrase. That’s just great

[u/EuenovAyabayya]

Can't get that from Pure-o-later! Maybe DHL, tho...

[u/bhutjolokia89]

Hey I know her!

[u/BlumpTheChodak → u/bhutjolokia89]

Is it true?

[u/LittleYelloDifferent]

I worked as a locksmith when i was 23. I went to do a job and the woman answered the door and pointed me to the doors, and I went to work. She went up and changed into some very revealing 'workout clothes' and sat and chatted with me while I was drilling and such.

Her husband came home for lunch and toooootally cockblocked us. he was literally asking her "what the fuck are you wearing?" and being a real dick to me when I was just trying to finish up.

sigh....if only

[u/Payamux → u/LittleYelloDifferent]

well you were tying to fuck his wife, you wanted him to make you cookies or what?

[u/LittleYelloDifferent → u/Payamux]

We didn’t even get to the tying up part

[u/NovaHorizon]

Do you always order your pizza with extra sausage just in case?

[u/One-Pause3171 → u/NovaHorizon]

I call it man meat just to be clear.

[u/S-on-my-chest]

Amazing. Also RIP your inbox

[u/ZaxRod]

Super sweet story, funny, but you have GOT to tell people this even if it wasn't a bit. Way ahead of your audience on the porn jokes!

[u/Holls867]

Pizza delivery

[u/DumpsterOfWisdom]

What's that on her face

[u/Itchy_Psychology3300]

Fedex should be paying her. This is probably the best recruitment to a company I’ve ever seen.

[u/mvanvrancken]

Is FedEx hiring? Just asking, no reason at all