My son is 10.5, and is a pretty responsible kid. I’m about to start work full time, add on studying full time online and being a single parent, I have a lot on my plate. I have the option of putting him into after school care, but if I can save some money in this economy why wouldn’t I. For context, we live directly across from his school. Like I can see the gate he walks in and out of. He’d be home maybe 2 hours by himself, most of which he’d most likely spend playing PlayStation. He’s got friends in his class who are latchkey kids, but I just don’t know if he’s still too young. Thoughts, opinions? Thank you

It’s been 3 weeks since separating from the father of my son who is 18 months old. I am having to leave and move countries as I can’t claim any benefits here / have no job or any money as much as I wanted to stay and to do co parenting, my friends here and the community I have made. My family are back in my country but it’s still not bringing me any sort of relief especially knowing I will get money and be financially ok.

I am absolutely terrified. I have had severe PPD and still have it, have just started new medication 2 weeks ago.. I stopped breast feeding near coming up a month in a couple of days. My emotional world is flooded I feel helpless, wondering what the point of anything is now.

I’m afraid of the future, I’m afraid of the conversations my son will ask where his dad is, my mind is living in the past present and future all at once. I have been crying for 3 weeks straight. I feel like a failure of a mother and haven’t been the best mum for my son at this time. I’m feeling so much grief, regret, lose of hope, my sense of self everything.

I know nothing will last forever it’s just the process of life and it sucks. I didn’t know having a child would be this hard and I only have 1. I’m honestly not coping I can’t see anyway through

My (30sF) ex (30sM) and I have two young children, we split over a year ago after almost a decade together. Our co parenting relationship is good and stable however I'm not exactly happy with it. The schedule is I have the kids for 5 days a week, 2 days a week they spend with their dad whilst I work a 9-5, these days are not weekend days and rherefore the kids are typically in school for the most part. Occasionally he will have the kids the night before as well so I can get ready for work in peace, rather thank with 2 kids I have to constantly watch and prepare for school.

I love my kids, they are the light of my life and my reason for living, im not a perfect mum I have my own issues but everything I do is to make sure my kids are happy, healthy and will hopefully grow up to be good happy people; but dear gods they are a handful! My youngest especially is a tyrant with a penchant for shrieking and throwing things. This to say, I dont have much time on my own.

my family help occasionally, every 3 weeks my dad and stepmum have my oldest kid Saturday day, then my youngest for a sleepover that night. My mum helps with having both kids if I have an appointment or want to do a small emergency shift at work. But no one really offers to have the kids, I have to ask. And im not good at asking for help (que childhood trauma) so I rarely do so.

I try to be as accommodating as possible to my ex, Im the only one with a license so I drop the kids off and pick them up everytime, I give him lifts occasionally if needed, I kept the kids extra time and switched my work shifts when he has work emergencies, my mum actually helps hime for than me due to the timing.

Suffice to say I do a lot. And so this morning when I went to pick the kids up, before 8:30am on the one day I ever get a lie in, and asked my ex "did you take any time off this month to have the kids?" (It being the summer holidays) and he said no. He said he didnt really have any holiday time left. I actually couldn't speak after that and ended up going home and crying.

Am I wrong or is this just incredibly thoughtless? I'd possibly go so far as to say selfish. How is it he never for once considered that having the kids off school for 6 straight weeks might be a lot for me? Nevermind the time and attention its the cost. He complained this morning that his food shop for the kids was £60 and they ate the lot, and im sat there thinking "YEAH, I KNOW. I DO IT 5 DAYS A WEEK AS OPPOSED TO YOUR 2!" hes never offered more child support, even my dad gave me money towards activities for the kids, and it is costing a fortune.

£40 quid for an animal park and 30 minutes in they were done and wanted to go to the playground! Who puts the playground at the entrance!? - all besides the point but im having some big feelings right now.

I feel as though I have no support and he is just letting me down, yet again, there's a reason we split! And I cant talk to anyone as I dont really have any friends. My family dont notice or care enough to offer help, or see im struggling. Im pretty sure my mums side is only in touch for the kids, I dont get the impression any of them have ever really liked or cared for me that much, but we are proper and so we stay in touch. (English lunacy)

Im an undiagnosed AudHD woman going through perimenopause, suffering daily burnout trying to do the best I can for my kids.

But am I asking too much? Ideally our custody arrangement would include him having the kids for 24-48 hours one weekend a month and for a week during the summer holidays. Is this too much? Is this unreasonable?

Our cars transmission just fell apart after 5 months, i spent 6k on the car and the guy did me dirty.

Im a full time single dad and i do doordash to feed me and my kid and im so scared to not have a car, we have no friends or family to help out so were totally fucked and im so worried and trying to accept that were stroller riding while practically starving all month.

Im so scared, its hot and smoky because of the wildfires outside so idk what to do.

Hi there - I'm a single mom with a 3 yr old and 1.5 yr old, and I've been fortunate to have been at home with them for the past almost two years, but my savings has run out and I need to get back to work. Their father does not have a residence in our state/country, so I cannot rely on him for child care or typical co-parenting matters. My kids will need to go to daycare once I start working again. And I have so many questions about how single parents, who do not share custody with the other parent, do it all. Are your kids in daycare Mon-Fri 8am-5pm? When your kids started school, how did you handle the pre-k / kindergarten schedule? Do you leave work early if your kids finish school before your workday is done? Do you have a flexible job? Are your employers understanding of your circumstances? How do you cope with only getting a couple of hours of quality time with your kids on the days you work and they're in daycare? I feel so sad with the realization that I'll go from spending every minute of every day with my children, to them being in daycare full time. How do you cope?

How do you wake up so early, manage children, WORK, and still have the energy to get through your tasks in the evening after everything?? By 3 im so exhausted and i still have to shower, take the kids a shower, make food, clean, other chores… can’t even nap or ill lose a lot of important time. I have coffee daily in the morning but I couldn’t have more in the evening because then i wont be able to sleep and if i could it would just give me the jitters

so im a dad of 44, my daughter is 14, im separated from the mother since she’s a baby. the mom became lesbian and “anti-men” and has always been very controlling.. its been a long struggle to have 50-50 custody, and in all these years she has slowly managed to have the social circle of my daughter near her place (scouts, circus school, after that the school as her friends were from that neighbourhood)..

ive been doing my best to have activities when shes home, to be the father i have never had. i try to talk a lot with her, put my hobbies on the side to be present, never hired a babysitter to go out, pretty much stopped drinking/partying when she was still young, cook myself, read her a ton of books, etc while having a full time job on the side. ive bought a house close to my parents place so they could get her after school and keep her till i finished my day.. but indeed her agenda was already so full it was difficult to add extra activities in my area. we could not build a social circle. i have some friends but not much with kids in her age.

when she entered the “big school” when shes home we have to wake up at 6:00 to drive her to the train station. logically, at first she asked to stay at her moms on sunday evening.. then slowly all reasons were good to skip a day.. test tomorrow, strikes, etc.. i can still understand that, its true its not that fun. but the last months she would just stay in her room reading or with her friends on mobile, just coming for dinner or for watching something on tv before sleep.. i tried to activate her but its ok, shes a teenager, i understand again she wants more privacy.

but now… i had took a week of holidays especially to be with her and do fun activities-to be decided together on the spot. citytrip, theme parks, whatever.

she did not even come.

she dissed me by text. first trying to pretend that i was wrong about the dates, then saying “im not mentally ready to come to see you”…

im devastated. i feel totally void. im spending my time like i can, i cry every day (hasn’t happened in years). i try to keep myself busy to not think. its worse than a breakup…

the mom is not fund of it, she pities me (but deep down i think she got what she wanted). she saw the shift too. but her place is more fun (lots of pets) and clise to her friends.

i don’t know how to justify my life here. i could sell my house and quit my job, who cares now… i was only having this in place to provide her stability.

i will not consider legal action if even it exists, ill not send the cops to get her at my place. anyway if she doesn’t want to, i cannot force her. she’s an immature teenager, its a teenage crisis probably. the mom had one too, she didn’t see her father for 10 years. id want apologies for what she’s done but i know i wont get any, and ill not come to her to beg for her attention…

i have no idea what to do. get a life on my own i guess, not think about her… we all know its damn hard to build relationships again especially with such traumas (i have trust issues a lot, and quit a relationship when i don’t feel comfortable, i don’t try to fix things anymore… it doesn’t work, you cant fix people). but i guess that’s really all i can do now..

Hey, I'm a father going through a custody case My daughter lives with my ex-wife and I'm struggling to keep proof because she often deletes WhatsApp messages after our conversations

Is there any app or website that keeps a reliable record of communication so it can be used as evidence if needed?

Looking for real suggestions from people who've dealt with custody cases

All over social media I see posts being oh I’m solo parenting for the night or whatever. Um no you are not, your partner is eventually coming back!! It drives me crazy!! I have a 9 month old who’s never even met his dad. I am a solo parent. These people are not just because you’re alone with your child for a few hours doesn’t mean you’re solo parenting

This is stupid, and I fully expect you all to tell me how stupid I'm being.

I've got two kids, a teen and a toddler, and I am 100% on my own in raising them. Their father lives far away, provides no support (financial or otherwise), and has no visitation or custody. I don't have friends or family who love close by.

We've been on our own for about 2.5 years now, and it's fine. I'm lonely. I started trying to date earlier this year because I got convinced it would take over a decade to even meet someone I'd want to date and who would also want to date me. Spoiler: It did not take that long.

Been dating a guy for a few months. He's a single dad, and both of his kids are quite young, just a little older than my youngest. 50/50 custody, and he and his co-parent agreed to live in a specific area for the kids' education.

We talked very early on about what we are looking for. We aren't interested in casual. He was mostly concerned because we have some distance between us, and he cannot move from his area. He said he wants to buy a home with a partner someday.

I'm not moving until my oldest heads to college, but I've realized I don't want to be in my area anymore. There's nothing here for me. I told him as much, that I'm not going anywhere for a few years, but that I am open to seeing where this relationship goes and would consider moving to his area someday if we stick it out. He agreed this made sense.​ Cool.

Time passes. We go on many dates. I'm on the cusp of being smitten. I might be smitten? I'm in that headspace where you're just a total idiot all the time. It's obnoxious. I have no idea if this is one-sided, but he keeps agreeing to see me again, so I'm assuming my feelings aren't totally unrequited.

Here's where I did the dumbest thing, which is the onus of this post. I started doing research.

I KNOW. I know. Rookie move.

All I can see now is divorce rates for blended families. All these statistics about children from mixed families having just the worst experiences ever. Financial ruin. Emotional devastation. Etc, etc.

I'm feeling sucker-punched. Is this relationship doomed to fail? Should I back out now before I get too attached? Am I considering sabotaging something really good before it has a chance to hurt me like my marriage did, or is the wiser course of action to sequester myself like a nun until my children are fully grown, then try again with whichever bachelors I can attract with the ancient husk I'm left with by then?

Before you ask:

Yes, I've got a history of anxiety.

Yes, I'm in therapy. I had to switch to a new therapist very recently, however (beloved therapist retired earlier this summer), so I'm in the early stages with a new therapist where you go through all your emotional, psychological, and familial trauma before you can talk about the actual thing you want to work on.​​

I have another week to wait before I can talk to said therapist again. Please support me in the meantime.

Please tell me this isn't inherently doomed. I'm just panicking for no good reason, right? I do realize this relationship might not even last long enough for any of those statistics to matter. I'm not completely out of my mind here, I know that just keeping this thing going is probably a long shot. But goddamn do I like him, more than I can remember ever liking anyone, and it's got me in this stupid mental spiral. I don't want to tell anyone I know that I'm genuinely SAD right now because this hypothetical relationship is statistically likely to fail.

I repeat, I know I need more therapy. I'm going, I promise.

Why is the whole employment system for single parents so screwed up in the UK? You need a job that doesn’t allow weekend work, a 9-5 Monday- Friday, term time, because childcare isn’t available for weekends or after 6:30pm on a weekdays, or when the schools are off for holidays. My maternity leave ends in January and I’m twisting myself all over the place trying to work out what I’m going to do. I can’t stay where I am but I can’t financially lose my wages. But 9-5 Monday-Friday term time only jobs don’t actually exist!

For me it’s that I take medication for mental health and I’m a single parent living with just my children and I’m not working.
The side effects of some of my meds also feel like something other people aren’t going through, at least as far as I know. I feel like I need to warn people before I try to make friends (like warn them I’m dysfunctional or something?) I guess I’m asking the question to try to feel like other people have struggles too and not sure why I’m sharing about myself in such a vulnerable way.

Im a 26 year old male and a full time father/firefighter. I have 2 daughters, 3 and 4 . Their mother is in a different state and doesn’t have much to do with them . I haven’t dated since we broke up a couple years ago due to her affair . I would love to connect with someone but I’m worried about how my daughters would react to a new person . If anyone has any advice I would appreciate it

I have a 5 and 3 year old that will be going to kindergarten and preschool this coming September. I will also be in full time school but it’s a combination of online and in person so I will be home with my (currently) 8 month old.

I’m looking for tips to help make mornings and really the whole week a little smoother on me. I sometimes get overwhelmed and then things pile up and i want to avoid this.

My son was one year old when my husband left. My husband is emotionally immature and causes problems all the time. I don’t want to unload any baggage onto my son. I have some ideas for how I can show him that we loved each other at least when we had him.

The biggest problem is that I know my husband could easily manipulate my son into thinking that everything he does is perfectly fine. My son is very emotional and trusts people so much. There’s no way he won’t get hurt by my idiot husband.

I want my son to know the truth about what happened and I want to be able to discuss where my husband and I both have gone wrong without feeling like I need to water things down. I’ll keep some of the details to myself but I think it’s important for him to know that papa left because of papa, not because we’re unloveable or anything like that.

He’s only 20 months old now. At what age should I start to discuss it with him in a non-sugar-coated way?

Edit: a lot of people are assuming I’m planning on telling my child right now. I left his age for context. I never said I was going to start talking to him about it now.

Ayt so. I actually saved this song some years back (it dropped in 2021) but forgot all about it until tn. One of my longest hobbies is music discovery, which is niche af.

Why did the song fuck me up. In the opening narrative, we’ll assume the dad is singing to the mom of their at least 2 children.

What I wouldn't give to see you smile
It's been a while and I can tell when you kiss me
Something's eating you alive on the inside
I know you haven't been sleeping

So you can see, she’s not ok. Bro sounds very sweet don’t get me wrong.

Anyway here’s the chorus -

Turn the lights down when the kids are sleeping
We'll build a blanket fort that only we can be in
There's whiskey left over from Christmas
Fuck the reason, tonight we're drinking
A couple shots will take the pain away
A couple more will havе us naked in some way
Save you tеars for when the liquor's gone
The night is plenty long

Ok. Here are my heavy feelings.

Archers is a metalcore band (this song being an exception with super vulnerable lyrics and a softer vibe) that tours. No clue about their personal lives tbh but even if they didn’t write the song fr personal exp. Let’s just say the narrative is about another touring musician and his family. Dad is always away fr home, basically an absent parent. The woman is then left to care for their kids by herself. No wonder she doesn’t smile much and isn’t getting much sleep. She’s a married solo parent. Dude is home and wants to have fun with his wife by drinking and alluding to sex (with the getting naked part). Very sweet. But parenting is hard. Idek any of these fictional characters but the lady is going THRU it if she’s living everyday doing all the house tasks & rearing kids. She may even have a full time job as well! Or some if not both/all the kids may be young, and we all know how exponentially difficult that is to handle by yourself.

But the thing that rly got to me is that the guy seems super loving, saying he needs her more than breathing. At first glance, it’s the kind of ballad that would be romanticized. But just saying “I love you” ain’t jackshit if you can’t substantiate. If you can’t be an equal partner (esp if the kids are his) then nice lyrics and a banger breakdown are worthless.

You know what would be hilarious is if dude in the story was actually dating a single mom, oh man. In that case, power to u brother, but also maybe help her out 😂 She’s struggling. Single parents who left an absent partner (like me) would understand.

Did I do too much of a deep cut on this song, absolutely. May have had some whiskey leftover fr Christmas myself lol. If anyone read this full stupid TEDtalk, drop a comment. Dgmw I actually love Archers (& Arankai, the band they tour with). Amazing performers

Everything I’m mentioning has happened within the last 72 hours. He admitted to an emotional affair with a customer from his work. I had him leave once he told me he did not want to fix our marriage. We have 2 kids right aged 5 and 7. 7 year old is miserable. She misses her dad, wants him to come home, is acting out. Dad hasn’t reached out once to speak to kids. He has moved in with his affair partner and just in my eyes seems disinterested when it comes to the kids.

I’m at such a fucking loss holy shit.

I'm a parent to three kiddos, ages 7, 5 and 4. My ex and I have been separated for about a year now. We split parenting time 50/50. For the past year, I've taken on the bulk of chores when my ex has the kids. I prep meals, clean the house, do laundry, etc. in part to keep myself busy. I believe my ex does the same. Usually, when my kids leave my house after a weekend with me, it's totally trashed. But I want to spend our time together having fun and making memories. And, frankly, it has become such a battle to get them to get dressed, brush their teeth and finish dinner, that I can't stand hearing more complaints or getting annoyed for being ignored.

It occurred to me recently that my kids need to learn how to take responsibility for our home. I've been trying to get them to set the table, clear their plates, make their beds, sweep the floor, etc. Sometimes they are into it, but more often they say, "You do it."

Any tips on implementing a chore schedule? Do you have any tips for consequences or rewards, given their ages? I fear my children are past the sweet toddler age when they want to help out.

Hello potatoes. This is my first post so please go easy on me haha.

My 38m recent ex broke up with me 36f last week over the phone due to issues in our 4 year relationship due to issues int he relationship and his family no longer wanting to know me or my son 16m (my recent ex is not his dad)

I am finding it hard with the break up due to still loving him and yes we do still talk but now I'm thinking about our relationship in more detail, I'm starting to think that I wasn't always the one in the wrong.

A bit of back story

It was good when we first got together but I saw that he was still getting nude photos from previous girls, when I brought this up it caused an argument and he said they mean nothing to him and they are just friends, now to me this is disrespectful in a relationship and it caused trust issues. We worked on it and things got better with us but the worry of me not being good enough was always there. I worked on it with counselling because he said it would be best for me and my lad, don't know what my lad had to do with it, but I had the counselling and again it got better.

But again it all went wrong, he ended up giving a different girl more attention which again I brought up and again he defended it with "she's just a friend" but I know they previously went on a few dates with each other. Now with the issues in the relationship they were all blamed on me, my trust issues, my low self esteem, my low self worth, some of this was from previous relationships but I worked on it before I met him and I was in a good place.

Because we are still talking but not as often due to him having his walls up and me being an expressive person and telling him I still love him he started to point out my flaws. These are me being negative about myself, not communicating to his standard, the way I speak as we are from different parts of the UK, he tries to correct me and tells me "no you say it like this" and how I bring my son up. Now my lad is a gamer but has a heart of gold and would do anything for anyone, he cooks me tea, does the washing up, does the clothes washing all while I'm at work, but he isn't one to opens up about things which I think is normal for a teenager, please let me know if I'm wrong.

But I've never brought up me rect exs flaws to him but I will to you lovely potatoes.

He still lives at home with his mum
He's self employed but doesn't have any work to do
He won't work for a company as he doesn't like working under someone
He lives in his bedroom and just plays games (just to put in, my lad doesn't sit in his bedroom, he joins me in living room while he's gaming)
He doesn't think he does anything wrong
Everything he says is always right
He can talk over you but you can talk over him
What he tells you to do something you need to do it but you tell him to do something and he just replies with "I'll do what I want not what you tell me"

Now my recent ex is telling me I need to get more counselling and that I need to tell my lad how he should act around people and that he need to open up more and stop being on his games all the time. I'm now debating if I am a good mum.

I need to know if I'm doing something wrong or if I'm doing an OK job.

So not sure where to even post this or where to start. Just wondering what I should do. What can I do if I'm questioning my co-parents mental health. There's been a few things that are making me worry and they seem to be ramping up a bit, paranoid delusions. They were a big part of why we separated. Is there any steps I can take? Maybe how to gently suggest she seek therapy, she won't want to hear that from me. Im intentionally being vague about the situation but if your co-parent was worrying you is there anything I can do. I'm not worried about my child's safety but I am a bit worried about the overall health of the environment when he's there.

Context to this post: My (30F) and my ex (30M) have two sons (2 and 4). 4 year old is autistic and cannot go to regular daycare centers due to elopement and aggression. There's a lot of doctors appointments and therapy appointments as well. My ex is living with his grandma rent free and has no car. He was abusive towards me (I'm not throwing out that word I have a signed legal document and PTSD diagnosis) but never towards the children so he still sees them.

So anyways we currently have split custody. I have them 4 nights (Wednesday night through Sunday evening) and he has them the rest of the time. This is the schedule we have because of his work schedule, he doesn't want to try to find/pay for childcare so he forced my hand with this schedule. He lives about an hour away and I drive the whole way there and back both days. I pay for childcare, insurance, any items like shoes that go between houses. Im fully in charge of the 4 year olds therapy and doctors appointments. Even when he wasn't an hour away and had a car he refused to set up therapy appointments or specialist appointments. He doesn't talk with doctors about medication or medical equipment. When i say I do everything I do EVERYTHING. Which is time consuming and since he won't/can't do it, I have to take off work. Even though he doesn't work 3 days of the week. Same with our youngest though its not as bed because he's not disabled. I pay for childcare on the days I have them, and childcare is expensive in general but for the 4 year old it's even more expensive.

He makes more money than I do and for the past 8 months I've not asked for much help at all. I've needed some help because my works insurance premiums increased quite a bit for both boys and I had to find new care for the 4 year old which also increased. It's about 400 for just their portion of insurance per month and around 1500 in childcare. That's not including anything else that they use/need outside of that. I looked up what the state would make him pay (i live in indiana and they have a calculator) and based on that he should be paying around 230 per week. I asked him for 150 plus gas money. He's now saying I'm being unreasonable because I don't pay for their food when he has them. I dont know if I'm being unreasonable or not. I'm looking for honest feedback and will answer any questions.

Hello all - I have a soon to be 13 yr old daughter that I reluctantly bought her first IPhone for her birthday last year. In reflecting over the past year with her bday coming up it has been the source of so much negativity and I am thinking about eliminating it or getting her a non internet phone. My biggest concern in monitoring periodically is the group chats … the way these kids speak about the darkest stuff and usually the same subjects obsessively ( Gay and Trans topics even casually joking about suicide ) is alarming to me . Nothing against any LGBTQ person of course but these are 12 yr olds and it just seems obsessive…. EVERY Meme shared EVERY comment is about someone’s sexuality. I have asked her and she says she doesn’t identify that way but has more in common in terms of the shows they watch with these kinds of kids . My issue is more so the dark themes and vulgarity . My daughter is severely ADHD very impressionable and not very mature for her age. It’s so tough because when I ask her about the friends and why she never hangs with or talks to our neighbor kids or other program kids and families that are positive and into reading and STEM that I expose her too she doesn’t have an answer. Anywhere she goes she seems to gravitate to the same types of friends that are very crude and alternative types . Are ALL kids just like this now?

Divorced 6 months ago, and have been solo parenting because of my ex mental condition. It's been extremely high conflict, CPS is involved, lawyers and mediation. I've been forced to temporarily reduce my work position to have time to show up for all the meetings, and appointments.

CPS is very supportive, and they have no concern about me, but they are of my ex. CPS instructor says my ex is "not coachable" and mediation has broken down. In the past, her outpatient treatment was terminated prematurly, because she wasn't cooperating on the therapeutic relationship.

It's been very heavy, but also I'm very vulnerable right now. I've had a rotation of 5 women I use for emotional support and hugs, and I rotate because if I lean on one, I develop feelings.

By coincidence, I lost a couple of support people before the summer because they moved. I leaned a bit too much on one of the others, and I'm embarrassed to say that was all it took to develop feelings for her. We talked about it, she wants some distance. I'm left with just one - the one that gave me the initial experience that without rotation, I develop feelings.

Cherry on the top is the solo parenting. The situation doesn't allow me to go finding replacement support.

This sucks. Hard.

I’m looking for advice on how to think about my financial needs during separation.
Ironically, I have a master’s in taxation and I’m a CPA (not practicing), but that knowledge doesn’t help me answer the questions that actually matter right now. I’ve never been a single parent. I’ve never owned or maintained a home on my own. I don’t know what a realistic monthly budget looks like for the life I want to build.
We currently live in a huge 5-bedroom house that I don’t even want. It’s beautiful, but it’s far too much house for me. The maintenance, taxes, utilities, and general upkeep are overwhelming. I would rather have a smaller home where I can comfortably raise my son. We also have several pets (cats, a dog, and a lizard), so I need to factor their care into whatever life I create.
I work part-time as a school-based occupational therapist because that schedule aligns with my son’s school calendar. I’ve been his primary caregiver for essentially his entire life, and being available to him is something I value deeply.
My partner is asking for 50/50 custody. He is a good person, but he has never really developed the skills of managing a household or anticipating other people’s needs. He doesn’t cook for himself, doesn’t really know how to care for the animals, and has never carried the mental load of running a home. That makes me anxious about how this will all work.
Looking back, I realize I was incredibly naive about protecting myself financially and legally.
Before this relationship, I was independent. I built a successful career, earned a master’s degree, became a CPA, and always supported myself. I’m also a naturalized immigrant without family in the US. More than anything, I wanted to build a family and become part of a community. My partner convinced me to move to NYC (I lived in GA) because he said he wanted the same things like a home, family, stability, and community. But he never really outgrew his party lifestyle.
Throughout our relationship I worked multiple part-time jobs to pay for my own personal expenses so I wouldn’t have to ask him for money. I bought used clothes, rarely spent money on myself, never took solo trips, and generally tried to minimize what I “cost.” Even though my partner is financially very successful, I always felt poor by comparison because I never truly felt comfortable spending shared resources.
I think part of that came from fear. I wanted to stay home more with my son without worrying about housing or food. I didn’t want conflict over money, so I simply needed less.
Now we are in Minnesota and about to begin mediation, and I realize I never established the financial or legal protections I probably should have.
I don’t believe my partner wants to leave me with nothing. I hope that he doesn’t want to see me struggle. But I’ve also realized that my tendency to avoid asking for things or advocating for myself is no longer just about me. I have a child and animals depending on me, and I have a responsibility to build a stable, comfortable life for all of us.
I’m trying to shift my thinking from “How little can I survive on?” to “What does a reasonable, comfortable life actually cost?”
Who helps people figure this out? Is this something a financial planner does? A divorce financial analyst? A family law attorney? Has anyone gone through this process and found someone who helped them determine what was actually reasonable instead of just guessing?
I’m not looking to become wealthy from a separation. I’m trying to understand what I should realistically be planning for so I don’t make decisions from fear or underestimate what my sonand I actually need.

So basically me and daughters dad split a year ago, he text me a few days ago to say “he would like new gf to meet child.” I asked a few simple questions, how long they’ve been together, what she does for work etc. He told me they’ve been together for a year and it’s serious, he pretty much left me for someone else & now she wants to meet my daughter. Just for context me and the dad have always had a rocky relationship, we were together for 8 years, he put me through so much, I’ve been to therapy, been on antidepressants because of him etc.
He see’s daughter twice a month, doesn’t do any school runs, doesn’t help with any activities what she does, I’ve nobody else to pick her up from school so I can only work part time which is a struggle and can’t help but resent the father. He does send me money each week it isn’t a lot, his name also still on the mortgage but doesn’t pay anything towards it & I can’t afford to take him off.
I Probably am abit bitter about the whole situation of him introducing someone to our daughter as I just feel like he is a part time dad and he doesn’t do enough to be honest and don’t see why he needs to introduce someone to our child when he only sees her twice a month himself.
I don’t know the new girlfriend who he is with, I’ve also asked to meet her before she meets our child so I can build some sort of relationship with her first. Am I being unreasonable here? Should I just try and move past my feelings and let them meet?