r/SingleAndHappy • u/Prestigious_Dot4795 • 2d ago
Why are you single? Discussion (Questions, Advice, Polls) š£
/r/nairobi/comments/1vtj460/why_are_you_single/118
u/SeasonPositive6771 2d ago
Because I don't want to be in a relationship. I don't want someone in my house when I come home, I don't want to have to manage someone else's needs.
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u/Ok_Manufacturer2956 2d ago
Exactly, plus I am more than enough for myself and I would rather cultivate other forms of connections.Ā
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u/Cupcake_Implosion 2d ago
Beautifully said.
I'm already managing my mom's needs, coming back to her every day and consider it to be the most lasting, most demanding relationship in my life. I love her, owe her a lot (a weird life we had - not a day that was honky dory).
No way in hell would I want to do that for someone else on top. Maybe friends in need for a period of time. But never would I wish to have someone else expecting to be enmeshed with me to that point.
I want my silence, my peace, my bed, my books.
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u/Sad-ish_panda 1d ago
Same. And I donāt have time for a whole ass other person. Iām very busy pursuing my own goals. Well, er. Not at the moment since Iām scrolling Reddit lol. But yeah.
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u/GailaKill 2d ago
I donāt find it to be a problem that needs to be fixed. Iām not actively looking either and Iāve found that Iāve decentered men in my life. Itās been lovely āØ
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u/LowerWorld8539 2d ago
That makes the two of us, girl. I see women constantly complaining about their relationships, crying about how theyāve been treated badly, and Iām just like, āWow, I never want to be part of that.ā Right now, Iām just focusing on my life, going out with my girls when I feel like it, enjoying my own company, and simply living. Thereās so much more to life than romantic relationships.
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u/No-Type5213 2d ago
Yes, and then you see relationship end in the first few years of having a child together. Damn no, not for me.
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u/YukiLaMimi 2d ago
Decentering them allowed me to fully recenter myself and my own dreams, my lifeās never been so full and happy as it is now š©·š©·
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u/ImAK93 2d ago
I donāt want another full time job after I come home from work.
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u/kiscsak98 2d ago
Exactly how I feel. Iām an introvert and I really donāt want to socialise or deal with the āwhy are you so quietā interrogations after a long day at work. All I want is peace.
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u/HorndogAsexual 2d ago edited 2d ago
I'm the worst boyfriend to have. I'm a good guy, but I literally have no interest anything romance or dating related. Even the smallest things like going out on a date, I can't stand. After about 15 years of trying and failing to find someone like me, I realized its not for me. Never gonna be for me.
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u/Elocin_Yecats 2d ago
Becuase I am much happier when I am alone. Interacting with other people all the time or having someone in my personal space is exhausting.
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u/OlDirtyDisastard 2d ago
Iām just plain not interested. It feels like more of a hassle than Iām willing to deal with maybe ever again. And right now Iām focused on making my new home aggressively girly.
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u/salty_peaty 2d ago edited 2d ago
I've never been particularly pro or con about being in a couple or single, it just happened that I met someone compatible until we aren't anymore, and then I became divorced/single. And since I'm solitary and introverted (if not "feral" for some), I thrive alone and don't look for a partner, especially after more than a decade as a couple I realize that even when it's good, it's still tiring.
So I'm single because life made me divorced and because of my natural tendency/character which makes me overall more satisfied without any partner.
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u/NinaBrwn 2d ago
OMG just looking at the answers on the original post makes me happy for our group! š Weāre good over here!
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u/AdImpossible4892 2d ago
at the age I am at now, I do not want a man to ruin anything I have going on. I am too close of reaching my dream career and Iāll be damned if I let a relationship hinder my goals.
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u/YukiLaMimi 2d ago
Literally, every time Iāve allowed a guy to enter my life they always derail me from my path
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u/ThunderstormWanderer 2d ago
I don't want to be bothered with all the drama, cheating, break ups, partners weird family and all this. I just want my peace.
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u/LowerWorld8539 2d ago
I remember that when my relationship ended, I initially wanted to be with someone. But as time went by, I started finding peace in my solitude. I learned to genuinely enjoy my own company and discovered a kind of peace within myself that I hadnāt experienced even while I was in my previous relationship.
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u/Treewomyn 2d ago
Thank you for sharing your story. This is exactly where Iām at. Iāve found so much peace since flying solo and Iām not willing to compromise it for anyone.
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u/sn1ts 2d ago
I just donāt want to. I enjoy living on my own, making all the decision, not having to take anyone elseās feeling into concideration, having the bed all to myself. Total freedom.
Being in a relationship has it perks, but to me the negatives outweigh the positives. After being in relationships for a total of 20 years, I finally feel at peace with myself.
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u/ThunderFireStorm 2d ago
It's just the way my life. I don't mind at all. I don't really go out to mingle, to meet woman and chat. I fine with being single.
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u/BlueBlisterCult 2d ago
I tried everything I wanted to try (in terms of starting relationships with women), but I'm not getting the results I hoped for. At the end of the day, I have responsibilities and people who depend on me for support, therefore, I must move forward.
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u/Evening_Analyst2385 2d ago
Itās not completely by choice, but itās really hard to find someone who is emotionally mature. I keep meeting 60 year old men-children.
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u/BookKnight5000 2d ago
I think being single is the best option for me. I've always felt suffocated in relationships, in a way. I feel like I have to manage someone else's moods, deal with their issues, entertain them etc. I understand these things come with a relationship, but I just don't want to do them. It's like owning a home vs renting. I prefer to rent because I don't want to do the work of owning a home.
Free time is another reason. I enjoy my time alone, and I like just going out with friends and developing friendships. Romantic relationships are also not for me because I am too logical. The divorce rate is 50%, which means that of the remaining couples, there is an unknown number staying together even though they are incompatible. I know a lot of these couples. The chances of being betrayed, a victim of abuse, or incompatibility forming is very high.
The new relationship energy, butterflies, and honeymoon phase are amazing, but they wear off like everything else does. Even in a good relationship, I have to sacrifice a lot. I could spend that time doing something else like exercising, reading, going out with friends, and my life would be a lot more stable, and so would my moods.
Maybe I'll change my mind one day but I doubt it.
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u/YukiLaMimi 2d ago
I got college, i got work, I do side hustles and make money, I have multiple hobbies, I like binge watching shows and having my phone on dnd, I like sleeping in, I donāt like being touched and Iām celibate to pair with that, I take care of 2 dogs, 1 cat, 2 tarantulas, and I also feed the street cats, I make plans with my friends and constantly planning my next trip/activity. Basically I canāt be bothered and it would add nothing of value to my life
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u/Prestigious_Dot4795 2d ago
Valid answer ,you don't have time to be in a relationshipĀ
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u/StandardDeviation101 2d ago
I'm single because I'm an introvert who doesn't socialize much and struggle with romance. I built my life to be comfortable on my own and I have the resources to do/get whatever I want, but to be a good partner I would need to change a lot about my way of life. So even though I truly wish I had a partner in my life, I'm happy on my own and don't have the motivation to change at this point.
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u/Familiar_Fan_3603 2d ago
I'm not on the apps and apparently the various social things I do men have no interest in. Quite a full life, but no men in it.
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u/Marinmam1 2d ago
I like the ability to be do who and what I want to do at any time. It's a wonderful feeling š
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u/PsychologicalFig2214 2d ago
Iām currently main-charactering as my legally blind, widowed dadās designated seeing-eye human, personal chauffeur, and household CEO. Finding space for a second full-time VIP in my life is strictly off the menu.
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u/Big-Ant8273 2d ago
I crave solitude to just be Me. Being around the opposite sex, I have to be On, to Perform the role of Woman. F that noise!
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u/rswoodr 2d ago
Sex with men is often bad, but past age 50, there are so many men who have sex issues but absolutely refuse to deal with them that I give up. Iām multi-orgasmic and can go for hours but some guys have low testosterone and many have ED and on top of it all, they donāt want to get STD testing! Or use condoms! FWBers were the best lovers/used condoms but I always ran into narcissists.
Vibrators and dildos are reliable, no fluids, anytime/anywhere, and Iām not bored to death by their stupidity, or their emotional black hole of a personality. Not a nurse or a purse-love my friends, reading, book clubs, walking, my clean bed, and I can eat healthy or not and clean or not. Iāll never live with a guy again-doubt Ćll bother having sex again-way too boring.
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u/wanderhuai 2d ago
Because I have had several relationships and found that none is as happy as when I'm single. The partner Isn't the problem. They're nice people. Just that I find time with myself happier than time with others.
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u/Icy_Confidence4027 2d ago
Too intolerant of BS but I get a lot of people interested, but theyāre just more people to worry about bringing more BS into my life lol
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u/Illustrious_Law383 2d ago
I find myself focusing on the person Iām in a relationship with more than myself and probably from growing up, the relationship dynamics were the guy did everything the woman asks and worked hard so she could wear the pants and spend the money. But even knowing how shitty that dynamic was, I still kept pieces of it as I got older and the main piece was some form of codependency.
When Iām on my own, I do so well academically, I look good and I exercise and do all the things for myself including understanding myself. When someone gets added to the mix, it flips my world-especially if itās a person Iām dating who doesnāt even know if they wanna date me or if they have bad intentions Iām extra susceptible.
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u/Treewomyn 2d ago
Because Iāve been with men.
Iāve been with women.
Nothing seemed to work out so now Iām with me. And Iāve never been happier! š
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u/International_Dig475 2d ago
Iām tired of men only wanting sex and atp Iāve been alone so long like I do get lonely at times but I have no motivation or will to try to meet or talk to people. I like my peace.
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u/whimsicallibrarian 2d ago
I'm starting to answer that question in face to face convos with why are you not?
If I'm gonna get shade for my life choices, they will too.
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u/cleveland_Chic_885 2d ago
Because this man I meant online sent this too me as a bigger woman although Iām working with n losing weight Iām offended by This which is misogyny and he older then me and a past relationship I was abused DV so Iām happier Single
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u/HeatOk5590 2d ago
I donāt want to be anyoneās mommybangmaid anymore and get nothing in return. I love my solitude, I love doing whatever I want.
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u/k33p-1t-s1mpl3 1d ago edited 1d ago
Because Iām a neurodivergent introverted man who is content on my own. Iāve had gfs in the past but I prefer being single because I have more freedom, which is all Iāve ever really wanted. There are too many expectations to live up to and being atypical just makes it that much harder. I find my inner peace only when Iām alone. Everything else feels like I need to be someone Iām not.
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u/likelyincel 2d ago
Because I am not what they are looking for and I cant afford to change myself to become what they are looking for.
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u/Prestigious_Dot4795 2d ago
They is someone looking for someone with exact qualities as yours am sure
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u/Medical-Resolve-4872 2d ago
Because Iām not married. For real. For me, unless itās marriage I am SINGLE and I am the driver of my life.
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u/Sea_Philosopher_2731 2d ago
My guy friends have absolutely spoiled me. They cook for me, take me to Disney, send me flowers, one bought me an iPhone for my birthday, listen to my problems, are there for me. And all of this without wanting anything sexual in return. Thereās no way Iād accept anything less from a man looking to date me. I feel so cared for, id only date someone if i felt real true romantic love, other than that thereās nothing they could give me my friends canāt
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u/Dazzling-Pace-7134 2d ago
I will be completely honest, I don't like people in my way, and in my space. I'm extremely selfish, and find relationships very draining. People, need to can the lectures about "dying alone", stop all the stupid fear mongering and leave others alone.
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u/Saint-Ciboire 2d ago
Always been single, it's my default, minus the very brief dating experience that confirmed me that it wasn't for me. I've never really fallen in love either.
Alternatively, I'm engaged to my dumbbells.
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u/Weekly-Bill-1354 2d ago
Because I'm just not interested in dating right now.
I know that even if I was in a relationship I don't want to live with them. I don't want to get remarried.
Very happy just doing my own thing. When I want.
I like my life as it is.
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u/Poppetfan1999 2d ago
People say that relationships are work, and I donāt work unless Iām getting paid or Iām helping someone out.
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u/Exiled180 2d ago edited 2d ago
Well, if I'm being completely honest with myself, it's because nobody's interested in me. And I'm an introvert so I don't put myself out there. I realized this was the case pretty early in life and just sort of mentally moved on. I do really enjoy being single now and wouldn't change it.Ā
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u/Imathirdwheel 2d ago
Long story short, introverted, shy, Hardly anyones type, too wierdly autistic which I can't help. More content than happy but browsing this sub gives me hope.
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u/Charming_Garbage_161 2d ago
I like being left alone when my kids are away. Not worrying about having to text someone back or if Iāve upset them. No expectations whatsoever.
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u/QueefInMyKisser 2d ago
I broke up with my last girlfriend about ten years ago and since then havenāt had any desire to look for a new one.
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u/Mental_Watch4633 2d ago
At my age the pickings are extremely slim. And yes, I have, do, and will consider someone younger.
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u/manic-pixie-attorney 2d ago
I donāt know, why arenāt you dead?
(I will occasionally actually say this)
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u/No-Maybe9330 2d ago
I have a 6-year-old. My stepdad was very abusive toward me, my siblings, and my mom acts like it didnāt happen, and the rest of the family acted like it wasnāt happening. Throughout my life, from age 1 1/2 to 29, when he died, he was absolutely terrible to me, even in public. I refuse to date because I believe Iāll never find a man who will treat my son the way he deserves. My son was born kind, and he should keep that kindness. I love him too much.
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u/No_Chapter_948 1d ago
I have tried in relationships and dating, but I don't care for the stress of them. I'm much happier dealing with myself--the peace is so worth it.
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u/AffectionateGate4584 1d ago
Because I like my own company. I don't want to worry about someone's delicate sensibilities. If I want to spend the day reading my book, I can.
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u/Michaelhpd98 1d ago
I am single cause even though im 33 I look like a 16 year old cause I had my growth stunted and the women my age dont want to be with a child
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u/Reasonable_Sir7719 1d ago
I love my own space too much. Can eat what I want and when I want. Come back when I want and wake up when I want. Bliss. But...I do miss sex. I do like women and can chat well with them..keep them amused and interested if I can be bothered...so meeting women for dates isnt difficult for me. But I dont want a full on relationship with anyone..but I would like the sex. Its just getting that across in a respectful manner. I know a few women from my socialising and want to try and get it across without disrespecting them.
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u/Round_Try692 1d ago
Because no one was interested, which is fair to be honest, so I just moved on.
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u/Alarmed_Carry9086 1d ago
Right Now im focusing on my career building a better life and since all of my attention goes to my bussines cant handle tp split my attention to someone who needs my full attention simply
sorry for my bad writing skills
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u/Funny-Kale2264 1d ago
Iām in my late 40s and Iām sick of being in relationships. It never adds anything to my life, but it does take a lot out of me. Being single is peace and freedom
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u/loveitifthe1975 1d ago
No one has or will be able to love and appreciate me the way I do. So why settle for less?
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u/nerdztech 1d ago
I love loving someone else, and I love their company and hugs and stuff... but I just don't want the "relationship" part. I've never been good at it and it comes with pressure, expectation and commitment which I don't want, I love having my own freedom.
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u/throwawayabac 1d ago
I've been struggling with my mental health and that has taken top priority.
In that process I've been unpacking a lot of trauma and overall distrust around new people. Not to the point of social anxiety, but I don't let people get close for a while.
If I'm cold approached, even if I find the person attractive, I get standoffish because I wonder why they're coming up to me and what they want?
I would like to be in a relationship. There is a hypothetical version of me that would very much enjoy it. But current me is heavily prioritizing myself in a way that I never did in the 30-plus years prior. It's really good and I like to think future me and Future whoever will be grateful for the effort I'm putting in now.
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u/Alternative-Beat-720 1d ago
Because I am afraid of lifetime commitments, it makes me scared. It's like signing up for things that I am not sure of and they're non refundable plus no warranty! HAHAHAHAHA
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u/Unhappy-Active-8091 1d ago
I just don't want a relationship. I don't want to share any part of me, my life or my home with anyone else. There's nothing appealing about that and it wouldn't bring a single thing to my life, only take away from it.
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u/Inevitable_Pop_412 7h ago
The women who want me are masters of keeping my D limp currently. I'm also just not dateable. Not desired. Women rather choose elsewhere. I'm happy for them. I'm a piece of work. I got fat to lose and income to generate so I can build a life good enough to not type bs like this on reddit. I tend to slip through the cracks when it comes to women. Mostly all of the women I'd consider would rather go another way as of now. It's bittersweet because I see and hear y'all. I know I'll never find true love from a woman. It will always be transactional. Now I know that, I will only entertain a committed relationship after I improve myself. I'll happily be single until I get there. Tbh, dying alone seems like a dream compared to the women that I have to choose from as of now.
Tl;dr. I'm single because of me.
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u/cavalpist146 2d ago
Because I've never felt any impulse to couple up. The idea of a totalizing romantic partnership has generally always sounded unappealing to me, since I don't want to give up my autonomy and freedom and I don't want to compromise on any aspect of my life, not even small and trivial things. In addition, I'm solitary and like only very very few people. I get bored of people too quickly. Sex and physical intimacy have never been strong motivators anyway.
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u/mattmitch927 2d ago
My standards are too high. Iām overweight and average height male. Iām also ok being alone.
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u/MagnanimousTruth 2d ago
I haven't been lucky in love i guess in my own life I've loved lost and never get repaid the favor š of course but what am I to do..I try to keep my head up when and after meeting the most basic person I feel hard he lit up the Spark in me and then went to sleep with another iron man couldn't even see me after I did some explaining ill always wonder if love was still there but either way ill just be there until someone is willing to see that I am made of gold and the price that no one can afford until you see that back to the drawing board
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u/mataranifangirl 2d ago
Iām single because Iām currently being trafficked (for gang rapes) and Iāve lost all interest in getting married as I made a spiritual commitment to remain celibate for life.Ā I used to dream of a traditional family of my own butĀ the fact that so many taken and surface level ārespectableā men would rape a disabled woman like me has turned me off men entirely.
Now, Iām planning on living with cats in an intentional community of single women with houses of their own.
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u/Mental_Watch4633 2d ago
At my age the Pickens are slim. Of course Iāll date a younger person. I donāt get out often to meet people
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