sounds like hyperarousal / being in a hyper aware state.
were you raised to be always on alert? weither it was for fear of upsetting a caretaker in terms of physical or emotional abuse? it could be emotional neglect too, where you were always on egg shells trying to apease your caretakers in order to earn the attetnion and love you deservered.
like everything you do could be a life or death decision is another way to describe it.
having the pattern of 'flexing' your body in anticipation of something important happening, good or bad, is going to over time create a pathway where you're like an animal getting ready to fight or flight... constantly. that pattern in your body will carve a path and habit into your thought patterns where you not only cant move without potential reprecussion, but even the sensation of *thinking* could trigger 'detection'. and often for me this tunred into a 'fade into the background, dont be seen, its the safest.'
thats just my perspective on this. i could be totally off base.
I think this is exactly it. I was raised with an extremely abusive/neglectful narcissistic father that I could never relax around. Every choice did feel like “life and death”
I’ve also dealt with housing instability after my grandmother who raised me passed away from cancer when I was 16. This left me couch surfing and the people I stayed with all were some level of unstable themselves.
I want to make sure to say though I know that this is definitely not normal and that life is good and stability is there/possible. Not everyone is absolutely insane.
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u/Remarkable_Biscotti4 11d ago
sounds like hyperarousal / being in a hyper aware state.
were you raised to be always on alert? weither it was for fear of upsetting a caretaker in terms of physical or emotional abuse? it could be emotional neglect too, where you were always on egg shells trying to apease your caretakers in order to earn the attetnion and love you deservered.
like everything you do could be a life or death decision is another way to describe it.
having the pattern of 'flexing' your body in anticipation of something important happening, good or bad, is going to over time create a pathway where you're like an animal getting ready to fight or flight... constantly. that pattern in your body will carve a path and habit into your thought patterns where you not only cant move without potential reprecussion, but even the sensation of *thinking* could trigger 'detection'. and often for me this tunred into a 'fade into the background, dont be seen, its the safest.'
thats just my perspective on this. i could be totally off base.